


Nightly Solace

by AlysonCaelik



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 00:48:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 122,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7077637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlysonCaelik/pseuds/AlysonCaelik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader-chan is a lieutenant in the Survey Corps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I woke up on the floor, sweating. _Another nightmare..._ This time, it was the faces of the soldiers we'd lost last week during a scouting mission on the outside. I had to distract myself from the tight knot I felt on my throat.  
  
I knew how this all went. First, the nightmare; then, the knot; and lastly, the cold shivers. Trembling, I managed to wrap myself tightly with a rather warm blanket from the bed, lit a candle and made my way to the dark hallway which connected my quarters and the kitchen.  
  
A number of doors ruptured the otherwise smooth finish of the stone walls, glowing in the flickering light I held with both hands. Passing through Erwin's room, I heard him talk in his sleep. Most likely something about next month's expedition though I couldn't make out any exact words. _Always planning ahead. You never get any rest from duty..._ Hange's chambers were always quiet, compared to his, the only sound she ever made were slight grunts when dreaming about titans.  
  
Up ahead were Captain Levi's own rooms and it didn't surprise me to see a faint glint coming from the keyhole, which create a slit of light on the opposite stone wall. Silently, I approached the the door and heard the sound of a brush scrubbing the floor. _He's cleaning... again_ Every time something like this happened, his cleaning obsession grew a bit worse, more out of hand. It didn't show during the day or when he was with other people but, as the sun began to descend, he'd lose his control over it. Each night, I heard him, violently scrubbing the floor which was already spotless and I wanted to help.  
  
Several times, I wanted to knock on the door and ask if he needed to talk or if he needed help but he was such a closed off person that it didn't feel right to just invade his privacy in a moment like that. I didn't have the guts to do that, basically. I shook these thoughts out of my head and carried on to the kitchen, still clutching the candle holder in my trembling hands.  
  
Entering the stone hall, I quickly got to doing the only thing that gave me solace in times like these: tea. Grabbing a small pan, I filled it halfway with water and lit the stove on. I took out a mug and sat, looking at the dancing flames that kissed the dark metal. I shifted the stool a little closer to the fire, trying to escape the cold that had taken over my body, even though I had the blanket.   
  
_They were so young... so unexperienced... I just.. Why them? Why not me?! I didn't come here to sit and watch more people die while I couldn't do anything! 5 years here and we're not a single step closer to finding anything relevant... what even is the point in all this...? Fucking hell, I can't do anything right! The anniversary should be any day now... Is this how I'm honoring them...?_ I felt the tears overflowing and streaming down my cheeks and warming them up, staining the dark wool fabric of the blanket. The water made it's bubbling sound, signaling me to turn off the stove. I dried my face before I used the thick fabic of the blanket to clasp the metal pan  
  
Pouring the steaming water into the mug, I opened one of the cabinets, looking for the tea tins. _White.. linden... vervain... cammomile... ah, here it is, black._ I filled the small metal strainer with the tiny leaves and dipped it into the clear liquid, inhaling the bitter odor coming from it. A shiver ran down my spine and I finally felt a bit more relaxed. Drinking tea soothe me whenever I had problems like this. A thought ran through my mind and I quickly grabbed another mug, preparing another cup of tea.  
  
Making my way back to my room, I stopped just before I passed the captain's quarters. The light was still on but the brushing sound had ceased. Leaning against the dark wood, with closed eyes, searching the silence for any noise I could hear, a faint sound made it's way to the hallway. At first, I couldn't make out what was it that my ears were picking up but I held my breath when I realised that what I was hearing were the captain's silent sobs piercing the night air. _Levi... is crying...?_  
  
The brushing sound overpowered the other as it began, appearing slower than before. It was now or never. Inhaling deeply, I knocked on the door.  
  
No one answered at first. As my curled finger hit the smooth surface again, I let out a soft sight.  
  
-Captain? - the brushing stopped when my voice broke the stillness in the air.  
  
-Who is this? - his voice was cold and blunt, as usual.  
  
-(Y/n), sir. I was just checking to see if everything was alright.  
  
-It is, goodnight - he spat, from the other side.  
  
-Captain... - I lightly sipped some tea and felt a bit warmer - I brought you a cup of tea.  
  
-I didn't ask for any tea. Go to sleep, lieutenant! - his voice made it clear that I was disturbing so I stepped away from the door.  
  
-I apologize then, captain. Goodnight, sorry for disturbing you. - I placed the steaming mug in front of his door and turned to face the hallway, clutching my mug firmly while I held the candle to see where I was going. Slowly, I made my way back to my cold room, having heard a faint sound resembling door hinges being opened but I couldn't be sure of that. _At least, I tried..._  
  
Laying down on the bed, I pulled the covers up to my neck and looked at the stream of moonlight that the window let in, letting out a deep sigh. Levi and Erwin had been the first people from the Survey Corps I'd ever met. During the trial, I'd held up rather well against their scrutiny and commander Darius'. However, hadn't commander Pixis intervened in my favour, I'd probably still be in the Garrison or rather, in jail. _That was 5 years ago... has it been that long? It seems like it was just yesterday..._   
  
When the Colossal Titan and the Armored Titan destroyed the gates and forced us to leave Wall Maria I thought it was the end... the weeks I'd roamed with half starved, half dead men from the Garrison, my kinsmen, until we finally reached Wall Rose were amongst the worse I'd ever experienced in my whole life. The hunger, the cold, the... fear. Seeing the dread spread on their faces whenever we heard a sound coming from the trees was something I hoped I'd never see agIain. Hadn't some of them killed eachother out of madness, I'd probably be dead as well, since the horses grew tired and couldn't carry us like they used to.  
  
I managed to reach Wall Rose with five others, and told the guards who rescued us my name, before passing out on the middle of the street...   
  
Before I knew it, the sun was starting to appear behind the trees around headquarters and I got up slowly, furrowing my brows to avoid the pain caused by the brightness of the morning light. I glaced at the calendar and my will to get out of bed drained from my body.  
  
 _The anniversary... It's today... I should've known._ The worst day of the year, the 5th year I'd live through this day, remembering every mistake I made, everyone who died, everything... The day Wall Maria was lost.  
  
Putting my uniform on, I went to wash my face, catching a glimpse of me in the mirror. _Let's get throught today quickly._ I closed my door behind me and walked towards my office.


	2. 2

The new cadets had arrived a couple of days earlier, just after the failed expedition. According to the training method we used, they'd have classes and training for a couple of months before actually leaving the walls. When I passed by one of the windows, I saw that they were already standing in formation, awaiting orders.  
  
It wasn't the first one I'd ever given them, in fact, I was probably the person who gave them the most training out of everyone there and I was perfectly aware of the fact that the majority of them either was afraid of me or hated me. I didn't really care about that, let those kids think whatever the hell they wanted, as long as they learned what had to be learned.  
  
As I was walking towards the cafeteria, my eyes grazed captain Levi's door, noticing the absence of the mug I'd left there yesterday. _Some cadet has probably cleaned it already..._  
  
  
-Good morning, (Y/n)! - shouted Hange, as soon as I stepped inside the dining hall.  
  
-Hey - I smiled, sitting next to her, holding a piece of bread a baked potato in my hands. - What are you going to do today?  
  
-Hm... I don't really know. I thought about asking Eriwn to give us permission to do a hunting mission. Since, you know, Sonny and Bean were murdered and all. - _That would be awesome. Studying titans is still my main goal in the Corps, after all..._  
  
-Nice! - I replied, sinking my teeth into the small loaf of bread, while she kept on rambling.  
  
-Good morning - Levi's squad saluted us, entering the hall. I raised my eyes to look at them, only to find myself staring right into Eld's. I looked away almost immediately, feeling a sharp sting in my chest.  
  
-You okay? - he asked. Usually, I was pretty good at controling my emotions so that things like this didn't happen but today, the memories just kept plaguing me.  
  
-Yeah, sure - I gave myself a few hard punches on the chest, pretending to be trying to get stuck food to go down - I just ate a bit too fast - I found myself smilling at him again, as if everything was alright.  
  
-(Y/n). - turning around, I saw Erwin standing right behind me, with his arm still wrapped with bandages and hanging on his abdomen, supported my more ligatures. _It's still like that? Must've been worse than we thought_  
  
-Good morning, commander. How can I help you?  
  
-I need you to come with me to my office. Now.  
  
-Right. See you guys later - we walked side by side until the dining hall was at the far end of a narrow corridor. When I was sure that we were alone, I turned to him, concern spread across my face. - Erwin? How are you? How's your arm?  
  
-Lieutenant, treating your commander in such a formal way? - he grinned.  
  
-There's no one here... - I muttered, scowling - Sorry about that, commander, sir...  
  
-I'm better, yeah. This thing comes off tomorrow. - he nudged me with his good side and let out a light chuckle.  
  
-I was getting worried... - I sighed, closing my eyes. When I saw Erwin's cable break, I only had time to attach mine to some random tree and try to stop him from falling. He ended up landing all his weight on his right arm before I could reach him. - Did you figure out why it broke in the first place?  
  
-Not yet, no. There isn't any particular reason for it to have happened. Oh, well - he sighed - I called you to know how you are doing.  
  
-Me? I'm fine - I answered with a wide smile. - It wasn't me that almost died last week, commander. - _Yeah... I almost died as well. Why can't I just admit that it's hard? Grief is not a weakness, (Y/n). Your squad died, you are allowed to feel like shit. No I'm not, I need to keep fighting, to honor their sacrifices. That way, they won't have died in vain..._  
  
-I heard someone walking on the corridor last night. In fact, I've been hearing that someone ever since we came back.  
  
-Oh... - my smile slowly faded. I tried to get around it - A late night snack has become somewhat of a habit...  
  
-And the missing tea? Look, I know you're having those nightmares, there's no point in denying that. If you can't handle things right now, you know you can ask for a couple of days off. - I shook my head.  
  
-No, not that. I'm not someone who just gives up like that. I've been having more nightmares than I usually do, that's all. Everything is perfectly under control. It's not going to affect my work.  
  
-I know, but be careful with that. If you think it's too much, don't push it and come talk to me. I'm commander for a reason. If one of my soldiers is in trouble, my duty is to help them.  
  
-I'm not going to dishonor commander Pixis' vote of confidence. Or yours. - I muttered, confidence riddled in my voice - I will keep fighting.  
  
-That's what I like to hear. - we finally reached his office's door. - Speaking of which, tomorrow is the commander's reunion and he requested your presence.  
  
-Who? Commander Pixis? Why?  
  
-Who knows? He's an eccentric. - I felt a knot forming in my stomach.  
  
-Do you think he... has reconsidered his decision?  
  
-And he wants you back in the Garrison? I highly doubt it. Furthermore, I wouldn't allow it. You're a precious asset here. - I sighed in relief upon hearing those words. At least, Erwin would be by my side if something happened. - One thing; has Levi spoken to you already, about joining his squad?  
  
-Yes.  
  
-And? I haven't seen you in their training sessions yet.  
  
-I turned the offer down. - I replied, lowering my sight until it hit the floor.  
  
-What, why? Are you affraid? You think you don't deserve it because of what happened?  
  
-It's not that... I mean, part of it is but... it's not the real reason - I struggled to get the words to come out of my mouth.  
  
-Is it because you don't see eye to eye with someone there and think that it would do more harm than good to work so closely to that person? - _Damn, this man is like a sorcerer... how did he know?_  
  
-Well... it's something like that...  
  
-I cannot believe it, (Y/n)! - I felt like I was a child being scolded by their parent. He rarely talked to me in this tone. - Humanity's STRONGEST soldier trusts you enough to invite you to his squad, where only the best amongst the best are and you turn him down because you don't get along with someone?! To say I am severely disappointed is a vast understatement!  
  
-Erwin... it's.. It's not like that! - the memories started flowing, just as my tears refused to be held back anymore. I tried swallowing it all up but it was just too much. - This has to do with the Colossal Titan's first attack... - his expression seemed to soften up a bit.  
  
-I see. Explain it to me, then. - I inhaled slowly, trying to keep calm and sat on the chair across his desk.  
  
-Do I really need to? - my voice sounded pathetic. I felt like a kid again.  
  
-Give me one good reason for you not joining Levi's squad. - _I guess I can't escape this time..._ Throught the years, several people tried to find out about my past but I chose not to share it with anyone. The memories were just too painful to relive.  
  
-When I was in the Garrison... I met this guy named Nathaniel. He-  
  
-I don't need your life's story, (Y/n). Just tell me why. - I could tell he was impatient, but his attitude was starting to get on my currently frail nerves.  
  
-Fucking hell, Erwin! It's the fucking anniversary of the death of my whole first squad! Right after the first fucking squad I ever led died as well! Sorry if stirring up those memories makes me get a bit off topic! - I fell down on the chair again, my face slowly sinking between my hands. A ligh sob escaped my lips and I stood there quiet for a couple of seconds, trying to calm down. - It's been so long... Why can't I forget? The reason why I don't want to join Levi's squad is that I knew Eld's younger brother, his pride and joy and he died in my arms. And Eld has no idea... I can't fight with someone if i can't even tell him something like this!  
  
-Then tell him. He knows his brother also swore to defend humanity with his life.  
  
-But... - I bit my closed fist, muffling the cries that climbed up my throat. - He was deserting. - Erwin's expression changed.  
  
-I see. You don't want to go because you can't tell Eld that his brother died without honor.  
  
-He talks about him with such pride... He just looks so happy, I can't take that away from him!  
  
-Why did you join the Survey Corps, (Y/n)? - the question caught me off guard.  
  
-Why?... Because... I wanted to know more about the titans.  
  
-Why?  
  
-I wanted to find out more so that no one else wold die because of them.  
  
-How did you reached that decision? Think before you answer. - I stare at him with a confused expression. _What do you mean? I made this decision because of all the people who died, of course..._ Then, it hit me. A memory of my days in the Garrison with my squad. Nate, patroling with me, laughing, sleeping, resting while looking at the sunset... Then I saw him, being almost mauled to death by a titan after we fought and then his horrified face when he told me he was afraid of dying. The frightened gaze and the muffled screams... his silent tears. He was on his way to the gate when he was caught. It was mere seconds after the Armored Titan had breached throught the inner all. If he hadn't decided to leave... Or if I had decided to go with him... If he'd just stayed with me, fighting together... even dying wouldn't have been a bad fate.  
  
-When Nate died, he... he held on to me... telling me he didn't want to die. And... I never wanted to see anyone like that again.  
  
-Don't you think that denying the squad your help will do the exact opposite? Being there will increase our chances of success significantly.  
  
-That's bullshit, Erwin. You know the most important thing to me here is research and me being in Levi's squad helps nothing.  
  
-(Y/n). What I mean is that, with you there, our chances of reducing casualty numbers are significantly higher. Don't you want that?  
  
-And I'm supposed to talk to Eld?  
  
-Yes. It's for the best.  
  
-Commander, I don't see how this can end well...  
  
-It's an order, lieutenant. Stop wasting my time and just do it. You know this has to be done. I've been very lenient these past days, but you and I both know, we have a duty towards humanity. If you don't want to join them, I'll have to assign you a new squadron. - I clenched my jaw. He had no right to pull that card on me. Not right now.  
  
-I understand, sir.  
  
-I do believe the cadets' morning class is yours to give, lieutenant. After that, talk to Corporal Levi and Eld. Dismissed.  
  
-Thank you, sir. - turning my back, I left towards the courtyard, where the cadets were waiting.  
  
  
I put on my 3D maneuver gear before I exited the building and, when I arrived at the courtyard, the cadets were all talking to eachother.  
  
-SO! - I yelled, startling them - You call this a formation?! - they just stood there, looking at me, until one of them decided to salute me.  
  
-No, mam! - he yelled at me.  
  
-Then... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! - they almost ran, trying to organize themselves. When they finally got into position, I started talking. - So, as you should know by now, I am Lieutenant Krieger.  
  
-Also known as Lieutenant McShorty... - snarled Oluo, who was sitting on a wooden box. Some of the kids started laughing, hiding their faces. - Even shorter than captain Levi. I must say, I didn't think it was possible...  
  
-Shut up, fuck face. - I spat, not bothering to look at him - Don't you have more women to reject you elsewhere? - out the corner of my eye, I saw him leave, with a sulky face plastered on him. - Since you found his joke so fucking funny, you little shits, ON THE GROUND, NOW! - I heard some of them swearing but I kept going. - One, two, three.. - they didn't understand what they were supposed to be doing. _How dumb can you be, goddamnit_  
  
-Lietenant Krieger, mam? - I heard a soft female voice. It was a blonde cadet, a little girl. - What are we supposed to do?  
  
-PUSHUPS, CADET! PLANK, NOW! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR... - I carried on until I reached about twenty. - Ups, I forgot zero. - I chuckled. - Zero, one, two - by the time I reached thirty, they had managed to synchronize and silence now filled the air. - Stand up! Now that we're all quiet and warmed up, - I smiled - we can get on with the actual work. The exercise of today consists in a course with several dummies to attack. You will go in pairs through a path that leads to the exit.  
  
-Lieutenat Krieger - a blonde cadet called me.  
  
-Yes, what is your name, cadet?  
  
-Armin Arlert, mam.  
  
-What's the matter?  
  
-Are we supposed to choose our teammate?  
  
-Well, now that you mention it! - I felt my lips curl into a sly grin - I'll pick the teams! You there, Jaeger and you, Kirstein! - the others were paired up after - And lastly, Ackerman and Ymir. First group, start. - I saw Eren and Kirstein arguing even before they entered the forest. - OI, come here, you two!  
  
-Yes, mam! - they nodded and stopped in front of me.  
  
-What's going on here? What kind of shit is this? You haven't even started the drill and you're already at eachother's throats?  
  
-No, lieutenant Krieger, mam...  
  
-THIS DRILL IS MEANT TO TEACH YOU TO COOPERATE! You hear that?! It doesn't matter what you think personally about the other person! A stupid arguement like that could cost you your life! - _It really can..._ \- Got it?!  
  
-Yes, mam!  
  
-Just start already, I haven't got all day. - they entered and, after they passed through, the dummies were reset. Another group went in and, after three hours, everyone had finished. Mikasa and Ymir were the fastest, just as expected. I wouldn't be surprised if Ackerman was invited to Levi's squad somewhere during the following months... - Ok, brats, get the fuck out of my sight and tend to your horses!  
  
As soon as they left the courtyard, I entered the main building, looking for Eld. He was with the others in the common room, playing some cards.  
  
-Oi, Eld, got a minute?  
  
-Yeah, what?  
  
-I need to talk to you - he came outside and we started walking towards my office. I closed the door behind me as I entered. - You better sit down for this.  
  
-(Y/n), what's the matter? You're starting to freak me out. Is everything alright?  
  
-Yeah, I'm fine... - I sat across him, and let my forehead rest on my hands, sighing. - Listen, I have something to tell you and it's not easy for me to talk about it. It's about... - _Here they come, the memories... Focus, (Y/n), you need to do this!_ \- As you may have noticed, the way in which I joined the Survey Corps wasn't an ordinary one. Before coming here, I was a soldier in the Garrison and I.. - _Come on, you have to tell him. Fucking hell, don't get cold feet now!_ \- I knew Nate. Nathaniel - I corrected myself.  
  
-Nate...? - his expression sunk a bit, remembering his younger brother. - What about him? He died fighting, I know that.  
  
-We were in the same squad. I... we... - I had to look away and tried to dry my tears with the jacket's sleeve.  
  
-You were with him? - I only managed to nod. - Tell me he died fighting. Tell me he was a good soldier until the end... - I started to violently sob, unable to get any words out. I tried to keep still, to stifle the shame that crept up my throat. _I should've just suck it up like a soldier and not be sobbing like a stupid kid! (Y/n), you're so fucking weak, how you even got through training, I'll never know..._  
  
-I was all my fault.... - I lifted up my gaze, face all red and tear stained. - If I hadn't insisted in him staying, he'd.... he wouldn't have got mad at me and leave in a fit of rage... He'd have been more careful and.... I'm so sorry, Eld! - my forehand slammed the table and I covered my face with trembling hands, not knowing what else to do.  
  
-My brother was... a deserter? - his face was like a block of stone, unreadable. - Listen, (Y/n), thank you.  
  
-What?  
  
-Thank you for reminding him of his oath. He was my pride but he was also a boy. I don't blame him for being afraid; not everyone is made to be a soldier...  
  
-He always talked about how you were his hero... - I muttered.  
  
-That little shit - he bit his fist and covered his eyes as tears began to stream down his face. - I couldn't protect him and he says something like that? Good, Nate, you're a fucker, you know that?! You just had to die! - he leaned foward and rested his elbows on the table, whilst covering his slightly red face. - So wait... You were the girl he always talked about in his letters?  
  
-I guess... I don't really know.  
  
-He always spoke so happily about you, even his tone when he wrote was different. But he never told me your name, that shy brat. - he chuckled softly.  
  
-I wanted to say something sooner but... I couldn't. I'm sorry for mentioning this now, so long after...  
  
-Don't worry. I don't blame you. From what I heard and from your reaction just now, I can clearly understand that this is much harder for you. - he held his hand out - Krieger, what you told me only gives me more will to fight those monsters. So people like Nate won't suffer. - drying my tears, I shoke his hand. I felt like I'd just taken a huge weight off my shoulders and I managed a shy smile.  
  
-He was the reason I decided to join the Corps... Thank you for understanding, Eld. I have no words to describe how relieved I feel right now. If you'll excuse me, I have another matter to tend to. - we exited the office and split up. He went towards the common room and I walked towards captain Levi's office. _That went so much better than I expected... I hope this goes as well..._ As I reached the door, I inhaled deeply and knocked.


	3. 3

\- Come in.  - a voice from inside ordered me.  
  
\- Captain. I need to speak to you.  
     
\- What is it, Krieger? If Shitty Glasses wants my help for another useless titan capture expedition, you can tell her to fuck off. - he didn't even bothered to lift his gaze from the massive amount of paperwork on his desk.  
  
\- It's not that. It's about your squad. - _Finally, I have his attention..._ he kept his usual bored expression, but I thought I saw a glint in his eye.  
  
\- So? Stop wasting my time, lieutenant.  
  
\- I thought about my decision and I've changed my mind.  
  
\- Hm... And why would I want someone who takes her word back...? - _You're fucking difficult, Shorty.  
  
-_ Well, if you don't want me to join you anymore, then I'll leave. Thank you for your time, Corporal. Sorry for disturbing you. - I turned to face the door and, as soon as my hand grasped the knob, he cleared his voice.  
  
\- Training starts tomorrow after Erwin gets back. - it's not like I didn't want to be part of the Special Operations Squad but I wasn't thrilled about it. After all, despite getting along with all of them and even having solved my problem with Eld, there was still Levi, that ruthless man. He wasn't like everybody made him seem; he did care about his team and all of the people in the Corps. But his attitude made my blood boil. Even so, I had to join them, Erwin gave me a direct order and I most certainly didn't want to get on his bad side.  
  
\- Right. - I closed the door behind me on my way out. Sighing, I got back to my own office, where a ridiculous a ridiculous amount of paperwork awaited me. I sat, sinking further in the chair when my eyes caught the pile of reports the cadets had written. _Why does this shit only happen to me...?_ Someone knocked. - Who is it?  
  
\- Lieutenante Krieger, may I come in? - it was Kirstein.  
  
\- What is it?  
  
\- I was sent to clean your office.

\- Hm, come in, then. - I sighed again. Looking at him as he got closer, I noticed the left side of his face was swollen. - What happened to your face?  
  
 - Oh... I was... punched.  
  
\- By who? Wait, let me guess... Jaeger? - I looked over the table at him, while he scrubbed the floor.  
  
\- Yes...  
  
\- Why? - I changed my mind before he answered. - Nevermind, I don't really care. You two better start behaving properly. That kind of shit could cost you your lives. By the way, who sent you here?  
  
\- Petra. - _Nice... she's so nice, she knows I hate cleaning.  
  
-_ Hey, hey! What the fuck do you think you're doing? - he'd started moving my books around.  
  
\- I'm cleaning lieutenant - he answered, not stopping.  
  
\- Don't touch my books. - he put them down here they were previously. - Clean the windows, the floor, whatever. Don't come here trying to organize my shit. - the office consisted of a bookcase, a desk, a couple of chairs and piles of books scattered around the space. My research, documents, etc were all in those books, so I couldn't affort to lose track of a single one. _Tche, organization was never one of my strengths_. The heavy sound of the brush scrubbing lulled me and made the correction of the reports significantly easier. - Fucking hell, this is all shit, cadet! This year, you're all dumb as can be!  
  
\- Lieutenant? - he stopped and stared at me with a confused expression plastered all over my face.  
  
\- These reports are all shit! I don't care about the fucking color of the trees, god damnit! Has no one taught you this already?! Have you learned nothing from the Trainees Squad? Who cares about the stupid birds, you're supposed to talk about the terrain, visibility, field of vision, how the equipment worked or failed and why, not this ridiculous shit!  
  
\- Permission to speak, miss?  
  
\- Talk. What is your first name, cadet?  
  
\- Jean, miss. No one told us what we were supposed to write. The majority of us just tried to guess what was relevant.  
  
\- Well, I don't care about that, I'm telling you now what you need to write in a report. - I handed him a scribbled note with simple topics. - Here, use that. I do not want to read shit like this again. I should just burn all of it. - he took the small paper, smilling.  
  
\- Thanks, mam. I'll talk to the others. You're actually pretty cool. - he chuckled, storing the note in his pocket and getting back to scrubbing.  
  
\- Oy, cadet Jean, you want a month on stable duty? - he looked at me with an alarmed expression. - I'm kidding. - I laughed. - So the cadets don't think I'm cool... I can't see why... - I said loudly to myself, leaning against the chair and crossing my feet over the table, dirty boots soiling the failed reports. - What do the cadets say of me?  
  
\- Nothing, lieutenant - he mumbled, moving to the window.  
  
\- You can say it. I don't take offense easily and I'm not going to punish anyone. In fact, if you don't tell me, I'll having you cleaning Oluo's room for three months. I'll know if you're lying...  
  
\- Well, the majority thinks you're one of the strictest people that gives us training and think you're too violent. Some have even compared you to- he shut himself up before the words escaped from his mouth.  
  
\- To who?... - seeing as he still wasn't talking properly, I grinned - Did you know that Oluo has a tapeworm collection? Yeah, Hange took them out of the soldiers when we had an outbreak. He loves that kind of stuff, I heard he keeps them by his bed, on his nightstand, so he can cuddle them to sleep...  
  
\- Ok, ok, mam - he was partially shivering, just thinking about all those creatures crawling inside of him. I laughed in a hearthy tone. _These cadets... they'll believe anything._ \- Some people compare you to Corporal Levi and some think you're even worse.  
  
\- In what way?  
  
\- Colder, way more rude, you know, those kinds of things... - _Colder than Levi? That's new... with today's crying fest, I'm actually surprised. But I do know I'm not like this all the time, I guess to them I seem even colder. I have to.  
  
-_ Hm... I see... Well, I'm not sure if I should consider that as a compliment or as an insult. I'm going for a walk, Kirstein. When I get back, I wanna see my reflection on the floor and on the windows. Oh and - I grabbed the stupid reports - take this trash back to your colleagues - they hit the floor with a loud smacking sound, some of the papersheets scattering to the other side of the room - Ups... - I chuckled before I left. Checking that my tanks were full of gas, I jumped towards the forest, attaching the cables to the tree trunks.  
  
After about half an hour of wandering in the woods, I reached the root of a tree bigger than the others and climbed up a branch. It was wide enough for me to lie down, so I did, looking at the glowing dark green foliage above me. The soothing breeze brough the smell of pine and flowers and a shiver ran down my spine. I was relaxed, lulled by the dancing light rays that managed to pierce the thick tree tops and waver down to kiss the ground. I hadn't even eaten anything and it was probably afternoon by now. _Oh well..._ I sighed, closing my eyes.  
  
***  
I heard screaming and opened them again. I wasn't on the tree branch anymore, I was... in the middle of the last expedition outside of Wall Rose we'd done. My squad Lee, Sanchéz, Kayla and Jake... screaming and being tared to shreds by the titans. _What kind of lieutenant am I?! What kind of fucking soldier am I?! FUCK.THIS.! -_ I ran to attack the monsters and managed to free two of them, Sanchéz and Lee but they didn't resist their wounds. The other two... not even an arm was left. I managed to keep a straight face in front of everyone, even Erwin but-  
  
\- (Y/n), captain, you didn't save me... - a voice interrupted my thoughts. I raised my head and coverd my mouth, muffling a scream.  
  
\- Kayla... I... - her disfigured body was dragging itself towards me, skeletal arms reaching out to grab me.  
  
\- And me? You said you'd protect me...  
  
\- Jake... I was too late, I couldn't... - I recoiled as the bodies around me became more and more and had me surrounded. I felt something tugging my shirt.  
  
\- Daughter... - _No, not mom..._ I turned to face her cracked skull looking at me with a blank expression. I pushed her, freeing my arm and tried to run but no matter where I turned to, more arms kept grabbing me, pulling me down. I felt like I was falling.  
  
***  
Opening my eyes, I realised I was actually falling. I used the cables to catch myself and just hanged from them for a couple of seconds. I was sweating and I burst into tears when I thought about how many people had died because I couldn't help them.  
  
\- What good is a title for... if I can't protect anyone? - I muttered to myself, sobbing.  
  
\- I ask myself that a lot. - _Who is.._ I looked up and saw Corporal Levi standing on a branch above me. I rushed to dry the tears with my sleeve.  
  
\- I should get back, it's late and-  
  
\- It's no shame to mourn comrads, Krieger - I climbed to where he was and leaned against the trunk, sliding until I was in a seated position.  
  
\- You came here to get some air as well? - I asked, trying to change the subject.  
  
\- I came to check the course we're going to use in the training session tomorrow. I wasn't expecting to find you here, Krieger. Specially not hanging from a branch.  
  
\- I was just resting. I fell asleep and fell off the tree, but I'm fine.  
  
\- You improved quite a lot since you got here. - he commented, like I wasn't even there. - You still have a shitty temper but the number talk for themselves.  
  
\- Shitty temper?! What do you mean?! Your temper is way shittier than mine! - I protested.  
  
\- Huuh? Did you say something? - _He ignored me on purpose... he has to be kidding me.  
  
\- _I'm heading back, sir. Dinner must be ready anytime soon. Do you need any help?  
  
\- As if someone like you could help... - he muttered before jumping off the branch and moving deeper into the forest.  
  
\- What?! That.. Short Shit... Are you trying to say that I'm dumb?! - I yelled, but I was sure he didn't hear me. I returned to HQ, furious. _I passed ALL the tests with distinction! Who the hell does he think he is...  
  
_ I didn't eat much during dinner and saw the cadets reading my critiques on their reports. Impossible. Me having a worse temper than Levi? IMPOSSIBLE. Those shits were going to feel my wrath, but not today. I said goodbye to the people at my table and went to my office, I needed to calm down. Reaching a book about 3D maneuver gear, I began to read it for the 100th time.  
  
\- I heard you're in Levi's squad... - a voice slurred as it entered the office.  
  
\- Erwin, what do you want... - I cocked an eyebrow, not amused. - Can't you see I'm busy?  
  
\- Reading the same book you read everytime something annoys you? Yeah, sure...  
  
\- What do you want...?  
  
\- I just came here to remind you that tomorrow early, we have the meeting.  
  
\- You have. I'm just going cause Pixis wants me there.  
  
\- Or something like that - he smiled - Why are you so angry?  
  
\- Nothing. - I puffed - Your 'captain' Levi is a dick...  
  
\- Watch how you talk about your new captain... He could punish you if he hears you insult him. Or... if someone tells him...  
  
\- You wouldn't...  
  
\- What's the fun in being commander if I can't spread the chaos once in a while? Huuh?  
  
\- Remind me, how are we friends again...? - I rolled my eyes. Clearly he'd been drinking a little too much.  
  
\- Well, - he slumped down on one of the armchairs in the office - 'Twas a fine morning when - _He's totally drunk... Nice one, Erwin.. Did Elisette turn you down again?_ \- then Pixis asked me to train you and-  
  
\- And we started talking and how we're friends forever, right? _\- He always tells the story like this when he's "happy"... -_ Well, Erwin, commander sir, I have a lot of work to finish so, you should go back to the bar or the cafeteria or wherever it was that you were in before and goodbye.  
  
\- I can't get in the way of miss Lieutenante (Y/n) Krieger - he laughed in a boisterous manner - while she's working... Must be a hell of a work you're doing - he winked at me and finally left. I closed the door and sighed in relief.  
  
\- LEVIII! - I heard him screaming in the hallway. _OH NO, DEAR GOD._ I peered into the hallway and they were chatting.  
  
\- Yeah, and that's what I have planned for next week. We should discusse details in my office. - Erwin said, looking back and smilling at me. I signaled him that he was a dead man and he laughed, disappearing with the corporal around the corner. _Well, I'm as good as dead... tomorrow is my last day... Levi will beat the shit out of me... well, I can't say I wasn't expecting it..._  
  
I finished organizing my papers and went to my chamber. I switched the gear and uniform for the pijamas and slid under the covers, closing my eyes.


	4. 4

I woke up sweating again. The pillow was stained with tears as well. I know what comes next. The knot on the back of my throat and the cold sweats.  
  
I got up and held another blanket around my trembling shoulders. I stepped into the hallway and passed Erwin's room. _Is he still awake..?_ , probably not. And going to him, asking to spend some time with me wasn't very appropriate even though we were in fact friends. Also, in my current state, I wasn't fully in control of what I did and he was my commander after all. Hange was snoring tonight, her sounds echoying in the empty hallway.  
  
A light. Again. Levi's room was once again illuminated. I stopped in front of his door and heard the brush scraping the floor. _Again_. I made my way to the kitchen and repeated the same ritual of the day before.  
  
Reaching his door again, the sound of his cleaning was louder. I knocked on the cold wooden door and everything went silent.  
  
\- Who is it at this fucking hour? - his bored and cold voice spat from inside.  
  
\- Corporal, it's me.  
  
\- Oh. - he replied, in a dry fashion.  
  
\- Is everything alright?  
  
\- You're going to come annoy me every night? - _Fucking hell, what's his problem?... I'm just trying to help...  
  
\- _I passe by and saw a light... Since I made tea for myself, I thought it would be polite to do the same for you, since you're awake.  
  
\- 'Polite' would be for you to disappear and go to sleep, (Y/n). - _He... called me by my name...?  
  
-_ I understand. Good night, captain. - I left the mug on the doorstep and got back to bed. This time, the tea seemed to calm me enough for me to go back to sleep.  
  
\--------  
  
I woke up ill rested and took a shower, washing my hair. After getting dressed, I went to look for Erwin.  
  
\- (Y/n)! - Petra called me, smiling. - I heard you joined our squad! Finally!  
  
\- Yeah, well... I... I'll talk to you guys later, okay? I'm in a hurry right now. - I ran throught the winding hallways until I reached his office, but it was locked. _I can't believe it..._ I made my way, with heavy footsteps, to his room. - ERWIN, YOU ASS! - I screamed, pulling the covers from his torso - Do you know hat time it is?! We're going to be late!  
  
\- Get lost... fucking hell - he rolled in bed, clinging to his head. - How didn't I foresee this... shit..  
  
\- Come on! Hurry up.  
  
\- Stop shouting! - he yelled, squeezing his forehead - Don't worry, the clock is an hour ahead. - _This guy thinks about everything..._ \- Now, you little screaming shit, you know I'm commander, don't you?!  
  
\- Yeah, I do...  
  
\- Well, now I shall exert my powers as your superior.  
  
\- Erwin, no, please, I-  
  
\- STABLE DUTY FOR A MONTH!  
  
\- Fuck this, you're the worst...  
  
\- What did you say?... That you want more punshiment for your disrespectfull behaviour? Well, since you insist... Clean the cadets' common room as well.  
  
\- You have to be joking... You have to be... - I covered my forehead with a hand. Cleaning in front of the cadets... The shame... He finished getting dressed rather quickly and we hurried to meet the others. The trip wasn't too long, specially on horse, so we got there in a quarter of an hour.  
  
\--  
  
\- Well, good day, Erwin - smilled Pixis, shaking his hand - Morning, Krieger. - I saluted him.  
  
\- Sir!  
  
\- Eh, leave those formalities. You want some? - he handed me his flask and I refused.  
  
\- Hm, hello Erwin.  
  
\- Morning, Dok.  
  
\- The... _deserter_ came too. - _Deserter MY ASS, you son of a bitch, I was cleared!  
  
\- _Good morning, commander Dok. - I flashed him a death glare and sat next to Erwin.  
  
\- The Commander's Meeting is in session - declared the scribe.  
  
\- First of all, I believe we should discuss the recent failure of the Survey Corps' last mission - spat Dok. - Erwin, care to elaborate?  
  
\- Indeed, I do. Due to poor information, we entered wrongly mapped territory and were caught by surprise. Besides this, the equipment we use is old and broke, further endagering the soldiers.  
  
\- How so? - asked Pixis.  
  
\- Commander Erwin's left cable  broke and he fractured an arm due to it. He was in serious danger. - I interviened.  
  
\- Refrain yourself from commenting, soldier - Dok snickered, giving me a side stare.  
  
\- Lieutenant - correct Erwin. _Thanks, man. You always have my back,_ I smiled internally.  
  
\- That will not do.. - mumbled Pixis. - It is a disgrace to the Military Forces that a commander almost died due to faulty equipment...  
  
\- Is it even known why it broke in the first place? It's quite hard to rupture on by accident.  
  
\- No, NIle, we have no idea. - answered the blond man. - We think it might have been sabotage. - I turned to him, surprised. It was the first time I was hearing about it. _Sabotage? But... who? The same person who killed the research titan subjects?  
  
-_ That's not good. - mumbled Pixis again, taking the flask to his lips again. - Anything else to report? How is the boy doing, Jaeger?  
  
\- We've been testing his power and training him and, so far, he's under control.  
  
\- Until he's not... - scoffed Dok.  
  
\- So Nile.... I heard that the Military Police's smuggling business is going well... - started Pixis, smilling with half lidded eyes. The other man seemed to have gotten distraught and stuttered a bit before he answered.  
  
\- S-smuggling, Pixis? I have no idea of what you're talking about... I'm sure the higher-ups won't like to hear that you're accusing me of doing something like that...  
  
\- I'd do no such thing - he grinned - I was merely asking... - the rest of the meeting went rather well, ending with the discussion of an alliance between the three diferent factions. Afterwards, Pixis called me aside.  
  
\---  
  
\- So, Krieger, how have the past years in the Corps been?  
  
\- I've been giving it my all, Sir. I'm making the most out of your vote of trust.  
  
\- Very well. That's what I like to hear. It seems like it was yesterday, doesn't it?  
  
\- Yes... - I murmured, lowering my head.  
  


"- (Y/n)! Come on! - screamed Nate, throwing his cables towards the now closing gate.  
\- We can't go now, there's still a ton of people we haven't evacuated yet! Who's going to protect them?! - I yelled, haging from one of the buildings. I heard a low groan and threw a cable towards Nate - WATCH OUT!

He turned just in time to avoid the 6m Class Titan who swung a hand at him. I cut his nape with my dirty blades and saw him fall behind me. I cleaned the sweat on my forehead. _More blood... mine, from the rest of my squadron... We didn't have a chance. How was I still alive? What about the others? Reinforcements? Where are they?! I don't have time for this now!_

_-_ (Y/n)... - it was Nate, he was hanging next to me. - Come on, please. There is no use trying to fight anymore. They... won this time.

\- WHAT?! The others fought until the end and you want to walk away?! Fucking shit, Nate! I can't believe that you're that much of a coward that you forget your oath so easily!

\- THE WALL WAS BREACHED, EVERYONE IS DYING, WHAT'S WRONG IN WANTING TO LIVE?! I DON'T WANT TO DIE AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE EITHER!

\- I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF I DIE OR NOT! I'M GOING TO KILL AL OF THEM! - the images of our comrades being dismembered as they screamed in agony were too much for me, I had to do something to not feel so guilty of being alive. - If I have to die to protect the others, then be it!

\- I don't want you to die... - he hugged me tight, and his tears ran down my neck, leaving a trail amongst all the dirt and blood.

\- Stop being a fucking kid and do your job! - I screamed, freeing myself from the hug.

\- I better find you alive on the other side, you stupid bitch - he spat, disappearing between the rooftops. I looked at the titans that kept pouring through the hole in the Wall and locked another set of blades. I ran over the roof of a house and threw myself at the back of a titan, leaving it as soon as the nape was cut. Another on appeared and I did the same. _Fuck, the blade is dull already?!_ I locked another set and jumped to catch another. I only took on the small ones, since their size wasn't so intimidating as the others'.

Before I knew what was happenig, one of the monsters grabbed one of my cables and made me fall on the ground. For a few seconds, I had my eyes closed and rested, half passed out from shock, until I heard it's foosteps.

My eyes darted opened and my body lunged foward, getting on it's feet although stumbling. I jumped in time to escape the giant hands of one of them.

I heard a loud sound and turned to face it's origin. _The inner gate!_ I jumped over the rooftops, avoiding the monsters until I finally saw what had happened.

A huge hole now occupied that which used to be the inner gate of Wall Maria. _Oh no... Nate..._ I ran, screaming his name franctically, but I couldn't hear any familiar voice besides the roar of the Garrison's cannons and the groaning of the titans.

\- SOMEONE HELP! PLEASE! - I finally heard a familiar voice. _Please, no..._ I turned to the origin of the shout and saw one of the monsters lowering Nate into its mouth. I tried to reach him as fast as I could but, even as I made the beast fall to the ground, his wounds were too severe. I picked up his almos lifeless body, hugging it and staining it with bitter tears.

\- Nate... what were you thinking... how did you let yourself get caught...

\- I... I'm sorry... - he cought a gulf of blood, spilling it on my shirt - I don't want to die, (Y/n)... - I saw the tears fall from his eyes and mine falling on his cheeks. - I was a coward... I should've stayed with you... Eld, he... was always my hero... today I... I failed him.. I was so affraid.. I'm so sorry. I love you, (Y/n).

\- Nate, I should've helped you! I'm the one who needs to be sorry! Not you too... please.... - I held him tight against my shaking arms and felt him relax. Pulling back, I saw his dim, lifelless eyes staring back at me. - NATE, COME BACK! - I screamed, holding him tighter. - I should've gone with you, I should've helped you, fuck! - my voice was but a whisper, nestling my head on his chest. The titans' footsteps grew louder as they approached us and I was forced to let him go.

I tried to carry his body, but the equipment refused to activate due to the excess weight. I looked at his peacefull face and took his still warm lips to mine, saying a final goodbye.

\- Nate, I'm sorry... - I sobbed. Grabbing his gas tanks, I fled towards the huge whole in the gate."

 

 

\- Krieger... - Pixis' voice brought me back to the present and I felt tears flowing down my cheeks. I used a sleeve to wipe them dry.

\- I'm sorry, commander.

\- Eh, don't worry too much. I can understand that day was very traumatic in your life.

\- It was, sir.

\- Those memories, those dreams you have: learn from them, child. - he peered over the wall, looking at the view outside Wall Rose. - Don't just look at them as something unhappy.

\- Right, sir. I understand. - I didn't have a clear idea of what I could learn from that but I knew the commander was a man known for his ability to see beyond others.

\- Lieutenant. - I heard Erwin's voice calling me.

\- Dismissed, Krieger - the bald man told me, extending his hand out to me. I shook it, smiling. That man, a long time idol of mine, who had saved me from prison and death... I was forever in his debt.

\--

\- Commander, are we ready to return? - I asked Erwin, giving my horse a pat on the neck.

\- Yes, we are. Goodbye, Pixis, it was nice seeing you. Nile, until next time.

\- See you around - smiled the bald man. The other didn't even bother giving us a second glance, returning to the comfort of Wall Sina immediately.

  
\--  
  
\- So, what did you think? - asked me Erwin.  
  
\- Boring... The only thing worthy of all this wasted time was listening to Pixis.  
  
\- You really admire him, don't you? - I nodded affirmatively. Our horses walked at a pace that allowed a conversation to take place.  
  
\- Ever since I entered the Garrison. Hearing him motivates me to push further.  
  
\- Hm... what about me?  
  
\- Oh, commander, I'd give my life for you! - I laughed but I wasn't joking. He smiled and I knew he knew that. - So, you really think it was sabotage?  
  
\- The equipment? No idea, but it's highly likely that it was.  
  
\- Could it have been someone from the Corps?  
  
\- I don't know. I do not want this to happen again. - I started to see the forest that lead to HQ.  
  
\- Last one there is a rotten egg! - I screamed, smilling.  
  
\- No way you'll ever beat me, short stuff! - we rilled up our horses and galloped throught the trees until we reached the inner border of the forest.  
  
\--  
  
\- I won! - I laughed.  
  
\- In your dreams...  
  
\- You're such a sore loser...  
  
\- Hey, who's commander here? Thought so. I decree that it was me.  
  
\- Always abusing your powers... honestly... - I got off the horse and took him to the stables, with Erwin by my side.  
  
\- Don't forget you still have a month's worth of stable duty and common room cleaning to do... - he casually mentioned.  
  
\- Wait, you were serious...?  
  
\- Yes, I was. Yelling at an officer of higher rank is a serious offense.  
  
\- Oi, you plan on keeping Krieger busy for much longer or what? - Levi's head appeared at the stable's door.  
  
\- No, no, corporal. Krieger, dismissed.  
  
\- Right.... - I followed Levi, who walked silently towards the others from the squad.  
  
\- Very well, - he spoke, facing us - The warm up is simple. Enter the forest and take down the targets.  
  
\- Sounds easy... - commented Oluo. We formed a line and I was last but one, Petra being the last. One by one, they entered and returned about half an hour later. The course was reset between each one. Levi was counting our times with a watch. Finally, my turned arrived.  
  
\- 3...2...1..Go - he said, in his calm voice. I ran towards the trees and launched the cables, skipping of the branches. I saw the first target and, passing my it upside down, I dragged the blades through the dummy's weak spot.  
  
The second one, I destroyed passing over it and the third as well. According to my estimate, my time should be pretty good, fast even, according to what I'd seen from the others. The fourth target approached and, as I tried touching it with the blades, it moved out of the way. _Moving target, eh? Easy._ I circled it and cut through the sponge without any problems.  
  
I launched my cables again to move to the next target and heard something snap. My body started swinging fast towards the left, where one of the cables had already attached itself. I recoiled it and attached it to a branch above me, to stop my movement. Looking to my right side, I saw the pending cable, broken where the metal hook should be.  
  
I heard a hissing sound behind me and I turned to see what it was, being struck in the back with a boot in the process. The last cable that remained gave in and I fell, rolling a few meters on the forest floor, rolling.  
  
\- Fuck... - I muttered, getting on my knees. I wasn't hurt, but the impact of the boot was rather violent; I turned to see who it was. - Levi? Fucking hell, Captain! What the fuck!  
  
\- Watch your language, brat. - he got down from the branch he landed in and pulling me up by the collar. - Don't talk to your superior like that. Why did you stop midway?  
  
\- A shitty captain you turned out to be! - I yelled near his face. I felt burning on my face and was forced to look to the right, a sharp pain radiating from my jawbone. _That motherfucker punched me!... -_ First, you cut my cable! Then you hit me with your fucking shoe! And now you punch me? Fucking hell, sir, what kind of captain are you?!  
  
\- I didn't cut your cable, Krieger. - he put me down and I sighed, holding back my rage. He got closer and pulled both my cables. The light breeze brought his pleasant perfume to my nostrils. _Shit... now this idiot smells nice...  
  
\- _Are you going to explain me why you clashed with me and then punched me? - I asked, my tone visibly annoyed.  
  
\- Shut up, brat. - he sc..olded me, analysing the rolled steel. - We need to check this.  
  
\- 'Shut up, brat'?! - I yelled, my voice sounding histeric. - What the actual fuck? - I pulled back my cables and pushed him, walking back towards the start of the course. - I knew I shouldn't have joined this squad. I can't work with a man like you.  
  
\- Lieutenant - he called, I ignored. - Lieutenant - his voice sounded more insisting. - FUCK, KRIEGER! ON THE GROUND!  
  
\- What?  
  
\- Floor, now! - I threw myself on the floor. He walked towards me, stopping right in front of my face.  
  
\- What the hell, corporal...?  
  
-Zero, one, two... - as soon as he started counting, I felt myself getting hotter with anger. I did the pushups he wanted, falling exhausted on the ground when he stopped talking. - The training is on hold. Get off your ass and follow me.  
  
\- Fuck you... - I muttered, making sure he didn't hear me. I got up and walked behind him.  
  
\--  
  
\- Captain, what happened. Why did you take off so suddendly? - asked Eld.  
  
\- The enemy struck again. Stay here - he ordered, walking inside the building, probably to speak with Erwin.  
  
\- Are you okay, (Y/n)? - inquired Petra, looking at my swollen face - What happened?  
  
\- One of my cables broke, I think someone cut it. - I spat, staring at Levi's silhouette, before he disappeared inside.  
  
\- And your face? - Gungther spoke, sniffing the air.  
  
\- I was in the middle of a tight maneuver when it happened and I hit a tree. - no way in hell I'd confess I was punished by the captain.  
  
\- As expected... - Oluo snickered. - If it was me there, we'd probably have the culprit on our hands...  
  
\- Oh, fuck off... - I rolled my eyes at him.  
  
\- Hearing the truth hurts...? - he laughed. I growled and grabbed him by the collar. I didn't have enought strenght to lift him but my eyes burned with rage when I pulled him to meet my gaze and he grew pale at the sight.  
  
\- I do not have patience to deal with your shit Oluo. Not. Now. - I muttered, throwing him back. The others seemed amused at his reaction. - I'm going to talk to commander Erwin.  
  
\- The captain told us to stay. - Eld stopped me.  
  
\- Fuck the captain. - I turned my back and entered the building. Heavy steps took me to Erwin's office. I opened the door with a violent swing, only to see Mr Fucker himself, Levi, there.  
  
\- Lieutenant, what's the meaning of this? - asked the commander, seeing my rabid state. - Knock properly!  
  
\- I want to know why this guy - I pointed to Levi - slammed me with his boot!  
  
\- Krieger, didn't I tell you to wait outside? - the short one asked, his expression calm and bored as usual.  
  
\- To hell with your orders!  
  
\- Lieutenant, settle down - Erwin started. - If you keep making this much noise, there will be severe consequences. - I bit my tongue and inhaled deeply. - Wait outside.  
  
\- Bu-  
  
\- IT'S AN ORDER. - he said, his voice holding back impatience. I clenched my jaw and slammed the door. _Motherfucker... fuck this! Shit..._ Pain pulsated on the left side of my face and I started pacing back and forth in front of the door, trying to calm down. I heard it finally open and Corporal Levi passed next to me.  
  
\- After this, meet me at my office, Krieger. - I ignored him and peered into Erwin's office.  
  
\- Commander...?  
  
\- Come in and close the door behind you. - he said, with his back turned to me. His posture told me that the issue was serious and that I was fucked.  
  
\- Erwin, I-  
  
\- Silence. May I ask WHY you came into my office screaming like a wild beast? - his tone was calm and controled. _Ok, I fucked up. Big time._ I swallowed my rage and sighed. I didn't want to be suspended for this.  
  
\- I.... acted impusively. During the training, one of my cables broke and then captain Levi hit me on the back. I was furious and I wanted to understand why.  
  
\- Let me see your equipment. - I walked towards the desk between us and loosened the belts that held the motor in place, placing it on the table. After a quick inspection, it was clear that it wasn't just normal wear and tear. - This is very bad. We need to up security.  
  
\- Right.  
  
\- I can't let what you did slide. But I can't afford to  suspend you now, it would be a mistake. - I sighed in relief. - I left your punisment for Levi to decide.  
  
\- You have to be joking... That moth- I bit my tongue before I dug myself into a bigger hole.  
  
\- Consider yourself lucky. Don't forget the stables and the rest. Dismissed.  
  
\- Right, commander... - I murmured, gritting my teeth as I left, walking towards Levi's office.  
  
\--  
  
\- Captain? - I knocked.  
  
\- Come in. - he was standing near the window, looking at the courtyard. A series of papers were scattered on the desk. - How are you? - the question surprised me and I raised an eyebrow.  
  
\- How am _I_?  
  
\- I suppose Erwin told you I'm the one who's going to decide your punishment. - he moved the subject, without waiting for my previous answer.  
  
\- Yes, sir. He did. Permission to ask a question. - now, I had to be on my best behaviour, if I wanted to make them forget about this day quickly.  
  
\- Hm?  
  
\- May I know why you rammed me today? - my question was filled with bitterness but I didn't raise my voice.  
  
\- It wasn't intentional. - _An accident? Yeah right..._ \- During the exercise, I had a bad feeling and wanted to be certain of something. I wasn't expecting you to be hanging from a tree in the middle of the course. - _Well... I guess now it made sense... I stopped right after a sharp turn and even to an experienced 3-d maneuver gear user it would be impossible to change directions that unexpectedly. At least he hit my back and not the head....  
  
\- _I see... And the pushups?  
  
\- That was because of your shitty attitude. I'm surprised you're even alive. Such a reckless person doesn't belong in my squad, so see if you get your shit together. - _it's not like I asked to join your freaking squad._ I bit my tongue again so I didn't talk back to him and nodded.  
  
\- Right.  
  
\- Now, you take that basket and wash the clothes in there.  
  
\- What?  
  
\- Dismissed. - _I'm going to have to wash clothes? Fuck... Doesn't sound like him at all... after all, I did shout at him... hell, I don't understand this... -_ Lieutenant - he interrupted my train of thought - don't raise your voice to me again. - his tone sent a cold shiver down my spine and I nodded again, closing the door behind me, after picking up the basket.


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two OC cadets:
> 
> Suzanna Basak
> 
> Michel Corsini

Firstly, I took care of the stables. Cleaning it all up took less than two hours because, luckily, one the cadets, Sasha Blouse, was tasked with the same thing as me. I grabbed a bucket, a brush, a dust rag and, putting the captain's basket of clothes under my arm, I made my way to the cadets' common room.  
  
It was a total mess, the volume of their voices was far too loud for me to handle. I guess it was the same every six months... I decided it wasn't a good time to try and clean the room so, I left as fast as I got there. _Fuck.... actually having to clean these guy's shit... No one deserves a fate like that...  
  
\- _Lieutenant? - I heard a voice calling me. Turning around, my eyes met Jaegers'.  
  
\- What is it, cadet? I don't have time to slack off, follow me. - I kept walking and his footsteps matched mine, following.  
  
\- I just wanted to thank you for giving us instructions on how to do the reports.  
  
\- I don't want to have to read shit like that again. I heard you and Jean were at eachother's throats. What happened? - I approached the tank that we had in the courtyard and dumped the dirtied clothes inside. - And, since you're here, make yourself useful and pass me the soap. - _Damn you, Levi...  
  
-_ Well, it was about something stupid... It doesn't really matter now.  
  
\- No one hits a comrad for stupid things, cadet. - I started lathering up the captain's white shirt with the blue bar of unscented soap.  
  
\- He... commented on another cadet. - I smiled and let out a soft chuckle.  
  
\- Oh... Jaeger, I thought it was something serious. Was it about Ackerman? - I glanced at him and thought I saw him slightly blush. - I think I've got my answer...  
  
\- No, lieutenant, it's not-  
  
\- Listen, Jaeger, I really don't care about what you cadets do with eachother. I have more important things to worry about. - I dunk the shirt in the cold water and let it rest on the tank's brim. - Just don't let it affect your training performance and concentration on the field. People have died by far less.  
  
\- Yesterday was the anniversary... when Wall Maria was lost... - he mumbled.  
  
\- Don't you have anything to do? - I interrupted his musing - Because, if you need something to occupy your idle hands with, I'll find something for you to do. Just get lost, cadet. - he nodded and left me alone. I had been there during his trial and Erwin had told me a bit about the boy. It mustn't have been easy for someone so young. Finally, I finished washing all the clothes so I pinned them to que hanging rope and left them out to dry.  
  
I had to talk to the others in my current squad. It must have left a pretty bad impression, me shouting at them and disobeying the captain out of the blue.  
  
I went to the officials' common room, where they usually hung out and walked towards their table. Eld gave me a distrustful look and the others gave me side stares.  
  
\- Listen, I came to apologize for what happened earlier.  
  
\- You have some explaining to do, (Y/n). - the blond man spat. I sat on one of the chairs and told them what had happened.  
  


\---------------------------------

  
\- Hm... still, that was very unlike you, Krieger - Gunther concluded. - You're always pretty composed and you blow up for something like this?  
  
\- Well... I don't know.... - _yeah.... he's right, that doens't sound like me. The lack of sleep is probably starting to seriously affect me, or what?..._ \- Well, yeah, that's that. It was wrong of me to do it. But it's not going to happen again.  
  
\- And, to make up for her insolence, she's going to clean all of your rooms. - it was Levi's voice. I turned to look at him.  
  
\- I am? - his cold stare made me shiver. - I am... For how long...?  
  
\- Until I tell you to stop. - _Is he for real...? You have to be fucking with me... fuck this._ \- Oh, and I passed by my clothes on the way here and it's not clean.  
  
\- It's not? Yes it is! I washed it just now!  
  
\- I want the shitty clothes washed. I don't want to repeat myself. Go. - he made a gesture with his head for me to stand up and get a move on. I walked out and went outside, to where the shirts were hanging, perfectly clean.  
  
 _Well fuck, this IS clean! Again then..._ I scrubbed everything again until I was more than sure that it was absolutely spotless. Afterwards, the rooms of my teammates. I started with Petra's since she was one of the cleanest there.   
  
It didn't take me long to finish her room but the others were far more dificult. I left Oluo's to be the last. _Why does he have to have that weird colection of bugs...?_ I tried maintaining myself as far away from those jars but the calm waving of the tapeworms distracted me and for several times I had to stop what I was doing to calm my stomach.  
  
I had to control myself not to throw those disgusting creatures out of the window. I sighed in relief when I was finally done. The last thing to do was clean the cadets' common room.  
  
I'd skipped dinner to finish everything I had to do but also because I'd lost my appetite from being stuck in the same room as those demons for more than an hour. I entered the empty room and started to organize things and scrubbing the floor.  
  
\- Lieutenant, what are you doing...? - _No... not now...  
  
\- _Cleaning, what does it look like I'm doing, cadet? - it was Kirstein. - Are you offering to help?  
  
\- Well... I might as well do something. - he grabbed the dust rag and starting cleaning the tabletops.  
  
\- I heard something, cadet... Something about a comment on a... fellow female cadet...  
  
\- What?... Fucking Jaeger...  
  
\- Language, Kirstein - I chuckled softly - You guys... you really have nothing else to do. When I was your age... - I sighed.  
  
\- When you were our age, lieutenant? You're not that old, you're like what... 2 years older than us?  
  
\- 8 years.  
  
\- Wow... you do not look that old.  
  
\- Oy, are you by any chance implying that I'm old? - I gave a cold tone to my voice, making it sound stern.  
  
\- No, no, I apologize, mam. - I couldn't hold my laughter.  
  
\- It's so easy to scare you.... I was just playing. But yes, I'm 8 years older than you. A word of advice, Jean. - he stopped cleaning and turned to face me. - You're better off forgetting about cadet Ackerman.  
  
He blushed violently and turned his face to the table, where the piece of cloth was sitting, resuming his cleaning and remaining silent until I'd finished the floor.  
  
\- Well! - I jumped to my feet, smiling at the sight of all done. - Since you were so kind as to help me, come on, I'll pay you a beer at the bar.  
  
\- Really? Nice! - he smiled back. I imagined the cadets were already here, at least the more 'party oriented' ones. We went to a tavern close to HQ that was used almost exclusively by the Corps' personnel and I asked for something mild for Kirstein. I didn't want him to pass out on floor on my watch.  
  
\- (Y/n)! - called Gunther, mug hanging on his hand. - My room was amazing! You really aced the cleaning!  
  
\- I agree! - Eld toasted to my cleaning skills. - You should do it everyday!  
  
\- I'm probably going to.... - I mumbled, sinking further into the chair. As soon as I'd stopped moving, sleep started taking over me and I bid them goodnight, returning to the maing building. During the afternoon and evening, it had been very sunny so, when I checked on the corporal's clothes, they were already dry. I folded it, and carried it in the basket.

\----------------------------------  


\- Captain? - I knocked on the office door.

\- What is it at this hour?

\- I have your clothes here. - he was sitting at his desk, hunched over some maps and scribbled notes.

\- Take it to my room. - he threw a key at my feet. I nodded, picking it up and left without another word. I didn't want to risk pissing him off even more.

The room was as I'd expected it to be: clean, organized, nothing unnecessary on sight. A faint smell of pine swirled in the air, coming from a small flask and I noticed that that particular kind of leaves only occurred in the pinetrees from outside the Walls. I placed the folded clothes on a chair and locked the door behind me.

I yawned, tired from the long day I'd had but I still managed to rag myself through the hallway since I still had things to deal with. Hange had been very lenient with me ever since we got back from the mission, even though I still wanted to do research with her, I also needed time to cope with the loss of my whole squad. But now, more than a week after, I needed to get back to work.

\- Captain, the key. - I passed it to him when our paths crossed on the way to Erwin's office. The same perfume touched my nostrils and I felt a slight shiver. _Fuck, it smells really nice... Okay, calm down, it's just perfume... -_ Erwin...? - I knocked on the door and opened it slowily, entering the empty room.

My 3-D maneuver gear was still on the table and I wrote a small note stating that I was going to take the motor to clean it and check it anything else was broken but that I'd leave the cables there in case anyone wanted to examin them some more. After unlocking the mechanism, I unravelled them and left them on the table, in small coils, taking the rest with me to the repair room.

The room where the cadets had their equipments stored was the repair room. It was wide and had a series of tables with hooks and chains and all sorts of tools one might need to assemble and disassemble motors like those. I placed my on one of those tables and began to unscrew everything methodically. I thoroughly cleaned and replaced some parts that were at the end of their use span. Lastly, I hooked new cables, assembling everything again.

I yawned once more, leaning on the table. A wave of pain passed through me and I clenched my temples, massaging them. The nightmares were starting to leave marks. Furrowing my brow, I picked up the equipment and left, walking towards my room. I had to do something to help with the sleep deprivation side effects. Putting down the motor, I stopped in front of Hange's office, knocking.

\- Oy, Hange, you have a sec?

 

\- (Y/n)!!!!! Of course! - she yelled, smiling. Another officer was sitting on a chair with a bored expression, secretely grateful that I'd interrupted them. - I was just telling him what we found out with Sonny and Bean!

\- I need to speak to you, outside. - I pulled her out of the room, leaving but a small slit of the door open. - I need something to sleep.

\- Like a.... bed?

\- No, no... Something like a plant or whatever that can help me sleep a full night.

\- Hm... let me see... - she went to a cupboard overflowing with small jars, picking a handfull of them and talking to herself until she found the right one. - Here - she gave me one of the flasks - chew on one of these roots before you do go sleep. Don't abuse it, if you start getting an addiction to this, you won't sleep without it again.

\- I won't, thank you! - I darted out of there, carrying the glass container and the equipement with me before she could pull me into a four hour long debate. As I reached my room, I let the motor rest on a chair. The metal holsters stood on the floor, next to it and I slowly loosened the leather straps.

I undressed, contorting my muscles to stretch them before entering the bathroom and looking at my new bruises. On the middle of my back, I could see the purple and yellow stain already fully formed and, when my fingers gently brushed the skin, my muscles recoiled on their own. Furrowing my brow, I washed my back slowly, so I didn't feel much pain. I had an ointment that Hange made for me specifically for this sort of things, since I bruised myself so easily.

  
While I washed my hair, the memory of the pine scent came to mind and I sighed. _Really...? You only noticed that Levi smells nice after 5 years? Honestly, (Y/n)... what a disgrace._ It was most likely a side effect of the insomnia I was having. It was leaving me very sensitive to everything. I've never had them for such a long stretch of time in a row, usually just one or two days after a rough mission but now... it was beginning to extend a bit too much. _That ends today. Finally, I'll get some rest..._ I closed the faucet and rolled myself with the towel, gently drying my body and tying my wet hair with some string.  
  
As I was organizing everything, I chewed on one of the roots from the flask. It wasn't too bad, it had a neutral taste with a dirt undertone and the texture was that of a cooked potato. Finally, I could go to bed.  
  
I pulled up the covers over my neck and closed my eyes, yawning one final time.

\---------------------------------

I woke up in a panic. _What's going on?! What is it?! Are we under attack? Why is m heart racing?!_. I was out of breath and I felt nauseous. I didn't even remember if I'd dreamt or not but I only had time to get up and run to the bathroom before I threw up the little food that I still had in my stomach. I slowly raised myself and gargled a bit of water, to get that acid taste off my mouth and stood there for a minute.

_That fucking root... fuck..._ I felt dizzy and sat on the bed, resting my head between my legs. I was paying for the fact that I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. I started shaking and covered my back and shoulders with the blanket, leaving my room and walking in the dark towards the kitchen.

It wasn't completely dark, there were small rectangles of light where the faint moonlight entered the windows. The stone dispersed these rays and their glow reduced the darkness.

With a hand resting on the wall, I made my way barefoot on the cold stoney floor as fast as I could. I felt myself fading and, if I didn't eat anything soon, I'd probably pass out. Not even the light that escaped the keywhole of Levi's room's door stopped me this time. As I arrived in the kitchen, I grabbed a small piece of bread and chewed slowly, throwing it up immediately.

My spasm made me lose balance and I fell onto the pot holders, scattering the metal containers all over the floor, making a ton of noise. I tried to make some tea, boiling the water over the fire. Whilst that was warming up, I cleaned my mess and sat on a small stoll, shaking, tightening my grip on the blanket. I heard footsteps and my eyes darted at the entrance.

\- Ca-captain...? - I stuttered, from shaking so much, recognising the figure standing there.

\- What shitty noise was this? - he asked, in a calm tone.

\- Oh... I.. stumbled on the pot rack... nothing special... - I started feeling nauseous again and glance nervously at the boiling water. _Was the sound so loud that he wanted to check?_ His room was the closest to the kitchen but still, it wasn't right besides it. _I hope I didn't wake up anyone..._ \- Sorry to have bothered you, captain... - he ignored me and walked towards the boiling water, taking it off the stove. When he took two mugs and two tea strainers, I got up and slowly stepped towards him. - I can do that, you don't have to, captain.

He gave me a side stare and poured the water on the cups, submerging the strainer in them.

\- Go to sleep, (Y/n), you look like shit. - he vanished in the hallway with one of the mugs. _Well, did you have to say that...? since when do I care what he thinks? I'm probably just tired..._ after sipping some tea, I felt the heat returning to my body and warm me up. I stopped shaking and started walking towars my room again, stopping at his door.

_He did make tea for me as well... should I thank him?_ I knocked before I gave it a second thought and he opened it, the light coming from the inside blinding me. - What is it? - he asked.

\- I just wanted to thank you, captain. - I smiled softly. My gaze, however was met with his usual cold expression.

\- Don't think too much of it. I'll see you later. - he closed the door on my face. _Clearly, it was a mistake._ I entered my room and got into bed again, closing my eyes.  


\---------------------------------  


  
\- Oy, Hange! - I called her during breakfast.

\- Yeah?

\- Those roots you gave me fucking sucked...

\- They didn't work?

\- They only made me feel worse. - she shrugged.

\- I only have that for sleeping troubles. - she said. I sighed, _well, I guess I'll have to deal with this alone._ \- Also, Erwin told me he wanted to see you in his office.

\- Now?

\- Yep. - I walked towards his office and knocked.

\- Erwin?

\- Come in, lieutenant. - he was doing some paperwork and didn't bother looking up at me.

\- So, you wanted to see me?

\- Yes, I've decided to send you to the camp with the cadets.

\- Does it really have to be me? I'm kind of occupied with my new squad.

\- You - he looked up, piercing me with his gaze - should be sucking up to me after what you did yesterday. - _Oh... yeah... how could I have forgotten so soon... -_ You're lucky it's not something worse. Everything's been taken care of, just take them there, you know the drill.

\- I don't know what could be worse... - I mumbled - and I don't want to find out. Understood, commander, I'll see you in a week.

\- Dismissed. - I made my way to he courtyard, where the cadets where already lined up, not knowing what would happen.

\- Good morning, cadets! - I yelled, pacing back and forth in front of the formation. - I hope you slept well because the exercise we're about to begin will last for a week and it's not going to be easy. You can go collect your bags and equipment at the repair room. Someone should be there to give your those things. Meet me at the stables after that. - they scattered and I went to my own room to get my things. During the next five days, I had to supervise a recon and hunt exercise on a marked area. _A shitty job, basically._ I was about half a day away on horse.

When I got to the stables, some cadets where already there, waiting for more orders.

\- Lieutenant, where are we going? - Krista asked.

\- Open your bag and look at the map, Lenz. - I answered roughly. I couldn't carry them forever, how was I still getting asked these kinds of questions? - Hurry up and pick a horse. This is, if you want to get there before it's dark, I don't really care... - I commented, nonchalantly. I heard them rushing  behind me as I walked towards the back stall, where a black and brown horse I usually rode was waiting for me. He huffed softly when I gave him a pat on the neck. I saddled him up and took him outside, near the the wagon where all the bags and provisions would be transported.

When everyone was set to go, I started the drill, explaining the distributions that we'd use durint the trip. The main one was the one that Erwin used to do: disperse, with flares. I was on the front on starting formation, with the other cadets forming a V behind me, keeping the cart in the middle. We started in a comfortable speed, so the horses wouldn't get tired right away and I gave the task of documenting the trip to two cadets. Arlert and Lenz. The boy rode next to me and I sent her to the back of the formation to have a wider point of view.

\- So, Arlert, why did you join the Corps? - I asked casually.

\- Oh, well.... - he was taken by surprise by my question - It was because... because I wanted to help protecting other people.

\- Let's hope you succeed. - we continued in silnce for a couple of hours until we where about half way. I signalled them to start dispersing, adoption Erwin's formation for recon. I guided it with the help of green flares, galloping throught the  grassland. It wasn't long before the moutains next to the canyon where we were going started appearing on the horizon.

I shot the thirt green flare, moving to the left and signalled to start recoiling the formation until it was back at the original one.

\- Ok, cadets! - I yelled so that everyone could hear me. - Canter! - we began to slow down and eventually reached a comfortable pace. - The camp site is just up ahead. - Looking at the sun's position, I could vaguely tell that we still had a couple of hours to set up everything.

We stopped and each one grabbed their bags, after securing the horses on a makeshift fence that the previous group and I had left mounted. They scattered throughout the clearing, exploring a bit of the terrain.

\- You're going to be separated into groups do to chores here. - I yelled, calling them to where I was. - I'll explain after. Jaeger, Arlert, Ymir, Reiner, Springer and Sasha, you guys sent up camp and take care of the tents, including mine. - I handed it over to the short blond boy - here. Ackerman, Lenz, Kirstein, Hoover, Basak, Corsini, make two campfires on the center of the campsite and take care of dinner. - a few of them started complaining but it only took a stiff glance from me to create silence. - Lenz, Arlert, come here.

\- Now, lieutenant? - the boy asked.

\- Yes, you'll get to work after. - they came closer. - I want your notes about the trip after dinner.

\- Yes, mam. - they nodded.

\- Another thing, call Jaeger and Ackerman for me, will you? - I dismissed them and, after a few minutes, the other two approached me.

\- Here, mam.

\- I decided to nominate you commanders of your respective groups. Throughout these five days, you're going to map the area and mark the advantage points of the region.

\- Permission to speak, lieutenant. - Mikasa asked.

\- Granted.

\- If we have maps already, what's the point in mapping the area again?

\- Good question. Outside, as you can imagine, our knowledge of the existing terrain is sparse. Even though the expeditions are frequent, most maps have many mistakes that, if unnoticed and corrected, could be fatal. The maps we gave you have mistakes on purpose. Some are easy to recognise, some... not so much. You have three days to correct them and memorize them. Two other activities will depend on how much you know about the terrain and on your use of it. Do this mapping exercise however you want to; go separately, all together, it doesn't matter. Just do that shit properly. Also, I want the major roads, attack points and, most importantly, places where you cannot use 3-D gear. At the end of each day, I expect a report of events. Dismissed.

\- Lieutenant, but Armin and Krista aren't already doing that? Why do you want us to write reports as well? - asked Jaeger.

\- Don't speak out of term, cadet. - I said, in a firm tone. - We may be out of the HQ but we're not on vacation.

\- I apologize, 'mam.

\- Anyway - I sighed - Arlert's and Lenz's notes are separate things from yours'. Just do the fucking reports and that's the end of it. Dismissed.

\- Right. - they nodded, resuming the tasks I'd assigned them. Basak came to ask if they could fish to have something more substancial for dinner and, since there was a creak near by, I allowed it.

Pacing silently through the three border around our camp, I kept a watchefull eye for wild animals and other dangers. Everything seemed to be in order, so far, so I surrendered myself to my thoughts for a moment. During the last couple of years, I'd been coming to this exact site with the new cadets. In five days I connected to them, learned more about their personalities, their fears and just got along with them much more than I'd ever do, had we stayed in the main building for the entirety of their training.

But it just took two hours outside of the walls, outside of our safe zone, for more than half to die. I couldn't get used to that. I should; but it still left a small empty place in my chest. The year before, I'd been promoted to lieutenant due to my high kill count and my ability to devise strategies under pressure. Erwin was mostly responsible for the last one, since he helped me train the planning aspect of missions.

He assigned me my first squad: four people. Four people who accompanied me for a whole year wherever I went. The bonds I made with them where gone just like that; in seconds; because of a mistake on a fucking map.

Making friends and even getting into more intimate relations was a double ended sword, as I've had many occasions to notice. Humans join eachother almost involuntarily and, being in the Survey Corps, those friendships are constantly hanging by a thread. I tried not to think of them, knowing that it was always going to be like this. Some live, some die and new ones would always come in to fill their shoes but it was hard.

It was fucking hard being the only one who'd survived and they where still too young to be dead. The look their families gave me when I had to tell them haunted me, engraived on the back of my mind. Maybe that was why I still had those nightmares... I blamed myself for not noticing earlier. _I should've been more observant._

__I'd asked Erwin not to assign me another squadron  for the time being. I couldn't bear to feel that failure burning my chest again and weight on my body. I knew it was childish and selfish of me and he knew it as well but he also knew how it was to feel what I was feeling; losing the first team and how it hurt. As a personal favour, I guess, he postponed the assignment. Also, maybe because of Levi's invitation to his own team.

I had to talk to the commander about it. It was my duty towards humanity to sacrifice everything, even my sanity. Atleast to honor those who had already died for it. If that meant I'd lead a smaller group when my current team wasn't needed, and eventually dig their graves' as well, the be it.

\- Lieutenant? - it was Kirstein. - Dinner is almost ready. We're about to discuss the plans for tomorrow.

\- Very well. So what? - I spat, suddenly pulled out of my thoughts. He didn't sound intimidated with my tone. Well, it would be hard to, since he towered about 20cms over my head. - I don't need to hear your plan. But - I sighed - if you insist.

We walked towards the blazing firepits, where the other cadets were already talking and scribbling on their maps. The scent of roasted fish filled my nostrils and a medium size pot rested of the fire, hanging from the harness. The two pits burned slowly, waving with the breeze. The pot probably had stew of something.

\- So, what you planning on doing tomorrow? Ackerman? - I sat by the others.

\- We were thinking about starting with them main roads and go from there. The plan was to meet Eren's group near here - she showed me a small hill in the central region of the map. It reminded me of something.

\- Hm, sounds like a plan. Take the flares in case you run into any trouble. I forgot something very important: you need to set the traps around the camp. After you eat, do that. Jaeger, your plan?

\- We're going to sweep the whole region to correct some of the major mistakes. After that, it's what Mikasa said. - the stew was done. We started serving ourselves. _This is pretty good... I wish I could cook like this, damn._

__\- I must confess, whoever did this know what they're doing - I mentioned, watching the cadets' lips curled into smiles at my unexpected compliment. - I'm going to divide you into smaller groups for future purposes. Alpha Team: Jaeger, Kirstein and Ackerman. Beta: Arlert, Reiner and Corsini. Charlie: Ymir, Blouse and Lenz. Delta: Hoover, Basak and Springer. Alpha takes the first watch. Switch every hour and a half. Last to wake up comes to me in the end. I'll finish the night. You can change the order if you want between groups, I don't care, but set some kind of order. In two hours, I want lights out, goodnight. - they said goodbye and I entered my tent.

It was the same style as the cadets' but my name was sewn on the entrance. Usually, after you graduated from cadet, you sew your own identification to your tent, bags, etc, in case something happened and you ended up unrecognisable. I loosened the straps of my gear and stored them in a corner, next to the motor and metal holsters, stepping outside to catch a bit of the night air.

I sat by one of the fires, away from the cadets, with eyes half closed, and waited for Armin and Krista to give me their reports, leaning against a log to read them. Little by little, the people started to wander off to their tents and the air fell quieter. After the two hours had passed, only Kirstein, Springer, Ackerman, Arlert and Jaeger where left, talking.

I gave them a glance from where I was and felt a slight sting in my chest, that I tried to supress. A nostalgic feeling took over me as I was reminded of the fact that it was my squad and I's task to take the cadets here and that just six months earlier, I'd been here with them for the second time but the first time as a team. Lee, Sanchez, Kayla and Jake... They always wanted to talk until the small hours and then complained that they were tired the next morning. I used to laugh at this.

Looking at the cadets now reminded me so much of them, of those moments, unworried of what happened beyond the walls and, at that time, I could almost do the same and forgot how it really was out there. _It was my fault. I can't let that happen again._

_-_ Oy, what did I say? Lights out, come on - I walked over to them. - Arlert and Springer where the first to leave to their tents, leaving us there. - You three, pick a good spot for the watch and split up to cover a large area but not too much that you can't help eachother in case you need to. That is my tent - I pointed - If shit goes south, wake me up. Remember, these exercises are meant to build trust so you both, Jaeger and Kirstein, if I even dream that there problems, you'll see what suffering trully is. - I threatened. - Good night, kids. - I raised my hand in a goodbye gesture, my back already facing them. Without noticing, a small smile hanged on my lips. _I used to say this to them... Lee and Jake... always at eachother's throats.._ I walked towards my tent. - If you want to switch, talk to the others.

There wasn't any point in putting on pijamas, so I just took off the coat and the shoes before I laid down. I nestled on the sleeping bag, reading the notes Erwin had left on the wagon for me to take. It talked about what needed to be done on the following days. Eventually I was lulled to sleep by the wind rocking the top of my tent.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning* Swearing, probably violence, those things *Warning*
> 
> new OCs in this chapter:  
> Ronald Aberdeen, Jack Strauss, Jake Lee, Kayla O'Connor, Marla Sanchez, Jake Logan, Brandon Holt, Ray, Frederik (Fred) Krieger
> 
> Also, I realise the way I used to write diferent things may be confusing to most people, so I'll just use the regular " " to refer to character speech, italic for inner monologue and centered text for flashbacks. I'll probably go back to the other chapters and fix this as well. Enjoy!

I woke up slowly, with just a slight tremor on my hands. Finally, the shock of those horrible deaths was wearing out. Either that, or being in a location as peaceful as the clearing made the good memories I had from my previous squad resurface and calm me. Either way, I felt more rested than I'd felt on any of the previous nights.  
  
Since no one had come to wake me up, I assumed that only a short time span had passed. I put on my boots, strapped the harness and draped the small brown jacket over my shoulders before fulling putting it on, attaching the 3-D gear to the harness after that. If I wasn't going to sleep anymore that night, atleast I wasn't going to be idle. I left the tent and looked around, towards the tree line that circled the camp and saw a faint metallic sheen coming from one of the trees. I walked towards it, leaning against the tree trunk.  
  
"How's the watch going, cadet?" - I didn't know which one of them it was, since the foliage obscured the outline of the person's body.  
  
"All quiet, lieutenant"- _Ah, Kirstein. "_ You woke up a bit earlier than you needed. We've just started our shift."  
  
"Did you switch with any team?"  
  
"Yes, mam. Direct switch with Delta team."  
  
"Where are Jaeger and Ackerman? They'd better not have ran off to roll around in the hay?" - I asked, putting on a fake angry tone. _They wouldn't dare try it.  
  
_ "No, no! Mikada took the west-southwest region and Eren the east-southeast."  
  
"You talk to eachother with lights signals using the swords, don't you? Nicely thought."  
  
"Thank you, mam. You can rest easy, we're more than up to the task", I heard him almost chuckle.  
  
"If you couldn't handle something so simple, then you might as well go running back to your mothers' lap", I laughed softly. "Anyways, since I'm here, I'll help you". I locked the cables higher up the trunk, and one of the top branches and lunged myself up, landing next to him. I balanced closer to the thinner edge of the thick branch. I sat, facing the forest side, inhaling the soothing night air.  
  
"May I ask a question?", Jean broke the silence.  
  
"Go ahead", _What does he want..?  
  
"_Have you haver regretted joining the Survey Corps?"  
  
"Kirstein", I smiled, "are you confessing to me that you regret joining? Because we can arrange your transfer before the week even ends!"  
  
"No, no.. It's not that! I just-"  
  
"I know what you meant, Kirstein. I was just messing with you. No, I do not regret joining. Hm.. only sometimes, when commander Erwin sends me to babysit cadets like you."  
  
"Oh...", he lowered his gaze and I couldn't help but laugh again.  
  
"Come on, cadet! I'm just joking, you guys aren't even the worst we've ever had. Now, to seriously answer your question: no. No matter how hard things might get, I believe we have a very important mission to fulfill. We don't wear the wings of freedom by accident; just one successful mission of ours can mean a huge leap for mankind in our fight against them. I'd willingly give my life for that.", _Easier said than done, (Y/n)...  
  
_ "Hm... I see...", he nodded, looking towards a pulsating light coming from one of the trees on the other side of camp, probably Eren or Mikasa. As I expected, everything was fine and they were just checking on Jean. After everything went dark again, I turned once again to the forest side, to the exposed roots of the trees that shone in the soft moonlight that came down in slim beams.

  
***  


  
"Lieutenant?"

"Hm?", I sighed.

"Can I ask another question?"

"I don't know cadet, can you? You're awfully chatty tonight, aren't you?", my remark made him turn from me and face the camp side. I smiled softly.

"I'm sorry... Nevermind then."

"What is it?"

"Well... since we got to the Corps, no one's ever seen you with a team or anything and, being you a lieutenant, we just thought it was a bit strange. Is there any reason behind it?

"There is. They died, cadet.", I kept my eyes fixated on the small puddles of light on the forest floor. There was no use in lying; sooner or later, they'd all face the death of comrads. Better to know that now than to be surprised by it on the field. "Your colleague, Jaeger, didn't tell you? He was already in the Corps when it happened."

"No... I'm sorry for having asked, mam. I didn't know.", I turned to face him with a serious gaze and my jaw clenched.

"It happens. People die. Those who aren't good enough don't survive. If you don't want to be a story others tell around the campfire, then I suggest you train harder. I'm going to check up on the other two.", I leaped from branch to branch with a tightness in my chest I couldn't shake off. Being cold and harsh in front of them was easy but, alone, I knew I was a mess inside.

My journey in the Corps wasn't an easy one; in the beginning, the sheer amount of training left me exhausted many times, to the point of not being able to stand but, everytime I thought about quitting, Nate's frightened look came back to haunt me and I knew I would never be at peace if I didn't succeed.

My first squad leader, Major Holt, was very strict and took pride in having one of the top teams in the Corps. When I was placed under his command, he was specially rough with me and I hated it, I cried every night, until I realized that it was his own way of motivating his soldiers to get better. A few years later, after having Erwin help me plan strategies and my interest in such matters, when we were trying to set up base camp outside Wall Rose, a small injury that Major Holt had dismissed cost him his life and I intervened, devising an extraction plan that worked and we managed to rescue the remaining soldiers.

That was how Erwin make me lieutenant. _Everyone around me seems to endup dying... I should be used to it by now but.. it stills hurts so much..._

 _"_ Ackerman, how are things here?", I asked, landing on athe branch she stood on.

"Nothing out of the ordinary, mam."

"Hm... Ackerman... You're not related to Lance Corporal Levi by any chance, are you?"

"Not that I know of... Did something happen for you to have come here, mam? Our hour and a half hasn't finished yet."

"Nothing, cadet. Nothing you should worry about.", I scouted the dense forest with my gaze and thought I saw something move. The air was quiet but the night sounds would easily cover up and distant sound from the distance I guessed the creature to be. I focused my stare and it looked like some animal running towards the camp. "Handle this, please.", I pointed at the large shadow that drew near at a rapid pace. She nodded and jumped, piercing the wild boar with her shiny swords before it even knew what had happened. In seconds, she was by my side once more.

"The blood doesn't evaporate...", she noticed in a bland tone, looking at her soiled blades.

"Not bad, Mikasa", a faint smile was painted on my lips when I said this, whilst looking at the moon. "I didn't expect anything else from the best cadet in the regiment. I wouldn't be surprised if Captain Levi invited you to join his team."

"I don't worry about that, mam. I'll go where Eren goes.", she secured the blades inside the metal holsters and sat down, pulling one knee up to her chest and balancing slightly the other leg.

"That devotion... could be dangerous, you know that, don't you?"

"I have to protect him. If it wasn't for me, he'd be dead by now."

"Suit yourself, cadet.", I sighed. "Don't die for a stupid reason. And clean your swords.", I jumped, attaching the cables to the trees next to hers and made way for where Jaeger was. _Strange.... a wild boar running like that at night..._ "Cadet, anything to report?", I asked the brunette, once I got close enough.

"No, mam.", he muttered, leaning against the trunk, staring into the dark forest. "It must've been hard to convince captain Levi to let me come here with just you watching over me.", he said, turning his face to meet my gaze, walking a bit closer. I smiled softly.

"I'm the one conducting the exercise, Jaeger, but I'm more than sure that he sent someone else here to watch you.", I gave him a pat on the back with enough strenght to make him almost lose his balance. "So don't go around turning into a titan, or else, I'm the one who's going to get a bad rep.", I laughed.

"Oh, right. Of course, mam!", he replied. I looked at the position of the moon and it looked like it was the right time.

"Your shift is near the end. The others probably know this already, but go tell them anyways.", I saw them exchange light signals and the boy saluted me before leaping off the branch.

 _Well, I guess it's just me now._ I looked around, searching for a better spot to do my shift and, laking one, I climbed the tree a bit higher. _Good, now I can see a bit better._ I sat, leaning against the cold tree trunk and gazed at the camp, where the once burning fires where no more than piles of smoking cinders. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment.

The sound of 3-D gear cables startled me and someone landed on my branch.

"He did well.", I said, turning to face the silhouette beside me. Levi had sent Petra to watch over the boy afterall.

"So far.", she replied, sighing. "He seems like a good person but he doesn't fully control his powers yet... Anyways, what's the plan for tomorrow?"

"Cartography. The same as every other year."

"Yeah... seems like it was only yesterday that we were here...", she smiled melancholically. "Sometimes I miss it."

"Being a naive cadet? Hardly.", I laughed.

"That as well. Right now, they have nothing to worry about. Except maybe Eren and those other two, Mikasa and Armin."

"Jaeger? He can handle himself. Don't get too attached, you know what happens."

"I know... Sometimes, I just can't help it... He's still a kid and he needs someone to look after him once in a while."

"I guess... By the way, do you want to leave your things in the camp with us?"

"No, don't mind. Captain gave me strict orders to keep my distance unless it was utterly necessary."

"Suit yourselt. Have you even eaten anything?"

"Don't worry about me, (Y/n).", she smiled. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"Are you going to accept a new squad? I've heard commander Erwin wanted to assign you one for when the Special Ops Team wasn't needed."

"Are you serious?", I felt my stomach turn just remembering what had happened to the previous one. "I... I don't know..."

"It could be just rumours. Some people think you're not suited to lead a team after what happened. And that you shouldn't even be a lieutenant."

"I know...", I sighed. Silence shrouded us both for a few minutes. "Listen, I... I don't think I've ever told you this but, when Major Holt had the accident, I'm really sorry I yelled at you and disobeyed your orders."

"Eh, don't give it much thought. Everything turned out alright in the end."

"Still, Petra. I didn't follow the rules and I put us in danger."

"We managed to bring back Rose and Jane. It was a tough call; trying to guess now what would've happened is useless.", I sat a bit closer to her and my head fell to meet her shoulder, resting on it. "Well, someone is a bit feely today, (Y/n). Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I am... It's just that... coming back here.... reminds me of them.", I whispered, my voice refusing to sound any louder. How vulnerable could I be in front of her? _I can't... I don't have that luxury._ I sat up straight and got up, right arm pressing on the trunk.

"Oh... Are you really sure? You've been acting weird lately."

"No, everything's fine, Petra.", now wasn't the time to show weakness. In fact, it never was.

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Of course I do. I'm just a bit tired and that makes my mood drop a bit."

"I was starting to get worried.", she smiled. "You're always so cold."

"Hey!! I'm not cold! I'm a cute fluffy person!", I laughed. "Seriously now, feelings aren't for people like us, who dwell outside of the walls."

"I don't agree. Thinking about my family has helped me a lot when I was outside.", she lied down, lacing hers fingers behind her head.

"I guess it depends on the people then...", my family was long dead. They'd died during the attack on Wall Maria and I didn't have anymore relatives that I knew of. If my parents knew I'd join the Corps, they'd probably collapse.

Being a religious man, my father had strongly opposed my joining the military forces since they 'soiled' the divine walls. When I decided to choose the Garrison instead of the Military Police, he stopped talking to me and never looked me in the eyes, it was as if I'd become a stranger in the family and he had no qualms about kicking me out of the house. My brother, Fred, did the same thing.

My mother, despite being a bit disappointed, took it rather well after I explained my reasons. The whole corrupted schemes behind the police had made me turn away from that branch. I'd be lying if I said that, at the time of choosing, I'd left the area in front of the Survey Corps' recruiting stage out of fear of the outside. _Ironic, isn't it? Years later and here you are (Y/n), wanting to spend more time out than in._

And so, I arrived at the Garrison. Our district was commanded by captain Ronald Aberdeen and the front section, where I was stationed, was supervised by captain Jack Strauss. I'd heard about commander Pixis from Wall Rose and, after a couple of lectures he gave us and the stories I'd heard from him, one of my goals was to be promoted so I could work in close proximity to him. It wasn't hard to get Captain Strauss to notice me; after all, from the top 10 in my trainnee's squad, I was one of the only people to join the Garrison.

Because of this, when the three best new recruits were selected to enter the Wall Games, Nate, Ray and I, were chosen to go. Nate and Ray weren't from my team although they were from the front section like me. At the time, Ray was my best friend there, despite being the closed off person she was. Another 9 recruits came from the other three districts and we competed to see who was going to represent Wall Maria at the Games. During the 100 years of peace, the captains of the Garrison decided to organise these games, to keep a healthy level of competition between the three walls and to give some sort of entertainment to the commoners who didn't get leisure time.

The winners got to spend a whole month inside Wall Sina, under the supervision of the Garrison commander (Pixis, as of a few years back) and got a bonus that equaled about two months of a regular soldier's salary. That year, our team won and that's when Nate and I started talking.

"It's almost dawn...", muttered Petra, looking at the now pinkish orange sky.

"True.", I sighed; lately, I seemed to do that a lot. "Jaeger's group is sweeping the north flank, I'm assuming you'll check on them, right?"

"Exactly. I'd better get going before the wake up. I'll see you later.", she smiled and jumped towards the trees. I got down from where I was and walked through the tents until I reached the wagon, near the center of the camp. I hit the metal holsters I was carrying with the crosspiece of the swords, making a sharp and high pitched metal sound.

"Wake up, kids!", I shouted, sitting while I was waiting for them. The first ones to leave their tents were Sasha (she was propably hungry already) and Armin. They saluted me. "Good morning, cadets."

"Morning, mam!"

"The others? Still asleep?"

"Probably, mam!"

"Well then, wake them up!", they rushed to get everyone and I took the oportunity to go to my tent, taking a corrected map of the region and starting to trace the areas each team would guard during the hunting exercise.

The goal was to hunt a wild boar. Apparently, it had monstrous proportions and, just a few weeks earlier, it had attacked a bunch of hunters. We always had an exercise of the sort, to help the villages nearby. The year before, we had to restore houses; this year, the hunt.

According to the reports, it's territory extended throughout the most of our designated area, therefore, I intended to divide it in sectors, that the various teams, Alpha to Delta would sweep through until they found the animal. After what I'd seen from Mikasa, I had no doubts that they could do this on their own but, just in case it was necessary, I'd step in. Walking back to the wagon, I check to make sure everyone was there and awaiting orders.

"Very well, now that you're all here, eat, gear up and do what you have to do. And take the fucking signal flares.", I spat, scribbling the map I was holding. Every.single.year. some idiot forgot to take them and got lost or something and then it was hell to find them.

"Right.", they nodded.

"Jaeger, Ackerman, Lenz, Arlert, I want those reports at sundown, got it?"

"Yes, mam!"

"Lieutenant?", Kirstein called me, before he went to get some food.

"What?"

"You're not coming with us?"

"Someone needs to look after the encampment. What? Are you affraid to go alone with your teammates, Jean? You can stay here with me if you want, I could use having an errand boy with here."

"Ham... no... I.. I'd better get going, mam", he babbled a bit.

"Go on, disappear from my sight.", I rolled my eyes. Soon after, they'd already eaten and left to start the morning work. _Peace, at last._ I went to give food to my horse and slowly brushed him, leaning my head against its side to hear the calm breathing. I stroke his neck and he neighed, looking at me. "We've been through a lot, you and me. But you're just a horse, it's not like you understand...", I stepped away.

After cleaning my equipment, I got back to the maps, finishing the terrain division. I still had to plan the last activity: the flag game. For that, Erwin had sent a bow with special material, more specifically paint and wooden replacements for their swords. I'd only worry about it closer to the end of our stay but I had to think of the team placement for the match.

Grabbing a bit of stiff bread, I nibbled on it slowly, while I mapped out the possibilities. Colored smoke caught my attention and I got up, looking more carefully at it. _Red flare... flares?... those kids, ugh._ I dropped the maps and mounted the horse without a proper saddle, moving swiftly throught the trees until I reached the plains that stood between the forest and the entrance to a canyon.

"What happened?", I asked, jumping of the horse and walking rapidly towards the cadets.

"Eren... he didn't attach his cables the proper way", answered Armin, in a worried tone.

"Where is he?"

"Here", a voice called me from inside the canyon. There, Petra was kneeling by the passed out kid. He had a piece of blood stained fabric by his forehead. "He just passed out. I tried to reach him on time but it was too late. We're lucky he regenerates so fast or else I don't know what would've happened."

"Hm... Still.. it's best if we take him back to the camp.", I picked him up with her help and we left towards the horses. "Ymir, you're know the lider. I want a written report on the day on my hand, after dinner. Carry on with your original plan. Where's his horse?"

"Here, mam.", Sasha gave me it's reins while chewing on something.

"Listen up, brats. That map doens't tell you what material the things are made. That", I pointed at the tall red walls that towered many meters above us "do not; I repeat DO NOT hold your weight when you're using 3-D gear.", I showed them the tips of the cables. "This cannot be secured safely there. If you ever encounter something like this out there, either double back or pray your horse is fast enough. Warn Mikasa's team when you meet. Proceed.", I strapped Eren to me after I mounted his horse and we got back to the camp.

********

"YOU IDIOT!", I yelled, slapping him when he woke up. Several hours had passed. In fact, dusk had already settled in.

"Ow, that hurt!"

"You knew that it was dangerous. Wasn't the Gama Team story enough?", I growled.

"I thought I'd found a way to get past it. I'm sorry, lieutenant."

"Sorry isn't enough, Lee!", I yelled, only noticing my mistake after. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second. "Eren, that stupid attitude of yours will be your undoing. You're not immortal or invencible, not even close.", I muttered, drawing one of my swords and grazing his neck skin with it, before he even had the chance to move. "If I wanted, you could be dead by now."

"What are you doing, (Y/n)...?", asked Petra, from behind me. I heard her moving slowly, ready to tackle me if needed.

"When this moron learns to value his own life, maybe he'll be of some use.", I walked out of the tent and sheathed my blade. "You are forbidden of participating in further activities until I decide otherwise.", there was no response. Mikasa eagerly waited outside, in hopes of seeing him.

"Eren, I-"

"No one is to see him", I interrupted her.

"Mam, I need to-"

"Be quiet, Ackerman. Go arrange dinner with the rest of your team."

"You don't understand, I-"

"Enough, Mikasa.", I held her wrist when she tried to go through me. I felt her trying to do a counter and reacted, ending up with a knee on the back, her face near the floor. "Ackerman, don't ever try shit like that again. Go to your team and tell them to start prepping dinner and I don't want to see you looming near Jaeger's tent until I allow it. No one is to see him. Are we clear?!"

"Yes... mam.", she answered, gritting her teeth while she walked away. I entered my tent, and sat, pulling the maps closer to me. Eren would stay out of the activities during the following day and after that stunt, I felt like doing the same to Mikasa. _No, I've got it._ After checking that I didn't have to change the planning, I left the tent, towards the campfires, where the cadets were talking.

"How's Eren, mam?", asked Armin, visibly worried.

"He's okay."

"Can we see him?"

"No, he's being punished."

"But why, it was an accident!", yelled the blonde boy.

"Oy....", I took a deep breath. "Well, lets go, plank."

"What...?", they stood still, looking at eachother. I was growing rather impatient.

"Let's go. I'm tired of this insolence. We aren't friends, you aren't even soldiers yet! And you think you can yell at me, your superior?!", I screamed, my voice cracking in the process. "Zero... one...", they kept going. "Who am I?!", I asked, but no one answered. Some even stopped and raised their heads to look at me. "I didn't tell you to stop, did I? I asked: who am I?!"

"Lieutenant (Y/n) Krieger, mam!", some answered.

  
"Just that?", silence took over the camp.

"No, mam. Lieutenant (Y/n) Krieger, Gamma Team leader. Responsible for Jason Lee, Kayla O'Conner, Marla Sanchez and Jake Logan, who died during the 56th expedition while crossing a wrongly mapped canyon.", my face heat up with rage as I turned to face Jaeger, who'd left his tent.

"What... are you doing here?", I asked slowly, trying to remain calm. I clenched my jaw and felt my muscles tense up. "Get back to your tent at once, cadet."

"I came to ask permition to join my colleagues in their punishment."

"Denied. Get lost, Jaeger. Don't make me drag you out of here."

"Mam, I wanted to-"

"You wanted to apologize? Keep your trap shut and get out of my way. You", I turned to the others "you can spot doing pushups now. Dare to disrespect me again. Move, Jaeger, lets go.", I walked behind him until the reached his tent. as he was starting to enter it, I called him. "What are you doing? You're not going to rest now. Come.", I took him to the edge of the camp, where one could only hear faint sounds of the conversations of the other cadets. "Stop."

"What are we doing here?"

"On the ground, now.", instinctively, he threw himself, covering his head with his hands. "You wanted to join your friends' punshiment so eagerly, so I'll give you one just for you. Zero... one-" he carried on. "Don't worry, Petra, I won't kill him."

"I'll have to report this."

"I know. Could you check if the others are doing alright?", she nodded and left. "Jaeger, have you ever seen a person dying?"

"Y-yes.", he answered between pushups.

"Did you like it? Was it fun? Do you want to see it again?"

"N-no."

"On your feet. What you did was reckless and stupid. Just testing the walls on the ground wouldn've showed you that it wasn't safe. Unnecessary deaths are a waste. Go finish your report. Tomorrow you'll stay here with me.", I got back, not worrying to check if he was coming behind me. I sat by the fires where the cadets were, gaze at the dancing flames.  


***  


  
"Lieutenant?", a soft voice pulled me out of my trance.

"Lenz, yes?"

"Here's mine and Ymir's reports.", she gave me two sheets of paper.

"Thank you, dismissed.", soon after, Mikasa and Armin gave me theirs. Jaeger eventually showed up with his as well.

"Eren, go tell Ymir that she's leading the team tomorrow", he nodded and left.

"Mam?"

"What?", I asked roughly, meeting Jean's eyes on the other side of the campfire.

"I wanted to ask your help with some technical stuff on the map."

"What's the matter?", he was going to start telling me from the other side of the fire but it was impossible for me to understand from that far away. "Sit next to me, do you think I can see to all the away there?"

"It's this area here, we where thinking that it would be good to-", he started explaining in a soft voice.

"Kirstein, you're not the leader of your team, are you?"

"No..."

"It's Mikasa. Where is she then? If you guys don't understand something there, she's the one that needs to ask me, not you. But since you're here now, I'll explain.", it wasn't anything major but I might as well tell the others. "Talk to the others about this."

"We wanted to apologize for our behaviour, mam", it was Armin. Mikasa was slightly behind him as he spoke. "Our attitude wasn't the best."

"Sorry isn't going to cut it, cadets. Defying and official on the field like that could have serious consequences. I don't want this to happen again, you hear? Specially you, Ackerman. Pull a stunt like that again.... this is your only warning. Now, about tomorrow, you know where it's safe to use your equipment and where it isn't. I'd say: test new terrain without taking too many risks.", I took Jean's map and made a few circles around some areas. "Be careful here, some wells are covered during this time of the year. Let me see your progress.", despite some mistakes, they were doing a pretty good job.

*******

  
"Did you come here on the previous years as well, lieutenant?", asked me Krista, nibbling on a potato.

"It's my.... third year as soldier. I didn't come here during my recruit year."

"Oh.... okay.", everything fell silent. The only sound was the calm cracking of the fires as the burned the logs. I laid face up on the ground, resting my head on my arm and gazing at the night sky. "Mam?"

"Yes, Lenz? Any questions?"

"No, no... it's just that... did you come here with your team as well?"

"Of course, they came here last year as soldiers and the precious as cadets."

"Do you miss them?"

"Oh, Lenz", I sighed, "you're gonna have a hard time here, being so sensitive.... missing them or not is irrelevant. Life goes on.", I avoided the question. Of course I missed them, but I couldn't let it affect me.

"Hm... I understand..."

"You better go to bed.", she saluted me and said goodbye to the others around the fire, those being Armin and Jean. The short boy left soon after.

"Kirstein, rest up, first shift is Delta."

"Mam, Gamma Team died because of wrong mapping?", he ignored me. "What sort of mistake was it?"

"The map said it was a wide mouth canyon, with walls made of dense, strong material. We got trapped and the titans surrounded us.

"How did you escape?"

"Luck... sometimes, it's the only thing one does have. Now, goodnight, Jean.", I yawned and shoo-ed him with my hand but he remained seated.

"May I ask a question?"

"Always with the fucking questions...", I raised a hand to my forehead, pressing where a headache was starting to form. "What is it now?"

"Petra... she.. do you know if she..."

"What?", I couldn't stifle a laugh. "Kirstein, are you interested in her?"

"Ahm, no.. I.."

"Look, she's a bit older than me but... are you serious, cadet?"

"She's... good looking, lieutenant, don't tell me you've never had a crush on an officer!"

"I'm going to forgive that tone, Jean, because it's late and I've had a long day. Yes, I have, but I had other things to do than fawning over someone."

"Really? Who was it?"

"Goodnight, Kirstein.", I furrowed my brow. "Unless you want to do more pushups, that is."

"Nevermind, mam. Goodnight.", he got up and disappeared inside one of the tents in a hurry. I sighed, massaging my templs and my lips curled into a slight smile. I had been like that, unworried. But after Nate, there had been no one else. I went to Jaeger's tent, where Petra was keeping watch.

"Any trouble?", I asked, sitting by her.

"No. Not yet, at least... We need to wait to see if something happens. The last time he got severely injured, he endedup turning for no reason at all.", Hange had told me the story and we were planning on finding out what had happened, since the mechanism of his transformations was still mostly unknown to us.

"We shouldn't have him sleep in the middle of the camp then, should we?"

"In theory, there isn't any problem, I think his wounds are mostly healed, so there's no danger."

"Hm...", I sighed. "I'll probably keep watch during the whole night. If you want to rest, then go ahead."

"Nah, it's fine.", she looked distractedly at the campfires that burned slowly. "I honestly never thought you'd come this far."

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"When you arrived, the majority of us thought you wouldn't last a month."

"Oh...", _Wow, the majority? I didn't know it was that much..._ "I was terrible, I know."

"You did a lot of progress-", she stopped talking when a sound came from inside the tent. "Eren, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am..", he sat up slowly, resting his forehead on this palm and furrowing his brow. "It was just a nightmare."

"How do you feel?"

"I'm okay.", Petra sighed in relief.

"Go back to sleep. I'll be here, if you need anything.", she smiled. He did the same and laid down again. I started to walk away and she accompained me for a bit.  


***  


  
"You're really getting attached to him, aren't you?", I asked, not facing her.

"He's just a kid, he needs someone to look after him.", she replied.

"It's about time he stood on his own two feet.", I snarled in a dry fashion.

"You were like him once.", her voice came out cold. "You were older when you got here and it's been five years, but I didn't think you'd forget that easily", I keep silent. "I don't approve of what you did to him. I didn't want to call you out in front of him, so I'm doing it now."

"Why? I didn't do anything wrong."

"You let your anger cloud your judgement. He didn't deserve a punishment that hard. Neither did the others.", she lowered her head. "Have we taught you nothing these years? I get why people think you should be ranked down again."

"What?...", I turned to her, not raising my voice. If she was telling me this then... there was no way I could ignore it.

"You don't have enough experience. Learn from us for a change. Stop trying to be the best at everything and just learn first. You've improved a lot since you came here but it's not enough; not when peoples' lives depend on you." _What the hell does she want then? For me to be nice? To ask help?..._

 __"Do you really think that?"

"Yes."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Isn't it obvious? You're on my team again and I want you to succeed and I want us to help people and you, being like that will throw a wrench on our machine. It's better that I tell you now than having to be the captain.", I sighed, suddenly plagued by sadness.

"Do you think that... I could've avoided what happened to Lee and the others?"

"I can't tell you that. I don't know. What's done is done. I need to get back. Think about what I've said."

"Right... You were always one of the people who pushed me the most to get better, after Holt.... I feel like I should thank you."

"Show me you've learned and I'll be happy.", she smiled, disappearing behind the tents. I'd reached the edge of the camp without even noticing. I got up on of the trees and signalled Delta team to fill me in of what was happening.  


  
*****

Hours later, Alpha team started their watch. I was sitting against the tree trunk. I didn't want to agree with Petra. No one want to admit they have flaws, or atleast, _I_ didn't. Being relatively knew and having recieved a promotion... probably inflated my ego a bit too much, that I could understand. We always endup finding excuses for our bad actions. Either way, if I wanted to keep being respected and my position, I need to grow.

"Hello, mam.", I heard Jean's voice, suddenly next to me.

"Cadet!", I almost jumped. "Hello, Kirstein."

"Everything okay? You seemed to be in a trance."

"Yes, I was thinking. Listen, I...", _swallow the pride and acknowledge mistakes, (Y/n), let's go. "_ I was too harsh on you. I'm very sorry. Have you discussed the plan for tomorrow?"

"Well,", he sat next to me "we were thinking of going all together but we realised that it would take longer to sweep the area. Is Eren really suspended from all activities?", he gazed at the dark forest behind me.

"Only for tomorrow. I need to punish such a reckless behaviour but, during the afternoon, he'll probably be free to go with you. In all seriousness, I want to make sure that he is fine before sending him out again. I can't have him turning into a titan during the exercise."

"If he did turn, what would happen?"

"Well, Petra's orders are to eliminate him if he loses control. We can't lose such an asset for a reason as stupid as this. As you probably know, the Military Police wants him as well."

"Yes, I know."

"Right. We can't afford to lose such a big advantage.", he nodded. "Where are you from, Kirstein?"

"Wall Rose, where the last attack took place."

"What about your family? Did you get to see them?"

"Yes", he breathed in relief. "they're okay, luckily, we like near the inner gate, so they were evacuated almost immediately. What about your family, mam?"

"You don't go around asking people about their families, cadet.", I joked.

"You just did that to me..!"

"I guess I'd be setting a poor example if I asked and didn't want to answer in return, right? Well, Jean... my family wasn't as lucky as you. They all died during the attack on Wall Maria. I used to live in the Shiganshina district."

"Oh, I see....", he muttered, lowering his gaze.

"It was a long time ago, shit happens", I dismissed the issue. "You can't save everyone."

"I also... couldn't save a friend... Marco.. I found him on the street, no one even knows what happened...."

"Jean,", I let my hand rest on his shoulder. "I don't know who this Marco was but you shouldn't let yourself be haunted by things like those. Learn from them, then let it go. I've seen people get mad in the Corps. It's not a pretty sight to see", I closed my hand and felt the scar breaking the evenness of the skin. _How could I ever forget..._ "No one will tell you this, it's something you learn on the field. Titans aren't the only threat we face. The enemy can also be here.", I pointed a finger to my temple.

"Jean???", a female voice called, from the ground.

"Oy..? You expecting someone, Kirstein?", I raised an eyebrow.

"No but... this voice...oh no, Suzie..", he hid his face in his palm.

"What's wrong with cadet Suzanna?"

"Jeeeean? Are you there??", the voice became more insistent.

"Well, how can I put it... she has sort of a... crush on me.", I couldn't help but laugh at his exasperated expression.

"Aren't you going to answer her? The girl is clarely trying to gain your attention."

"But.... I'm on watch duty...!", he rushed to counter. _Of course you are... But if it were Mikasa to come here, you wouldn't be busy then..._

 __"I guess you're right. Hey, Basak!", I raised my voice and her barking ceased. I attached one of my cables to the trunk and descendend to the ground, catching her while she tried to escape. "So, Suzanna, is there something you want to tell Kirstein?"

"M-me? Oh no, mam."

"You can tell, though. Being awake after hours isn't something I recommend. If you're not tired enough, I could always give you some chores to do."

"Seriously, mam, don't worry, I was just out for a-"

"Listen, cadet Basak, I know Kirstein has a manly complexion with his horse face and all..."

"You too, lieutenant?!...", we heard him yell from the branch.

"... But don't let yourself get distracted by something like that. He's on watch duty and you should be resting. Get out of my sight", I raised my hand to my forehead, smiling. _Oh, young love. Even when faced with danger, the hormones speak louder._ I climbed back up and sat facing the forest.

"Thanks, mam."

"Don't thank me. Focus on watching"

"Can I ask a question?"

"Yes...", I huffed.

"Nevermind, then..."

"Right, well Kirstein, I'm going to take a stroll and check the traps. Call me if you see anything weird."

"Will do, mam. Goodnight, lieutenant."

"Goodnight."  


  
***

I walked around the edge of the camp, checking that none of the traps had been triggered. I noticed movement in the midst of the tens, a shadow nearing the cinder that was left from the fires. I walked towards it and noticed it was Armin, who had sat next to the warmt, holding a pencil and a notebook.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will mainly be a flashback chapter. Enjoy!

"So, Arlert, having trouble sleeping?", I asked suddenly, starting him.

"Mam!", he jumped, turning to face me. "Ham... well.. I'm worried about Eren, that's all. But you said he can't have any visitors so..."

"It's just a precaution measurement. He's fine, probably asleep as we speak.", my lips curled into a faint smile. "Don't worry about that.", I murmured, silence encompassing the camp for a few moments. "You say you can't sleep? Come with me then.", I said, leaving him no choice but to obey my request. I was his superior afterall.

I told him to get his 3-D equipment before we proceeded. Afterwards, headed towards the edge of the clearing, where the line of separated the campsite from the forest and we climbed up, to where I'd been with Eren the night before, sitting on the thick tree branch.

"So tell me.. You and Eren are childhood friends?", I asked the blonde boy, not bothering to face him and watching the peaceful swaying of the leaves instead.

"Him, Mikasa and I are, mam. They used to... protected me from the bigger boys around our neighborhood."

"Hm... I understand.", I nodded. "Either way, he's fine. Luckily, his titan powers helped him survive his injuries.", I turned to Armin and smiled sincerely. It seemed to calm him down a bit.

\-----------------------BEGIN FLASHBACK------------------  
  


"Hoy, (Y/n), have you chosen which military branch you're going to join?", Amy asked, peering over the top bunkbed and looking at me with her amber eyes wide open. Her blonde hair framed her upside down face as she spoke.

"I've decided already.", Sheila answered, even though the question wasn't meant for her. She lifted her head off the pillow and looked at us.

"Soooo?", I urged her to continue.

"I'm going to join the military police.", she said, in a assertive tone.

"You don't even know if you're in the top 10...", Amy rolled her eyes, scoffing.

"Like hell I don't! Of course I am, we three have amongst the highest scores in the whole squad. Besides, I heard they where going to annouce the top 10 today, so I'll know soon enough.", she replied, rather harshly.

"Eh...", I sighed, weighing my options. "Militar police..? Nah... Survey Corps..? Fuck no... I'm honestly thinking about joining the Garrison."

"What? Those mediocre folks? (Y/n), you could do so much better than that. Come with us to the police.", Amy smiled, her face becoming flush from being almost upside down.

"No, they're all corrupt... Like you haven't heard the stories about those dorms. Besides, Wall Sina is full of priests. Ugh...", I shivered at the thought. "My father is more than enough to fulfill that role, thank you very much."

"But you joining the Garrison won't piss him off even more?", Sheila asked, laying down with her head hanging upside down off the edged of the bed.

"Whatever I do, it doesn't matter; it always pisses him off. Ever since I decided to come here, when I get home, he makes my life a living hell...", I huffed, furrowing my brow.

"But didn't your mom said she wanted you to join the police?", the blonde girl asked me.

"Well yeah but... listen, the final decision is mine; not theirs'.", I fell onto the mattress and sighed again.

"How's it gonna be when we split up?", Sheila asked absentmindedly.

"How's it gonna be what? It's not like we're _never_ gonna see eachother again. We still live all in the same district.", I remarked.

"Well, sure but, if we make it into the Military Police, we're gonna move to Wall Sina. After that, it will be hard for us to meet. Even talking will be hard.", the brunette replied, her voice turning into a whisper.

"Hm... maybe not.", Amy muttered, jumping off the top bunk and sitting at my feet on the bottom bed. "Mail exchange between army branches is farely efficient. Using that instead of the normal courriers would save us about three weeks of waiting time. According to my dad, they go through a special network of shortcuts and all that. It's very complex.", _That's right... Amy's father works at the post office that makes the Wall Rose-Maria connection..._

__"Well, anyways", I sighed, "when do we get to eat at your house again, Shei? That cake your mom made was simply too good for words."

"I don't know... with the new twins and all... the house is a tad full. Atleast it's what they said on last week's letter. But I think that stopping just to say hi won't be an issue.", she smiled. "Annaleigh really liked you guys the last time you went there."

"She's so cute!!", I smiled widely. "In fact, all of your siblings are just so adorable!..."

"Eh..", scoffed Amy. "Me and kids... we don't really get along... But Annaleigh is cute... I'll give you that. We should be heading out to the courtyard, the others are probably there already."

"Let's go, let's go!", I jumped from the bed. The commander was very strict with tardiness and no one wanted to get on his bad side. We went outside and the group of cadets was already starting to form.

"Run!", Amy barked before launching into full on running towards the amorphous mass of cadets.

"Phew..", I panted, looking at Sheila out the corner of my eye. "We made it just in time."

"Yeah."

"Attention, vermin!", the commander shouted. "During the last three years, we've been watching your progress, or lack thereof, and the moment has arrived for us to finally present you with the top 10 ranking soldiers in this squad. I'll call your names and you will form a line in front of me, understood?!"

"Yes, sir!", we replied. My heart was racing. Sure, I didn't want to go to the MP but... if I didn't rank amongst the top 10 and the girls did... well... I don't know..

"Hoy, don't worry, (Y/n).", I heard Amy whispering, elbowing my side to pull me out of my thoughts. "It's in the bag.", she smiled softly.

"Caleb Sigmund!", the commander yelled. The guy stepped foward. I'd never spoken much to him but I always saw him studying and training harder than anyone else so, it was a well deserverd victory. "Amy Tristan!", the commander called out. _What? That's awesome!_

_"_ Nice!", I smiled at her and squeezed her shoulder while she rushed to take her place in line. My eyes fell on Sheila's clenched face, as a dark aura seemed to encase her. _Well... you can't always be the best, deary,_ I laughed internally. They were my best friends and I loved them, but things like this where just too funny to let slide.

"Kara Fulton! Urkel Abner! Benjamin Herhand! Pamella Marcel! Mathias Gerard!", the mans voice successively called them. Mathias, Mat.. He used to by my hand to hand combat partner most of the times. He was a really cool guy. _Wait... seven down, and I still wasn't called? Neither Sheila..._ I looked at her and could see the nerve wreck she was, almost shaking. Discreetely, I took her hand.

"Relax, Shei.", I whispered in a soothing voice. "You're in the top 10, for sure..."

"Sonny Lennard! Sheila Herb!", a toothy smile appeared on her face and she almost skipped happily towards the front of the formation. I sighed. _Maybe I'm not as good as I thought afterall..._ "(Y/n) Krieger!" _What?! Yes! I made it!_

__I walked until I'd joined and completed the line and, as I arrived, Sheila nudged me, a large smile embelishing her features.

"I knew we'd all make it", she muttered, barely moving her mouth.

"Barely, but I guess....", I replied.

"You have the honor of being the new recruits of the Military Police Corps, should you choose. The cerimony will be held after dinner, dismissed.", the commander finished and walked away. Amy came to meet up with us.

"We're all here, how awesome is that!", she hopped, visibly excited.

"I told you so...", Sheila added.

"Yeah, you also said you'd rank higher than me, pfff", the blonde girl laughed. I couldn't avoid doing the same and not long after, we where all chuckling about the argument.

"So you guys really are going to join the police...", I smiled, happy for them.

"You should come too (Y/n), seriously", Shei said.

"I'll decide tonight...", I ended up replying.

"Bleh, Garrison...", the brunette rolled her eyes. "Hey, wait a sec... Taryn and Careen weren't called...", I soon realised the same.

"Yeah... they weren't.", I mused. "And they wanted to join the police... now what.?"

"Now; we improvise. We had our backup plans, (Y/n)", a voice behind me answered. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Taryn!", I almost jumped. "So... what are you gonna pick?"

"Survey Corps."

"What?! Are you even serious?", Amy half yelled, looking like she'd seen a ghost. "You wanted to go to the police and now you choose the excat opposite?"

"I wanted the police because I didn't want to worry my mom but... I've always wanted to go outside. Outside the walls.", he answered.

"Oh, how poetic...", Shei muttered mockingly. "Amy here will miss you oh so very much, won't you?", she nudged the blonde.

"What'?! Yeah, but not in that way! You bitch!", she yelled. Taryn started chuckling softly. Everyone knew about Amy's crush on him, even though she didn't openly admit it. She ended up chasing Sheila around, trying to strangle her, while Taryn happily chirped behind them.

"Congrats for making the top 10", a voice said softly. It was Mathias. I'd sat on the doorstep of one of the cabins, thinking about what I was going to do.

"Yeah, you too.", I smiled. He sat by my side, looking at the dusking sky, now orange.

"You don't know what you're gonna pick either?", he broke the silence.

"Eh... I've got a pretty good idea. Why? Don't you?", I asked.

"Not really, no... I wasn't even expecting reaching the top 10....", he replied, in a trance.

"Oh please, don't bullshit me, Mat. Judging by our fights, I was almost certain you'd take a spot up there. Why don't you join the police then?"

"I... I know this is a stupid reason but.. I didn't want to leave my sisters alone here and I can't take them with me if I move to Wall Sina", he answered.

"Oh... so.. the Survey Corps is out of the question as well then... You're left with the Garrison.", I concluded.

"Looks like it."

"Wait, who takes care of your sisters while you're here then?"

"My grandma... But she's old and I don't want to burden her with more work. She's done more than enough for us.", he smiled. "Well, I guess I'll go pack up, see you later, (Y/n)!", he got up and entered one of the cabins. _I didn't even know he had siblings... what about his parents? Poor guy..._

_"_ Fawning over Mat, are we..?", Amy mocked, suddenly appearing.

"Oh, shut up... He's a good person and we were just talking because he hasn't chosen a military branch yet. And you guys see couples everywhere, I swear...."

"No, no.. he was all giddy around you...", Sheila teased.

"Ugh, can we stop this nonsense, please? We should go pack up...", I mentioned.

"You're right.", Shei nodded, nudging Amy.  "You're going straight home tomorrow or what?"

"I am... it's still a long way 'till I reach the farm.", she replied. Amy lived in a farm, outside the district. Her mom was a horse breeder and her older brother also worked there. She'd been the only person in the family to join the military, according to her.

"So it's still not time for us to go visit you, I see..", I spat. During the years we'd been together, she'd only gone home once every year, always at the end, when we were on leave. On the other hand, she'd always come with us to our houses. Not mine though, because of my father's dislike of the military but we were always warmly welcomed in Shei's house.

"If you really really wanna go there... it's only a six day travel on horse.", she joked. It was a lot, and I didn't have that much time, since I wanted to check on the people back at home. News of an epidemic got out and I hadn't recieved almost any letters from them. We entered the cabin and began packing up.

***  


  
"Very well!", yelled commander Keith Shadis, of the Scouting Legion. "We're here to...", I stopped listening after a few seconds.

"I don't even know why they go through all the work of coming here... No one wants to join the Dead Corps...", Shei whispered to me.

"Don't say that!", Amy scolded her, silently. "Their work is important."

"Judging by the number of casualties... their job mus be feeding the titans...", I mocked.

"Come on, you don't know what it's like to be outside. The army wouldn't have a useless branch, right?", the amber-colored eye girl snarked.

"Meh... it doesn't matter...", I shrugged.

"... whoever wishes to join us, stay where you are. The others are dismissed.!", the man announced. We started walking towards the other recruitement podiums and I saw Taryn and a few others standing still. Amy fell behind and went to meet him. I couldn't hear what she said but I assume she was trying to convince him to change his mind.

He simply smiled and hugged her, conforting her. Farther up front, Amy ended up meeting us, her usual wide smile gone and replaced my a limp set of thin lips.

"Come on, cheer up...!", I wrapped my arm around her and held her tight.

"It's time to go join the police.", Shei said, hooking her arm with the other girls'. "Meet you after.", she told me.

"Okay, see you then.", I walked towards the Garrison podium, where people were writing up the names of the future soldiers.  


  
***

Half an hour later I was done and got back to the cabin, where Amy and Sheila where already laying down.

"So?", asked me the brunette.

"It's done. Garrison until I die.", I smiled, sighing. "I'm super tired, let's sleep, shall we?", the other occupants of our cabin were fast asleep by now.

"Do you think Taryn is going to be okay?", Amy asked, in a shaky voice.

"I don't know... He'll manage somehow.", I answered, not wanting to tell what I really thought.

"Shhh, let's sleep.", Shei scolded us.

"Goodnight.", I muttered, gazing at the top bunk's underside. We were on leave for two whole weeks before we had to present ourselfs for duty. I felt sleep taking over me and closed my weary eyes.

***

I woke up early and jumped off the bed, waking up Amy in the process. Sheila was already up, since her bag was outside the cabin when we left for breakfast.

"Morning!", she chirped excitedly, her face stuffed with bread. We smiled and sat next to her, eating as well.

"It seems like it's our last day all together...", Amy sighed.

"Yeah...", I followed, suddenly hypnotised by my plate.

"Come onnnn! Cheer up! We will see eachother, don't go all 'Oh, so sad, sob sob... we'll never see eachoter again.. the horror'..", Shei interrupted our sad moment. I laughed hard at her impressions of us; they were spot on.

"Well, we do have letters.", I mentioned.

"And the leaves...", completed Amy, smiling.

"The wagons are leaving in a moment. I think yours', Amy, is different from ours.", Shei stated.

"As usual, right?", the blonde snorted.

"Yeah, little miss special needs to have a different wagon that doesn't even fill up!", I complained, making her laugh.

"It's not my fault that you commoners are all neighbours."

"Not everyone can have a ranch...", I commented.

"Are you gonna tell you parents you joined the Garrison?", Shei suddenly asked.

"Wow, way to kill the vibe, Sheila... I don't have much of a choice, do I? Afterall, my house is rather close to the outer wall and having my dad always protesting against the soldiers would eventually lead to us meeting...

"True... How do you think they're gonna react?", Amy inquired.

"Eh...", I shrugged. "My mom will probably be disappointed that I'm not going to the police but she'll be happy that I'm staying closer to home. My father... pff", I laughed. "He'll probably try to kick me out or something."

"Damn...", Amy gasped. "Your dad really is a fanatic.."

"Pretty much... He wanted me to be a nun...", I rolled my eyes.

"Ugh, it's not gonna be pretty, then.", Shei concluded. "If anything happens, you can move to my house for a couple of days."

"Thanks but your house is full as is. I do accept, however, an invitation to have lunch there, just so I can see those cute new little brothers of yours; they're probably adorable!", I smiled.

"Deal."

"Heeyyy, stop making plans without me...!", Amy whined.

"If you came with us to Shiganshina, the plans would include you...", I tried to lure him, but to no avail.

"I really can't...", she sighed. The bell rang and we formed in the courtyard, our bags beside us.

"Cadets!", he shouted. "I say my farewell, three years after we first met and I hope you're successful in the path you've chosen.", I felt myself getting emotional. Not at his words but it was the last time I'd serve beside Shei and Amy. I turned to face them and saw the blonde girl sobbing and couldn't hold back my tears anymore.

"I'll miss you..", I hugged her tight.

"Stop being so lame....", Sheila scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"Came here, stupid!", I pulled her into our hug.

"We'll talk through letters, won't we?", asked Amy.

"Of course!", I replied, drying my tears.

"Come on, relax... It's not the end of the world.", Shei muttered. We let the hug fade.

"You're so insensitive, Sheila!", I complained.

"Am not!", she pretended to be annoyed, sulking. We took our bags and went towards the wagosn. After a final hug with Amy, we parted.

*****

"Mom, I'm home!", I smiled, entering my house, only to find it empty. I should've remembered that, at that hour, everyone was usually out. I decided to help out then, since I had nothing else to do. Grabbing the dirty laundry basket and a bar of soap, I pranced towards the washing tank that was installed on the small neighborhood square.

Around the long tank, my neighbors gathered up and gossiped for hours on end. I, not knowing anyone well enough to talk to, stood there in silence, listening to the conversations.

"Have you heard? Dr. Jaeger has left the district again...", one commented.

"Really? That man..", another sighed, relieved. "He saved my little boy. I don't know what would be of us, if it weren't for him... that awfull coughing disease, dreadful!"

"I heard he's into some shading busines...", one stated.

"That's just street talk trying to stain his good name!"

_So Dr. Jaeger handled the epidemic..._ I sighed in relief. _Atleast we're safe now... Sickness, ugh..._ , I shivered, thinking about sick people and hurried to finish up the clothes. After folding the wet cloth, I stepped away, towards my house again.

"(Y/n)? Miss (Y/n) Krieger?", an older woman turned to talk to me.

"Yes, it's me, what's the matter?"

"Oh, you're so grown up... I still remember when you were like this", she gestured at about her hips' height. "You trully have eyes as your mother... such a beautifull (e/c) tone..."

"Oh... thanks", I smiled. "I'm sorry, I don't really remember your face..."

"Ah, no harm done. I listen to your father's sermons.", she had a coughing attack and covered her mouth with her hand. It looked pretty bad, from the sound it made. "I'm sorry, I've been feeling rather ill...", she extender her hand to touch me and I couldn't recoil in time. "It's good to see you back, miss.", she smiled and walked away.

I felt the mark where she'd touch me with the infected hand and rushed to get home, almost throwing the basket on the floor when I got there. I ran towards the sink, reaching for the soap and washed the exposed skin, only stopping when it was red.

_Yuk... sick people... I can't get sick now.._ I turned to the basket and started hanging up the clothes outside.

"(Y/n)?", I heard mom calling me from inside.

"I'm here!", I yelled. I turned to the door and saw her smile.

"Come give your mother a hug!", I greeted her with a tight embrace. Afterall, she was my mom and I'd seen very little of her during the past three years. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm on leave. We've chosen the branches.", I replied. "What are _you_ doing here? Shouldn't you be working?"

"Mrs Milles dismissed me for the afternoon.", she smiled. "Come on, dear! Tell me everything! Which branch did you choose? Did you score in the top 10...?"

"Yes, I did.", I saw her hope filled eyes lighten up. "But... I didn't choose the police."

"But sweety... you could go live inside Wall Sina...", her expression changed and she spoke in a serious, stern tone. "You'd have a better life than you have here."

"My life is fine here, mom. Don't worry about it. I chose the Garrison."

"The Garrison? (Y/n).... what about your father? Did you even consider him when you chose that?"

"It's my life, mom; not his.", I spat.

"He's a priest of the Church of the Walls. Do you think the flock will trust him if his own daugther spends her days stepping on the great Wall Maria? You really are selfish."

"What would you rather I'd done, then? Join the police, where everyone in a sellout very capable of trading their own mothers for a good deal?"

"The police keeps us safe. There you'd have the chance to find a proper husband, someone who'd take care of you."

"But I don't want that!", I backed away. I didn't want to yell, I didn't want to fight her. "Listen mom, I chose the Garrison and I'm going there. If that bothers you, I'll gladly move to their dorms."

"You don't need to do that....", she pulled me into another tight embrace. "We just want the best for you... Even if I don't agree, I'm still your mother and you're still my lovely daughter.", she kisses the top of my head softly. "Your father will undestand, eventually. We don't need to worry about it right now."

"We don't?"

"No, he had to attend a seminar at Wall Sina. He'll be back in about two months."

"He... left you here alone with Fred? Again?", I sighed. I knew my dad was a good man, according to the more traditional sense of the word: he didn't steal, he didn't lie, that sort of stuff. But his priorities were seriously fucked up. His religious obsession overcame the family's pleads of attention.

"Don't make a big fuss about it... You know how your father is. Come, let's prepare dinner before Fred arrives.", she smiled. We spent the rest of the afternoon peeling vegetables and making a stew and, as the night approached, we heard the door creaking open. "Fred! You're back, sweetheart!", my mom greeted him. "Hey, what happened to your face?", I turned and saw his left cheek a bit swollen and bruises on his legs.

"What happened?", I asked. He simply lowered his head and tried to escape, running up the stairs.

"Come here, let's take a look at that", mom grabbed him and forced him to stay.

"Leave it mom, it's nothing..."

"Who did this to you, Frederik?",  I got a bit closer and tried to lift him chin up so I could see better but he pushed me.

"Don't touch me!", he yelled. "It hurts... Its was... a group of boys at school... I.. had a fight with them.", he finally answered.

"A fight? Honey, you shouldn't be fighting!", my mom pleaded.

"But they were bad mouthing dad!", he raised his head and his eyes were full to the brim with bitter tears. "They said that he was crazy and that he was a coward for not being in the military... and that's a lie! Dad isn't like that! He's strong... not like what they're saying..."

"Of course not, dear... Those boys are just jealous, they wanted to have a father like yours.", mom smiled. _Tche.. what a fucking lie... a man who abadons his family to go pray at walls... what a disappointment..._ "Come on, let's put cold water on that and fix these bruises.", she added.

"You shouldn't get into fights, Fred.", I told him. "Not because of dad.", mom flashed me a warning glare.

"You shouldn't fight anyone. Simply ignore them, fluffy-cakes.", she stated, rubbing an ointment on the dark patches. "Aren't you happy that big sis is finally home?"

"They also say bad things because of her...", he admitted, looking away from me.

"What do they say?", I asked, squatting until I was at his eye level.

"They say that... if dad was right about the things he says, you wouldn't have ran away and joined the army. And that, if he couldn't even convind his own daughter, then it's because everything he says it must all be a lie.", he answered, making me break a sweat. "But that's not true, isn't it? You're gonna join the police like mom said and you're gonna help people, right?, he looked at me so innocently, eyes filled with hope.

I wanted to talk but I couldn't force myself to tell him I hadn't chosen the police and, instead, I'd gone to the most unholy branch of them all, where the soldiers stepped on the walls, staining its pristine divinity with leather boots and rails and cannons, the Garrison. Not while he looked at me with such an expectant gaze, waiting for me to agree and say that dad was in fact all of those wonderfull things he thought he has and not just some wackjob religious fanatic, whose family's sole purpose was to fill the house.

"I... uhmm-"

"Come on, dear, enough talk, let's chat later. Now it's bath time, you're completely covered in mud...", she let him go up to the second floor alone and called me over. "Don't tell him anything. He doesn't need to know for now."

"Come on mom!", he yelled from the bathtub.

"Wait, son, we need to turn on the boiler first!", she yelled back. "(Y/n), can you light the boiler while take care of your brother?"

"Yes, of course.", I vagely answred, gaze into the void. _How's it gonna go when Fred finds out I went to the Garrison instead of the police._ I grabbed dry wood and put it under the metal pot, lighting the fire.

Mom left to give Fred a bath, so I finally was sitting in silence. I thought about how the rest of my life would be there. Probably, I'd endup fighting my dad so much he might actually throw me out. _No... he wouldn't... I think so._

__I went up to my room and laid, my face looking at the ceiling. I hadn't even unpacked, I noticed, looking at the bag my the bed. I could hear Fred's laughing as it came out in fits, muffle by the bathroom's closed door. _Two weeks... before I have to face the truth....,_ I sighed, closing my eyes.  


***

"Honey....? (Y/n)....?", I heard a voice whispering and the words caressed my ears. It was mom, siting by my side, on the bed.

"Hm...,?" I rubbed my eyes, "What time is it?"

"Time for dinner, come on, let's go.", I followed her to the table, on the ground floor, where Fred had already sat down. I sat on a free spot and mom served me with stew.

"(Y/n), how was it in the trainee corps?", Fred asked.

"Hm? what...?"

"Like... what did you do there?", he completed, fumbling with a piece of potato on his plate.

"Oh, we trained hnd to hand combat and gear proficiency.", I answered.

"Did you pray?", he took a spoonful to his mouth, without looking at me. My eyes darted towards mom and she told me to lie, gesturing with her head.

"Yes, of course..", I forced a smile when he looked up.

"Really?? Dad said they were all enemies of the Lord but people who pray can't be an enemy of the Great Architect, can they mom?"

"No, dear, of course not.", she quietly replied.

"Dad's always right about other things though..", he remarked, moving his food around the plate. "He's awesome.... when I grow up, I wanna be like him.", I followed his movements with my eyes, horrified at what he said. How could he wish to be the same as the man who didn't take care of us...?

"You still have a lot of time to decide what you want to do when you're older, sweety.", mom sighed.

"I've decided already; I want to be a priest.", he declared proudly.

"A priest?...", I mumbled. "Why do you want to be a priest?"

"Because dad is one and he helps people... He's not like those soldiers... they don't care about anyone."

"How should you know?", I inquired, my voice raising itself on its own. "The soldiers are good people, they protect us. You have no idea of the training required to even get there!"

"(Y/n), Fred, that's enough. No fighting at the dinner table.", mom silenced us, calm but stern expression on her face. "You ust came back dear, I want all of us to get along. Atleast, while your father is away.", she added.

"Right... I'm sorry..", I apologized. I'd just arrived at home and I was already getting mad at Fred... It wasn't even his fault that he thought like that. Dad was the one filling his head with those ridiculous ideas but, I tried changing his mind about all of it, maybe he wouldn't end up an obsessive maniac... He was just a kid, after all... _How can mom even stay with a man like dad....?,_ I wondered.

"All done!", the boy yelled, leaping from his chair and out the door in seconds.

"Come back here, young man! Go put your plate on the counter, come on.", mom ordered.

"Ups, sorry, I forgot...", he replied, running back in and obeying. As he was about to leave again, mom stopped him.

"Where do you think you're going at this hour, mister?"

"I was gonna see Mrs. Gertrude, that old lady who has a fruit stand on the market..."

"It's late, dear, she's probably asleep by now. Tomorrow you can go there after school.", mom said.

"But mom... she said I could go there whenever I wanted...! She said she feels lonely after her daughter got married and moved to Wall Rose...", he pouted. "Pleaaase? Just this one time?"

"It's late, the streets are dark and dangerous. Only if (Y/n) goes too."

"Will you, (Y/n)?? Please, please, pleaaase? She's super duper nice, come on...", he begged.

"Fine..", I huffed. I couldn't ust say 'no' to those puppy eyes. Besides, I could trade this favour for something. "But you'll do the dishes tomorrow, instead of me."

"Deal!"

"Exploiting your poor brother, missy?", chuckled mom, escorting us to the door and giving me an oil lantern.

"Sibling business, mom. Don't get involved.", I smiled.

"Don't stay out too late, dears.", she requested before closing the door. Fred darted through the night and I ran behind him, trying to keep up. He turned the corner and I lost him. The street was dark, only illuminated be the light coming from some houses and my lamp.

"Fred...?", I called, pacing around. "Fred, it's dark, come here! It's dangerous! Come on, mom's gonna get mad at me if she knows I let you out of my sight!"

"....what's a little boy like you doing running around at night?", I heard a semi distant voice say.

"Hey, isn't he father Luchas' son? That fucker gave my dad a hard time...", another added.

"Yeah, that fanatic! Seems like now's the perfect oportunity to get revenge on him..."

"My dad is not a fanatic! He's a good person and he just wants to protect us from the titans! And if the soldiers continue to disrespect the will of the Great Architect, then we'll all pay!", I heard Fred yelling. I ran towards the origin of the voices and saw three guys, a bit younger than me, by the wall of one of the house, with Fred backed up against it.

I couldn't see their faces but, I saw the tallest one of the lot grab my brother and fling him back at the wall.

"What do you think you're doing?", I asked, approaching them. "Let him go and no one gets hurt."

"Oh... the little boy needs his big sister to come get help him!", one of them mocked.

"That's not true! I can defend myself alone!", Fred yelled, pushing one of the boys. When they grabbed him again, he bit one of them and that guy pulled his arm back, preparing a punch. I lunged foward to stop him and caught his wrist.

"You're not going to hurt him. If any of you touches my brother...", I began threatning them. When the guy I was holding tried to break free, I locked his arm behind his back and made it so it would be painful but not enough to break anything. "I won't have a problem beating you ip. Now scram.", I threw the guy to the floor and they ran, disappearing in the night. "Fred, are you okay?", I turned to face him. He was flushed, his shirt wrinkled where the other guy'd grabbed him.

"I say I could take care of it!", he yelled, tears prickling down his cheeks.

"I was ust trying to help... you don't need to get so upset...", I walk closer to him. "Let me see your face."

"I'm fine...", he muttered, lowering his head. "They didn't hurt me."

"You still wanna go see the old lady?", me hand rested softly on his shoulder.

"I'm not a baby anymore... Stop treating me like I am..", he swatted my hand away. "Lets go.", he walked in front of me, leading the way.

Finally, we arrived at a house. It's lights were on but there was no sound coming from inside.

"Mrs Gertrude, can we come in?", he asked, knocking on the door. No one answered.

"Fred, she's probably asleep, we best be heading home...", I saw him lean down and take something from under a rock. "Is that a key?"

"Mrs Gertrude said I could use it when I needed to."

"That's going too far, we are not going to break into peoples' houses like that, come on!", I reached for his arm but he escaped my grip.

"Go back if you want to, I'm gonna see how she's doing.", he turned the key and entered. Inside, the air felt heavy, probably a result of no windows having been opened the whole day. It smelled of creams and ointments like the ones mom kept for when we got hurt. "Mrs Gertrude?..."

We heard someone coughing and my instinct was to recoil immediately. I hesitated to go further into the house but I had no other choice but to follow Fred when he crossed the hallway to reach a small room at the end. It was modest, with a small wardrobe where and old Survey Corps' uniform was hanged and, on the bed, a woman with short long hair seemed to sleep.

I couldn't make out her face from behind the covers but I recognised her voice.

"Frederik...?", she wondered vaguely, coughing.

"Yes, it's me.", he smiled, going closer.

"Fred, she's sick, don't get any closer.", I warned but he didn't listen.

"I'm strong, (Y/n), I won't get sick."

"Is there someone there with you, Frederik?", the old lady asked.

"Yeah, my older sister, (Y/n). She came back today."

"Oh... I saw her today... when I went to the tank.", she seemed to smile softly before breaking into a coughing fit.

"Did you forget your ointment again?", he asked, worried.

"I'm not sure... my head isn't what if used to be.."

"I'll help you. (Y/n), help me sit her up.", he requested.

"I'm sorry, I won't.", I backed up when he held out the hand that hand touched her.

"She needs help and I'm not strong enough to lift her alone!"

"Don't worry, dear. I can get up on my own...", the old lady smiled. Slowly, with his help, she sat on the bed. "The ointment is there, on the table."

"If you saw big sis near the tank today..", Fred began to chat her up, while he gestured me to get the flask she metioned. "That means you finally left the house today, right? You're much better, then!"

"Thanks to your care. Your father has been of much help, young man.." _Dad? Helping..? With what...?_ "If he hadn't come here to pray with me when I was worse, I don't think I would've made it... It brought me great peace.", she smiled.

"And now that you're feeling better, you can got to church and meet your friends there.", Fred smiled, massaging her back with the cream. "Mr Jaeger said you'd get better if you put this ointment every single day, so you do that, okay?"

"I try to remember it, but I'm old..."

"Oh, no you aren't! In a couple of days, you'll be jumping around.", he laughed and she followed.

"You always cheer me up. I have sweets in the kitchen if you want any. I've been making them but then I don't have a lot of appetite to eat them... When I went to the church, I'd bring them along but now that I'm still feeling weak, they end up going to waste..."

"You're too kind, we can't accept it. In fact, our mother is probably worried, we should be heading home.", I apologized, trying to get Fred out of there but he refused once again.

"What? Mom said we could stay a little while. Besides, I had an idea; why don't we take the sweets to church tomorrow?", he turned to the lady. "How does that sound?"

"Would you do that? Thank you, you really are angels."

"Now tell me, what did you do today?", he began talking to her again, while he cleaned her room. "(Y/n), help me clean this, please.", he whispered, trying not to interrupt her. I couldn't refuse again without looking blatantely rude. Atleast, cleaning the house didn't involve direct contact with sickness, so I took a deep breath and began helping.

"Hm... Mrs Gertrude...", I started.

"Call me Emily, dear.", she corrected me.

"Mrs Emily, whose uniform is this?", I asked. She reached her hand out to touch the brown fabric and smiled.

"It was my husband's. He used to belong to the army; Survey Corps, I think..."

"Oh..."

"I tried to warn him it was dangerous but he longed to wander outside the walls...", she sighed, remembering. "That was all before I found the true path and began going to church. I suppose my husband was punished for his actions against the Creator..."

"I understand...", I nodded. _Geez, everyone's a religious fanatic here._

__"(Y/n) is going to me a policewoman, did you know?", Fred commented. My heart skipped a beat and I stopped what I was doing.

"Really, dear? That's nice.", the old lady smiled.

"Yeah, she's gonna help people and arrest the criminals, right?", he looked at me. I almost didn't smile on time.

"Of course...", _I didn't want those weeks to pass. I didn't want to have to tell him the truth. Just seeing that wide smile and the spark in his eyes and knowing they'd disappear... My gut clenched into a knot. He'd hate me._

__About half an hour later, we'd finish cleaning and went to the kitchen, where the table was full of sweets that looked fresh. Fred took a cookie from one of the plates for himself and another for the old lady. When he offered me one, I refused, reaching for the sink and starting to do the dishes. Whilst I scrubbed the plates, I felt the soapp cleaning my hands.

A while after, Fred emerged from the hallway, starting to grab de sweets' plates.

"Will you help me with this, (Y/n)?", he asked.

"Sure. You shouldn't get so close to her, she looks very sick.", I grabbed a couple of plates and dumped the contents into a basket. "Does mom know you're attending to a sick person?"

"Sort of... She doesn't know mrs Gertrude is sick... don't tell her please. Please?", he begged, and seeing his pleading look stopping me from telling the truth again.

"Of course I won't tell her. Now, we should go. Emily probably wants to sleep."

We left soon after and got home without any problems.

***

"Wow, did you raid mrs Gertrude's pantry?", mom laguhed, when we reached the kitchen.

"No...", he answered, nervously. "I offered to help give out her cookies before church tomorrow.

"Why doesn't she do it herself?"

"Hm... because she's.. old. I'm really sleepy and tomorrow I have to get up early, goodnight, mom, bye.", he ran up the stairs, not saying anything else.

"Your brother is a terrible liar..", mom sighed. "What happened?"

"The lady is sick, with a bad cough. He helps her."

"That's too dangerous! Your brother is still a child, he could get seriously ill! I'll go talk to him right now."

"No, mom, please. He asked me not to tell..."

"Of course he did. I won't tell him you told me. Now, go to sleep, I love you dear.", she gave me a light kiss on the forehead, before heading up the stairs.


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, I hope you are having a lovely day. Here's another chapter. Thanks for reading and following this story!
> 
> Kisses**

 

"Lieutenant?", Armin's voice broke my train of thought and I found myself back in the present once more.

"Yes, cadet, what's wrong?", my tone slightly annoyed either from the lack of sleep or the fact that I'd just recalled a bad memory from my Garrison days.

"Where did you live before you join the military?"

"Shiganshina. The same as you, I've heard. I knew Eren's father, doctor Jaeger.", he seemed to grow somber and averted his gaze from figure for a few seconds.

"Oh... so you were there during the attack..", he muttered, any further words becoming unclear to me.

"Yes, I was evacuating citizens.", I added. We fell silent, letting the night air engulf the remains of our conversation for a couple of minutes. It felt soothing, being there in the night, just hearing the trees whisper and having the wind softly graze my exposed hand and face.

"I hope.... we can take back Wall Maria soon...", he sighed, finally ripping the silent veil between us.

"In time, Armin... That's why we train so hard.", I breathed, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply. Not even the extreme tiredness my body was feeling left me relax and let the soft whistles of the night breeze lull me to sleep. My thoughts kept me fully aware of my duties as an officer and as a survivor.

"Mam... may I ask a question?", he spoke, piercing my ears with a sudden loud voice.

"Sure, go ahead."

"Are you afraid of the titans..?", it sounded like he was even afraid of mentiong them, from what his shaky voice led me to believe.

"Afraid..? What kind of question is that, Arlert?"

"I don't know... it's just that... I wanted to know if we ever lose the terror that comes from being next to one. When we where in the Trost district I... I saw my friends being eaten alive and, if Eren hadn't helped me... I'd have met the same fate as them... I couldn't move; I just stood there, waiting to die...", light paths of reflect moonlight shone on his face, as he was probably crying from remembering it.

"Listen...", a deep sighed escaped from my pursed lips. "Fear exists to protect us. You already have enough training to fend off against, at least, the smaller class titans. That gut feeling, that fear, will always be there but you'll learn to control it throughout the years.", I smiled and chuckled, thinking about how Hange dealt with the creatures. "Well, I don't think you'll get to Major Hange's level of comfort around them, but you won't be paralysed."

"When your team was attacked, where you scared?", my stomach turned and a knot formed in the back of my throat. The dirty bandage on my left hand seemed to sting a bit at the memory of what had happened but I did my best to ignore the familiar feeling.

"Enough questions, cadet.", the conversation came to a close with my words. I tucked a loose strand of hair away from my face before turning to him again. "If you're that curious, ask commander Erwin for the incident record."

"Record? What's that?"

"A report on what happened. But, now that I thought of it, I'm not sure if they let the cadets see things like those anyways..."

"Oh...", he stopped talking, gazing at the dark horizon. I dived again into my thoughts.

\------------FLASHBACK------------

We always know when we're at home and I knew mine was not in that house. Of course, they were my family and we slept under the same roof but our happiness was merely temporary. The moment my father stepped foot inside of the house again, my life would be a living hell.

Fred woke me up, jumping on my legs and almost yelling.

"Wake up! Wake up!!", he kept on insisting, pulling my uncovered arm.

"Ugh...", moans were the only sounds I could make in my current groggy state. I slammed my face further into the pillow so the sun didn't burn my closed eyes. "What... is it?"

"We need to go give out the cookies and sweets before mass starts, (Y/n)! Come on!!!", his incessant screaming and jumping had my brain in a pile of mush in seconds. I'd forgotten he'd offered both of us to help out the old lady.

"Didn't you say _you_ would do it?..."

"Come on!! I can't take everything by myself! I'll do anything you waaant...", he offered in an alluring tone.

"Anything I want, huh?....", the covers rolled down when I sat up, smiling. "You'll clean my room until the weekend."

"Fine...", he huffed, annoyed. He pulled me again, urging me to get up. I simply refused to budge and rubbed my eyes, trying to wake up faster.

"What time is it anyways? Don't you have to go to school or something?", I cocked an eyebrow, scowling at him.

"It's 7, okay? Come on, or we won't get there in time!"

"UUUUGH....", a dragged moan escaped from my lips as I got up and out of bed. He remained seated over the covers, looking expectantly at me. "Hum, hello? I'm not going to get dressed with you here..."

"Right, okay, I'll go down and get your breakfast ready!", he ran fullspeed out of the room, stomping loudly as he descended the wooden stairs.

"Well... someone is very helpful this morning...", I remarked, yawning. As soon as me left, the pijamas were replaced by simple trousers, a shirt and my uniform boots. These ones were the most comfortable pair of shoes I'd ever had.

Under my feet, the old creaky wood whispered, as I got down to the ground floor. Fred was already putting the sweets and cookies into baskets so it would be easier to carry and, looking at the table, I saw that a plate of bread and milk was waiting for me. After eating rather quickly, rushed by the impatience in his gaze, we carried a basket each and left the house.

"See you later, kids!", yelled mom, closing the door we'd left open. Fred took the lead, snaking through the busy streets, whilst still making sure I was following him. Despite having been out of town for the most part during these last three years, the mental map I held of our neighbourhood hadn't been forgotten. However, from what this path, one could guess that mass wasn't simply father preaching in the middle of the street to a bunch of old people.

"Where are we going, afterall?", I managed to ask Fred, as he slowed his pace down.

"The church is up ahead. Dad says churches are supposed to be beautiful and enormous like the ones in Wall Sina but the higher order priests think that there aren't enough people here who follow the church, so they don't want to built one of those...", we reached the door of a house. A few couples with kids and some elderly people entered before us and, as we passed the doorway, the interior was visible to my eyes.

The room we were in was a small one. It looked old but well kept as there wasn't any dust or cobwebs near the corners. It had a small stand, propbably where dad preached his sermons to the people. The rest of the room was full of chairs, so that the attendees could sit, I assume. Whenever I was on leave, I'd always find excuses not to attend service so it was rather normal that I hadn't heard of this change in scenery.

"Frederik, good morning.", a tall young man greeted us. He couldn't be much older than me, his soft brown eyes smiled at us.

"Father Jaime! Hi!", Fred answered, smiling at the man.

"No, not yet. Only after I've finished the seminar.", his voice was gently and calm. "And you must be (Y/n), isn't that so?"

"I am..", what was this pit in my stomach that made me feel so shy all of a sudden? This man was so kind and handsome, I couldn't help but feel a light flush rise to my cheeks as he looked at me. _This is so embarassing..._

 _"_ Frederik talks about you a lot.", he chuckled. "Is that cookies I'm seeing in those baskets?"

"Yes they are.", I nodded, lifting it up so that he could see better.

"Mrs Gertrude asked us to bring them here for her.", Fred interviened. "She's still sick."

"I understand. It's a shame she cannot attend service today, we'll pray for her health. Thank you for having brought those things. Come, I'll show you where you can put the baskets down.", we followed him further into the house, towards the far corner of the main room, where a long table stood against the wall.

\--------------

"Well, we should get going..", I suggested, as soon as we'd finished what we'd gone there for.

"So soon? You won't stay for the service?", brother Jaime questioned.

"I need to go to school...", Fred replied, in a disappointed tone.

"Then you should get going", the brunette in robes smiled, patting my brother's head. "It's very important to learn everyday. And you, miss?"

"Well, I... was going to visit a friend...", my voice was but a soft whisper.

"Stay and listen. Father Charles is very pleasant to hear. Your father likes him very much."

"Well...hum--", I didn't want him to know of my lack of faith and religion. To know that my beliefs about the Church of Walls were that it was a cult, a false pretense to force people into fear and hate. I feared the way he'd react to it if it were to be said, specially, since father was a priest. I'd be called a heretic and shame would be brought upon our family name. "I guess I can stay for a while..."

"Very well then.", he smiled. "I have something to give you. It's your father's."

"You do? What?"

"A box with his things from another church. A few weeks ago, the district's main priest, Father Raymond, passed away, rest his soul, and he left all of his posessions to us."

"Oh... sorry to hear that..", I muttered.

"We appreciate your condolences, miss (Y/n). Please come with me.", we walked through a narrow corridor, the floorboards creaking under our feet. At the end was the beginning of a descending stairwell. "The box is down there, let me just fetch some light to illuminate the way.", he left me alone for a couple of minutes and, as soon as he returned, we began our descent.

The basement had a series of covered furniture and boxes. It reeked of mold and humidity, the damp air entrailing itself in my clothes and making it almost hard to breathe. As brother Jaime approached a pile of cardboard boxes, he let the oil lamp rest on top of one of them, picking up the topmost one.

"Do you mind carrying the lamp please, (Y/n)?", he asked, turning to me.

"No, not at all.", I answered, picking up the metal holder of the lamp and leading the way back up. "I could carry that, brother..", I remarked. After all, the years of training weren't for nothing although the muscles my body had strengthened were well hidden by the loose fitting clothes.

"Don't mind, miss, don't tire yourself. You know.. you're lucky to have your father. His heart is in the right place.", he said, the last sentence had an absentminded tone to it, like brother Jaime was thinking about something else. Like he, of all people would know if father even had a heart...!

"I'm sure didn't always agreed with your parents on their opinions of what you should do, brother Jaime.", the comment slipped from my lips before I'd even noticed it.

"My parents had a very strict ideal of what path I should follow."

"I'm sorry, I didn't--", the issue sounded like a sensitive one.

"Don't worry.", he chuckled lightly. "I've made my peace with it. Despite them not having approved of my choices, I know they always had in mind my well being.", when he said this, it felt like something he'd repeated many times to himself, to convice himself and not the actual truth.

However, I decided against asking any further questions and the rest of the way back was made in absolute silence. He guided me to a small room, almost unfurnished, placing the box on a simple desk.

"Here it is.", he stated.

"How did my father leave these things there?"

"I don't know, miss. Anyways, it was father Raymond's wish that your father would keep this and, since I know he won't be back until next month, I thought it was a good time to give it to you."

"Right.", I nodded, peering into the semi open box, to try and take a look at what was inside.

"Brother Jaime!", a voice called from the hallway.

"Ah, it's father Charles. Service will start in a few moments. Let's go, miss (Y/n).", taking the box in my arms, I followed the man to the main room, where the cult was already assembled. Sitting in the back row, the next hour was spent listening to yet another boring man speaking about the Great Architect and insulting the military forces.  


\--------------  


  
When I arrived at home, mom had already left so it was probably a good idea to wait until she got back before trying to pry into what was inside the box. It stood there, atop of the table, looking at me, almost begging to be opened. Because of this insatiable curiosity, I thought it best to leave and walk along town to distract myself.

Sheila's house was almost on the other side of town, on the far end near the inner gate. It took me more than an hour, walking through unknown streets, getting lost and trying to find a way back but eventually, I stood in front of her door.

"Sheila! It's me!", the muffled sounds coming from inside told me she was coming to greet me.

"(Y/n)!", she smiled, opening the hardwood door. "Come in, come in."

I spent most of the day there with her brothers and sisters, playing with little Annaleigh and helping her mother take care of the twins while she was working at the forge. After saying my goodbyes, it took a while to get back home, where I sat waiting for mother to arrive.

"Honey, I'm back.", she smile as she entered the house. "What is this?", she asked, pointing at the box of dad's things.

"A box with stuff from dad. One of the monks at the church gave it to me."

"Hm... I don't know any of these things...", she mumbled, as she was rummaging through it. "Wait... this was mine!", she stated, smiling widely as she lifted up a colored ribbon. "When your father and I met, I always wore my hair tied up with this ribbon. He liked it so much that ended up giving it to him."

"Aww... that's sweet... And this?", I asked, picking up a small locked wooden box.

"No idea... I'd never seen it before. It's best if we don't touch anything else and wait for you father to come back.", she advised and her words were met with a nod.

  
\------------------

  
Like that, two weeks had passed in a breeze and my first day of work arrived.

"Mom...", I called silently, trying not to wake Fred up.

"Hm?"

"What do I do now? I need to go to the Wall, but Fred can't see me in a uniform. Furthermore, what do I tell him so he doesn't get suspicious? Afterall--"

"The military police only operates in Wall Sina...", she muttered, sitting up. "Listen, dear, we'll just have to tell your borther. He'll understand."

"What?! Are you insane? If he finds out, he's going to hate me!"

"He's a boy, those things never last. You're still his sister after all. Don't worry (Y/n), it's going to work out."

"No way... he can't find out... I'll have to leave the house then."

"Don't be ridiculous, dear. What's with this unnecessary drama anyways? Besides, who do you think is going to pay for your stay at their barracks? I can barely afford food for us...", she stated, her tone increasingly annoyed. "Just tell him."

"I won't. I'm not asking you to lie for me. Just... don't tell him anything, please."

"We'll see if that holds up when your father comes home..."

"I have to go, I'll see you later, mom.", I smiled softly.

"Goodbye, sweety.", she pulled me into her arms and hugged me, laying a gentle kiss on my forehead. I ran towards the Garrison headquarters, near the outer gate and joined the other cadets.  


\--

  
"Very well--", a tall blonde man began talking. "I am capitain Ronald Aberdeen. I am the Shiganshina district's commander. Our job here is to maintaign the population safe against the threat of the titans.", his voice was stern but he wasn't shouting, walking amongst our ranks while he spoke. "Go get your uniforms and report back here. You will be assigned different sections of the Wall. Dismissed."

The sea of people surrounding me moved towards the uniform distribution site and, we were given not only our clothes with the Garrison insignia but also the 3-D gear we'd use from that day foward. Captain Aberdeen split us up into several groups of ten after we'd returned.

"(Y/n)?", a familiar voice called.

"Mathias..?", it was him, and seeing him again made me smile. "Mat, hi!"

"Looks like we're on the same team.", he smiled back. An older man, in his mid thirties guided us to the top of the wall.

"Brats!", he yelled as we reached the top. "My name is Jack Strauss and I am in charge of the front section of the Wall. From this day foward, you will be assigned a segment of it. That entails polishing the cannons, maintenance, etc. Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir!". Soon after, my team was assigned to the 6L secction in the front portion of the wall. Cannon anatomy was something we'd been taught during our time in the Trainee Corps so, I had my fair share of knowledge about how to handle one of those things.

Time seemed to stand still when my eyes crossed the top of the wall. The landscape was immense; it's green fields extended until they touched the far horizon. A river as wide as the canal that flowed through the city snaked its way into the forests on the far left of where I could see, almost as if seeking shade from the already risen sun.

Behind us, the city seemed tremendously small, when compared to the immensity of the outside world. Then, I saw the titans approaching in the distance; humanoid creatures that appeared to move slowly.

"Wow...", Mat whispered to himself. He was just as amazed as I was.

After that, we were basically abandoned  by captain Strauss to fend for ouserselves. My groups didn't seem bad but it was clear they didn't intend on working very much.

"I know a great bar close by, you guys wanna come?", one of them asked.

"Eh, why not...", another commented, shrugging. "Not like there's anything to do here."

"Aren't we gonna take care of the cannons?", I questioned.

"What for? We're not even going to use them. Relax, no one's gonna save the world here...", he replied dryly. I didn't say anything else and they eventually left to go wherever it was they were going to. The rest of us went to find our section.

There were two rows of cannons on rails, all pointed outwards. We spread out throught the four cannons and each started inspecting the machinery. A scream pierced the air around, coming from the otherside of the small wall that separated each section. As I crossed over to see what it was, a small group had formed near the outer edge of the Wall.

A few cadets were leaning against the separators, almost shaking.

"Is something wrong?", the naiveness of my voice must've been evident. A blond boy, a few years older than me looked back and smiled.

"No, everything it fine.", he was holding his back almost behind his back, hiding something. "We just noticed something weird down there."

"Really?", I murmured, feeling the curiosity take over me.

"Yeah, why don't you come a little closer so you can see better?", the others cleared a parth for me to approach and, as I stood there near the edge, a cable almost pierced my arm, attaching itself to the embossed segment that signaled the change between sections. The suddeness of this startled me and I looked down, seeing a boy hoisting himself with that cable.

My eyes trailed the other one back up and saw that it was the blonde boy who was holding it.

"What--", before I could finish the sentence, someone pushed me out of the platform and off the edge. The sizzling sound of one of my cables unravelling at high speed told me this was really happening. The ground was closing in and the wind howled in my ears.  
I was falling and I was going to die. _I need to turn around,_ sounded more like an order than a thought. The fast paced images floating around in my brain were confusing and distracting me.

My hands reached the belt, feeling the reel vibrating from the excessive speed with which it was turning. Finally, I managed to turn around and saw the top of the wall getting farther, while I dived in its shadow.

Without further thought, my hands grabbed the metal cable, it burning and digging into the skin. I couldn't recoil it, since the guy was holding on to it, else we'd both fall. I launched the other one, seeing it burying itself into the stone and I stopped falling, feeling my spine compressing with the shock. It took me a few minutes to get back up there and as I hoisted myself, my bleeding hands held the ledge firmly.

"Welcome to the Garrison, newbie.", the blond guy laughed. If stares could kill, no doubt he'd be dead already, that disgusting idiot. Trying to calm my pulse and panting, I didn't answer, looking at him in silence. "That stare... uh, I'm so scared... Here.", he reached his hand out to me and my bloody palm grabbed it.  
  


As he noticed the red liquid almost dripping down from my hand and let go of it, making me fall on one knee.

"Or not.", he laughed. My balance was off but I managed to lunged foward and catch myself with my elbows, instead of hitting the ground with my face. My stomach was turning like a wheel and the blurred vision made it difficult to focus on anything. I sat down and looked up to the people around me.

They seemed incapable of talking, let alone help me stand. The boy I'd seem climb back up was curled up by a cannon, shaking.

"(Y/n)?", it was Mat. "What happened?", no answer came from my mouth, as I was still in shock, my heart pounding frantically. He helped me up and my leg gave out from the strain of the maneuver gear.

"That blonde guy... he threw me off the ledge...", I whispered.

"What?!", he yelled, looking angry. "We need to tell someone!"

"Don't mind... I'm fine, you don't need to."

"No way, we're most definetely going to talk to captain Strauss!", he grabbed my hand but recoiled his immediately. "You're bleeding... We need to get you to the infirmary."

"I'll go alone, don't worry.", were my words before leaving him there. Slowly, trying not to limp, I descended to the ground level. I ran past the infirmary, towards the house. I just wanted to get out, joining the Garrison had been a mistake.

My breath hitched and my head was pounding, so it would do me well to rest a while. Because of this, I decided to lean against an old looking house to catch some air. Suddenly, dizziness took over me and I couldn't keep my breakfast in anymore, spewing it on the pavement. Leaning once more against the wood, I slid until I was seated, closing my eyes and covering my face to stop tears from falling.

"Hoy. Do people nowadays go around and just do whatever they want near others' houses?", a voice from above scolded. Looking up, my eyes were met by hazel ones. A girl right about my age was staring at me from the window. "Cat got your tongue?"

"Oh.. I'm sorry...", I whispered, realising she was talking to me afterall. "It wasn't intentional.

"What happened to ya? You look awfull."

"Well... my first day at the Garrison isn't going that well..."

"Eh, that shit's a bore. Come on in, I'll get you something to clear that taste.", her house was very simple, almost no furniture and no personal items, only a couple of letters on the table.

She gave me a small towel to clean my mouth and face, which I imagine, were covered in blood from my hands.

"How did that happen?", she pointed at my ripped palms with a nod.

"Some random guy there decided to throw me off the ledge and I tried to stop the cable with my hands. Stupid fucker..."

"Hm.. interesting.", she muttered to herself. "That boy, how was he?"

"I don't know, I can't really remember his face. He was blonde and all... I think he had brown eyes or something."

"Right. Here use this.", she threw a small container. "Put that on your hands, else it will rot."

"Thanks. What's your name, by the way?", I inquired, rubbing the minty ointment in the cuts.

"Ray. You?"

"(Y/n). Are you in the Garrison as well?", the semi opened door the lead to her bedroom showed a neatly folded uniform.

\---------------END FLASHBACK--------------

Looking out the corner of my eye, I saw Armin with his eyes close, probably half asleep.

"Cadet...", my soft voice called him, hand lightly touching his shoulder.

"What...? Lieutenant!", he yelled, realising he'd fallen asleep. "I'm awake!"

"Sure you are... Go to bed.", I told him. We got down from the branch we'd been sitting on and I approached Eren's tent. Petra had fallen asleep in the meanwhile, her gentle breath mixing with the night sounds. Opening the entrance to the tent, my gaze peered in to make sure everything was alright.

"Aren't you going to sleep, mam?", Jaeger asked, sitting up.

"Someone has to keep watch. I'm responsible for you guys afterall."

"Let me help you.", he got up and put on his gear before I could prohibit him. Looking out and over to the tree line, inspecting it. It'd been well over an hour and a half so Jean and Mikasa were probably asleep by now. I covered Petra with her green cape and walked towards the watch site.

The sound of Eren's anti-titan blades clanked loudly as he rushed to accompany me. He ended up sitting beside me on the branch.

"What do you do during these hours, lieutenant Krieger?"

"I think."

"About what?"

"About none of your business.", a light chuckle escaped my lips. "Plans, the past, the future. Those sorts of things."

"I see.... I really want this to work... I want to control my powers so we can retake Wall Maria.."

"Me too, Jaeger. But we need to be patient. Things like these can't be rushed. All in due time."

"I know but, now, we really have a chance against them. It just requires that I...", he looked at his hand. "hurt myself."

"Listen, a lot of the time, we think we're ready for things when we really aren't. Don't get all excited just yet.", silence took over for a moment.

"Mam... today you called me Lee--"

"It was a mistake. I got carried away and let my emotions rule over."

"It must've been hard...", he murmured.

"Seeing people die is never easy, Eren."

"I know that.."

"You endured well the beating Levi gave you", I smiled. "Not everyone can say that."

"Thanks... I guess.."

"I imagine that, at the time, you didn't understand why he did it. Neither of us did. In fact, Mikasa almost jumped from the stand to defend you. That girl will do anything for you, you know that."

"I know..", he lowered his head. He seemed embarassed but the pale moonlight wasn't enought for me to makeout if he was blushing or not.

"Do not make her take unnecessary risks. When I was younger-- eh, nevermind, it's not important."

The sound of metallic cables and reels, typical of 3-D gear reached my ears and I turned to get a look at the origin of the sound. A shadow was approaching rather fast and, before either of us had time to get up, corporal Levi landed on our branch.

"Captain? What are you doing here?", I asked. A second shadow appeared behind him; it was Eld.

"We've been pursuing the shit who's been sabotaging us. We've followed it here.", he answered with a straight face.

"Right.", I nodded. "We haven't noticed anything odd."

"Where's Petra?"

"She's sleeping. We had a rough day. Jaeger here had an accident and we spent the afternoon with him, making sure that he was fine."

"Hm, come.", he jumped off the branch and we followed. Eld was chatting him up behind me and I quickened the pace, reaching Levi.

"Are we suspending the activities?"

"No, that would be suspicious. Proceed as usual."

"I've suspended Eren from tomorrow's activities as punishment for his recklessness."

"Forget that shit. Take us to your tent, we'll talk there.", he replied sharply.

"Right.", showing them the way to my tent, we walked through the camp quietly, trying to leave the sleeping cadets undisturbed. Inside, Levi took my maps and began scribbling over them, sitting on one of the corners, absorbed in his thoughts. Eren was told to get Petra. While we waited for her, the corporal filled me in on the facts.

"This guy only showed up after that brat arrived so it could be related to that.", he concluded.

"I see... Then what's the plan?", Petra asked, entering the tent and looking at the scribbled notes at Levi's feet.

"Tomorrow, do everything as normal. The kids go and do whatever it is they do here and we watch."

"And we leave Eren unprotected?", she asked.

"We can't get too close. If we want to get this guy, he can't suspect anything. Plus, it's safe to assume that he wouldn't try anything if ranked soldiers like us were there to protect him.", I replied.

"He seems to be smart enough to figure out it's a trap if we make the slightest mistake. We almost lost him on the way here.", Eld noticed.

"You.", Levi lifted his gaze towards Eren. "Not a word to the other brats, got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Now scram. This doesn't concern you.", he left, leaving the four of us remaining.

"How are we going to distribute the surveillance? I've divided the kids into teams.", I asked as he scrolled his eyes over the sheet of paper that had the teams and we went silent.

\--  


"Very well... Petra, Krieger, you two take Ackerman's group and I'll take Jaeger's. Eld, keep an eye over the camp."

"Right.", we nodded. I got up and left the tent after he'd dismissed us. Someone had to continue the night watch and I was precisely making my way back to the tree when I heard rustling behind me.

"Rest, Krieger.", Levi ordered, passing by.

"Are you sure?"

"You look dreadful. Get out of my sight.", he replied. Somehow, it seemed like he meant it in a caring way, not that captain would ever show affection over anyone directly, for that matter.

"Goodnight corporal."

"So you're finally taking orders now, huh...", he murmured, walking away.

"Huuh?", I turned back. "What's that supposed to mean?", but he didn't answer. Petra was in my tent when I got back.

"So, did the captain told you to rest here as well?", I smiled at her.

"No. I was just wondering... are we really using Eren as bait to lure whoever it is out? I trust corporal Levi 100% but I'm afraid that something might go wrong... What if he panics and turns into a titan?"

"Eh, Levi's right. I still think it would be better to keep Jaeger here but then, we'd lose the guy for sure. It's worth a shot. I really hope Eren doesn't run his mouth to the others..."

"I doubt it...", she remarked. "He wouldn't disobey a direct order like that."

"True.. I'm going to sleep now, the sun should be up in a few hours.", I told her.

"Right, goodnight, (Y/n).", she left, leaving me alone. The unbelting of the straps was done slowly as sleep took over my tired body. I laid down and closed my eyes.  


\--  


The sound of rustling and voices woke me up. As my eyes opened lazily, I saw the sun shinning through the fabric of the tent. It didn't seem like a lot of time had passed since I'd fallen asleep. Outside, the cadets scattered around like busy ants, preparing the meals and their horses.

"So everyone decided to wake up early today, huh..", the comment escaped my lips as Jean was walking by, a small potato in his hand.

"Petra gave us the morning's orders. She thought you could use some rest after spending the whole night on watch.", he replied.

"Is everything going smoothly?"

"To the last bit.", Sasha smiled, carrying a series of wooden logs to add near the firepits.

"Where's Petra?", I asked and was told she'd gone to the river nearby. "Take care of things here, I need to talk to her."

Moving away from the camp, I could slowly begin to see her figure, kneeled by the water behind a tree. She was washing her face and, on the other riverbank, Eld and Levi were doing the same.

"Good morning.", they greeted me. The captain simply looked at me in a greeting style.

"Morning. Thanks for handling things back there, Petra. They're almost ready to leave.", I replied.

"Signal me when you give the order so I can take your place.", requested Eld.

"Right, I'm going back there now.", the cadets were already tending to their horses and saddling them up. "Very well, before we start today's exercise, I have to announce that Jaeger's punishment has been lifted so.. rejoice.", I joked. "Remember, keep together within the groups as much as possible and protect eachother. Don't let your teammates fuck up when you can help. And no stupid stuff.", I flashed Eren a death glare.

"Understood.", they answered.

"Dismissed."

The day went by swiftly as Mikasa's group stayed fairly close to roads, mapping the area thoroughly and marking strategic sites. As they were preparing to return, I signalled Petra my early leave. Afterall, I needed to warn Eld and get back to the camp before the cadets did.  


-

"Did you guys make any progress?", I asked nonchalantely, while I brushed my horse.

"We're on the right track.", Corsini aswered, securing his mount on the makeshift fence.

"Good. Don't forget; tomorrow is your last day to complete this assignment.", I warned. Petra came to meet me and discuss Eren's group. "So, what did the captain find out today?"

"Nothing, the guy is probably planning something. Corporal thinks he might try to separate Eren from the rest."

"I see... Okay, I'll watch over him during his watchi shift. Will we all meet after the cadets are asleep?"

"I don't know yet. The captain mentioned that he was going to scour the area, looking for clues. Either way, I'm glad things turned out alright."

"I agree..", a heavy sigh escaped my lips. "I hope that fucker doesn't start sabotaging us now.", the memory of my broken cable during the training course popped into my head. How hadn't I noticed anything off? or Erwin, if his equipment was tampered with, i had to be from someone on the inside.. Really, how did they get in, though..?

About two hours had passed until dinner was ready and we sat around the firepits. The kids were making great progress, specially Eren's group, which had already corrected most of the map's errors and still had a day left. When they came to deliver me the day's reports, Armin asked to speak privately with me.

"What's the matter?"

"Lieutenant, today during the mission, I felt like something was off. It seemed like we were being watched. Sasha noticed it as well, so I thought it best to mention it to you."

"Hm, very weird, Arlert...", how could they have possibly have sensed the captain? these kids were better than I'd imagined. "It's probably your senses playing tricks on you. That or, your next target, the giant wild boar. He lurks around in the forest, I'm surprised none of you has crossed paths with it already."

"Right....", he didn't seem convinced but it was doubtful that he'd do anything to try and understand who was following them. It was best that nothing was confirmed instead of them being visibly different just because a superior officer was watching them.

"Don't worry.", I smiled. "Sometimes our keep senses are a bit too overactive."

He joined the others and, after a while, I did the same, sitting next to Petra. She was telling them stories about her missions. The cadets where all sitting around her like little kids; it was almost adorable.

"Is it true that captain Levi has stopped in the middle of fights to clean his swords?", Connie asked.

"Yes, it is. He likes to have his things clean."

"What, are you serious?!", they laughed, her expression turning annoyed.

"Hey, you do not mock an officer of superior rank! Specially no when he's l--"

"Do you brats want to measure the perimeter of the clearing using your thumbs or what?", I interrupted, knowing she would reveal Levi presence accidentaly.

"No, no! We're sorry!", they replied, seeing my harsh face.

"Good.", my eyes darted to Petra, who sighed in relief. Soon after, the watch hours began.  


-  


I climbed the tree where Jaeger was doing his shift and sat leaning agaisnt the main trunk. Looking at the darkness sorrounding us, a deep breath helped me relax. The smell of rain lingered in the air, although no cloud could be seen yet. Not that one could see a lot, since the moon was starting to wane.

"How was it today, Jaeger?", the softness present in my voice was only due to my lack of attention to the conversation, my focus being more on surveilling the forest for any intruders.

  
"Why do you ask, mam? Was the report lacking anything?"

"No, I'm asking if you felt well during today."

"Oh, yeah. Yes, I did. Thanks for asking.", he smiled. "I didn't have any problems."

"Good.", silence took the place of our conversation once again. "Listen, I don't want you wandering around alone, it could be dangerous."

"I understand, I won't, mam. Hm... lieutenant?"

"Yeah, what?"

"When was the... first time you ever saw a titan? Jean told me you were in the Garrison at the time of the attack.."

"You cadets are very snoopy! Always asking about officials' lives", I huffed, annoyed. "Well, let me think.. I believe my first time seeing one up close was in my first year there."

\-----------FLASHBACK------------

"Come on, don't you wanna score easy money?", Ray insisted, her eyebrow cocked at me.

"Not really... I mean, obviously a couple of extra bucks wouldn't do me any harm but I don't even know if I can reach the minimum time...".

According to Ray, there was a secret betting system that was based on the proximity to the titans down there. The closer and longer you were there, the better. I'd been more than a week since the incident and my hands were completely healed, thanks to her ointment.

"Eh, suit yourself...", she shrugged, walked back to her section. This week, apparently, the challenge was being held on that section, 7L, right next to mine. I used to watch the guys go down there, since she told when it would happen. Whenever the champion changed, they switched spots; either that, or when some of the higher ups suspected anything.

The patrol group lead by that blonde idiot, who I'd learned was the son of captian Strauss, helped Ray and some other guys keep it a secret. She and those guys interviened when things went too far and someone got close to getting hurt.

Curiosity started to take over me as soon as someone jumped off the ledge and they started counting the person's time. I'd get close to the edge, on my side of the separator and lay down on my stomach to watch. My eyes followed as the silhouette became smaller and smaller and eventually mixed in with the landscape.

Most of them got scared after passing through the lower half of the wall and got back up, losing the money they'd invested. And so, a small fortune accumulated as the hours passed.

The meetings weren't very often. For now, tuesdays and fridays, when the senior guards where known to be slackers who didn't even bother to show up. Despite of most people turning back and getting back up here without actually having done anything, most of them still came with a wild smile on their lips, as if the adrenaline of doing something possibly dangerous was enough thrill.

Could it be that exciting but so scary for so many people to hold it down there yet still wanting to return day after day? I'd saved some money for lunch that day but I could go without it this time.

"Ray, I'll go next.", crossing to her side of the separator, my heart increased its speed. What was the maximum time so far? 10 seconds, apparently but... it was on top of a titan's head. 10 seconds isn't a lot but time up here and time down there passed at different rates.

"Okay, ready?", she asked me. Attaching my cables to the wall, I nodded yes, jumping.

To willingly jump and to be thrown off the ledge were very different things. When Strauss had pushed me, I was vulnerable, distracted, powerless you could say; atleast for the first few seconds. Here I was... I was free, I was flying, all the control possible was in my own hands.

My equipment was kept under religious conditions; inspected everyday and cleaned thoroughly. I had nothing to worry about. The sound of the reel working didn't scare me this time, instead, it only made my heart beat faster and my excitement to get down there grow further.

As the heads of the larger titans drew nearer, I lowered the speed at which I was descending, until it came to a complete stop. The one closest to me didn't even seem to notice my presence, since it kept clawing at the wall down bellow. It was massive, I couldn't even estimate it's size properly.

It smelled like rotten eggs and it had a disgusting face, with a smile too big for it's head. I understood why people wanted to leave as soon as they got there but if anything went south, the Wall was right there and the gear would help me escape without any problems.

I looked back up at the top and signalled them that I was about to jump. Releasing the cables and jumping off the stone wall, I leaped though the air and landed on the creature's head. Immediately, my hands clenched its hair to keep me steady. At first, it didn't seem to notice me but, when I got up, it started looking to the sky, almost like it was trying to see me.

I could barely hold on to its thick hair strands with the way it started moving its head. It lifted its arms up and began clawing at it's own scalpe, trying to catch me. This was enought for me.

I didn't even think about it, I just jumped back to the wall and got up there as fast as I could. It was only as I passed the top ledge that my brain processed what had happened and I laid on the ground, my heart thumping loudly, trying to escape my chest.

"How... long?", my pants made it hard to speak properly. The shakiness in my whole body prevented me from moving.

"4", they answered. Damn it... it'd seemed like an eternity had passed while I was down there.

"Never... again....", I sighed heavily, letting Ray help me up.

"Well, at least, we didn't have to rescue you...", she spat, looking desdainfully at one of the boys that still shivered in shock. "I hate people who don't know their limits, tche.", she scoffed, rolling her eyes. Apparently, I'd been the last person to be able to go that day, so we got back to our posts in no time.

  


\-----------END FLASHBACK---------------


	9. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there, here's another chapter. It's a bit shorter, I know, but I've been really tired and uninspired. Hope you like it anyways and thank you for reading

"A titan... with a... mouth too large for its head...?", Eren's voice sounded like a soft whisper. Turning to face him, my eyes caught his wide grin and glazed stare. "Titans... I'll kill them all!", he shouted, smiling.  
  
I'd never seen this side of him personally, although once, whilst walking around headquarters, his maniacal screams caught my attention, coming from the door that lead to the dungeon.  
  
"Jaeger, calm down.", honestly, that face reminded me of Kayla's last moments during the fateful expedition and it scared me.  
  
"They will pay...", he gritted his teeth, inhaling sharply.  
  
"Enough of that talk. This is why you can't control you titan form.", my voice sounded harsh and cold. Who did this kid thought he was, charging around, damning titans to hell when he couldn't even follow proper orders...?  
  
He seemed to snap out of his trance and bitter tears formed in his eyes. Despite wanting to help him, I thought it would be best not to ask about the matter any further. Sometime after this, his watch ended and he went to his tent, while my gaze followed his steps.  
  
  
"You should know by now that it's a shitty idea to discuss titans with that one.", a voice told me, coming from further up above the tree.  
  
"Oh, captain, it's you. I thought you were out scouting.", his sudden talking had startled me. Seeing that he wasn't answering, I kept on. "Those cadets, Armin and Sasha... today they noticed that they were being watched. Did you notice anything strange?"  
  
With these words, I didn't mean to imply that he'd made a mistake; captain was very serious about his work and he'd never slouch around, maybe the kids simply just perceptive, specially those two. Not even I noticed when the corporal had gotten near my branch on that tree.  
  
"The fucker is hiding somewhere...", he jumped down and landed next to me, looking at the forest side. "We'll keep watching the groups until he comes out.". Inhaling the air around my body, he frowned. "You stink."  
  
It was probably true. I hadn't had a lot of time to take a proper shower since we'd arrived there, not that it bothered me a lot. It was always like this during missions. My eyes met his, waiting for his order.  
  
"Go shower.", he said, looking out the corner of his eye. "I will not tolerate shit smelling people in my team."  
  
"Now? I'm in the middle of the watch."  
  
"Go.", his word was final. "Come back when you're done."  
  
Levi followed (Y/n) with his eyes as she jumped to the ground and made her way through the tents, until she reached the opposite end of the clearing and disappeared amonsgt the trees. He almost shuddered at the thought of how filthy she was; luckily, she was more obedient that Shitty Glasses, that one was the absolute worst.   
  
The corporal wondered if he should go with (Y/n), in case the intruder decided to start attacking the olders officers before moving on to the cadets but, since he'd found no signs of people in the nearby area, he didn't really care about it. She'd eventually return anyways.  
  
The (h/c) lieutenant arrived by the small river, seeing the others' three horses and walked over, towards the tent set up on the opposite riverbank. Petra was sitting by its entrance, sharpening her swords.  
  
"So, what's up?", she asked Krieger.  
  
"The captain ordered me to shower...", she rolled her eyes, sighing in an annoyed tone. She was met it a soft chuckle for the other girl.  
  
"Ah.. that's our captain.", Petra smiled. "You came for the soap then, right?"  
  
"Indeed. I forgot to bring any of those things, actually.", the other passed her a blue bar. "Keep an eye out, please. I don't want to be surprised when I'm fully naked."  
  
"Of course, don't worry."  
  
(Y/n) smiled at the other one and walked a bit further downstream, where the tent's subtle outline was still visible. She loosened the equipment's straps and set it near the water's edge, so she could easily access them, in case she needed. After that, the boots, the pants, the cape and the shirt where off next.  
  
She sat by the water and submerged her swollen feet into the cold running liquid. She glided into the stream gracefully, until she was completely under water. The yellow bandage that covered her hand was removed, revealing a deep red gash partially healed. After she'd washed herself, (Y/n) hoisted herself off the river, drying her body with the cape and getting dressed again.  
  
When Krieger got back to the tent, Petra had already left, probably to take her place for her watch shift. (Y/n) searched for a new bandage, since her old one was dirty and could made the wound infect. Despite leaving it to catch some air being the recommended thing to do at this point, leaving that cut open reminded her too much of what had happened.  
  
"Oi, I told you to take a shower, not go on a fucking holiday.", the captain appeared by the tent's entrance, looking (Y/n) up and down, annoyed.  
  
"I came to search for a bandage for my hand, sir. I forgot to bring one with me.", she answered, still rummaging through stuff.  
  
"They're there.", he pointed to a box on one of the corners. "Now hurry up."  
  
A sound came from outside; someone jumping from branch to branch. Their attention was caught and, instinctively, both of them ran outside the tent, after the figure trying to escape. There it was, in the middle of the main camp, between the tents.  
  
The corporal moved like a shadow, running after the person. It went inside one of the tents, exiting instants after and running towards the trees around the camp.  
  
"After him!", the captain shouted, passing Petra and Eld. (Y/n) followed him closely, zigzagging in sync with the runnaway.  
  
"I'm going to try and get around him!", the (h/c) hair colored girl scream, drawing out more gass from the equipment. A memory flashed before her and she hesitated for an instant.  
  
"Wake up, Krieger!", Levi yelled, pulling her out of her trance and she responded by launching foward, trying to cut the fugitive off.  
  
"Don't think you're getting away from me!", she yelled, attacking the hooded figure that snaked easily through the trees. He quickly turned and locked swords with the lieutenant, the sharp metal sound echoying through the woods.  
  
They swirled around in the air, (Y/n) always trying to block the man's escape routes and attacking him, trying to throw off his balance. The remaining three, kept on behind them, not fully accompaning the aereal fight that was happening. Krieger's hand was starting to give in; all the rubbing of the sword's grip was opening her wound and making it sting with pain.  
  
The freshly drawn blood dripped off the handle, sometimes flying in tiny drops that soiled nearby trees. She'd managed to injure her opponent, creating a deep gash on one of his legs.  
  
"How about some help, captain?!", she shouted, while struggling to get closer to the man again. Occasionaly, punches and kicks were thrown as well, each using their body weight to gain the upper hand. It was dark enough that one couldn't see well enough to distinguish anything in particular but, between the trees, small moonlight beams lit up certain spots.  
  
With a swift movement, (Y/n) made her opponent fall back and into one of those beams, illuminating their face. A huge scar went from one side of the face to the other, dragging down to the person's neck but, more important than that... the face seemed rather familiar.  
  
"Who are y--", before she could end the question, the person roundhouse kicked her, hitting the same spot Levi had injured her a couple of days before. The piercing pain she felt dashed up and down her body, sucking the air from her lungs. She failed to activate her 3-D gear and fell to the ground, unable to move.  
  
The fugitive took the oportunity to escape, followed by Levi and the others. They didn't seem to have noticed (Y/n) on the forest floor bellow, struggling to even catch a breath. She'd fallen on her elbows and knees, her nails digging into the dirt.  
  
 _That face... it's so.. familiar.. Who is it? Fuck, this hurts... I can't move..,_ she thought, wincing at the waves of pain that radiated from her back. She looked at her hand, fist still clenching the sword handle and her eyes caught sight of the crimson liquid trickling down the palm and soiling the skin as it moved.  
  
Her cut had opened due to the intense friction of the grip, stinging as it begged to be cleaned and wrapped in a fresh bandage. _My hand... it's wounded... Kayla--,_ she froze, unable to look away from the deep gash. A memory began to play before her eyes.  
  


\-----------------FLASHBACK----------------

"It's not worth it... we're all gonna die anyway, (Y/n)! I'd rather die by my own sword!", Kayla screamed, her eyes shining in a wild frenzy.

\----------------END FLASHBACK--------------

"No... no, Kayla... I.. I'm sorry... fuck...", (Y/n)'s tears streamed bitterly from her bloodshot eyes, directly on to the now moist ground. Her forehead rested on the wet patch of dirt, taking in a deep breath. "I probably have some cracked ribs...", even inhaling was hard.

She felt a water drop hit the base of her neck. It was starting to rain and soon all traces of the fugitive would have disappeared.

"We lost him....", Eld spat, frustrated.

"He got away right from under our noses, how can he be that good? (Y/n)...? (Y/n)!", screamed Petra, running towards the prostrated body. She felt cold to the touch, her clothes already half soggy from the water. "Are you okay? What happened?"

As raised (Y/n) to meet her eyes, she noticed the bloody hand and the dirt covered slash.

"What happened? Come on, talk to me...", she pleaded. The (h/c) hair colored woman lifted up her gaze, revealing a swollen face full of half dried tears.

"K-Kayla...", she blabbered, unable to say anything else.

"Oy, what's the matter here?", Levi spat, his eyes scolding the girls.

"Can you get up?", Petra muttered, grabbing (Y/n) by her arms.

"I think I have a few cracked ribs...", she answered, kneeling at first and then slowly rising to her feet.

"Come on, let's go back...", the brunette sighed. But the lieutenant's tears refused to be contained any longer. She clenched her wounded hand, refusing to take another step.

"Kayla... she... k-k---", she couldn't even finish the last word. The others stood there, trying to figure out what do to. It was the first time since she'd join the Corps that they were seeing (Y/n) have such a reaction.

"Captain, what do we do? She can't go back like this.", Petra noted, turning to Levi with a concerned expression.

"You go ahead. I'll handle this.", he replied, gesturing for them to get going.

"Right...", they nodded, hesitantly. As soon as Petra let go of (Y/n), she fell on her knees, still holding her hand.

She kept mumbling words and didn't even seem to have any intention of moving anymore.

"Oy, Krieger.", he spoke quietly, staring at her trembling figure. "Let's go."

"Corporal...", she seemed to have said, but Levi wasn't sure. The rain was starting to get rather intense. All her words came out jumbled up as she struggled to say something he didn't bother to try and understand. As the twigs cracked under his boots, he walked towards the crying woman, crouching in front of her.

Heavy rain drops rolled off the thick foliage above them, the sounds of those drops hitting puddles echoying through the night. Levi placed his hand on the back of (Y/n)'s neck and, grabbing a fistfull of her wet hair and pulling it so that he could see her puffy face.

Grieving was a diferent process for everyone, specially people who dealt with death so much as them. When he'd found her during that expedition, she was very quick to regain composture for someone who'd just lost an entire squadron. Things like those happened all the time. Accidents happen, people fuck up and it all goes to shit, so Levi thought. It wasn't her fault that it had happened.

"Calm down and let's go back.", he told her. Looking into her eyes. The (e/c) stood out even more when compared to the bright red that surrounded the iris. "It's of no use to cry. People die."

"I-if... I'd done something...", she winced again and silent tears rolled off her eyes once more. Should he hug her? Usually someone like her would feel comforted with a gesture like that but.. no, why do something so intimate with _her_? Just so she'd feel better? No one had done that with Levi and he'd turned out just fine. Besides, that could spark unwanted feelings, he'd seen it happen before, not that there was any danger of it happening to him, he figured.

"Enough. Stop with your pointless babbling. Move on.", he said bluntly as he started to head back. (Y/n), seeing him get further and further away, lunged foward using her hands, stumbling and ending up hugging a tree trunk nearby. Levi heard the loud thumping noise the impact had made and turned.

Seeing her panting and having trouble even keeping balance, his instincts kicked in and he reached for her arm, placing it over his shoulder and supporting her weight. Why couldn't she forget? _Why can't you let it go, (Y/n)..._ , he thought as they walked, her head hanging low.

"Captain...", she mumbled, dragging her tired feet.

"What?"

"Thanks for coming back for us...", she replied, sighing softly afterwards. What did she mean, 'thanks'? That ridiculous brat thought they'd ever leave a soldier behind? He hadn't done her any favours, Erwin had ordered their extraction and he followed through. Levi couldn't understand how she could be treating the fact that they'd gone back to help them as if it were a priviledge. The Corps had already a shortage of soldiers, they just couldn't afford to lose more.

The rest of the way back was done in absolute silence. (Y/n) had stopped crying but only because she seemed to be half passed out. Rain kept pouring and, although the thick tree tops shielded them from some of the downpour, they were still soaking wet. When they met Eld and Petra again, Levi told them that he'd take Krieger to their second campsite, to tend to her wounds.

They agreed with a silent nod, concerned for her.

\--  


"Hm... are we there...?", I asked in a weak voice. Looking around, it was obvious that someone had carried me into a tent. Light came in from the outside. As I tried to sit, my back painfully protested but, after a couple of minutes, the shock wasn't so bad and I managed to sit up.

"Yes.", a voice coming from just outside the tent answered me. Captain Levi was sitting by a small fire, that had a pot with boiling water over it. A bandage was already wrapped around my wounded hand.

"Thank you, corporal... for carrying me.. I--", no words came out. There wasn't any excuse for my behaviour; a complete meltdown in front of them plus having let the suspect escape... how could that be explained?

"Eh, leave it.", he mumbled, holding a cup with the tips of his slender fingers. From where I was, the faint smell of tea coming from the cup reached my nostrils. The captain had mounted a small canopy over the tent and fire, to shield them from the heavy rain. "Here."

Levi passed (Y/n) the warm cup, accidentaly touching her hands. They were freezing. During the days following the failed expedition, it had been hard to deal with the loss of so many good soldiers. Usually, the corporal spent the whole night cleaning to release his pent up stress but he usually heard someone on the outside, someone roaming the hallway in a rushed pace.

When (Y/n) had first knocked on his door and offered him some tea... it had been more than what any of the others had ever done. Relieving the stress of being a squad leader and bearing the lives of companions on his shoulders.. she'd tried to help him do that. Or so he thought.

He'd seen her come back from the expedition, chatting with the kid, Lee, the whole way up until he got silent and succumbed to his wounds. He'd seen her look at the boy with tears forming in her (e/c) eyes but swallowing them up and get a grip, facing the kids' families during the return parade.

After that, Erwin had told him the story about her and Eld's brother. This girl knew what was losing someone and, even so, she still managed to get attached to other people. _What an idiot,_ Levi thought. He glanced at her, who was gripping the cup tightly, almost like she was soaking up the heat that came from it. She seemed more calm, sipping the tea slowly.

"Captain..", she murmured, looking at him out the corner of her eye. "I noticed something weird when we were chasing the intruder."

"Hm.", he inquired, not bothering to look at (Y/n). The rain felt heavily, blocking out some sound that came from her mouth.

"I think I know the person.", her voice souded like a whisper.

"Speak up, Krieger, I can't hear you properly.", as Levi said this, she scooted over a bit closer, and he felt the warmth radiating from her body.

"I think I know the person.", she repeated. This time, the words rolled from her lips in a soft melody almost, catching the corporal's attention.

"What? From where?"

"I don't remember very well... I know it's not someone from the Corps but, sometime during my life, I must have seen her. Her face is familiar."

"Her? It's a woman?"

"I believe so. What was she after anyways?"

"We don't know. She didn't steal anything."

"Nothing?... now that's weird... Anyways.. I'm sorry I made you carry me, I was covered in mud.", she apologized.

"You're part of the squad. Now, get some rest. Tomorrow we're going to decide what to do with those shitty brats."

"Has Erwin mentioned when the next expedition will be?", she asked, ignoring the previous order.

"In a few months.", he replied and (Y/n) let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank god for that... they seem younger each time.. I know we swore to give our lives for humanity but... how do you do it, captain? How do you deal with the pressure of seeing these kids d..d..--"

"You know how. I'm going for a walk to check in on the others. This conversation is over.", he got up and disappeared into the trees, leaving (Y/n) alone.

\-----------------FLASHBACK---------------

"Ray", I called her, leaning over the kitchen table.

"What?", a voice replied, coming from the bathroom.

"Where are you from?"

"Does that matter?"

"I'm just asking, don't get so defensive..", my nostrils flared up.

"The place where I used to live wasn't very nice, I'd rather not talk about it.", Ray stated, coming out rolled up in a towel.

"Suit yourself...", I shrugged. "Where did you learn how to fight like that, though? They don't teach that stuff in the Trainee Corps."

"My old man taught me. He was awesome at this."

"Your dad? How was he?"

"He wasn't my dad, (Y/n). I never knew my parents. Feng just adopted me when I was... hm, about 5 or so. He was cool. Now, enough of this, I need your final answer: are you in for the last competition?"

"Nah..", the cocky smile on her lips partially drooped. Ever since my first time going down Wall Maria and trying to top 10 seconds, I'd avoided repeating the experience. Even when we were just keeping an eye out for people who might take it too far and get hurt, I never got bellow a certain height again. "I think you should end this, Ray. Someone might get seriously hurt."

"That's not my problem. I just run bets.", she shrugged.

"You're a real bitch sometimes.."

"Hey, survival of the fittest." she chuckled. "So, you're still doing the extra shifts?"

"I have to.. After all, I need to pay for the house now."

"And I thank you for that. Sounds unbelievable that your dad kicked you out for such a stupid reason... 'You defile the great Wall..', pfff, for reals..."

"At least my mom still lets me go there when none of the religious freaks are home... She's been asking for help to pay for things. I'm also doing double shifts because of that.", I added.

"You'd make twice as much in bets, let me tell you. That guy, Mathias, fucking hell, he wins all that shit.", she seemed baffled at Mat's skill.

"So I've heard. He'll kill himself if he keeps going like this... I have a favour to ask you, Ray."

"Hm, I'm listening."

"Teach me how to fight like you do. It's just so freaking cool."

"Well... I could teach you... but only if you agree to competing next week."

"Hmph...", a heavy huff escaped my lips. "Fine."

\----------------FLASHBACK----------------

Levi got back to the tent about an hour later. He'd checked that cadets remained sleeping undisturbed and that, in fact, nothing had been stolen. (Y/n) was thrashing about in her sleep, turning and wailing quietly, probably due to some nightmare.

The afternoon of the expedition, when they'd separated the squads to establish a visibility network, her squad had taken the canyon area. It was supposed to be an easy location, since her subordinates had only been in the Corps for 2 years. Everything was going fine on Levi's side until he saw the red flare soaring above the gorge.

Under Erwin's orders, he was sent to check on them. Eliminating the titans that had swarmed the inside of the rocky walls hadn't been very easy, even with him being on top of the canyon. Once they were all dead, he noticed a small opening in the face of one the walls, where one of the titans had it's hand apparently stuck.

Inside, he found (Y/n) covered in blood on her clothes and hands, looking desperately at O'Connor's pale body, while her hands tried to cover a gushing wound on the girl's neck. On an opposite corner laid Lee, agaisnt the wall, passed out. There weren't any signs of the other two.

When she noticed him, she immediately stood up, in salute, looking with a serious expression at Levi.

"We need to hurry, Lee is in a very bad shape."

"What about the others?", the corporal inquired, looking around for evidence.

"Marla and Jack were... caught.", Levi could see the tears forming over her eyes and how much she was fighting them. "Kayla.. she--"

"Let's go then, the others will be here soon", he interrupted her. What the fuck had happened there anyways?... he noticed a deep gash on (Y/n)'s palm when she picked up the dead girl. He took Lee and they left.

\---

"What happened to (Y/n)'s squad, captain?", Petra had asked.

"I don't know. They got cornered by titans in the canyon.", he'd simply answered.

Looking at the lieutenant now, her brow furrowed and an expression of suffering on her face while she slept, he couldn't help but feel some sort of empathy towards her. Muscles of her face tensed up as she gritted her teeth and mumbled a couple of incomprehendable words. He leaned closer to (Y/n)'s sleeping figure and fixed a lock of disheveled hair, tucking it behind her ear.

She was warm now, sweating even, tiny droplets of sweats glistened under the fire light. He almost let his hand linger next to her, feeling the heat rising from the exposed skin of her neck and face.

"You're safe now, (Y/n)...", he whispered, looking at her. She seemed to calm down a bit, turning away from him as hear breathing softened. Seeing her like that made Levi sigh with relief for an instant.

_What's happening to me... this can't be. She's just another soldier, nothing more,_ he scolded himself and, tearing himself away from her proximity and sitting outside again. Just because she's showed kindness, didn't made her any different from the lot of those brats. He knew better than to form close bonds with people. He didn't want another Farlan nor Isabel.


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, another week, another chapter. Enjoy, leave a comment if you liked it :D

 

\--Before the 56th expedition outside Wall Rose--

(Y/n) was attending the usual meeting with the team leader, hearing the strategy proposed by commander Erwin.

"Lieutenant Krieger, your team will sweep this area right here", he told her, handing her a semi detailed map of the region. "It should be simple enough for you. We don't want to pressure the kids too much, just yet."

"I agree, sir.", she replied, nodding. Despite being soldiers for almost two years by now, her teammates were still young and didn't have much experience dealing with stressfull situations.

After all the captains being assigned a specific location around base camp, the discussion revolved around the general plan. Supposedly, all of the teams should help secure the advanced outpost and only then split up and cover the individual areas.

-

"How are you feeling?", Hange asked (Y/n), galloping by her side, while the scouting formation was still tight.

"I'm fine.", (Y/n) smiled, glancing at the other four behind her. "Let's do a clean mission, kids."

"Yes, mam!", they cheered.

"That is... if Lee doesn't start fucking around...", snarled Jake.

"Do you wanna fight?!", he other growled back.

"Oy, I'll punch both of you idiots if you don't stop right now!", the lieutenant threatned, making Hange laugh.

"Sorry, (Y/n)....", the they sulked.

"You should follow Marla and Kayla's example more..", the (h/c) haired woman noted, praising the calm and composed demeanor of the two girls on her team.

"Don't be so strict, (Y/n)!", Hange laughed. "If you keep that up, you'll turn into a female Levi!"

"Why are you talking about me, Shitty Glasses? Go die.", the raven colored hair man spat, from further in the front of the formation.

-

It didn't take them long to reach the advanced outpost previously set. It was rather rudimentary but it served as a mission support base, crucial to maintaign in order to guarantee future missions' success. It was then that, during an encounter with an abnormal titan, commander Erwin suffered the accident which lead to his arm injury.

Luckily, captain Levi was quick to erradicate the threat, much to everyone's relief. The outpost was a tree platform high enough that no ordinary titan could reach, so it was relatively safe. Provisions from previous missions had been left there, in case something went wrong and they had to stay put for  couple of days.

"Commander, are you sure we should continue de mission? It could affect the whole Corps, should you not be in the best of conditions to lead the formation.", (Y/n) questioned Erwin, while he was being looked after by the medic.

"Mike, make sure all goes according to what we'd planned.", the stern man ordered, glancing at his second in command, Mike Zacharias. "Lieutenant, I appreciate your concern, thought it is not needed. Focus on the task at hand."

"Very well, sir. We'll return soon.", she raised her fist to her chest, saluting him one last time before heading out, followed by the other four.

-

From where they were to the entrance of the high wall canyon it as about a 10 minute ride straight forward. Two colossal masses of earth stood proud as if the doorway to Wall Maria herself. No sound could be heard coming from the inside and the air at the rocky gate felt stale.

"(Y/n), something feels a bit off...", Marla noted, looking uneasy. The lieutenant checked her map once more, to confirm it was the correct place and indeed, they were standing right at the edge of the area they were supposed to clean up.

"Off? Let's go, it's probably just your sense tricking you.", she dismissed the warning, rilling up her horse to enter the passage. The only task they had to do was enter through one way, go out the other and kill any titan in the middle. As simple as that.

The day ws a bit cloudy, having rained earlier and it probably would rain again, judging by the thick dark clouds that dimmed the sunlight shinning on them. Visibility wasn't too good after a rather small radius in open field, hence why they only noticed a 15m class titn when it was relatively close.

"Lieutenant, shall we?", Jake asked her, hands falling to her blades.

"Negative. We need to clean this passage. We'll avoid contact with all other titans if we can. In fact, I don't believe that one has seen us yet, so let's go in and get this over with."

"Right.", they nodded. Despite all of them being young and treating her like she was an older sister instead of a superior officer, they respected (Y/n) and had faith in her decisions as a team leader, knowing she made them with utmost care and attention, in order to guarantee their safety at all times.

"The road is wide enough for two horsemen to ride side by side. Jake, you stay at the back; Sanchez, you ride next to me and Kayla and Lee, you guys go in the middle.", she ordered. They held this formation for a while, trotting calmly through the contorting and maze-like narrow gapped canyon.

"This sure is high....", Marla stated, looking up, to where the walls almost seemed to close up, blocking most of the light from the outside.

"Yeah, miss lieutenant, couldn't you have asked for a better lit area? This looks like a dungeon...", Lee complained, huffing.

"Shut up, you whiny brat.", (Y/n) scolded in a playful tone. "Pay attention to the road nd stop making so much noise.", she looked at the walls that caged them in, noticing something rather odd. According to the map, the materials that made this location didn't match.. "Oy, stop.", she ordered absentmindedly, directing her horse to ge closer to the wall.

"What is it?", Jake asked, looking at her, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"This is... wrong.", (Y/n)'s brown furrowed as she touched the frail material that easily crumbled in her hands. "We need to leave now, this is very dangerous."

"Whaaat? Please...", scoffed Lee, smiling, his green eyes shining in the dim light. "We're the Gamma Squad, it's in the bag! Right, guys?"

"Yup.", Kayla smiled at the captain, her flame short locks framing her smooth face as she spoke. "You shouldn't worry so much about us."

"Your enthusiasm is praise worthy, but we should leave right away.", (Y/n) replied dryly, searching for the easiest escape route from that trap.

"What's the matter, tell us, (Y/n)", Sanchez requested.

"The map is wrong. You're right, Marla. Something it very off, they must've fucked it up last time we came here.", the lieutenant answered.

"We'll double back and return to base camp. As simple as that.", Jake concluded.

"Let's go then.", Krieger rushed her horse to turn back but, seeing several titans' silhouettes starting to appear just around the corner behind them, she hesitated. "We can't go that way, it's too dangerous."

"We can make it, (Y/n)", Sanchez tried to sooth her to no avail. "We've been training for this for years, now."

"Look, kids, I know you want to show me what you're capable of, but I already _know_ what you can do. I simply don't want to risk anything, let's continue forward, we'll escape through the other end.", she made her horse turn once more, galloping fullspeed.

They were galloping for about a full minute before they where sure that there was enough distance between them and the titans. Despite being relieved that there were no creatures in sight, (Y/n) couldn't make out which way to go next.

"Where to, mam?", Kayla asked, scooting over and eyeing the intricate maze on the paper sheet.

"I don't understand... It should be right there...", the other replied, unable to believe their situation. She knew she hadn't made any mistakes when reading the fucking map so how was it possible that they were in the wrong spot?

Titan footsteps broke the silence that encased them team and the pressure began to rise.

"I'll climb up and see where we are.", Lee stated, preparing to jump.

"Don't do it.", the leader warned. "These walls are weak and they can't handle your weight."

"You worry too much, miss.", he laughed, launching the cables and securing them to either side of the canyon, before she could stop him, jumping into the air. A titan dragged itself along the path, half of it's flesh constantly being torn by the snaking walls, getting closer to them by the second.

When Lee gave the final impulse to go up even higher, the metal hooks that kept the cables in place tore through the crumbling material, making the boy freefall until he hit the ground, thumping hard against the packed dirt.

"JASON!", (Y/n) shouted, jumping off her horse to help the kid. Kayla did the same and, together, they carried him towards the horses, where he was strapped to the lieutenant's saddle. "NO ONE is to use the gear on the walls, got it?", the older spat, looking at the passed out boy. The titans were starting to surround them but, seeing an opening between their high legs, Krieger steered her squad until they were clear of danger.

-

"Lee...?", Marla gently slapped him, trying to wake him up.

"That idiot...", (Y/n) growled, glaring at him. "Come on, we'll take care of him when we're safe."

-

Once again, the titans caugh up to them, except this time, the gap between the walls was far too narrow to pass through their legs, specially with Lee still unconscious. The space between the walls was small enough that it only allowed one creature to pass through at a time.

Lucky for them, the titans coming from the back would still take  few minutes to catch up to them, so they still had a time gap wide enough to take out these ones.

"I'll handle this one", stated (Y/n), jumping and hooking her cables to the monster's body, turning around it. The immensely narrow space made it hard to reach the other side, causing her to scrape her back on the rocky wall, tearing part of her clothes.

"(Y/n)!", Marla shouted, lunging forward and doing the same as her commander.

"Sanchez, stay where you are! Stay with them!", (Y/n) yelled back, but was ignored, since the brunette had already hooked her metal cables to the titan and swirled around it, reaching its nape at the same time as Krieger.

"You see, captain?? You should have a little more faith in us...", she panted, her hands gripping her knees for support. "What a rush! Bring it on!", she chuckled.

"Let's just get out.", the lieutenant stated harshly, ending the chat. They began the ride again, facing yet another titan on the increasingly narrow path.

"I'll go.", Marla said, looking at her commander with a confident stare.

"I'm the leader, I'll go.", (Y/n) held her in place by grabbing her arm.

"The captain should stay here with the others and look after them. This one is shorter than the other, it's easier. Besides, you've already hurt yourself.", she answered, freeing herself from the grasp of the older woman and jumping to attack the creature.

Krieger hadn't even noticed that her uniform was half torn up on the back and shoulder as well, revealing a small set of cuts that were bleeding slightly but nothing very serious. She hadn't even been able to stop the other girl from fighting the monsters. She had to find a way for them to get some rest and attend Lee's injuries.

"Come back here now, Sanchez!", the lieutenant shouted towards the girl that spiraled around between the titan's legs. "Don't go alone then! You two, take care of Lee and the horses, we'll clear a path.", they nodded and she ran towards the beast, attacking it.

Marla quickly took out the smaller titan in front of them and they managed to move on. (Y/n) approached the girl and gave her a slap on the back of the head.

"Hey... that hurts!", the other complained, rubbing the numb area.

"When I give an order, you have to obey! Or do you want something to bad to happen to you, like it did to Lee?!"

"Come on, don't be so stiff, mam. This is kinda fun, actually...", she noted, smiling. "Look, there's another one."

"This one...", (Y/n) looked at its figure. It was wider than the others, a fact revealed by the lack of skin on both its arms as shoulders. The space between it and the walls was even shorter than any of ther previous ones. It also seemed abnormal, seeing that it threw itself against the one of the sides periodically. "It's too dangerous, let's find another way past it. It seems to me like there's something up ahead on one of the walls"

"Easy-peasy!", Sanchez laughed, jumping again. The lieutenant had no other choice but to go after her.

"Stop trying to be a fucking her, Marla! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!"

"Don't worry about me, I'm--"

"WATCH OUT!", Jake's scream ecchoed through the whole maze. He yelled as he saw the shift in the titans feet but she wasn't able to move in time and the creature's shoulder crushed her against the rocky wall. A loud impact was heard and some blood spewed out, staining the earth near the corpse. "Get out of there, (Y/n)!", Jake shouted at her, who was barely able to rip her cables off the creature's flesh without almost getting crushed as well. She fell on the ground, rolling a few meters before getting up and running towards the other three.

"We need to go, now. I think there's enough space under this one's legs, we need to hur--", before she could end the sentence, the horse that carried Jake was grabbed by another titan that had appeared behind them, the boy having jumped off of it at the last second possible.

"L-l-l-l-lieutenant....", Kayla whimpered, holding the reins so tighly, her knuckles had turned white. The stench of rotten eggs and fresh blood mixed with the scent of rain created a mist that travelled around them, impregnating itself on their clothes.

"Relax, now's not the time to panic. let's go!", (Y/n) yelled, pulling Jake up to Kayla's horse and mouting her own, where Lee was still asleep. "Through it's legs!"

She instigated her horse to run as fast as it could, making a sharp turn to escape the monster's foot. On the left side of the path, there was an indentation that could be a cave of something where they could hide. She looked up, to where the stain left by Marla's body was and clenched her jaw, gritting her teeth.

The loud sound of the titan munching on her fellow soldiers bones was more than enough to make her want to throw up but she managed to keep it together, afterall, she had three other people to care for. If only she'd been more stern... Sanchez wouldn't be dead.

(Y/n) looked back at the other two, to make sure they were doing alright and, seeing them almost being stepped on by the creature, she got distracted, steering her horse poorly and making it trip on a slight hollow on the ground. The animal rolled over at high speed and she and Lee were launched off of its back, ending up hitting the soil and rolling a couple of meters. Realising they were about to fall, Krieger hugged Lee tightly, protecting it from the impact.

A few meters ahead, she got up slowly, picking up the boy and seeing her horse with an exposed fracture.

"We need to call for help...", she muttered to herself, franticly looking around an finally locking her gaze on the saddlebag which rested beneath the injured animal. The other two arrived there in a couple of seconds.

"(Y/n), are you okay?", Jake asked.

"Don't mind me. Kayla, take Lee inside.", she pointed at the cave. "Jake, help me take this off.", they tried to lift up the horse but its injury was probably too painful for it to move. "I'm sorry, friend...", the woman whispered sofly, pulling out her blade and using it to detach the animal's vertebrae, killing it quickly.

Thus, they managed to roll it off the saddlebag, where the flaregun was stored. There was a small box with several flares of different colors but Krieger wasn't succeeding at holding it properly. All the effort she'd made and the stress of the whole situation had made her hands start to shake, making it harder to load the gun.

"(Y/n), they're closing in, hurry up!", Jake rushed her, his voice had an alarmed tone to it.

"Almost there...", she finally opened the stupid box and took one of the flares but, before she could load the gun, she was pulled into the cave.

Right on time before a hand tried to grasp what was there before, picking up the horse instead. Neighing was heard but then everything went silent once more. (Y/n) had back up against the wall inside the small cavern, trying to regain focus and balance.

"We need to call for help.", she mumbled, her eyes fixated on the entrance. Low sounding sobs were heard, coming from where Kayla was, kneeling next to Lee. The lieutenant approached the entrance only to jump back, avoiding the huge hand that entered it, scratching the floor, while searching for them. "Jake, are you okay?", (Y/n) turned to the boy hunched over and leaning against the smooth rock, trying to swallow his breakfast back down. He sat up, glaring at the spastic appendage of the monster.

"Y-yes, I am, (Y/n)", he nodded, coming out of his trance.

"Kayla..?", the older woman turned to the red head, that wept loudly now.

"Marla.. is dead!", she yelped, covering her puffy face with her hands.

"I know... come on, we still have to help Lee...", she let her hand rest on the girl's shoulder but her muscles recoiled and she pulled up her knees to her chest, burying her face and sobbing silently.

Without a plan yet, Krieger sat down by the passed out boy, taking his head on her lap and lightly slapping it, while checking for major wounds.

"Lee..?", she whispered softly, but she recieved no answer. He was still breathing and had a pulse so, he should probably wake up soon either way. Still, he needed medical attention immediately. "Kayla, are you wounded?", her response was a negative head nod. From what (Y/n) had seen of Jake, he was also okay. She was the only left.

The adrenaline and her worry for them had completely overrided her sence of pain. Looking at her shoulders, she noticed that the small cuts she'd made earlier were now larger and had made her a new bloody sleeve where the clothes had ripped.

Tearing the bottom of her shirt, now dirty, she tied some sort of bandage with her teeth. Certainly, she'd have other wounds throughout her body but now wasn't the time to think about that. She felt something move on her lap.

"Ngh...", Lee mumbled.

"Jason?", (Y/n) looked at his face relieved that he'd finally regained concience, even though his eyes were still closed. "How do you feel?"

"Captain? What... happened?", slowly, his green irises were revealed and moved to stare straight at her, who didn't nothing more than smile and softly caress his disheveled hair.

"You disobeyed me, like you always do, and you fell.", she chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "Don't you remember that?"

"Yeah... sort of, sorry about that.", he smiled apologetically. He seemed to have some trouble breathing and also being in some sort of pain, seeing as his face contorted from time to time. "I can't...--"

"Breathe properly? It should be expected, you probably have a few broken ribs, so. Don't wo--"

"...feel my legs.", hearing this, (Y/n)'s train of thought stopped. In fact, it completely derailed and burned to a crisp. A cold sweat trickled down her semi exposed back and her stomach turned, forming a tight knot.

"What do you mean..? Can't you feel this?", her fingers pinched tightly a bit of skin above his knee.

"Feel what?...", he seemed confused by the whole situation. When he tried to sit up, she helped him, letting him rest against the inner wall. "Captain... honestly, will I ever walk again?", he asked, afterwards jumping at the sight of the enormous hand digging the entrance of the small cave. Luckily for them, the titan didn't have enough reach to get close to where they were sitting. "Where even are we?"

"We found a cave on the edge of the gap.", Jake answered him before the commander could.

"We need to find a way to alert the others... " she mused, her gaze pensive as she looked at the loaded flare gun.

"Where's Marla?", Lee asked, sounding distracted.

"Sanchez... she...", (Y/n) began mumbling, feeling her eyes fill with tears. "She was caught...". The lieutenant stood up and paced around for a moment, before walking towards Jake, avoiding Lee's glazed look on her back; she could feel his stare burning her.

"What happened?", he questioned, swallowing a cry.

"She tried to take out a titan too dangerous for us and didn't make it."

"And the captain didn't go back for her...", Kayla added, speaking in a low poisenous tone.

"What did you say?", (Y/n) spat, glancing at the shrivelled up girl on the corner. "I warned her not to go and she didn't listen to me.", why did Kayla have to do this... during a mission, when lives were at stake, why did she have to throw a tantrum and make the commander sound like the bad guy... She didn't want to shout, nor get mad at them; not after they'd just lost a friend. "Kayla...", she kneeled in front of the red head, her forehead resting against the top of the other's head.

She felt her tears moisten up her face and ligthly caressed the younger girl's hair, who continued to refuse to lift up her face, rejecting any contact.

"We'll leave this place soon enough, come on, don't let fear take hold of you. We knew there'd be tough moments like this when we joined.", (Y/n) whispered softly.

"M-marla said...", Kayla mumbled, her words inaudible. The lieutenant didn't have time do stick around taking care of each person's mental state; they had to find a way out of there and fast. When she got up, Lee pulled the red head into a tight hug, trying to comfort her.

Walking towards Jake, (Y/n) noticed he was inspecting the monstruous hand, probably trying to find a weakness.

"(Y/n), I don't know how we're going to do this...", he sighed in a low voice, so the others couldn't hear them.

"Me neither...", she hated to admit that she didn't have a plan, specially now that she'd been praised by Erwin for being a rather good strategist. Krieger looked closely at the opening, hoping to observe the outside, through the small gaps left when the arm moved around.

-

"Use me, (Y/n).", she heard Jason say.

"What?! Are you insane?!", Jake yelled at him, throwing himself at the other's neck and almost shaking him violently before realising he was still injured.

"I'll probably never walk again... If we gave the titan something to chew on, he'd take the hand out for a moment and then we could shoot the rocket, right?", he proceeded.

"That is completely out of the question. We are not sacrificing anyone.", (Y/n) replied, her stance and tone firm.

"So what? We just stay here forever until the four of us die?!", Kayla complained, her voice almost hysterical. She seemed to have lost some mental sanity, judging by her appearance; her puffy face and bloodshot eyes, illuminated only by the ocasional sun rays that crept into the cave.

"Calm down....", the older on advised. They couldn't afford to start fighting. "No one will die here. Let's all be calm and think about a plan. You two rest, we'll handle this.", clearly, no help would come from a crippled boy who had now a death wish and a girl willing to have the murder of her friend on her hands for no good reason. They'd all die, then. "Jake, come here, I think I have an idea."

"Tell me."

-

He nodded after listening to the whole thing, smiling when he realised I seemed to be keeping a sort of leveled head, even when faced with such danger. He was a good kid, even though he fought a lot with Lee from time to time. He was, however, from the lot of them, the one most difficultly would let themselves be dominated by fear.

"Ready?", I asked, moving towards one of the sides of the creature's arm, while he flanked from the other side.

"Let's go.", he nodded with a stern expression on his face, looking concentrated at the spastic limb.

"If something happens to me, take care of those two, will ya?", my lips curled into a soft smile as the words fell from my mouth.

We took out our blades and began to chop off the arm. There was a window of a few minutes before it could regenerate so then we could go outside and shoot the fucking flare. The shot had to be well aimed because, if it were to hit one of the walls, it would blow up and not be seen from outside de canyon.

As soon as the arm was severed from the rest of the body, I left the cave with the gun on my hand, seeing a series of titans begin to assemble around where we were and, lifting my gaze up to the sky iI saw where the huge wall broke and let the grey skies be seen. Jake had left the cavern as well, holding up his swords to try and protect his captain.

"Go back inside!", the yell left my lips without me even realising. My full attention was on the cloudy dope above us, where I had to hit.

"I won't leave you alone out here!"

"If I die, it doesn't matter!", I yelled, feeling the tears come back and blurring my vision. "I can't let anymore of you die... for fucking once, obey me!"

Out the corner of my eye, I saw him lowering his swords and running inside. I took the shot and waited a couple of seconds until the flare passed the top of the canyon, filling me with joy and relief. At least now, someone would know we were having problems. However, those extra seconds of me not moving had let the titans get nearer.

The jump I made wasn't on time and I couldn't escape the giant hand that grabbed me, squeezing my body tightly. My own swords cut me, creating shallow valleys on my exposed flesh but, after a few seconds, I managed to get enough momentum to cut open the monster's hand. From up there, the sight of Jake watching me, expectantly, and hesitant in obeying my command made my heart clench.

I fell on the floor, getting up out of balance and throwing myself into the cave, latching on to Jake's hand, that helped pull me in. My body landed over his, muscular arms holding me tight as his wavering chest revealled an unsteady heartbeat. We got up and he hugged me once again, making me feel his light sobbing.

"I'm so happy you're okay, cap... I thought we were gonna lose you for good...", he smiled, still crying and crushing me in her embrace, making my injuries throb even more. I didn't complain, simply returning the hug.

"They'll be here for us soon enough.", I smiled, patting his hair and nuzzling his tired head on the crook of my neck.

All this took about five seconds, before his face contorted in horror and he turned us around, being caught by a giant hand that had reached inside de cave. I ran outside, wielding my swords, looking up. He struggled to try and take his blades off their holsters but, but he could, the hand crushed him and I saw his body go limp, falling into the mouth of a 15m class titan. I hadn't been fast enough to help him and had to run back inside to escape the other creatures.

"Jake...", my head seemed almost like it was in a daze, sitting with my knees up and fingers laced amongst knotty hair strands.

"He died too...", Kayla whispered. The anguish climbed up the back of my throat and a sob escaped from my lips. My hand clenched my face, trying desperately to suppress the the tears that rolled down dirt covered cheeks. "Lieutenant... we're gonna die here...", she whispered again. She wasn't crying anymore, not that I could hear over the sound of my own sobs, that I tried so hard to hold in.

He looked so happy for us finally getting rescued... and the he sacrificed himself for me... Fucking idiot.. It wasn't supposed to be like this, kids shouldn't need to die like that... The sound of a sword being unsheated woke me from the trance and my eyes darted to where Kayla was.

Kneeling besides Lee, facing him. He seemed to have passed out again, his eyes closed and leaning over to one side. She held up the sword and slowly crawled up to him.

"Kayla, what are you doing?", I sprung up and pulled out my blades, preparing to attack.

"We're gonna die anyways, lieutenant... They're gonna get us...", she didn't look at me, instead raising her sword a bit more until it was at the boy's neck level. Her voice sounded soft, almost playful and the sent a shiver down my spine, making me tremble slightly.

"Enough of this fucking nonsense, what do you think you're doing?!", I rushed towards them, stopping her movement with my sword, throwing her back. "Do you think I'm going to let you kill a comrade? You're mistaken.", what the hell was wrong with her...? Then, when she lifted her gaze to face me, my eyes captured sight of her manic stare, the smile that was too wide, the bloodshot eyes, the despair that oozed from her face.

"He,", she pointed at Lee with her sword "will never be useful to Humanity ever again... I'm just giving him an honorable death...", she laughed.

"Kayla, stop this, face the reality. Wake up and look at yourself, you were about to kill Jason...", I tried reasoning with her but, judging by her staggering walk, it was already too late.

"I'm just doing what any good friend would do... (Y/n)... Between being eaten by a titan or dying at my hands, I think I know what he prefers. But don't worry, I'll help you with that as well...!", she jumped towards me, swords clashing a couple of times.

It wasn't hard repelling her or throwing her back, even with my injuries. But I didn't want to fight her... Help was almost on its way, why couldn't she just wait a bit more?

"I don't wanna fight... look, I'm putting my swords away...", I announced, sheating my blades, while looking expectantly at her. I wanted Kayla to do the same, to realise I wasn't a threat and to just hold on a bit more... just a bit more..

"This is all your fault. Marla told you she had a bad feeling and you ignored her. Then you let Lee get hurt and then you used Jake to save yourself... but you know what? It's not worth it... we're all gonna die anyway, (Y/n)! I'd rather die by my own sword!", she yelled in a wild frenzy, lifting up her blade towards her neck. "No one is coming to get us!"

I lunged towards her, grabbing the sword with my bare hand, feeling the sharp metal sink cutting and sinking itself into my flesh, stinging as it dragged deeper. The hot liquid escaped from between my fingers, dripping on to the floor. But it was too late, the open wound on her neck spurted out blood, spewing some of it to my face. I pressed the opening firmly, trying to keep her from bleeding out, the dense fluid evading my attempts at stopping it's flow.

Slowly, we slid onto the floor, where I laid her down over my lap, so I could put more pressure on the gash.

"Kayla, fuck you... why?... Come on, fucking hell, hang in there just a couple more minutes, please.", my face felt warm, with bitter tears pouring heavily onto her now doll like face, her eyes stuck looking at mine, seeming duller with each passing instant. Even though I was managing to stop the bleeding, she was still drowing in her own blood, that flowed into her lungs on its own due to how she'd cut herself.

I tried to clear them out but in a matter of minutes, she laid there on my lap, inanimate, starting to get cold.

"FUCK!", trying to sound as loud as I could, my chest filled and yelled again, flooding the cave and the canyon with screams of pain and despair. My head fell to her static chest, missing her pulse and breathing. My cries intensified as the body I clenched grew colder and stiffer. I dared not move from where I was. Or maybe I couldn't move, my muscles refused to obey the electric commands coming from above.

For two years... I'd seen them grow and turn into soldiers. They weren't even 18! "What happened to you, Kayla... you were such a calm and sweet girl... why--", a yelp stopped the words from coming out and the bones in my jaw clenched, pulsating with pain, trying to suppress the torment I was feeling.

So distracted was I, that my ears didn't even pick up the sound of someone outside and only when the silhouette of a person appeared at the cave's entrance, replacing the giant arm, did I turn and saw corporal Levi looking at me.

-

I woke up with a jump, sitting up and looking at my bandaged hand. I didn't notice that the lance corporal was looking at me, studying my movements with his piercing gaze.

My body moved on its own, all thought abandoning my head for a few seconds. My arms wrapped around his waist and my face nuzzled his lap, silent tears falling from my eyes. It was like I was seeing myself from the outside. Only then did I realise what my body had done on its own accord and I looked up, meet the captain's surprised stare.

Immediately, I recoiled, my face flushed with shame and embarassment.

"I'm so sorry, captain!", the words sounded pathetic, my useless apology couldn't ease the state of my heart, pouding like a caged beast and the heat that had risen to my face. I tried to stand up to leave and hid in the whole my brain desired to try and escape but the cracked ribs from earlier protested and I was forced to sit down once more.

He didn't even say anything, getting up and just leaving. I was alone again. A hand reached up to my burning face to cover it and the fingernails dug slightly, to try and ease the shame. A knot formed in my stomach, realising that the warmth of the captain's body had helped ease my initial fear and discomfort, even if accidentaly.

How would it feel to sense Levi's arms around me in a soft embrace, soothing my night terrors with merely his light touch. He pleasant scent involving me and creating a bubble between me and the outer world, the warmth of his body and skin. The undeniable peace they brought me when we were close.

I was forced to refrain my imagination, laying down again and pulling the covers up to my neck, forcing myself to think about other things rather than the events of that night.


	11. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one. Enjoy :)

What was that?... (Y/n) waking up all of a sudden and hugging him? _Him_? Levi paced back and forth, far from the tent enough so that she couldn't hear his thoughtful footsteps from where she was sleeping.  
  
He'd felt rather surprised with the need that transpired from her hug, how much she nuzzled his waist, so much, that he felt almost tempted to complete the embrace. However, she was probably just shaken up from her nightmare and did that in the spur of the moment. They had more important issues at hand.  
  
A couple of minutes had passed since then and (Y/n) seemed to be sleeping soundly once again so Levi sat by the slowly dying fire, its heat slightly uncomfortable. The rain was much less intense now than previously, so he took the oportunity to walk along the river bank and wash his face thoroughly. They had yet to decide what to do about the cadets' future activities and the sun was coming up in no time so Levi kept a pensive expression while looking at the tree line that sorrounded the main camp, scouring for threats.  
  
From what he'd seen of (Y/n)'s fight with the unknown woman, she seemed to have made a cut deep enough that it would make it hard for the intruder to attack or even use 3-D gear in the following days. Despite this, they'd still have to cancel some activities like the team death match the lieutenant had planned for the cadets.  
  
One thing they couldn't just ignore was the wild boar running loose. Levi, however, wasn't too worried about it, since Eld or even Petra could easily handle a creature like that without his help.  
  
Soon after, the sun rose and, before he could return to the tent to check on (Y/n), he saw her cross the river to get to the main camp. Although she winced from time to time, she didn't seem like she was in a lot of pain, even when half of her back and chest where completely wrapped in ligatures. Seeing her looking rather normal, Levi decided to do a quick sweep of the neighbouring area, just in case he found something useful.  
  
"(Y/n), how are you?", Petra asked, almost running towards me to greet me with a concerned look.  
  
"I'm fine...", a smile flourished on my lips, altough I was rather embarassed about what had happened the night before. "I can even walk and everything. Not that you'll be seeing me carrying heavy stuff around so soon, my ribs wouldn't bear it."  
  
"No problem, we'll help.", Eld walked up being the short brunette, carrying some logs for the firepits. "I think it's best if you stay in the camp today.", he added.  
  
"I don't know.. it depends on what the captain needs me to do.", looking around, my eyes searched for his attentive and cold stare but did not find it anywhere.  
  
The cadets began to emerge from their tents, noticing Eld's presence rather quickly. When asked about it, I gave them the least information I could so they wouldn't get distracted or too worried. If they were too busy trying to catch an itruder, they could get distracted and make stupid errors that could lead to serious accidents and injuries. I merely told them to pay attention and be cautious when in recon, calling Eld, Petra or captain Levi's attention when they noticed something weird.  
  
"Are you coming with us as well, lieutenant?", Jean asked, nibbling on some bread.  
  
"No, I'll stay here looking after the camp. They'll go instead and corporal Levi as well.", I answered.  
  
"T-the l-lance corporal?", Arlert almost passed out, stuttering in fear just thinking about the man.  
  
"Exactly. Now hurry, you have a lot to do today", the reply left my lips in a rushed way. I must've strained my muscles while talking to them because a sharp sting came up from my wounded ribs and the air was pushed out of my lungs, making me wince and freeze for a couple of seconds. One of my hands rested on Eld's shoulder, who was the nearest person around and I clenched my jaw, trying to suppress a whimper, as I inhaled slowly.  
  
"(Y/n)...?", his eyes followed my expressions, noticing my furrowed brow and contorted face. "Shouldn't you lay go rest a bit more?"  
  
"N-no.", my teeth almost vibrated with the force being put upon them. "It's nothing.", letting him go, I went towards my tent, walking slowly and dreading each footstep. Maybe getting out of bed wasn't such a good idea afterall...  
  
Inside, my stuff wasn't very messed up although the vague idea that she'd entered a tent near this area was stuck inside my head. It didn't make sense that it'd been one of the cadets', since none of them had said or done anything. What this my tent had then that was so special...? Unless.. she got inside the wrong one.  
  
Walking around it, whose tents were these next to mine? Armin... Reiner.. Sasha.. I kept walking in a circle, checking who they belonged to. ...Eren.. wait; Eren? It was perfectly plausible that she had tried to get inside Eren's tent.  
  
It was even understandable how she could've mistaken mine for his since none of the possible hideouts she could've adopted to spy on him without being discovered were close enough to get a clear view. Our tents were simply too near the center of the camp. So she was trying to get Eren...? Well, with the the wound I'd made on her leg, she probably wouldn't try anything anytime soon.  
  
But that face... so.. vaguely familiar... Who was it? My memory had no record of someone with such a deep and burnt looking scar.. not even the slightest idea of who might it be.  
  
"Lieutenant?", Eren appeared in front of me.  
  
"Hm? What?"  
  
"Are you feeling well? Petra asked me to check on you."  
  
"Yes, yes. I'm perfectly fine.", I replied, dismissing the issue with a hand gesture. "I'm tough, I can handle it.", he smiled at my remark, visibly relieved.  
  
"The intruder showed up yesterday, didn't he?"  
  
"What..? But where you awake at the time, Jaeger?"  
  
"No, not me. If I was...--" he began to growl.  
  
"Then who was?", my question interrupted his increasingly maniac stare. Honestly, standing next to him when he wore that insane expression, it sort of scared me. Who knows what weird crazy shit he might try to pull off...  
  
"Armin, mam. He said he heard you and lance corporal Levi running throught the tents and then screaming.", the brunette replied. That Arlert boy... he was something else, very attentive indeed and he wasn't stupid, maybe he'd seen something.  
  
"Fetch him for me, Eren.", I requested him. He nodded in return and left to talk to the blonde boy.  
  
Looking around, my eyes scouted the tree line, watching over our surroundings. My gaze caught Jaeger in the distance, talking to Armin, who looked anxious with something. Reluctantly, he began walking toward me.  
  
"You wanted to see me, mam?", his mouse like voice made me almost pity him, sweat droplets forming around his temples and dampening the hair.  
  
"Yes, Arlert. Firstly, are you alright? You look a little pale...", he sounded rather surprised by my question but he shook his head firmly.  
  
"No, no mam. I'm fine"  
  
"Is it because of captain Levi? He isn't as bad as he seems...--", a cold shiver ran up my spine as I felt piercing stone eyes fixed on me. Slowly, my gaze deviated to the right and, out the corner of my eye, I saw the corporal with his harsh stare fixed on us. Fucking hell, that man is everywhere... such an intimidating gaze. "Anyways, Eren told me you heard the intruder yesterday. You didn't see them by any chance, did you?"  
  
He went silent for a moment, lowering his head to avoid my eyes. That made me realise that, for a kid like him, it had probably been somewhat scary to be in a situation like that. If he didn't know anything, there was no point in pushing for more.  
  
"Ham... Lieutenant.. did someone stay back to watch over the camp?", he asked suddenly.  
  
"No, why?...", his expression seemed to whiten even more. "What is it, Armin?"  
  
"It.. I.. after you left, I heard someone walking around near my tent...", someone? so what, everything we thought was incorrect and there wasn't just one intruder but... two? when had the other one even gotten there in the first place?  
  
"Hm.. I see.. Well, thank you for your help. Dismissed, Arlert, you can go now.", my brow furrowed deeply as me legs seemed to pace on their own back and forth. If someone had been there after we'd left, it was a very bad sign; how could we have let it slide like that? Looking in the captain's direction, I patiently waited for him to turn my way and when he did so, my troubled expression conveyed what my voice was about to tell him.  
  
"What's wrong?", he asked as he drew near me. Although the memory of that embarassing moment was still engraved in the back of my head and probably would be for the days to come, the creeping fear of what might've happened after we'd taken off the night before overwhelmed the other feeling almost entirely.  
  
Staring closely at Levi, his hair seemed shorter, revealing a fresh undercut. He'd probably cut his hair sometime while I was still asleep. Should I mention last night? Maybe it's best if I don't... atleast not right now, although an apology is definitely needed since captain hates being touched by people. Okay, (Y/n), you thoughts are as scattered as a teenager's, focus now, please.  
  
"Corporal", the words fell from my lips softly, as my eyes trailed away from him and landed on the cadets who gathered around their horses. Come to think of it.. why didn't the intruder steal a horse?  
  
"So...?"  
  
"Sorry, sir. I was distracted by a thought. Anyway, cadet Arlert told me he heard footsteps near his tent after we'd left to chase the intruder. I thought that maybe--"  
  
"What do you mean?", he interrupted, silently growling.  
  
"He believes someone else was awake at the time of the chase, sir. What should we do?"  
  
"Ask them.", before I even managed to form another sentence, Levi was already walking with heavy steps towards the kids. "Listen up you shitty brats, which one of you was awake last night after hours?"  
  
A deep sigh escaped from my lips. Sometimes, the captain's upfront approach was a bit too harsh and straight foward and simply not the best choice. Most likely, even if it had been one of the cadets, now they would be too scared to come forth and tell the truth.  
  
As expected, no one answered, all of the seeming surprised at the question except Armin, Eren and, as usual Mikasa. But, despite the captain not taking the more subtle approaches, he was pretty good at almost sniffing out the liars from a group of people and he tried to do so here, pacing next to them, staring intently at their half inquisitive, half intimidated faces.  
  
"Eh, go on and do whatever shit you have to do today, get out of my sight.", he came back towards me. "Is wasn't any of them."  
  
"Then we're dealing with two intruders...", I murmured. The corporal walked over to Eld and Petra, and afterwards he disappeared amongst the trees. The others talked to the cadets and Eld came to meet me.  
  
" (Y/n), start packing up.", he said, the kids jumping off their horses and beginning to undo their tents.  
  
"We're leaving right? Dealing with two intruders without back up is impossible.", I stated.  
  
"And you're like that as well. The captain doesn't want to risk it. We're leaving tonight. Also, stay here; Petra, the kids and I are going to take care of the wild boar."  
  
"I'm staying here with the captain?", even though it made some sense, why would the strongest man there choose to stay in the camp when he could easily kill the animal in seconds. Furthermore, I simply couldn't get over the fact of how close I'd been to him the night before, it made me feel like a kid again, the horror.  
  
"He wants to do a few rounds to look for a trail left by the intruders or something but after he'll come meet you. You're not exactly fit to be left on your own right now.."  
  
"Oh please.", a scoff came out before I could suppress it, rolling my eyes at the same time. "I'm fine."  
  
In a fluid motion, Eld moved behind me, pressing his fingers lightly on an area on my back, where the ribs met the spine. It was like a shock from one of Hange's weird machines and my body jolted on its own, a pained expression adorning my face, which I tried to hide from him.  
  
"Yeah, you're fine...", he chuckled in his deep voice. "Come on, don't strain too much.", my gaze was met with a smile from him while he walked over to join Petra and the kids.  
  
Resignation was my only choice apparently. The sum of everything that had happened since the past week up to now had left my body in a weakened state. Maybe Erwin was right and I should've taken a leave, even if it was just a few days. At least to let things cool down a bit or something..   
  
Well, now it was a bit too late to think of that, wasn't it? Since I indeed was here, alive, I might as well keep ushing forward, fulfilling my oath to humanity.  
  


\-------FLASHBACK-------

Ray and I had just finished the second lesson of martial arts she'd agreed to teach me and, truth be told, I was dead tired from all the beating she'd given me. Laying on the ground with a loud thump where my back touched the floor, breath hitching and a hand covering my closed eyes, heavy sweats drops crept all over my body.

She walked around me to reach the metal grid where she burned some weird stuff called 'incense'. It took me a while to get used to its medicinal pungent smell as the white smoke filled up the house but, after living there for long enough, I'd grown to rather enjoy that intoxicating mist.

When asked why she burned it, Ray always answered that it reminded her of home in the Underground District, when she still lived with Feng. I always tried to talk about her past there, always wanting to learn more about her, but she quicky changed the subject and told me to 'mind my own business'. Oh well, what more could I do, right? It's not like I could force her to speak about it.

"So, you're still gonna do that extra shift today?", she asked, towering above my limp body.

"I have to...", a sigh escaped my lips. "Things don't pay for themselves, right?"

"You bet..", she agreed. "I'm gonna go take a bath, don't let the boiler go cold, 'kay?"

"Ugh, fine...", I mewled, uncovering my eyes and slowly getting up to look at the blazing furnace that was the old boiler on the kitchen corner. Another sigh was heard as I picked up a thick log and threw it inside the fire.

-

"So..", her voice called me, coming from the old metal bathtub. "Now that I'm teaching you, you will compete, right?"

"Yeah, sure...", I walked closer to the bathroom door, leaning against the frame, sliding until I was seated. "What choice do I have, right?"

"None, if you want to learn how to fight.", she laughed, her eyes closed and her face tilting slightly upwards. "See, we needed someone to challenge Mathias and it being you, just makes it better."

"Why though..?"

"Well.. same regiment... he beat you in the top 10.. rivalry and all...", she joked.

"But it's not like that."

"Sure but reality doesn't matter. Money matters. The greater the competition, the more they bet and they all think you guys have some big kind of lovers rivalry or something."

"What... lovers rivalry, oh please, we're not even that close but,... if you say so...", I sighed, a hand resting on my forehead. "Listen Ray, why don't you end this? If they find you out--"

"'You'? Are you forgetting that you're in this as well?", she interrupted.

"No, I'm not involved in it... I don't even run any bets!"

"Yeah, you might not, but you're always there hanging to help the guys who almost get fucked up."

"Well, that's just because _someone_ , not gonna name anyone, has decided that the semi permanent location they're gonna use to do illegal shit was gonna be _right next_ to my section! I can't simply let other people die around me, can I?"

"Eh..", she shrugged. "I'd let them die."

"What, are you serious?", as I asked this, she turned to look at me, her head resting on the tub's side rim and a wet arm hanging out, water drops wetting the floor. "I'm not going to risk my life for some random person, no way."

"That's so sel--"

"Selfish? Maybe, but where I come from, it's eat or be eaten and I spent years sharpening my fangs."

"Honestly, Ray...", I mumbled, slowly rising and sighing. "The people I call my friends...."

"Am I not good company..?", she laughed playfully. "You can always pay triple of what you do now and go live in the barracks or go back to your mommy and daddy, begging to return home..", it was a joke but it slightly stung my pride nonetheless.

"Oh, shut up.", my cold hand ruffled her tied up hair. "Sure as hell, I'm not gonna go begging my dad for nothing."

"Come on, don't get all worked up..", the issue was dropped as I gestured for her to leave it be and got out of the bathroom, walking to where my uniform was airing. My second shift was the night one and I had to get ready soon enough. "Well, since you're gonna see Mathias today, tell him, don't forget!", Ray shouted from the tub.

"'Kay", was my answer, whilst I was changing.

Ever since I'd been kicked out of the house, Ray had invited me to live with her, on the condition that we'd split whatever was needed such as food, etc. That, combined with mom's money problems, had forced me to work more, in order to be able to afford living.

Initially, mom had asked for my help, but soon regretted her request, probably thinking that supporting a family was a load too heavy for a girl like me to handle. However, whenever I went to visit her - when she was home alone - it was pretty clear how much effort she put in to stretch leftovers over the week as much as she could, since the food money was increasingly shorter.

I'd still leave half of my weekly pay on the table, refusing to talk about it when she asked if it'd been me.

-

A few hours had gone by since I'd left Ray's house and reached the top of Wall Maria. Mat was already there, by our assigned cannon, scrubbing the rusty metal down with a hard brush.

"Hey there.", a smile curled the edges of my lips as I approached him.

"Look at her..", he laughed. "So, ready for the competition? Ray told me you'd be the challenger this time."

"Eh...", I shrugged. "She basically made me.. Not that I have big plans to win.. By the way, it was called off for now."

"Why?"

"Apparently, Strauss has heard a few rumours and has his eyes on us. She doesn't want to risk it."

"Hm.. well fuck. I really needed the money...", his hand rested on the back of his neck, scratching.

"What's wrong?", his expression left me slightly worried. "Is everything alright?"

"Of course, don't mind.", he smiled immediately, trying to change the subject.

"Mat, we're friends, you know you can ask me for help, right?"

"Sure, but let's get to cleaning already. You worry too much...", he sighed.

Soon, it was night time and the sun was replaced by the dim light of torches, which hanged from each section's divider. Mat and I were almost alone, only two more people being in our area, since no one wanted to do the night shift. Even the commonly assigned personnel for those hours didn't show up.

"Oy.", a male's voice brought me back from a trance. Lifting up my chin which rested heavily on my hand, I look back and up, seeing a tall blonde guy looking at me. "You don't have an extra bar of soap you can lend me by any chance, do 'ya?", he asked. Although the light that illuminated him was dull, his closes seemed to be soaking wet, dripping on the stone floor.

"Hm.. what happened to yours?", I replied, getting up. Even standing, he was still quite taller than me.

"An... accident...", he scratched his neck, looking sort of embarassed. Turning to our water bucket, I searched for our soap bar and picked it up, holding it in my hand while once more I turned to face the guy.

"You can use this one. But I want it back."

"Of course! I'm Nathan, by the way.", he smiled widely. "And you are?"

"(Y/n). You're not a regular on this side of the wall, are you? I'd never seen your face here..", the last part was more of a musing than and actual question, as I turned the corner to walk up to his section. A few guys were there wringing ou their clothes over the edge and, as soon as I noticed it, I turned my back, a bit flustered. "I'm very sorry, I didn't know you weren't wearing anything!"

"Eh, don't mind. These guys love being half naked.", Nathan laughed. "'Fellas, our neighbour, miss (Y/n) just saved us from a month of hard labour!", he cheered.

"What..? But I only lent you soap..."

"Yeah, but Strauss is a motherfucker with these kinds of things and if he got here and saw dirty cannon, he'd make us do pushups until we died.", one of them replied.

"You can look now (Y/n), they're decent... looking.", the blonde guy said. "Can't do much about their awful faces though...", the last bit made me chuckle slightly as I faced them.

"Shut your trap, you're not that good looking either!", another guy complained.

"Anyways, Strauss is like a demon to us so we owe you big time."

"Please, really, it was nothing special... Although.. I don't really get why he's like that to you.. he doesn't even care about how ours look.", the man didn't even look at us when he roamed around our area.

"This bitch's brother", one of them pointed at Nathan, "is in the Survey Corps. And Strauss got all pissy cause he was scared of joining."

"And now he takes it out on us...", another noted.

"Hm.. I see.. well, I'll get back to my post.", I said. "One thing... what happened to your soap bar..?"

"Oh... well...", once again the blonde one looked embarassed.

"Dumbfuck Nathaniel here...", one of the guys began telling me "thought it was a good idea to try and balance himself on top of one of the cannons with the fucking bucket!"

I couldn't stifle a laugh. Now it was clear why they were all soaking wet and the soap was missing; it probably had slipped off the edge or something.

"I get it now. Well, it was nice meeting you, see you next time.", turning around the corner, I sat next to Mat, who'd fallen asleep against the cold metal. "Mat... wake up...", my soft voice whispered.

"Huhh....", he grumbled, furrowing his brow with eyes still closed.

"Wake up.", straightening his back, he stretched, covering his yawn with a hand.

"What happened?"

"Some random guys asked for soap; they seemed nice. You look really tired, what's wrong?"

"Ah, nothing... I've just been doing some extra shifts in the market.."

"Listen, let me help you, it won't cause any trouble.. If you keep on going like this, you'll end up hurting yourself...", I sighed.

"Thanks (Y/n).. You're a great friend. But really, I'm fine."

"Well, suit yourself...", if he didn't want my help, I wasn't going to force him, whatever.. shrugging at his lie, I got up, walking towards the edge of the Wall and sat, contemplating the moon's reflection on the flowing river in the distance.

If it weren't for the titans... I'd have liked to go outside; to see the infinitude of space out there. To be immersed in it. Up where I was, looking out and then back at Shiganshina, inside the walls, confined, like a caged animal.. everything seemed rather... small, even though it didn't seem that way when I was down there, walking through the streets.

But who was I fooling? Going outside was impossible, the only option being the Survey Corps and that was too dangerous. 'Risking their lives for _humanity_ '? Was it even worth it? Ironically.. I said the same to Ray earlier, how could she be so egoistical and here I was doing the exact same. Not that it would change my thoughts on the matter. Going outside the walls was too much; I could handle only watching the outside from the safety of my perch.

-

When our shift ended, Mat went ahead without me, since he was in a hurry for something he didn't want to tell me. Nathan came to thank me again, handing me the slightly smaller bar, which I stored inside the empty bucket along with the brush.

"It was nothing, honestly. It's not worth so much praise; I mean, come on, it's soap."

"Well, thanks anyways.", he smiled.

"Go get her, wolf!", one of his friends yelled at us, making my face heat up. What the hell did he mean 'go get her'..?

"Sorry about that...", he scratched his neck awkwardly. "They're a bunch of pricks."

"Right..., I'm going home. I'll see you around.", I smiled, waving as I began to walk to the elevator that got down to the ground.

"Do you want company? I'm actually going home as well.", he offered. Well, why not? I shrugged, moving my head so that he'd follow.

"Sure."  
-

"So, what's a girl like you doing on the Wall at this hour?", he asked, walking next to me. "New recruits don't usually have the night shifts.", we walked slowly, making our way through the somewhat crowded hallways of the Garrison's building.

"Extra shifts; extra money.", was my reply. Like I'd tell my life's story just like that, right?... "What about you?"

"As I said earlier... Strauss hates me.."

"Is it really all there is? Sounds a bit petty to me.. I mean, he's a grown man..."

"Well, I have no idea.. maybe he's jealous, I don't know.. I'd be jealous of this pretty face as well, if my wife slept around with younger men...", his fingers laced behind his head as we left the building.

"No way..... How do you know that??", it was stronger than me. Garrison gossip was the absolute best.

"It's a rumor that's been hanging around...", he replied, jumping up to a stone ledge.

"Oh..", I rolled my eyes at him, even though my face wasn't being lit by any light and he wouldn't be able to see me. "Then it might be just that; a rumor... Well, my house is that way, I'll be going now. Nice to meet you."

"The pleasure was mine." he smiled, winking at me. A scoff left my lips as he did so and I walked the rest of the way, only looking back to check where he'd gone to. As I did that, he noticed and waved at me, walking back to the Garrison's building. He probably slept in the barracks or something.

\--------END FLASHBACK--------

"Hoy, Krieger, why are you spacing out again? Wake up, you shitty brat, we have shit to do.", it was Levi's voice calling me.


	12. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay. enjoy and thank you for reading

"I apologize, captain", I shook my head slightly to get back to the present and raised my gaze to his.

"Come on, let's go.", he walked away from the tent and I got up slow and painfully, following him.

"Did you find anything, sir?"

"No. Those shitbags know how to cover their tracks far too well for my liking.", he spat.

"Hm... I see...", a sigh escaped my lips. We were heading towards the edge of the main camp. The captain probably wanted to check the traps. "Captain..."

"What?"

"What are you planning? Aren't we going to capture the intruders?"

"Tche.", he scoffed. "For someone considered to be a 'good' strategist, you must've hit your shitty head pretty hard to get like that."

"I was just asking, sir...", the gritting sound my teeth were making was loud enough to be audible.

"Of course we're not going to catch them.", he ended up answering. "In your state it's impossible. We can't leave the brats here alone with you."

"But I--", before the sentence ended, he turned and jabbed me in the ribs with an open palm, causing a wave of pain to radiate through my body and my lungs to deflate completely. For a few seconds, all the strengh in my legs abandoned me and I felt myself falling, unable to react. He caught my fall, speaking into my ear.

"Do you need to be reminded of the state you're in?", he whispered. "No means no."

He left me there panting for a couple of seconds until I managed to get up again, walking silently behind him. We checked all the traps surrouding the camp, looking for any hint regarding the intruders of the previous night like a piece of cloth or something or the sort.

 

"Hum.. captain...", my voice called his attention at we'd finished. He ordered me to continue with a head gesture, despite not facing me or saying anything. "I apologize for yesterday.", it was done. An apology. "It wasn't my intention for any of it to happen.". At first, he didn't reply, looking around to the almost completely dismounted camp, sitting on the wagon.

"You should take a few days off.", he noted, searching the tree line with his gaze. I raised my head to look at him when he spoke but he wasn't looking at me, it was more like a general proposal hanging to the air and not something directly suggested.

"Hm....", was my answer, sitting leaning against the vagon's large wheel. The silence between us was heavy, no idea as to what to say to him to try and lighten the mood we were in. Sighing, my head looked up at the sky, leaning in further into the wood behind me, staring at the passing birds.

"Eren is a good kid.", I ended up saying. A rustling sound came from the woods, followed by screams.

The captain got up and looked carefully to the noise's origin walking towards the edge of the clearing, followed by me. He activated his gear, which made me do the same out of instict. Beneath us an enormous creature ran further into the former camp area, leaving a bloody trail behind him.

Eld and a few cadets followed it, them being the source of the shouting. The captain wasted no time and pushed himself off the tree and on to the animal, burying his two blades into the beast's back. It all happened before I could even move, not that I'd jumped as well, in my condition, it would most likely do more harm than good.

A few seconds later, the animal finally gave in and fell with a loud thump on the ground. We got down from where we were, Eld and I walking towards the captain, who jumped off the creature's back.

"Are you okay, sir?", I inquired mechanically, but no answer was needed. After all, it was the captain we were talking about. He passed by us, informing he'd be cleaning his clothes and for us to take care of everything.

Luckily, most of the stuff was already packed by the wagon and the wild boar hadn't ran that far into the clearing, so nothing was lost. The cadets that had come with Eld also got down from the trees and approached us and, as soon as the other ground arrived with the horses, the journey back began its preparation.

"Don't think you'll get of my good side just because you're packing up my tent, Jean.", I noted nonchalantly to the boy in front of me.

"Come on, mam, don't be such a pain, I'm just doing a good deed.", he smiled.

Another while passed and the captain wasn't returning and, as I brought this to Eld's attention, it was me who decided to go check on him so that he'd hurry a bit faster.

The river flowed smoothly through the rocks as I walked towards the second campsite, looking for the captain. As expected, he was hunched over the farthest bank, scrubbing his shirt furiously where there was still blood.

His whole torso was exposed, and, as I drew nearer, a scar was visible on his left arm. It seemed old, but the way it'd healed indicated that it'd been deep when it was made. Passing over to the other side, my steps took me right next to him, where I crouched.

“Need any help, captain?”, I inquired, looking at him. “You've been here for a while, we where wondering if something had happened to you, sir.”

Having recieve no answer, my eyes turned back to look at the still mounted tent. If we where trying to speed things up to get back as soon as possible, then that needed to be stored and secured on the wagon.

As such, I got up and started to pack up the tent since, even with the injuries I'd sustained, there were still things my body could do. Occasionally, I'd glance back at him, so focused in the cleaning that he seemed unaware of his sorroudings.

Were he someone else, maybe that could be true and he'd be vulnerable but he was lance corporal Levi; he was always on high alert no matter the circumstances. My mind frequently wondered as to how he could maintaign such focus and high senses but to ask him would be pointless.

He wasn't a man of talking about himself that much, as I'd learned throught the years and the circumstances in which he'd arrived to the Survey Corps were only vaguely known by us younger officials.

The only thing that was more than evident aside from his cleaning obsession was his hate of unnecessary deaths of innocents. No one talked about it and he didn't seem to show it, atleast not in an emotional way. However, he made sure to remind them of their importance for humanity and he frequently voiced his distaste for certain strategies adopted by the commander.

Of course, Erwin never disclosed information about private matters and he seldom asked for the help of other officials other than Zacharias but he used to discuss his failures when he had a little bit too much to drink.

It must've been hard for him to take over the Corps, specially having lost the support of Wall Maria and now dealing with a possible treat yet also a beacon of hope for humanity: Eren Jaeger. Not often enough, my thoughts rambled to the struggles of others, overpowering my own and making me realise of how much weight these men and women carried on their shoulders and still rised and powered through another day in search for humanity's survival and ultimate victory.

My gaze brushed frequently over the captain's arm scar, wondering how it'd happened. No memory of an incident existed in my brain and, judging by his skill set it was highly unlikely that he'd done it himself. Curiosity endedup taking hold of me and my voice got out on its own.

“Say, captain, how did you get that scar on your arm?”, the tone almost sounded informal, something which made my face contort in preparation for the scolding that would inevitably come after the question.

The compulsive washing stopped and he got up, inspecting the now white shirt, dripping as he wrung it out. Turning to face me, began buttoning it, still wet, clinging to his defined muscles as he walked closer.

Quicker than I could react, his index finger pressed the light scratch almost fully healed that ran along my jaw like it was it was the sharp tip of a knife, threatning to piece the soft skin. At that moment, my heartbeat quickened and my chest swelled up from a gasp.

The captain didn't even bother looking at me while doing this, my eye staring at him from the very corner, straining itself.

“Same way you got this.”, he simply replied, picking up all that which I'd packed and saddling up his horse.

As the digit left my skin, my hand replaced it, remembering the day a fork had almost killed me. So... it'd been an angry father trying to get payback for his son of daughter... It was only normal for people to react in a violent way when they're most valuable possessions were taken away from them.

What I didn't expect was that the captain had let said person even reach him with a weapon. Either they were very good at concealing their intentions or the corporal had let them do what they wanted.

“You're coming or not?”, his voice pulled me out of my thoughts and my eyes looked up to a mounted captain. “Next time, don't let them get so close.”

“Understood.”, was my reply. So maybe he did let them hit him... well, now was not the tie to ask about it, since they had to leave. Everyone was ready and my horse was already saddled and waiting for its rider.

~  
The journey back took about half a day without any detours, travelling in silence and with the captain in the front of the formation, keeping Eren in the center, by the wagon, in case someone decided to attack.

We arrived a bit after lunch, greeting Oluo and Gunther, who were stationed to guard the outside perimeter of the castle. Before meeting Erwin to give him the full mission report, we ordered the cadets to unpack and take care of their gear and horses, making sure everything was done properly.

Walking in silence through the nearly empty hallway, Petra, Eld and I, leaded by Levi reached the commander's office. After knocking, a muffled 'come in' was heard.

“So you're early.”, noted the blonde man, sitting behind his cluttered desk. “Anything happened?”

“We were attacked and they got away.”, the captain replied dryly. “There were no clues. And we believe there is more than one subject.”, he was quick to add.

“I see. You can leave. Stay, Levi and tell me what happened. And (Y/n), wait outside.”, we nodded and left, Eld and Petra saying me goodbye and good luck before heaving towards the common room.

Leaning against the cold stone wall, my body slowly and painfully slid until it was seated, replaying the entirety of the trip so that reporting it would be quicker. My lids closed on their own and a deep sigh escaped my lips.

Who was that woman back then? Why was she so familiar...? It was evident now that my grief had taken a much bigger toll on me than what had been forseen previously. Maybe the time to ask for a few days off was now... Just to get everything back together and return fresh and rested.

“Oy, come in.”, the captain's voice echoed inside my head and I obeyed, entering the office.

“Take a seat, (Y/n).”, Erwin offered in a solemn voice. “First of all, report.”

“I apologize, commander, I failed to finish a written report on the trip--”

“For now, an oral one will suffice.”, he interrupted. So, my recount was initiated, covering broadly our trip, from the moment of departure to the arrival of the captain, since from then on, he'd reported it himself.

“Nothing further to report, sir.”, I finished.

“Then now, the corporal has asked to read the act of last mission's incident.”, my heart dropped. He wanted to know what'd happened for us to be found in such a state.

“Sir, I kindly request that I may be excused from this reading.”, my best efforts couldn't conceal the panic in my voice as once more we'd return to that day and relive it again.

“Denied, lieutenant. You know it's standard procedure for the writer of the report to be present whenever it is reread.”

“I know, sir. But please, I--”

“Enough. Please sit and be patient.”, he ordered, passing Levi the folder.

My eyes were glued to his face as he began to read it. Make no mistake, this was no short report; it was a 10 sheet exactly reenactment of what had happened. Turns out that when incidents involved the lives of almost an entire team and its sole survivor was the leader, the reports were required to be as complete as possible.

The captain's face remained unreadable for the first few pages, his expression changing slightly as he passed through Lee's injury and continued to our attempts at escaping. Overall, it took him about 15 minutes to read through the whole thing, without anymore exterior displays of “emotion”.

“Thank you.”, he said, passing the Erwin the folder once again. “I'll be going now, if you'll excuse me.”, without any further word, he got up and left the office, closing the door behind him.

“I heard you got hurt, (Y/n),”, Erwin broke the silence between us.

“Yeah... and I let the intruder escape... Look, Erwin, remember when you said I could ask if I need some time?”

“I'm sorry, but now it's impossible. Not with two people out there trying to sabotage us. Levi told me you seemed to know the first intruder.”

“Yes, they seemed familiar but I haven't been able to remember from where. I apologize for what happened, I should've been better prepared to handle the situation.”

“How are you feeling?”

“You don't need to ask. I'm fine, right now. I'll need to ask Hange to look at my injuries.”

“Very well”, he sighed. “Go meet her. I wish I could give you days off.”, he mumbled, delving into his papers once again.

“Thank you. I'll have the report on your desk tomorrow, Erwin. Sir.”, I saluted him and left, searching for Zoe.

~  
Let's see...”, she spoke absentmindedly, examining my half naked torso. “Cracked ribs? Check..”, she said, poking me until my muscles recoiled from her touch.

“Hange, come on, do you have to treat me like an experiment?...”, I sighed, annoyed. “I'm serious.”

“Fine, fine.. spoil sport...”, she huffed. “You wanna join us today? We're going to test something out with Eren in the well. I wanna see if he reacts to the lack of sunlight like the other titans.”

“Sure, I miss doing research.”

“Well, good news is that nothing is broken so no danger there. Just take these and don't put anymore pressure on the ribs.”, she announced, handing me a bottle of small pills, painkillers, most likely.

“Is this safe to eat? Last time you gave me something--”

“Yes, of course it's safe! I made them myself.”

“That doesn't help my distrust... But thanks, I'll take them.”, I ceased my opportunity to leave, lest she started rambling about whatever titan related thing she could remember.

~

For the first time since they'd written their names on the memorial wall, I went to see them. To a person who did not believe in such thing as a 'god' or in the afterlife, pretending to talk to the dead wasn't really comforting.

Rather it felt emptier than just accepting their deaths and moving on but for some reason, my shoulders felt heavy with guilt and I wanted to talk to them, even if they couldn't hear, I wanted apologize, to tell them it was my fault that they were dead and that what had happened would be forever burn into my mind so that something similar wouldn't happen again.

“You know... I think about you guys everyday... I'm not very good at this sort of thing, I just--”, for a moment, my voice cracked and tears began to form in my eyes but, taking a deep breath helped to suppress them.

Sitting with my legs crossed on the dirt, looking at the wall full with the carved names of fallen soldiers, another sigh escaped my lips.

“Talking to yourself isn't going to help much.”, a voice commented behind me. Turning around, it was the corporal, causally passing by. He stood there as if waiting for something.

“I know... I guess I wanted to see them at least once. I didn't come here when the carved them in.”, it was too painful to go there. Even thinking about seeing those names, my friends, there.. it was just too much. “Um... captain.. Do you have someone you visit here?”

“None of your business, (Y/n).”, he spat harshly. My question seemed to have hit a nerve but from his expression, it didn't seem like apologizing would do much good so there was just silence between us for a moment before he began to walk away. “Shitty brat...”, he mumbled, walking in a rushed pace back inside.

Dinner time would soon arrive so, after giving the engraved names one last glance, I headed back inside.

 - Flashback -  
  
“How are you feeling, Lee?”, (Y/n) asked the boy leaning against the wagon's rim, half awake.  
  
“I'm... tired...”, the sound of the horses' hooves and the wagon's wheels turning over then rough terrain muffled his voice almost completely.  
  
“Come on, don't fall asleep. Keep talking to me.”, she had his hand clutched between hers, nudging him softly whenever he lost consciousness.  
  
“What happened...? Where's Kayla?”, he seemed disoriented which was only normal given the state in which he was. Levi couldn't peel his eyes from this scene, although he didn't know 'Lee' very well, he saw the distress in (Y/n)'s face whenever the other stopped answering.  
  
Beside them lay the corpse of the other girl, covered in a sheet. Erwin had decided to deliver the body to the family even with the huge slit on her throat. The other two that were missing would be reported as just that: missing.  
  
There was no need to tell the families of their death. That way, they could continue to have hope that they'd return one day. He noticed the boy had stopped talking for a while now. It'd happened; he'd succumbed to his unknown injuries. She still held on to his hand, pulling him so that he'd be laying down and covered him in a spare sheet.  
  
Sitting leaning against the rim of the wagon, Levi saw her taking a deep breath and waiting for the journey back to come to an end, which it did about an hour later.  
  
“He didn't make it.”, the captain heard her inform the commander. “His injuries were too severe. I'll give you a complete report of the incident by tomorrow, sir.”  
  
“Take your time, lieutenant. It should be done as soon as possible, but take at least a few hours to recover.”  
  
“Certainly, sir.”  
  
As the formation entered the Stohess district at a hellishly slow pace, the people gathered around, mumbling at each other, searching for their loved ones amongst the living. Cries of mothers and fathers could be heard in the crowd.  
  
Levi kept looking forward, avoiding their stare and keeping the horse steady. While the multitude of common folk that created a hallway for them to tread was loud, the company remained completely silent.  
  
Eventually came the people who demanded to know where their sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, what have you, where. With this, the march came to a halt and Erwin took the lead to speak to them in general, which brought relief to some but utter outrage from the others.  
  
(Y/n)'s attention was caught up in a woman in the midst of the crowd and Levi saw her fighting back bitter tears. The mother of some brat who'd died that day most likely. The woman ran inside the house in front of which she was standing.  
  
The lieutenant jumped off the cart, waiting for the woman to return, but instead a man with a large build came out, still with a napkin tucked into his shirt and brandishing a fork that appeared to be soiled with food.  
  
“How dare you return here without my daughter, you fucking whore?!”, he barked, lunging at her with the metal object. Why wasn't she moving? She was just standing there, looking at the man and barely moved aside in time to avoid it being lodged in her neck.  
  
The others were quick to restrain the savage man, who kept shouting insults at her. Looking closer at the lieutenant, Levi saw a thin trail of blood flowing down her neck, coming from her jaw. By the time Petra told her about it, it'd already formed a stain on her shirt, her hand only smudging it more as she tried to clean it.  
  
Her stare was blank for the most part, her mind seemed to wonder, away from where they were. Sitting back down on the wagon, they were finally able to continue the journey to the HQ, the enraged man continuing to scream in the distance but not attempting anything else after having his arms almost broken by Eld and Zacharias.

     

     End Flashback.


	13. 13

Dinner was soon after and, not wanting to listen to Oluo's ongoing ramblings about how good he was, even after Petra's repeated scolding, my decision rested upon eating next to Zoe and Moblit.  
  
“So, about tonight's--”, she didn't even let me finish the sentence before starting a long monologue about all the experiments that had yet to be done to Eren.  
  
Beside her, Moblit had already downed his seventh mug of beer, being it probably the umpfth he'd hear that speech. Eventually, she mentioned the altered state in which Jaeger used to be at times, mostly when titans were mentioned or when alone in his cell. I took the oportunity to try one of the pills she'd given me, in hopes that the recovery process wouldn't be too long.  
  
It seemed like a deep hatred of the creatures was rooted inside Eren and the manifestation was a feverish almost psychotic state. Although it did sound intriguing to study the psychological effects of his transformation before and after the fact, the idea of being around such a person filled me uneasiness.  
  
But of course, humanity was above all personal discomfort, as we were so often reminded by the ever growing wall of names and the large sum of alcohol drank by most of the officials to get some peace of mind.  
  
~  
“Hey, Levi, you wanna watch the experiments tonight?”, Hange yelled at the small figure leaving the dinning hall.  
  
“Piss off, Shitty Glasses.”, he answered, bringing a wide smile to the major's lips that slowly morphed to her horrifying deranged grin.  
  
“This is going to be so exciting!”, she exclaimed, crushing Moblit with a single arm hug, reaching over the table to try and do the same to me, but I leaned away just in time.  
  
“Injured official here, remember?”, my one was annoyed as a huff escaped my pursed lips.  
  
“Right, sorry. Well, I still have preparations to do, so meet us down in the dungeon in about two hours. We'll take Eren from there”  
  
“Got it.”, with a nod, they left.  
  
With two hours to kill, the only real task that could be done was to prepare for the experiments. Sure enough, Hange was more than thorough but it wouldn't harm anyone to take a second look at things. Finding Moblit skittering around the hallway doing errands allowed me to request Zoe's notes and plans for the night, which he provided shortly after.

According to her annotations and mine also, regular titans were much less active if not completely inactive when the level of sunlight diminished. Even so, the moon acted like the sun's substitute during the night, being new mooned nights the least active of all.

This was what had been gathered in relation with light about normal titans. Shifters, containing a human inside them, should not be very affected by those changes. Or they would be affected. That's what was meant to be found out. Also things regarding pain awareness and tolerance and a series of other questions that needed answers.

Scribbling on one of the notebooks scattered around my desk, a list of questions grew increasingly bigger, taking up two more pages. Those were the things I wanted answered such as how did the titans bodies disappeared, why didn't their blood stay on things and evaporated instead, why they smelt like rotten eggs, just to name a few.

As one of my only working pens rolled off the desk and to the floor, no choice was left for me but to search for it. Being in the middle of all those books and and old written papers reminded me that I should make a habit of cleaning more often.

Reaching under the hardwood table, I accidentally knocked over a pile of old reports, stopping my retrieval operation to catch the fallen pile of papers. A new stack formed by its side, growing as I read through the titles and piled them back over each other. It was mostly old reports from my first days at the Corps, some still with annotations from captain Holt. Seemed like it'd been almost yesterday that I'd arrived there, freshly released from a trial.

Then, picking up another sheet of paper riddled with fold marks memories from my escape from Wall Maria resurfaced. A series of old letters sent by my father to his grandmother when he was a kid where the only thing left from my life back there in Shiganshina. There was no point in rereading them; I'd done that so many times in those nights were my Garrison comrades and I were desperate to reach Trost, in hopes of outrunning the pouring titans that entered through the gaping hole in Maria's inner gate.

Hange's deranged laughter echoed through the hallway outside and alerted me to the time. They'd be waiting in the dungeon, where Eren was sleeping. Taking my scribbled notebook and the pen, I left in a rushed pace, heading to the stairwell that lead down there. Voices could be heard from the ground level, coming from the catacombs.

“Finally everyone's here!”, cheered Zoe, looking at me as my foot left the last step. “It's time to begin.”

Firstly, as standard procedure, Jaeger was shackled before being removed from his cell. This was only done whenever experiments would be conducted and they feared that he'd lose control in his most feverish state. He understood this and complied immediately, offering his wrists through the bars every time.

Escorting him up the stairs and out the building was done in moderate silence, with Hange continuously talking about what would happen. Behind me were Eld, Gunther and Oluo, with Petra walking by my side as her tense expression intensified with each pace closer to the well.

“What if he can't turn into a titan?”, she asked me. “Last time, he hurt himself pretty bad because of us and nothing happened.”, remorse weighted on her voice, her gaze fixed on the small boy in the front.

“Well, from what I've read on Hange's notes, she'll try whatever it takes to get him to turn but I don't know... I mean, Eren doesn't have much choice, it's either hurting himself here or being kept by the police.”, was my reply. Looking back, maybe it sounded rather insensitive to disregard a kid's well being but he was our trump card against the titans and it should be made clear that getting leverage for humanity's sake was the top priority.

“I know, but still, he's a kid, (Y/n)... I can't not feel bad for his suffering.”, she sighed.

As we approached the well, Eren's shackles were removed by Moblit with the rest of us watching attentively. A few torches nearby lit the surrounding area, casting flickering shadows that swayed in the night breeze.

From a distance, corporal Levi watched us. So he did ended up joining the party after all. It made sense, given that Jaeger was entrusted to him. He was probably there to do damage control if things got out of hand.

“Okay Eren, now we're gonna lower you down to the bottom. Don't worry, it's mostly dried up by now so the water shouldn't rise above your waist.”, Hange told him, securing a rope to his harness.

“Before we start”, I began by saying, approaching the brunette boy and pulling out my notebook. “We should try and get as many information as possible. How are you feeling, Eren?”

“Uhm... I'm fine, I guess.”, he shrugged. My pen scratched the paper, recording everything he said, progressively establishing a 'before' pattern.

“Nervous?”, was the next question, which was done without lifting my eyes from the notebook.

“Well... a little, I suppose.. What if I can't turn into a titan? I don't want to waste anyone's time, mam...”, as expected. Of course he'd be nervous about having to do such a thing in front of a series of people. Even though he'd be at the bottom of a well, the hope of humanity rested on his shoulders for matters like these. And it's not as if anyone tried to deny it either, Erwin had been clear that the boy's stay at the Corps would only be justified were he able to control himself and produce tangible results.

Shifting on demand was one of those and maybe the most important one, aside from self control. The kid's hands fidgeted slightly at his sides as he tried to maintain composure and proper posture, seemingly hyper aware that everyone there had their eyes on him.

“Hm, I understand, Eren. Any discomfort? Injury? Anything out of place to report?”, my eyes gazed at his, lit by torchlight, inquisitive. He simply shook his head to the sides, a soft 'no' falling from his lips.

“Well, don't worry, Eren! I'll make sure everything will go well tonight. You have nothing to worry about.”, said Hange, smiling widely at the boy. Behind her, Moblit sighed, looking rather concerned for her, knowing she'd ignore her own safety to get what she wanted. “Now, let's get you down there so we can start as soon as possible.”

As such, Eren was lowered slowly until he reached the bottom of the well. Leaning over the brim we looked at his small figure, barely illuminated by the dim light. There was no real threat that could come from him, being down there. The entrance was too high for him to reach even in titan form yet still being approximately wide enough to allow the transformation to occur.

“Okay, Eren, now try to turn!”, Hange yelled. The shadow down bellow moved, presumably to bite its hand and we all pulled back from the well's brim, fearing whatever might happen but there was only silence.

“Major Hange, it didn't work! What should I try next?”, the question came, echoing through the old stones. This had been the previous problem – his inability to shift without a purpose.

“Try thinking about your duty to humanity!”, she yelled back, peering into the dark hole. Once more it had no effect.

“Hange, this isn't working. We can't keep telling the kid to hurt himself. Come on, there has to be another way.”, although it was for the sake of humanity and that was my true purpose in the corps, Petra's words form earlier had struck a chord. He was just a kid caught up in the middle of this and he had already been through a lot. We should at least not make him suffer unnecessarily.

“Hm maybe if its something more personal...? Like what, his family?”, while she and I discussed these matters, the others kept quiet, eyes fixed on the shadow at the bottom. It must've felt lonely down there, staring at the outlines of superior officials as if some sort of animal but it wasn't like he had much of a choice either way.

“What, get him in that insane state again?”, my eyebrows had raised as my disapproving look formed itself.

“He's very unpredictable like that.”, Petra added.

“Yes, and if the goal here is to get him to control himself, being like that isn't going to help at all.”, I continued.

“I know. But we need this. He'll get the hang of it in due time, don't worry. Hey Eren, think about what the titans did to your family back at Shiganshina!”.

The words traveled down, reaching the boy. Knowing what was coming, my instinct was to take a few steps back, pulling Petra along with me, just in case. Hearing a metallic like sliding sound told me that the captain was preparing in case the creature got free for some unknown reason. Or, on a more remote possibility, that the intruders appeared from the dimly lit darkness surrounding us.

A growl came from the well and a column of smoke erupted from it, the others barely escaping the immense heat that radiated from it. The stench of rotten eyes filled the air and we knew he'd done it. Walking back over slowly, it could be noted that Eren's titan form was still far from reaching the top, unable to even move its arms. Immediately as we appeared over the edge and added our shadows to the one casted by the torches and the moon, the beast's head lifted up looking straight at us.

“Eren, nod if you can hear us!”, was my first request, seeing as he appeared to be slightly confused. Instead, he tried to wriggle his arms out, growling just like any other titan while still looking up.

“So he doesn't understand us....”, mumbled Hange, leaning over the rim of the well. “Or maybe he can't hear us properly...”. As she leaned in further, Moblit caught the back of her harness, preventing her from doing so.

“Major Hange, that's dangerous!”, he said, pulling her back.

“You worry too much, Moblit.”, she chuckled, looking at him. “Well, for one he isn't innactive as the other titans.”

As she kept on talking about what further intel could be gathered at the time, my pen scribbled quickly on the small notebook. A couple of lower ranked officials arrived carrying a series of boxes. Inside, there were a series of arrows and other things, probably to test out his tolerance to pain. Looking back at the titan in the well, the clamping of his exposed teeth echoed up and made me wonder what was even going through the kid's mind at the time; if he was even conscious of what was happening.

He grew increasingly agitated, hitting his head against the stone walls. Once more, I recorded everything seen on the small notebook, for further studies. The ground surrounding the water hole shook with each slam and, in the distance, a few windows from the main building lit up. For the tremor to have reached such a far away place was evidence enough of the force that each impact held.

“Hange, look at that. His jaw seems to have become dislodged yet he's still hitting that spot.”, were my words as I moved her head to follow the titan's movements.

“Amazing... it doesn't look like it's in pain at all...”, she noted, eyes still fixed on the creature. As its hits became faster and with increasing force, seeming desperate to get free, the sulphur filled smoke also increased in volume, forcing us to take a step back so as to not get severe burns. A growl like sound came from bellow and the hitting stopped, the ground having ceased its tremor.

“He stopped... Why did he stop?”, Petra mumbled walking closer again and peering over. “It's not moving!”

“What do you mean...?”, Hange trailed off as she also reached the well's rim, looking at the now still titan. Its head was slumping down to one side, with the lower jaw still broken and hanging sideways.

“Is it like... sleeping?”, Oluo asked, although a bit naively.

“Titans don't sleep.”, I answered, with growing concern. Was it dead? Did it die from all the smoke? But that didn't make any sense, they didn't need to breathe like people did...

“Eren's still down there, we need to get him out!”, Petra's voice had a tinge of plead in it, looking at both me and Hange.

“I suppose the experiment is over..”, the major raised her eyebrows, hand scratching her neck. “Could it be that it's pretending to be asleep...?”

“It didn't even understand when we tried talking with it... Highly doubt that it's capable of pulling something like that off.”, my hands gripped the stone edge firmly, wanting to understand what was happening. Could it really be that smart? Probably not but.. what if it was? No way we could send someone down there to check on it before the shifting had finished.”

“What are we waiting for?”, Petra's voice was more insistent now, her hand reaching to grab my shoulder. “Eren could be in trouble.”

“It's too dangerous, what it it's a trap?”, Eld asked her from the other side of the well.

“Come on, Eld, it's Eren. Last time we didn't trust him either...”, she answered, looking expectantly at captain Levi, waiting for his permission.

“Stay put. Until I say so, no one goes down there.”, the corporal ordered from where he was, walking slowly towards the opening and also looking down. “Looks like its dead.”, he spat. The creatures body began to evaporate we could see Eren's faint figure amongst the smoking flesh.

“Captain, please.”, Petra urged, distressed to see the boy in such a state, knowing that something wasn't right.

“Go.”, she quickly jumped down there, securing her gear on either side of the well's inner stone wall. By the time she got to the bottom, we couldn't see her or Eren, being it too dark. Faint echoes came through, and we assumed it was her calling him, trying to wake him up.  
  
~  
Not too long after we heard a scream coming from the deep and Levi didn't hesitate to jump down there. Sounds of struggle and growls also came from down there, leaving us all worried as to what was happening. Then, all was silent again. The sound of the cables grew louder and Petra and the captain climbed over the rim with Eren over the captain's shoulder.

“What happened?”, I asked Petra, helping her on to the ground. She looked distraught, with red finger marks on her neck and her chest was still heaving from whatever had happened.

“He just... he was insane.”, she looked up at me with a dreadful expression and I wanted to comfort her but we had no time. Eren had burns all over his skin and, upon touching his exposed hand, I knew he also had a high fever.

“Captain, we need to take him to Hange's office, he needs to get this fever down.”, my eyes locked with his and he gave me a slight negative nod. The smell coming from the boy's skin was nauseating and, for a few moments, I had to turn to breathe in the fresh air.

“This shitty brat is going to return to his cell. Let him rot for all I care. He's out cold so he should sleep for a few hours.”

“Oy, Levi, we need him.”, Hange noted as she offered to help carry him. “Letting him die would be a waste.”

“I won't loose any soldier for this piece of shit, Shitty Glasses. Will you?.”, he spat, transferring all of Eren's weight onto Zoe and beginning to head back to the main building ahead of us. What had happened...? Looking at Petra's half concerned, half cautions gaze, eyes continuously fixed on the unconscious boy, led me to think that he'd gone mental and probably tried to kill her or something.

Couldn't say that it was a surprise that Eren sometimes had those outbursts but I never thought he'd turn against someone he knew and got along rather well with, like he did with Petra. Science called for me and Hange to play the part of investigators and study as much of this condition of his and reach conclusions that would further aid in the fight against the titans. And, while it felt like a weight too heavy on our shoulders, it was interesting; knowing how the body functioned, predicting its beaviour, all those things. Zoe was so enthusiastic about titans that there wasn't really any chance that I wouldn't get sucked into that spiral of hunger for more information, more knowledge, more everything.

In the beginning it was all for Nate... and mom. But as time went on by, learning each day, seeing all that had been accomplished by former discoveries, fueled my interest and yearning for more. Zoe used to joke that it was better to work with me now-a-days rather than before since she considered that being too serious was poison for new discoveries.  
  
~  
Finally we arrived at the cell, laying a feverish Eren down as gently as possible and restraining him to the bed, in order to prevent him from going berserk again. The burns were healing slowly, with the soft tissue rearranging itself and smoothing out gradually. Quickly noticing that we'd never had the opportunity to witness this, Hange and I jotted down what we saw in detail separately, to compare notes after.

Unlike the burnt skin, his temperature didn't seem to be cooling down, the fever still raging on, despite the cold water soaked towels we'd put over his forehead, arms and legs. His formerly dislocated jaw had been in place ever since he'd been taken out of the well and Zoe regretted not having seen it occur, out of curiosity.

“Ngh...”, a low grunt came from the boys lips as his head turned to the other side. His eyes screwed shut and another sound was heard. Eren was most likely having a nightmare. We didn't know whether to wake him up or let him sleep through it, since he might still be hallucinating and confused and no one wanted him to hurt himself by straining against his restraints.

Despite the captain abhorring the sight of Eren's face at the time, he was still bound by his oath to Erwin and officer Darius that he'd handle the boy and kill him if needed. Because of this, he kept himself in the dungeon with us, sitting in a corner reading in the dim light, refusing to take part in the scene. Upstairs, the door creaked and swift footsteps brought down to our level a casually dressed Mikasa, face pale from the darkness of the night.

“What are you doing here?”, asked Petra, standing up from where she was.

“What's wrong with Eren?”

“Ackerman, you can't be here. Return to your quarters this instant.”, I ordered her, dipping one of the towels in the cold water again and placing it over the boy's leg once more. She was standing there, looking at him with a concerned expression. “Get out, Mikasa.”

“Is there a problem here... brat?”, Levi casually looked up from his book, questioning the girl. She apparently hadn't noticed the captain up until then, having snapped her neck to glare at him once he spoke.

“Did you beat him up again?!...”, she snarled, closing her fists until the knuckles had turned white. Fucking hell, yet another problem arose. Why couldn't there be a day where things went according to the freaking plan? Noticing the captain become more attentive to her movements tipped me that he might do something and instinctively, I lunged towards her and pulled her up the stairs by an arm.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, talking like that to the captain, Mikasa?!”, my voice was a whisper but the tone was furious. “Don't even bother answering, just what did you plan on doing, huhh? Trying to beat up the corporal? Ackerman, you need to get your head out of your ass and start knowing your place.”

She didn't talk back or try to free herself from my grasp. As we reached the top step, she was ordered to return to her room and sleep, to which she obliged with a blank expression that concealed her anger and concern. For a few seconds, I sat on that last step and sighed, closing my eyes for a brief moment to rest.

Screams woke me up from my half sleeping state and my legs almost trampled each other running back down. Reaching the ground floor gave me a vision that troubled me. Eren had his back arched, screaming as his head thrashed around, trying to bite the air. Hange and Petra had backed up, surprised by the sudden outburst.

“Kill the titans! I'm gonna kill all of them!... Kill.. Titans!”, his incoherent babble made it clear that he was most likely hallucinating. There was no way of calming him like this, we could barely hold him down. The captain had gotten up, readying his swords just in case.

“Moblit, bring the syringe and the vials next to it, quickly! A sedative will help.”, Hange rushed the man, who ran up the stairs.

“I can knock him out.”, Levi commented.

“With all due respect, sir”, said Petra, “Putting Eren to sleep with a drug might calm him down more than knocking him unconscious. At least he'll sleep for more hours and recover.”

“Whatever.”

Eren opened his eyes and his head trashed to the sides, eyes capturing mine as they moved. The same insane expression as Kayla's made a chill run down my spine and my body froze for a second, like it was reliving the episode again. How pathetic was it that a boy had made me lose control over my own body like that. Just one stare and I was back at the canyon with Kayla's body in my arms, blood gushing out and staining my clothes.

Staggering, I took a step back, leaning against the wall for support and taking a deep breath, trying to calm my pulse. Levi's eyes burned my side, looking at me in an inquisitive manner and maybe he knew what had just happened. But, if he knew, he chose to not say a word and instead he decided to sit back down reading.

Moblit arrived a few minutes later and, with the three of us forcing Eren down, Hange gave him the shot and he fell asleep soon after that.

“There, he'll sleep for the rest of the night, hopefully.”, sighed Zoe, cleaning the sweat from her forehead.

“Well then, I need to write a report for the commander, if you'll excuse me. Petra, could you please come with me? I have some questions to ask.”, I requested.

“Sure, if the captain is okay with it.”

“Go ahead, I'll call the other three to keep an eye on that pile of shit.”


	14. 14

Petra and I walked over to my office in silence. Eren's thrashing and yelling was stil ringing in my ears and in hers too, probably, although to ask her that wouldn't do any good. As we entered the messing room, and apologetic smile ran across my lips.

“Sorry for all the mess, I really need to get this cleaned up eventually.”, a hand scratched my neck awkwardly, and oh how I wished to know how to deal with situations like this, but still, nothing could be done about it. After an invitation to sit on the chair in front of the desk, Petra sat quietly.

After a few seconds of arranging notes and papers, finally our eyes met and her deeply concerned expression made me sigh. And, although I didn't really want to make her tell me what had happened down in the well in detail, it was a necessity, in order to study the effects of titan shifting in the mind, Eren's more specifically.

“So... Petra, I'll need you to tell me exactly what happened down there.”

“Okay.”, she replied, inhaling deeply and then closing her eyes for a second.

“Please, don't let any details out. This has to be as thorough as possible.”

“Yes, I understand. So.. it was like, I got down there, with water up to my chest and I couldn't see him.”

“Was he underwater?”

“Yes, at first he was, but I pulled him out of the water and check for a pulse. It was weak but at least he was alive.”, she stopped for a few seconds, collecting her thoughts. While she was talking, my pen quickly took note of the report, since Hange would want to analyze it with me in the near future.

“What then? Was he breathing?”

“No, he wasn't. When I checked for that and didn't hear his breath, I gave him mouth to mouth for a few seconds and he eventually came to his senses. And then... he was just.. insane.”

“Insane how?”

“I'm not sure, like a lunatic, a maniac, whatever you want to call it. He attacked me, hands around my throat and trying to choke me, those kinds of things.”

“I'm sorry I'm putting you through this. Petra, I really am.”, her face was just like nothing I'd seen before. She cared so much for the kid and he'd tried to kill her just like that; I'd like to say I couldn't imagine and give her the sympathetic look of someone who tries to feel what is being describe but.. I'd felt on my own skin how it was; to be faced with the insanity of someone you cared about and being unable to help them. I could imagine and more; I could remember it.

“It's part of the job.. don't worry about me. Anyways, the captain got down there just in time and restrained him. He still tried to bite me and--”

“Did he try to turn?”

“Yes, he almost managed to bite his hand but the captain knocked him out before he could do it.”

“Hm... I see..”, after she stopped talking, there was only silence for a few moments, while I finished writing all that had been said. “So... how are _you_ feeling, Petra?”, my eyes looked up at her, sorrowful, wanting to comfort her.

Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad; she was still alive and had no physiological injuries. It could've been worse, that's for sure. But still, when we were out there, fighting the titans, it was different. Titans don't talk to you, they don't share their dreams and hopes for the future, they don't even smile or greet you when you walk by. Because they're not people. And Petra didn't have an encounter with a titan; it was Eren down there. A very disturbed Eren for that matter but a person nonetheless.

“I'm... I don't know...”, she leaned in and rested her forehead on the table, sighing deeply. “He's just a kid... but how can a kid have so easily overpowered me like that...? I could've died...”

“Maybe it's best if you don't dwell too much on it right now.. Why don't you go and sleep? It's late.”, extending my hand, I gently caressed her soft hair, her back raising with each deep breath.

“Eh.. maybe I will... I still want to check up on Eren before I go..”, after all that she still wanted to see if he was okay? I guess being almost killed was indeed part of the job, no matter what happened.

“Very well. Sorry for having put you through all that. Your help was greatly appreciated.”, with a faint smile, she left the office. It was time to write the camp report.

The past few days with the cadets didn't have a lot to write about, they didn't do anything particularly stupid or dangerous and didn't cause any trouble. Except Eren that time but it'd been something minor. The real descriptive part of the report, where the actual important material began started with the captain's arrival at the camp.

~

About an hour later, a full report of four sheets of paper written front and back had been produced. It was still pitch black outside and it appeared that there were still a lot of hours of darkness left before dawn so, grabbing the report, I left, head towards Erwin's office.

Knocking on his door several times left me wondering whether or not he'd gone to bed already and, if so, it would be best to not disturb his sleep and give him the report the following day.

“If you're looking for the commander, he's out.”, a deep voice informed, behind me. Startled, my head turned to meet Zackarias' gaze.

“Where to?”

“He had 'business' to attend to.”, was the answer. Well, I'd have to turn in the report the following day after all. Thanking Mike, my feet led me back to the office, where I took the opportunity of having some spare time to organize the piles of books and papers on the floor.

Erwin usually had this 'business' he had to attend, meaning that he went to meet a woman he was rather fond of. In all honesty, no one who knew about her knew exactly what she was to him or if he actually loved her but the fact was that he'd go meet her and things usually ended up sour because of work.

Although Erwin was rather cheerful when a bit tipsy, heavier drinking led his mind to wander and he'd talk about wanting to have a stable life, a loving wife and kids, away from the dangers of the outside. Of course, this usually happened when very few people were around; all in all, I'd say that maybe Zacharias, Levi and I knew about this 'wish' of his from the whole Corps.

A knock on the door woke me up from my musing, a brunette head peaking inside the office. It was Petra once again, peering in with a half smile.

“(Y/n), are you busy, right now? The captain requested our presence.”

“At this hour? What does he want...?”, a light huff escaped my lips. And there I was, thinking I'd get some time to get stuff cleaned.

“I don't know, but it sounded important, we better hurry.”

“Fine, fine, I'm going.”, before leaving, I took another of Hange's pills, since the pain was coming back and we went to meet the captain.

~

“So, sir, what's the matter?”, was my first question, upon seeing him.

“I'm going to the bar, to gather intel on the shitbags that raided the camp.”

“And you want us to check for other suspicious things.”, Petra completed.

“Precisely.”, he replied, turning his back to head to the stables. We followed right behind him, galloping to the town bar, full at those dark hours.

The loud noise heard outside made the captain scowl at the though of having to go in there, where all those drunks were screaming and singing. It didn't really bothered me that much but it would make our task of looking out for suspects significantly harder. As we stepped in the tavern, the keeper cheered loudly at us.

“Well, if it isn't 'Humanity's Strongest Soldier'!”, he yelled. The other patrons lifted their mugs and gave the captain a rowdy welcome at which he rolled his eyes.

“Mingle and don't draw too much attention on yourselves.”, the corporal told us. “Don't get shitfaced.”

“Understood.”, we answered, sitting on a table on the far corner and starting an empty conversation as we scoured the room for anything suspicious or out off place. Waitresses walking around with trays of beer mugs, sitting on the laps of patrons and pouring drinks on them while being groped.

“Well good night to 'ya misses, so what's it gonna be?”, a rather busty waitress leaned over our table, shoving her breasts on my face.

“Uhm, well, we'd like some... beer.”, I answered, leaning away from the almost exposed boobs squished against my cheek. Giving Petra a side stare, it was fairly obvious that she was also startled by the situation.

“Very well then”, the thick accented woman smiled, circling the table and sitting on my lap before anyone could react. “And, how would'a fancy something extra, deary? It'll cost 'ya, but I'm more than worth the few coins....”, she purred, finger caressing the underside of my chin, making me turn up those yellow eyes. Two braids fell on either side of her slender neck loose hair strands framing her devilish grin. Cat eyes glinted at me and she leaned in closer, a sweet scent of fresh pine leaves oozing from her olive toned skin and for a moment, my ears stopped listening to the crowd around us. “So...”, she whispered even closer, “...how about that?”

It was only thanks to Petra that the spell I seemed to be under was broken, as she elbowed my side under the table, bringing up a sharp sting, although a bit muted by Hange's pills. Breaking eye contact, my eyes fell on the captain sitting at the bar, giving me the side eye. Inhaling deeply, the haze that had muddled my thoughts earlier disappeared and once more I found myself looking at the woman.

“Uhm... Sorry, I'm really not interested in that kind of thing...”, why were my words sounding so apologetic? She smiled widely at my slightly confused and embarrassed state, finally leaving my lap.

“Well, if 'ya wanna have some fun, 'ya know where 'ta find me. The name's Becca, just so 'ya know who 'ta ask for.”, with a wink she was off to the bar, swaying her hips ever so slightly as she walked.

“What.... was that?”, Petra asked slowly, her gaze burning the side of my face.

“No idea...”, the words came out as a breathy whisper while the main focus of my attention was still the young woman talking on the other side of the tavern, vibrating with hearty laughter at the men who fawned over her.

“Oi, what's up with you?”, the small brunette darted in a low voice, forcing me to break eye contact.

“Nothing, I just... why did she threw herself at me like that?...”, in all the times we'd gone to this tavern, not once did any of the women approach us in such a way. Thinking further about the issue, no memories of this girl popped up in my head. Was she new there? But... she looked so _in place_... walking around confidently around the flailing drunk men seated closer to the bar as if she'd been there all her life.

“I don't know... maybe she thought you're into women...?”, Petra shrugged, her voice lowering when another serving girl passed by us.

“Why would she think that....?”, my eyebrows lifted and my lips pursed as a head movement of mine coaxed the brunette into revealing her opinion.

“I don't know... maybe because you look.... manly? Lately you've been scowling a lot. And you're here with me so... well, I'm just guessing, I don't really know..”

“What? You think she thought we were together?”, a chuckle rumbled in the back of my throat as I imagined that possibility. First of all, I wasn't very given to relationships ever since... well, _that_ happened five years back. It seemed too much of a risk to love someone who's going to end up dying anyway...

“Well, there 'ya go, loves!”, Becca smiled, placing our mugs on the table. “I hope you and the missus have a wonderful time here.”, she grinned gesturing to Petra. Oh.. so she did think we were a couple.. well, it could be worse.

“Thanks.”, we replied to her and she resumed her tasks around the tavern, leaving us alone.

“So... I scowl a lot... and that makes me look manly? Oh please, Petra.. come on.”, the last words were drowned by the mug on my lips.

“It doesn't matter anyways. We're here on a mission.”, she noted, taking a swig of her beer.

“I'm pretty sure the captain could've come here alone. Not like anyone can jump him anyways...”

“Well, that's true but... maybe he wanted extra pairs of eyes to look out..?”

“What if... her wanted you to relax a bit?”, as much as it sounded weird to say it, it wasn't completely impossible that the captain would want Petra so ease up a bit after the encounter with Eren. After all, she was always so loyal and a model soldier. Maybe he wanted to have her do something nice for herself for a change. “I don't think he'd ever admit it, though.”

“Hm... I guess we'll never know for sure. But it would be extremely nice of him if he'd called us in for that...”, she smiled fondly at his small frame sitting on a barstool, talking to the owner. We kept a watchful eye over the rest of the room, looking out for anything that seemed suspicious but, after about half an hour, nothing had happened still.

By that time, I was sure that me and Petra were at least half drunk. How unprofessional was it that we'd get intoxicated when on a mission but the mugs kept rolling and, without even noticing it, we'd downed more that three each. Looking over to the Levi, he was still sitting on the same stool, but now, he was facing the majority of the room, eyes raking over the crowd.

When his gaze met mine, inquisitive in a 'have-you-seen-anything' kind of fashion, it was hard to keep my lips from smiling stupidly at the man. Pulling myself together, I simply gave him a negative nod before he moved his head to look somewhere else.

Oh but I followed those cold eyes and saw what 'somewhere else' was. Or rather, who it was. A man in ragged clothes approached the captain slowly, sitting on the stool next to him.

 

“So... what's Humanity's Strongest doing all alone in a place like this...?”, the shit smelling man purred to Levi in a hoarse voice, leaning in closer. “Oy, innkeeper, 'll be a pint for me and this gent here, will 'ya?”

“I hate beer.”, the corporal spat, not bothering to look at the man next to him. His eyes roamed the tavern. Nothing stood out in that shithole. The whores were being thrown about by drunk scum as usual, the noise was deafening and the smell was unbearable. Just having passed through the doorway made Levi want to scrub his skin off.

At least (Y/n) and Petra seemed to be having a good time. He'd seen them laughing and probably telling stories to each other. He did not condone slacking off like this but after what had happened, a couple of drinks wouldn't hurt. And, having told them to keep an eye out, he knew that, even in that state, they'd be watching the people, albeit less attentively.

“You got the money for it, Randall? We ain't giving no freebies here.”, the other man scowled. The way they talked seemed like they'd known each other for a long time.

“Dun worry chief. I'm stocked this week.”, he grinned. “Found me a rich patron.”

“Real fancy...”, the owner mumbled, with a look of disgust plastered on his face. “Don't scare away my customers tonight or I'll have my boys fuck you up.”, he snarled.

“There a problem here?...”, Levi turned to face the owner with his cold stare. As much as he hated the stench of the other man, hearing their conversation gave his stomach several more turns.

“No, sir. There 'ya go; too mugs.”

“So... Mister Strongest...”, Randall hissed softly, nearing the corporal's ear. “If you're feeling lonely... I could keep you company...”

“Back off, shitbag.”

“There's no need to be that harsh... I'm sure you and I could have some fun...” he was now a few inches away from the raven haired man, lips on the verge of brushing his ear. He was pushing his luck, but, seeing as Levi wasn't reacting against it, he just kept going. His hand drew near the other man's leg as he spoke. “Just 'cause it's you I'll let you fuck me for fre--”

A firm hand quickly gripped Randall's neck, fingers tightening around the rough skin and starting to cut off air and blood circulation. While the man struggled, trying to claw away at Levi's arm, the captain turned his face to look at him.

“Do not touch me, or I will kill you.”, he threw the other off the stool, not even giving him a second glance.

“Oy, Levi sir, we don't want any trouble here, leave that scum be, he can't harm a fly.”, the innkeeper rushed to say, trying to avoid a bar fight from beginning. Levi didn't answer, and the noise muffled any other words the owner might have said after that.

He hadn't discovered any leads on the intruders and Petra and (Y/n) had had enough time to relax; it was time they'd head back to the main building.

“So...”, the man wheezed, crawling back up and grabbing on to the captain's knee for support. “I take it you like it a little rough, eh?”

His words fell short as the smaller man pulled him up by the collar until he was at eye level. “Outside.” he muttered, cold eyes glinting. Throwing the man once, he directed his body near the back door, where he disappeared into the night as well.

 

“Oy... P-petraa...”, I mumbled, feeling my skin burn under my clothes. “Isn't it too hot in here?”

“What....? (Y/n), shuddupp, you're drunk..”, she slurred. But I was feeling hot and dizzy. “If you're hot, just go take a breather... *hic*”

“You're right... You're the best...”, a wide grin flourished on my lips as I got up and walked towards the back door staggering slightly over a few tables. “Hey!”, my voice called Petra but the alcohol had dulled my awareness so it felt like it wasn't me talking. “You seen the captain?”

“No... But.. I'm sure he's fiine...”. With that reassurance, I walked over to the door and left the tavern, sitting on the porch, hands securing a heavily pounding head.


	15. 15

The long tressed barmaid walked up the stairs with a cat's grace, hips swaying slightly with each step. So the plan hadn't been completely successful and, for that, she'd probably not get all of the money but, with the hefty sum she'd been offered, even half was a lot.

Old door hinges creaked open, revealing a room lit only by a few candles. The rooms at the tavern's second floor were rather simple, having only a bed, a small table and one or two chairs, depending.

“You came back empty handed..”, a stern voice came from inside, from a figure sitting by the window, leaning its head against it. “We didn't pay you for nothing, Elaine.”

“Please refrain from saying that name here, I am Rebecca, Becca for short.”, the barmaid replied smiling only with her lips. “And certain circumstances were too unexpected. I can't do any miracles.”

“Not even for me? I'm sure the best whore in the Underground district has a couple of tricks up her sleeve.”, the same figure smirked seeing the light glint in the barmaid's eyes when she heard the word 'whore'.

“You flatter me, Roach.”, she chuckled, leaning against the now closed wooden door. “I may not have brought her here. But I might've.... slipped something into her drink. From my calculations, she'll be out in a few minutes. She just went outside as well.”

“Well..? What are we waiting for?”, the second figure asked the first. “Now is our chance.”, she said, getting off the chair and making to the door, only to be stopped by something gripping her arm firmly.

“Wait.”, the first figure called, pulling the other towards the window. “Look at that... Why now of all days...? Fucking hell.”

“Well, whatever it is, not my problem...”, the maid noted, lacing her fingers behind her back. “I guess I won't receive the rest of the money, will I? Oh well...”, she sighed.

“Giving up so easily, Elaine?”, the second figure inquired, staring at the woman coldly.

“It's 'Angler' to you, deary. Only that one can call me Elaine.”, she spat, gesturing to the first figure, who watched something attentively. “My job is done. End of story.”

“You couldn't even do it properly. I'm not seeing (Y/n) here, am I? Or am I blind?”, it broke its firm gaze on whatever was going on outside to look at Elaine's slender figure.

“You're not in a position to make demands here, you came begging for my help, didn't you..?”, the Angler grinned, words spilling full of poison. The satisfaction she got from seeing the person narrowing their gaze as they heard that was delightful. They'd know each other for quite a while back in the Underground.

She was a Mistress, a woman paid to seduce and kill or rob anyone and was known as the Angler. It was a hired killer, simple and efficient and was known as the Roach.

“Leave her.”, the second figure dispersed the increasingly thick aura between the two, looking at the first figure. “We thank you for your services, Angler. However, we won't pay the rest of the money since you failed to give us a clear opportunity to act.”

“Eh.. Fair enough.”, she shrugged. “I figure you won't request my services anymore after this so I'll be taking my leave from this place.”

“Don't draw any attention to yourself Elaine. or they could start asking questions.”, the person by the window warned.

“You seem to forget who you're speaking to.”, the Mistress chuckled against the tips of her fingers. “Besides, with a face like _that,_ you should be the one to be cautio us. Either way, it was a pleasure to do business with you and I hope we can work again some other day.”, with a smile, she disappeared in the hallway, closing the door behind her.

“Looks like she wasn't as good as you said.”, the second and shorter figure noted in a cold tone.

“We'll have to find another way...”, the on by the window replied, looking down to the scene unraveling on the ground floor. “Sit by me, the show is rather pleasant.”

“Did seeing Elaine fail affect you? You do seem quite fond of her.”

“My personal life is none of your business. You may be my employer but let's not get touchy feely here.”

“Good, it would be rather boring to see you get like the others.”. These 'others' the second figure spoke about were its partners, two of them, which the person by the window had not met as a safety precaution.

  
  


The scene unfolding bellow the two figures was between two men. One was well known to the people and revered; such was Lance Corporal Levi, from the Survey Corps, and Humanity's Strongest Soldier. The other was of the common folk, with a tall build and disheveled appearance. At this point, the smaller man was mercilessly beating the other to a pulp while he tried to resist.

The drugs on (Y/n) system had began to kick in and so her world was starting to spin endlessly before her eyes. This spinning she attributed to the amount of alcohol she'd ingested and, were she not in a severely drowsy state, would have perhaps think it weird that Petra, who couldn't hold her liquor as well, was doing much better than her.

A few muffled sounds came from around the corner outside the tavern and (Y/n) was inevitably drawn to them, wanting to know what was causing them. It wasn't until the corner was turnt that her eyes fixed upon the small frame of the captain, holding up a weeping man by the collar. Even though she was drunk, the rage in his gaze was evident.

He carried on for a few more seconds, kicking and jabbing the man, who could no longer plead for mercy. Was he trying to kill that bum? (Y/n) hadn't noticed the scene inside, which had provoked Levi's anger to this extent and so, for her, he was merely beating up a homeless man, who could even have a family and a loving wife.

How dared the captain do something to an innocent looking person, who had been for the past minute babbling incoherent speech, blood oozing from his nose and lip which glistened in the moonlight.

“What.. da.. fuck.. captain...?”, the lieutenant dared to ask, her limping figure beginning to tremble with anger towards the small man. “What are you doing?!”, she screamed, blood beginning to rush through her veins as that burning feeling overtook her.

But the corporal didn't bother to answer, too absorbed in his punishment towards the man. He did say that he'd kill him, didn't he? Erwin would not be pleased, should he find out that he'd gone back to his old habits from the Underground. He felt his hands increasingly dirty with the blood and sweat from the prostitute and the thought of him offering himself to Levi was nearly enough to make him want to cut off the whore's limbs.

How these lowlifes used to throw themselves around in those dark and dim lit streets, littered with diseases and always seeking for a new source of money to fuel their addictions.

Through the corner of his eye, Levi saw the wobbling figure of his new teammate. God, did she have to drink that much? Shitty brat, always fucking things up. And now she was interrupting their moment. Of course, with a witness, he couldn't finish what he'd started and would eventually have to stop before the whore died.

A lot of people asked how could he do it? How was he so good at killing titans? They didn't know the answer because they'd never had to fight for their own survival. A titan will grab you and simply try to eat you. It has no intellect to create traps, no weapons to attack humans with, other than his limbs. But humans are far more tortuous creatures, weaving intricate plans and forming alliances with others in order to take down enemies.

He was good at killing titans, because he was good at killing people. And that's what no one knew about him, except for Erwin and maybe Zackarias.

“Let him go! What the fuck is this?!”, the woman's voice echoed in the captain's mind, his eyes turning to her involuntarily. She looked shitfaced, completely; but her eyes, even though they closed for a few seconds at a time, burned with intensity, like he'd never seen before.

(Y/n) wasn't one to show a lot of emotion prior to the expedition, always keeping to herself, and only at times smiling and other displays, but nothing extreme, nothing too intense. Not even after the kids had died, she'd never cry in someone's presence and always had a stoic look, albeit sadness stirred in her eyes. When she shouted at him that day during training he wasn't surprised with it. Not really; it was only natural that she'd crack eventually.

And at the camp. That whole emotional display was something that should've happened sooner. But this was different. She wasn't mourning her subordinates nor her friends. She was enraged at the sight of something. The sight of him beating the living shit out of a worthless prostitute.

“Answer me! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”, she yelled, staggering and holding the wooden wall of the tavern for support. “Fuck you Levi! Who the hell do you think you are?! Beating up a poor man!”

“I'm sorry... sir... please... I'll do whatever you want... Just please... don't hurt me anymore, I'm sorry!”, the now sluggish man dragged himself through the rough soil, weeping as he looked up to meet the captain's gaze. Seriously.. losing his temper over a whore. How ridiculous.

“Fight me!”; she mumbled, stepping towards him. She'd called him by his name and it rang in his ears for some reason. “If you wanna go at it with someone, then fight me. Leave him alone...”

“You, get the fuck out of my sight. Do not come near me again.”, the captain spat to the man on the ground. “I'm not going to fight you, Krieger.”

“Fucking fight me, you asshole!”, she screamed, lunging at him but losing her balance and tripping onto the dirt. Although, before she could hit it, the small man caught her, kneeling in front of her.

“I won't fight you. Enough of this.”, he said, getting back up.

“Why won't you do it...? Do you enjoy hurting people who can't fight back...?”, her anger had dissipated completely, only a faint sad tone on those words.

“He received a warning.”

“It's not the first time I've seen this happen...”; she sighed. “Yet I can't seem to be of any help..”

  
  


“Oh, (Y/n)...”, the first figure scorned, looking at the scene from above.

“He could've beaten her up.”, the second noted.

“How would he explain that to Erwin?”

“Doesn't really matter, does it? He wouldn't do that. I'm certain.”

“How? That man is unpredictable.”

“I have a feeling he cares for her.”

“Well... that could be good for us, tell me more.”, the first figure leaned back against the chair, yawning.

  
  


“(Y/n), let's go.”, Levi ordered but heard no answer. Turning to face the woman, she'd falled over and was fast asleep. Rolling his eyes, he picked up her limp form and carried her into the tavern again. Petra saw them from across the room and hurried to meet them.

“What happ~ned..?”, she slurred a bit, trying to maintain composure in from of the captain.

“She's passed out. We can't go like this. Tell the innkeeper we're going to use one of the rooms. Here, pay with this.”, he handed her a small pouch with coins and carried on to the second floor. He picked one of the chambers and laid the lieutenant on the bed, careful so that he didn't hurt her already injured body.

Why did she offered to fight for that man? He was just a whore, a lowlife, he wasn't even worth the air he breathed. Yet she seemed so angry, so intense. This woman kept surprising him, the more time he interacted with her. After reading the report on what had happened, he had to take a breather and be alone for a moment.

He'd gone nearly mad when Farlan and Isabel had died and yet, there she was. Trying to be a good soldier and honor their deaths. Seeing her desolated expression when he entered the cave.. it reminded him so much of the initial look he thought he had when he saw what that titan had done to the other soldiers.

Maybe one day he'd tell her about those two. Or maybe not, what was the point in reliving the past again? She seemed restless enough as is with her own, he wouldn't want to pass his on as well. Her lips pursed and her brow furrowed for a few seconds, mumbling something he couldn't quite understand.

Petra joined soon after, sitting on the other side of the bed and eventually falling asleep as well, leaving Levi alone with his thoughts and their calm breaths. The night advanced slowly, with no more things worth of noting and soon, it dawned.


	16. 16

-Flashback, 8 yrs ago, Shiganshina-

The weeks went by fairly quick but still no opportunity arose for the final match between me and Mat to take place. Someone must've tipped off Captain Strauss since he paced around our sections a bit too often the last month or so. Ray and I practiced fighting daily and, taking into accord how bad my technique was compared to hers, one could say there had been significant improvements.  
  
Mat still worked the late hours with me everyday, joking around with those guys from the section adjacent to ours, Nate and the others. He had a series of other jobs to support his sisters but still refused whenever I offered to help him out.  
  
“Your family also needs that money, (Y/n).”, he used to say when the subject came up. It wasn't a lie though, but mom also brought in her weekly pay so they weren't as helpless as Mat's family.  
  
~  
"Are you done with the day?", my tone was inquisitive, eyes still fixed on the dismatling of my gear's motor instead of searching for Mat's. We were working on the same table, cleaning the equipement alongside other officials who'd just ended their shift like us. Nate was there as well, a few tables ahead, sleeves rolled up and baring his toned forearms, whilst already finishing up assembling the motor.  
  
"Yeah, finally...", the boy beside me sighed, a pleased smile spreading across his lips. "Jeez, (Y/n), could you be more obvious...?", he teased.  
  
"What...? Obvious about what?"  
  
"You're staring at Nathan... again.", he laughed, nudging my side with an elbow. "So, checking out the future husband prospects...?"  
  
"Ugh, no!", my protest was rather loud, even though the metallic sounds the tools made on the equipement weren't particularly quiet. As a result, I was met by the gaze of the people around us and the embarassment crept up on me, heating up my cheeks and staining them a deep crimson color. Oh god...  how awfully embarassing... Stupid Mat and his ridiculous questions about husbands... Ugh, what a jerk!  
  
"Wow... hit a nerve, did I...?", he purred, only rilling me up further.  
  
"Shut up... You're the worst...", lowering my head, the only thing to be done was continuing the task at hand in silence, hoping that  maybe if I was quiet enough.. no more attention would be on me.  
  
"'S a lovely blush you got going on (Y/n).", Nate chuckled as he approached our table. "What was it that made you sfeel so embarassed?, he smirked.  
  
"Not you too...", a defeated huff escaped my lips, eyes rolling at him. "Don't you have some soap to go lose somewhere else...?"  
  
"Come on.. it was one time! And now I'm 'the soap guy'. No need to get so salty, miss..." he joked and Mathias could not contain his amused smie as the red color refused to leave my face. "Although... you look pretty nice like that...", he mumbled to himself, making me even more embarassed and unable to come up with a proper response.  
  
"What was that...?", Mat probed, checking to see if he'd said it on purpose. But Nate's cheeks gained a light pink color when he realised he'd said it out loud.  
  
"What? Nothing, nothing! I have to go now, have a good night!", he babbled, scrambling off until he was no longer in the line of sight.  
  
"He's so into you...", the boy beside chirped happily, raising his eyebrows at me.  
  
"Oh, shut up... I'm going home now."  
  
"Don't get mad, I'm just teasing... He does seem like a cool dude. I'll keep you company."  
  
"Hn? How come? Feeling bad for teasing me so much?"  
  
"Ahaaa, you wish, (Y/n)", he laughed, "I need to get a couple of things from a lady who lives near you."  
  
"Such a mean person.. Well, let's go then."  
  
~  
Apparently, Mat needed to pick up some groceries, but since he worked during the day almost nonstop, the only chance he got to get them was at night. The owner of the stall was a lady about the age of my parents and she was waiting for him when we knocked. Greeting us, they exchanged the money and bags and we said our goodbyes.  
  
"Thanks again, Mrs. Lavender.", he smiled shyly. "And sorry for coming at such odd hours."  
  
"Don't worry, deary.", she replied with a soft and wide grin. "Hope the little ones are doing okay."  
  
"They are, thanks for asking, goodnight 'mam.", he said, and she closed the door behind us. "Well, good night (Y/n)."  
  
"What? Like I'd let you carry all those things alone...", a scoff rumbled in the back of my throat and I took two bags off his arms. "Come on, lead the way, mister."  
  
"But--"  
  
"No buts. I'm tired of you doing everything alone. We're friends, you can ask me for help whenever you, 'kay?". he caught up to me, walking side by side and gave me a fond smile.  
  
"Thanks, (Y/n)... But that doesn't change the fact that.. Nathan totally likes you.", he laughed loud at my change in countenance.  
  
"Hey!.. What's that got to do with anything?!", he began to run away as I tried to punch his arm. "Come back here, fiend! I'll beat you up for this constant harassing!!". Even though it annoyed me, his laugh was contagious and soon we were both laughing at nothing.  
  
His house wasn't very far away and we arrived shortly after, panting from all the running and he invited me in. The kids were nowhere to be seen, since it was so late, so we began unpacking the food on the cupboards. It hadn't been more than five minutes before we heard some light rustling coming from outside the kitchen.  
  
"Big brother...?", a high pitched voice mumbled softly and a small head peeked into the room. A little girl entered, holding a stuffed rabbit toy by its hand and still rubbing her eyes. Walking slowly with lids half closed, she hugged Mat's waist, lifting her tiny arms for him to pick her up.  
  
"And uuuup we go.", he said, securing her on his arms. "What are you doing, staying up so late so late, huh? What a naughty girl you are, Katie...", he scolded playfully, smiling at her tired face.  
  
"Uhm.. I'm sorry.. big bro.." she mumbled, nuzzling his neck and yawning. "Will you tell me a story?"  
  
Looking at that small and cute angel had my insides melting in a matter of seconds and, when he gave me an apologetical look, I signalled him to go and tell the precious little girl a story and not worry about the kitchen. He probably didn't have much time to spend with them with all the Garrison hours he put in. About half an hour later, he returned, apologizing for leaving me alone.  
  
"Don't worry, Mat. Family comes first and Katie is just soooo cute!!", my body couldn't handle the level of cuteness of little Katie so my only choice was to try and resist the urge to hug her to death.  
  
"She's so tiny... I really hate leaving them here alone during the day... and night. But I have no other choice, well, they don't really seem to mind it, so as long as they're happy, I'm happy.", he sighed, taking some of the I'd stocked into the cupboards out, "You know, she thought you were really pretty.", he smiled, chopping some carrots, probably preparing the meals for the following day.  
  
"She did?? Aw... Jeez, such a sweety..", I chuckled. "Tell her I said thanks. Well, it's late Mat. I should be heading home. Give the girls a kiss for me, will 'ya?"  
  
"Sure thing. Sorry for dragging you here.", he smiled.  
  
"Oh, not at all! I finally got to see one of your adorable sisters so.. completely worth it."  
  
"Thanks for all the help. See you tomorrow.", he waved me goodbye with the knife in his hand, resuming the chopping after.  
  
"Bye!", a chirpy sound escaped my lips, prancing out the front door and heading towards Ray's house. Seeing Mat's sister reminded me of Fred and how cute he also was when he wanted to. Nowadays, we never saw each other and, honestly, it was probably better like this. He hated me, the fact that I was in the Garrison and was a source of shame in our dad's eyes and there was nothing I could do or was willing to do to change that fact.  
  
The dim light coming from the street lamps barely illuminated more than a few step around each house and all was silent, except for my boots pacing on the cold ground. A familiar silhouette was laying on a wooden bench in the now empty marketplace.  
  
"Nate...?", it seemed like my voice woke him up, rolling around to face the sky and he opened his eyes slowly.  
  
"(Y/n), hi!", he smiled, sitting up so that there'd be empty space next to him on the bench. "Fancy meeting you here at this hour? You also came to try this wonderful sleeping bench?"  
  
"What...? A sleeping bench?"  
  
"I'm just teasing", he chuckled. "What are you doing here, up so late?"  
  
"I could ask you the same thing. Is that such a good 'sleeping bench' that you decided to ditch beds all together?"  
  
"Well... as much as I'd like to say that I did...", he crossed his fingers behind his neck, looking up to the empty sky. "The truth is.. I came here because of a secret soap auction.", a gurgling laugh formed in his throat and he couldn't stiffle it. The whole idea of an underground secret soap auction was so ridiculous that I found myself laughing as well.  
  
"And you wonder why you're 'the soap guy'..."  
  
"Fair enough... But now seriously, I'm here because I may have missed the barracks' curfew and I'm sort of locked up outside..."  
  
"Are you serious?", initially, the situation worried me but hey, at least now, he could actually go find the super secret soap auction. A giggle came out from thinking this and he raised an eyebrow at me.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"Oh, nothing.. nothing."  
  
"Hn, fine. So now it's your turn. You tell me why you're here.", he requested, nudging my with his elbow. "Sneaking around  with a boyfriend, are we...?". A sly grin formed on his lips, and the opportunity to tease him couldn't simply go to waste.  
  
"What if I am?", giving off a not so innocent look, the answer fled my lips, eyes searching his for a reaction. It wasn't at all what I'd expected. Under the light of the lamp, caught sight of his blushing cheeks.  
  
"OH... that's nice.. I guess..", he muttered, embarassed but still trying to play it cool and utterly failing. "So what's his name?"  
  
"Joking."  
  
"Jo King? What an odd name... Wonder how's his parents' names are..", he noted, pensive.  
  
"Are you seeerious? Nate, there isn't a boyfriend, I was joking!", wasn't totally sure if he'd actually thought the guy's name was Jo King or if he was making fun of me but that didn't matter; the tortured and embarassed expression he'd shown me for that split second had been so adorable that it sort of made me want to tell him things like that so I'd see it again and again. But ultimately, my conscience decided against it. "You got all embarassed.. How cuute!", fingers lightly pinched his cheeks, my tone as if talking to a small child.  
  
"No.. I wasn't.. I was just pretending so you'd touch me.", he replied, pretending to sulk and, noticing how close we were and my hand resting on his face created a pit in my stomach, heat rising up in a wave. My pulse also picked up its pace significantly, turning the playful atmosphere into something strange that made my whole body heat up. The hand touching him recoiled like it was on fire.  
  
"Pervert!", I snarled, furrowing my brow and turning away in attempts to hide the red shade staining my face.  
  
"Ha ha, look who's embarassed noww..", he mocked.  
  
"Oh, piss off.. I'll be going home now..", with a huff, I got up, away from that sultry voice and stupidly cute face and toned arms.  
  
"Hey, I was just playing, no need to get so offended... Fine, I'll admit it.. I did get a bit disappointed when you said you went to meet your boyfriend.."  
  
"Fuck off... I'm sure you did, Nate... Don't try to sweet talk me!", while it was fun to be mad at him, I really wasn't. Plus, he got disappointed? That cute and hot guy? WELL THEN, just the thought made more blood rise to my face.  
  
"Such a foul mouth, (Y/n)..", he joked. "I'm sure if Strauss heard you, he'd have your mouth washed with canon soap."  
  
"God... not that!", just the thought of those rusty canons touching my mouth even indirectly, was enough to make me shiver. "I never swear in front of senior officers so I'll be fine. Also, it's not like anyone's eavesdropping on us here so.. no soap for me.", I laughed. "Look, it's really late, so I have to go."  
  
"Already? And here I was, hoping to have the company of the cutest looking sailor mouthed girl I know...", he pouted, slumping down on the bench.  
  
"Your words flatter me indeed sir. BUt seriously, are you planning on sleeping here?"  
  
"I have nowhere else to go so.. yeah, I guess so."  
  
"Well.. don't take this the wrong way but.. Why don't you sleep at my house? I mean, at least, you'll have a roof over your head."  
  
"I don't want to be a bother but that you be awesome of you, (Y/n).", he smiled, getting up and beginning to walk by me.  
  
"I guess I am pretty nice. And cool and an expert canon cleaner and--"  
  
"And totally modest...", he interrupted, trying to keep from laughing.  
  
"Oh, shut up, have you seen how shiny they get? I am the best!..", we kept on talking about meaningless things and he crashed for the night, sleeping on the floor next to the couch.  
  
~  
The next morning with him and Ray was severely awkward, having to explain that no, we hadn't 'done' anything and it was just me looking out for a friend to which her response was rolling her eyes.  
  
"Oh well.. that's too bad, he's got a pretty face and a body that sure matches...", how could she say such embarassing things?! He was right there, taking a shower! Probably listening to the WHOLE conversation as we spoke! The shame was unbearable.. Oh no.. He really was showering in my house. _My_ house. Naked... that body which I admired while fully clothed was now naked in the same shower _I_ used every day.  
  
Enough with your wicked thoughts, brain. He's just a friend taking a shower, like a regular person, nothing special and.. wait.. does he have a towel in there? Will he have to ask us to bring one? Holy sweet Wall Maria, he just-- ENOUGH WITH THE THINKING, MIND. okay? Let's calm down... Deep breaths, in and out...  
  
"Don't think too much about it, (Y/n).", Ray teased, seeing the flushed expression on my face. She passed me a fresh cup of tea (something which she'd gotten me basically addicted to) and grinned. "Your head might melt.."  
  
"Shut up! I wasn't thinking about anything..."  
  
"Sure thing... You might wanna check your face.. that red color really suits you. Anyways, if you want to train a bit before our shift then hurry, 'cuz I'm starting in an hour and I don't want to get on Strauss' bad side."  
  
"Right, let's go then.", taking a swig at the hot liquid, we went to the back of the house, where we used to practice. It'd become a habit to talk during our matches so, breaking the silence with a high kick, I struck up a conversation. "So... ngh.. why did Feng teach you how to fight anyways?"  
  
"None of your.. goddamned business..", she huffed in response.  
  
"Oh come on.. Fuck!.. you little..." the words came out through my clenched jaw, a hand rubbing my side, where she'd hit me. "Just tell me already... ugh... what's with all the secrets?"  
  
"Some fucker came... to the shop.. and.. AH, you bitch!", she yelled when my fist slammed her ribs.  
  
"Aha, gotcha. But please, continue."  
  
"I'll get my revenge.. Anyways.. this dude... came to the shop and.. started making a scene... so Feng kciked him out before.. things.. got too serious. And I guess that was.. when he decided.. to... teach! me.", catching me off balance, Ray managed to throw me onto the floor, my back hitting the stone.  
  
"Hey, can't you be a bit more gentle?! That fucking hurt, 'ya know?!"  
  
"Oh, shut up, you big baby... ask your boyfriend Nathan to kiss it better...", she joked, rejoicing in my angered expression.  
  
"I really hate you...", I mumbled, sulking.  
  
"But I could kiss you wounds better, (Y/n)...", Nate joined the conversation, talking through the open window. My gaze turned ice cold with silent anger and embarassment, just seeing Ray's shit-eating grin get wider.  
  
"Don't encourage her...", was my reply, a snarl that only made then both laugh while I was left dreading that newly formed alliance against me.


	17. 17

Another week passed on pretty quickly and we finally managed to schedule the match between me and Mathias.

“So, are you excited?”, he asked me, while we were walking towards our section of the Wall.

“Eh...”, I shrugged. “I’m gonna lose so... not too excited. Seriously.. how can you stand on those things’ head? The only time I tried, I almost got eaten.”

“Well... that’s a secret.”, he winked playfully, before yawning. The dark circles around his eyes hinted at the amount of extra work he’d been doing.

“Are you sure you’re good to do this? You seem pretty spent already.”, he dismissed my concerns with a wide smile, walking a bit faster. He seemed eager to face the titans and admit it, who wouldn't want to receive so much money from just doing what he did? Sure, it was dangerous but he made it seem so easy, he just looked like he floated on the creatures.

  


“Well then, now that we’re all gathered here and I’ve been assured Strauss won’t be surveiling this side for the day, we can start.”, Ray began, talking to the small audience gathered round. “Competitors, you both are not new to this, so no need to explain the rules, right?”

“Yes.”, we answered and I felt my whole body wind up like a spring, bursting at the seems with anticipation. Mat looked calm as usual, smiling kindly at everyone.

“So, let’s begin. First one down there and last to come up wins all.”, she said.

Someone who’s voice I didn’t know began the countdown as we stood a top of the outer ledge. It seemed higher now than it had ever been and the moving figures bellow clawed at the stone from time to time, sounds echoing their way up to my ears.

A cold shiver ran down my spine and my pulse began to race even more than it was already. I didn’t want to do this. Why did I even agree to be the challenger? Well.. it’s too late to back down now, I guess.

‘Go’, sounded more like a gunshot than a word and we were off. Off the ledge and falling to the abyss.

Looking to the side, Mat looked focused, fixating on a particular titan that looked a bit slower than the others, he seemed to be getting ready to activate his gear. Facing forward, the choice rested on which monster to land on; couldn’t be too tall of short nor too active or too lethargic. The few things one could learn from watching these ‘drops’, as Ray called them, rested on learning how to predict a titan’s behaviour through their size and activity rate.

Not that my brain was working at full capacity at the time, falling at high speed against the ever closer ground happened to cloud one’s judgement. So, picking a titan close to were I was, it was easily settled. My position there was not to win. Ray asked for a competitor, I delivered one.

Cables were launched and held on to thick skin, swinging down and around the titan and launching me on top of it’s head. Mat was already in position, waving at me happily. How could he be so calm?! My legs were a shaking mess from the force of impact the fall had on the harness, my titan’s head was slippery as heck and it smelled so bad that my nose almost went numb.

Looking over again, he was yawning. Again. His titan started moving quicker and crashed it’s head against the wall, throwing Mat off balance. His reflexes must’ve been dulled by the lack of sleep since he failed to launch the cables in time to reach Maria.

He was now on the ground, half stunned but luckily, no creature seemed to have noticed his presence thus far. Jumping towards him, I landed right beside him, looking francticly around us for signs of threat.

“Mat, are you okay? Can you walk?”

“I’m fine... That thing just startled me, don’t worry too much.” he smiled, rubbing his shoulder. Upon trying to get up, he discovered he couldn’t stand on one leg. “.. Shit... I’m sorry for this (Y/n).”

“Let’s go back up... Hey! Watch out!”, my scream echoed through the area surrounding us, as an abnormal ran up to where we were. Holding on tightly to Mat, I used my gear to latch us on to another titan, and afterwards the wall.

Took us a while to get back up there and, when we climbed the ledge, three men were waiting for us. My heart sank, my stomach churned and I’ve never wished so much that I didn’t exist. Even Mat’s blood seemed to freeze at the sight.

Strauss and two other high rank officials were staring at us. We’d been busted.

“I knew you maggots were up to something... I just had that gut feeling, ‘ya know?”, he commented, pacing back and forth. “She already told us everything we needed to know.”, he added, pointing at Ray with his head.

“You’re coming with us.”, one of the officials said to Mat, picking him up.

“Hey, be careful, his leg is broken.”, I tried to warn but Strauss simply scoffed.

“Shut up, brat. Serves him right for breaking the rules.”

“But--”, my words were cut short by fingernails digging into my arm. Ray had sneaked her way behind me, whispering softly.

“Don’t say anything else, unless you want to get kicked out.”

“What the fuck did you tell them?!”, while my rage was silent in the Captain’s presence, after he’d taken Mat, it came out as an angry scream.

“Nothing special. I’ll tell you later.”, she answered, nonchalantly.

“Tell me now!”

“You’re making a scene, (Y/n). Right now, there’s nothing you can do.”

“Hey, you! Get back to your posts!”, a senior official passing by shouted at us and we had no chance but to obey the order.

  


The wait until I got home seemed like an eternity. Mat didn’t show up for the rest of the day and nothing was lit up inside his house so there was not way to know how he was or what had happened with Strauss.

“You gonna tell me what the hell you told Strauss back there?”, I spat, as soon as I got home.

“Wow, someone’s in a bad mood...”, Ray jestered, raising her eyebrows. “Not even a ‘Oh hi, Ray, thanks for saving my ass back there..’? Not even that? I’m hurt, (Y/n)...”

“Save my ass? So what..? Wait...”, did she really..? No way.. “Did you tell them it was all Mat? The person who ran everything was Mat?! Did you tell them that?!”

“Got you off the hook, didn’t it? You should be thankful..”, my anger increased with each word coming from her mouth. How could she?! How did she even.. what the fuck?!

“Thankful?! Mat works his fucking ass off to raise his sisters and you screw him over like that?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”, step by step, we got closer. She was just in arms reach and enraging me so fucking much... My teeth gritted loudly whenever I was listening to her, knuckles white from clenching the fists. A full cup ready to tip over.

“I told you, (Y/n). I won’t sacrifice my well being for others.”, how could she be so calm?! So cold?! What kind of sick person would just not care and do that?!

“Again with that fucking talk Ray! So what? You’re just gonna take advantage of people and then fuck them over when you don’t need them anymore?!”, with a swift movement, my hand caught hold of her shirt’s collar, pulling her even closer.

But she was fast and quickly freed herself, hitting my ribcage with a jab, making me wince at the pain.

“I’d advise you to not try and fight me, (Y/n). We’re on totally different levels...”, she noted, with a calm expression. But I didn’t care. I wanted her to admit she’d been a bitch and did it to save her skin.

“Oh please! Oh look at me, I’m Ray and I can’t spend an entire day without showing off how much better I am than everyone else! Fuck you!”, caught her on the stomach with my knee, throwing her back against the table and, before I could do anything else, she jumped back over it, looking at me with a slightly amused expression.

“Must be nice to come from the perfect house with a family. I’m a survivor, (Y/n). I do what I have to.”

“What you have to? Give me a break! Did you have to run the bets? To create the drops?!”

“They already existed... I just made them better and made a profit with it. Since you’re so worked up about it, why didn’t you tell Strauss it was all your idea?”

I froze. Mat didn’t deserve to be punished but... I also didn’t want to take the blame... That bitch, trying to confuse me with fake arguments...!

“Fuck you!”, launching at her again, we exchanged punches and kicks. Blinded by rage and guilt, I wanted her to take all the blame, it was her fault. What would even happen to Mat? Would he be arrested? Expelled? Who knew...

“Of course, miss (Y/n) didn’t want to take the blame and go back to her mom and dad.. you wouldn't bear the shame, would you?”, she grinned.

“At least my parents didn’t abandon me in some hell hole... Even Feng sent you here... He was probably tired of you so he found a clever way of getting rid of you.”, something in her eyes sparked and I knew I’d fucked up big time. Her calm demeanor changed into anger and the incessant amount of jabs and punches I received was far too much to even be numbered.

“Don’t EVER talk about Feng, you stupid bitch! Or my family!”, she yelled. Seeing that I couldn’t fight back anymore, she opened the door and stood there waiting. “Get out.”

“What...? But I pay rent!”, my swollen cheek make it hard to talk.

“Get the fuck OUT OF MY HOUSE. NOW.”, she spat. “Don’t make me throw you out!”

Tasting sour defeat and nearly crawling, I made my way into the night, hearing the door banging behind me.

  


I didn’t talk to Ray for the following weeks. Upon entering our shared house after that night, she didn’t throw me back out. Instead, we just pretended the other wasn’t there, going about our daily lives in separate. Everyday after my shift, my legs would unconsciously wander about the town, searching for Mathias.

Although.. was it okay for me to want to know about him, even after being unable to go to the seniors and confess part of my guilt?... Probably not but.. maybe he’d forgive me for not standing up for him.. Would he? What kind of friend was I even...?

“Oy, whatcha thinking about?”, a familiar voice rang in my ears. Looking up, Nate was balancing himself on the edge of the bench I’d sat on. We talked more often now, since Mat had gone missing and Ray.. well, she was still pissed at me and likewise.

“Nothing much...”, a tired sigh escaped my lips. It was late; too late to be just sitting on a bench, wallowing in guilt, shame and self-pity. “I should be getting home.”

“Mathias?”, another sigh answered that. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

“How do you know?”

“Strauss wouldn’t do anything really bad; Aberdeen wouldn’t allow it. Mat was probably suspended or something.”

“But he’s never at home and I can’t find him anywhere...”, I mumbled. “I just feel so guilty, Nate... I shouldn’t have let him get all the blame. How did they even believe it was only him?”

“They needed an escape goat and he drew the short straw, I guess.. Come on (Y/n), beating yourself up won’t solve anything, will it?”

“I know... but it doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“You really care about Mat, don’t you?”, he noted, voice lowering as he sat by me. “You like him?”

“Not like that... Mat is like... a great friend. He’s so honest and a hard worker and a great friend...”

“You said great friend twice.”, he laughed.

“Well, cause he is!! I wish I could be more like him in certain things..”, there was silence between us for a couple of moments, before Nate jumped up and looked at me, offering a hand.

“Enough with all this sadness! I wanna show you something.”

“What?”

“You’ll see. Eld, my brother, used to take me there a lot whenever I got sad about our dad’s passing.”

“Tiny Nate? Awww..”, he shut me up with a playfull jab to the ribs, before leading me through the streets. Took me a while to realize that it had been something like a ‘date’.

  


~

Walking home one night, loud grunts could be heard coming from the corner up ahead. Intrigued, I decided to slowly approach it, peering over to find out the sound’s origin. Some man was violently thrusting into another’s mouth. The whole scene was dimly lit by a lamppost on the other side of the street.

Immediately thrown off balance by surprise, I staggered and took a step back, decided on ignoring the scene and pretending like it’d never happened. Facing away, the journey home continued until my ears picked up on something that made my blood curdle.

“Beg for it, bitch!”, one of the man shouted. Walking slightly faster, there wasn’t enough distance between us and the echo of his voice caught up to me easily.

“Please... give it to me... all of it..”, the other pleaded. That voice... so familiar. Please let me be wrong it can’t be him.

“Good, don’t let it spill...” the first man added. What was happening...? “You like sucking dicks, don’t you? Fucking faggot!”, a loud thud resonated through the street. Was he hitting him?! Peering over again, I saw one of them on the ground, not moving. “Fucking disgusting...”, the first man spat, throwing a few coins and leaving, fumbling to tied his pants.

Why couldn’t I move back there?... My legs moved for me, when the other man left and I ran over to the limp figure, kneeling beside him.

“Mat...?”, a soft whisper caught his attention and he slowly sat up and proceeded to vomit to the side, spasms rushing through his body.

“I’m sorry you had to witness this, (Y/n)...”, he mumbled, cleaning his mouth with the shirt’s sleeve. He smiled at me, just like he used to. His apologetic expression, whenever he felt like he’d done something wrong and my arms encompassed him, pulling his shivering body tightly against my warm one, a hand caressing his disheveled hair.

“Why are you sorry? I was so worried... I’m the one who’s sorry for not standing up for you...”, he chuckled at my weepy voice. How could he be so calm after that?

“Aw jeez... you’re such a cry baby! I’m fine. Sometimes I just get rougher clients but I’m never in any real danger. I mean.. have you seen these guns?”, he laughed, flexing his biceps.

“But.. you got hit pretty bad... look there, your face is swelling up..”

“Come on, stop worrying! And stop crying, or I’ll end up crying as well.”, he smiled, and only then did I realize the wet trail on my cheeks. “Come on, let’s go back to my place, I’ll treat you to some tea, deal?”, he sounded so light hearted... how? He was doing disgusting things with strangers, he’d just gotten beaten up.. How much of a liar could he be?

  


~

Everything had gone pitch black and suddenly, Mat wasn’t there anymore. My body felt sore and there was an incessant pounding in my head. Where am I...?

“Hey... (Y/n), wake up...”, a distant voice called. Opening my eyes slowly, Petra was sitting on the edge of the bed, hands holding her head. We were in an unfamiliar room, on the same bed.

“What happened?...”, my voice sounded hoarse and no memory of the previous night came to mind. Well, after those few drinks Becca had brought us anyway.

“You passed out.”, she groaned. “Fuck... my head hurts so much...”

I’d passed out? On duty? The captain was going to murder me and feed my dismembered body to the titans for having done that... Did I drink _that much_?

“Where is he?”, was the natural question, upon not seeing him inside the room.

“I don’t know.. He must’ve gone back this morning.”

“This morning?! What time is it?!”, sitting up so suddenly proved to be a terrible idea as my consciousness seem to flee me for a few seconds and all went pitch black. Luckily, I managed to hold myself up, fight through the gnarling pounding on my head and the throbbing on my ribs.

“It’s late... (Y/n), we are so dead... Can you stand up? We should really go back now.”, she was already up and washing her face, wincing whenever a loud noise thumped outside.

“I think so... Let’s get back.”

~

“Just how irresponsible can you get?!”, Erwin was furious at us for drinking on duty. Pointless to say that we’d be cleaning horses for the next month if we were lucky.

“I’ve told you it was my fault, Erwin.”, the captain intervened. It was likely the third time he was taking responsibility for our stupidity.

“We’re in high alert, you can’t just leave to get drinks like that!”, clearly something had tipped his cup earlier. Even with a situation like that, the commander was usually more of the stern type and didn’t get enraged easily.

“Sir, we went on a--”, my attempt at an explanation didn’t work, as he just interrupted me.

“Silence! Don’t speak out of term. You are no longer to leave the premises without my knowledge, understood? As for you, (Y/n) and Petra, stables. For the next month. Dismissed.”, although my concern for his well being was trying to overtake the control for my body, the rational side won and I decided against staying and asking what had made him so anxious that he was shouting all over the place.

“Captain, the commander--”

“Seemed stressed. Yes, I know.”, he killed the conversation there, walking ahead of us. No orders had been issued to our squad so I was heading to my office. Although.. maybe I should apologize to the captain first..

Petra left the procession to meet Eld and the others on the common room and I followed the captain until we’d reached his office.

“Hum.. sir?”

“What?”

“I wanted to apologize.. for yesterday.”, his eyes seemed to show a glint of expression but quickly as it came, it disappeared.

“I’m listening.”

“Sorry for having passed out. It was irresponsible, and I should’ve taken more care in the amount I was drinking. It won’t happen again.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes, I think so..”, why did he seem disappointed.. was I meant to say anything else? God, this pounding is messing my head up, now I’m imagining things.

“Fine then, apology accepted. I have work to do now, so leave.”

“Certainly, sir.”. Having the day off for now gave me a chance to clean the office and eventually I wandered outside the building to sit in front of the wall of the fallen comrades and talk to the kids. Grief wasn’t foreign to me but even when I thought I’d finally know how to accept death, reality slapped me hard across the face and no, I didn’t know how to deal with it. Not when Fred died, not when mom and dad died, Nate, Mat, Ray, and now the kids.

“You look stuck, (Y/n).”, someone commented from behind me.

“Oh, Hange! It’s you... You startled me. What do you mean?”

“I mean that you look like you keep dwelling on the past too much. Keeping so firmly attached to it is worse than just letting go.”

“But.. I can’t simply forget the people I lost...”

“Of course not, but beating yourself up about it will make you go insane.”

“Sometimes you can be really sensible, ‘ya know? One might mistake you for a titan loving crazy woman.”, a light chuckled rumbled in the back of my throat.

“My love for titans will never die!”, she mused, all starry eyed. Maybe she was right.. maybe it was time to let go of what happened and leave those ghosts to rest.

“Oy!”, a voice from above shouted.

“Captain?”, so his office was just above the wall? What a coincidence...

“Come up here, I got work for you!”, right... my punishment from the other day hadn’t finished yet so, after saying goodbye to Hange, I went inside and to his office.

  


~

“So, you had work for me, sir?”

“Clean everything. The dust is distracting me.”, he replied, eyes glued to sheets of paper. “Don’t speak.”

Very well then... a deep sigh escaped from my lips. It was better than cleaning Oluo’s room again. Ugh.. just thinking about those weird tapeworms made my insides turn and my body itch. Besides, the captain’s office had a pleasant smell of pine which made it not so bad.


	18. 18

Dinner at the hall was always loud. Amongst the clanking mugs made when touching the wooden tables and the bursts of laughter from cadets, conversations carried on lightly between us officials.

“So, I heard you and Petra went out and got shitfaced yesterday..”, Eld started, grinning at our embarrassment.

“Yeah, the commander scolded us thoroughly...”, she answered, stuffing her mouth with bread so no one would ask any questions.

“Speaking of the commander...--”, my voice trailed off as he was nowhere to be found in the large hall. Had he not come to eat? “Where is he?”

“Beats me...”, Gunther answered.

“Haven’t seen him either...”, Oluo added. Having practically finished my own meal, I excused myself from the table and picked up a new tray of food, heading towards Erwin’s office.

~

“Commander...?”, I asked, upon knocking.

“Come in.”, a voice ordered from inside. “Oh, lieutenant, it’s you.”

“I brought dinner, sir. Skipping meals is bad for your health.”, he was drowned in papers and letters and more papers. He had a frustrated look on his face, eyes dashing from a sheet to another.

“My health is in excellent condition.”, he noted. “What’s that you got there? Stew?”

“Yup. Good ‘ol pork and potato stew.”, the disgust in my voice was noticeable, but hey, food was food and in times likes those, being picky wasn’t an option. Taking the bowl to him, my eyes fell on the excessive amount of letters from nobles and members of the other military branches.

“Thanks, (Y/n). You’re always looking after me.”, he smiled, lifting the spoon to his lips.

“Hardly.”, my hand ruffled his combed hair slightly, light smile on my mouth. “Listen, about yesterday... I’m really sorry. Things got out of hand and I didn’t realize how much I actually had to drink and--”

“I’ve already said what I wanted to say. Don’t think a little chit chat is going to get you off stable duty.”, he raised an eyebrow at me.

“No, no I’ll clean the horses... I just wanted to apologize... We went there to try and gather intel on the intruders but... well, you know the rest.”

“God, this stew is terrible...”, he cursed under his breath while eating another spoon full.

“So, what’s with all this paperwork anyways?”. He drew a deep breath followed by a heavy sigh and raised his hand so massage his left temple.

“People who want us to stop going outside, for the most part. This morning there was a meeting and I had hopes that you could’ve gone with me as well. Darius is starting to doubt us, (Y/n)...”

So that’s why he was so angry earlier.. Because of funding cuts.. fuck, I should’ve gone with him..

“Right now, we don’t have enough money to fund another expedition. I suspect that in a couple of months we can do one but if we keep on like this.. I don’t know.”, seeing him so worried, made me feel worried as well, not just for him but for the future of the Corps and all of the work we’d done. How could those idiots throw away years and years of precious research?! The whole thought make my insides churn in disgust. Those rich lords, living large with big houses while the people outside Sina suffered from hunger and disease... How could they be so indifferent?...

“We’ll find a way, Erwin.”, leaning over his desk, I reached for a couple of opened letters. “Can I?”

“Sure, go ahead. I’d be glad if you’d help me organize things here. It’s chaotic.”

Sitting on the floor next to him, he passed me a series of paper sheets. While he read unopened letters, I separated them in supporting faction and opposing faction. Of course, the opposing was the majority but the others deserved credit for believing in what the Corps was doing.

Sadly, the money donations the support group could offer were scarce and what more could we ask of simple farmers and lowly merchants? They’d felt what it was like to be hungry and cold and without a home, specially those who used to live in Maria and any chance of getting back they’re homes, even if it was slim was something they’d willingly spend all they could on.

His hand fell on my head and his fingers gently petted the hair, distractedly. I used to do that to Fred when we were kids; when we weren’t fighting of course. A light smile flourished on my lips when I thought about those quiet times. Before the Colossal Titan, before the Garrison, before things started to get complicated.

“I don’t think I’ve ever asked you Erwin, but do you have any siblings?”

“Hn? Siblings? Hum... no, not really. I had a dog, he was like a brother. At least, my parents insisted on calling him ‘son’ as well.”, he laughed. “Why do you ask?”

“Because being like this reminded me of my brother... I used to be the one petting him.”, I replied, looking up at him. A feathery tear crept into my eye but refused to fall over.

“Oh, sorry.. I didn’t mean to bring back sad memories.”

“No, no, you didn’t.”, a finger of mine dried the rogue droplet. “They’re happy. I really want to help these people who send us these donations.”, reading through the pile of papers, eyes caught hold of a different looking letter. Picking it up, a devious grin lit up my complexion. “Well, well... Mister Commander... what do we have here...”

“What? What’s.. give me that!”, he tried to take me the lightly perfumed sheet of paper but my arm was too fast in recoiling.

“Mixing business with pleasure, are we...? Oh, it’s from... Evelyn...! ‘My dearest Erwin--”

“Stop, (Y/n), come on!”, he pleaded, embarrassment reddening his face. Feeling bad for him, I handed the letter over, which he promptly stored in a drawer. “Must’ve gotten mixed up with the rest by accident...”

“I didn’t read it but... That’s the woman you always go meet when we get back, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“You love her?”, the question fell casually from my lips as my eyes avoided his and searched the upper bookshelves, reading through familiar volumes.

“I... hum.. Yes. I believe so.”

“So... you’d like to get married and have little Erwins and Evelyns?”, my playful smile had vanished. How I wanted a family back then, with Nate. I wanted to marry him and have kids and take care of them and feel that pride when they grew up to be whatever they wanted. A desire so bitter and deep within me, it started eating its way ever since Nathaniel had died. I’d never let myself fall into another childish trap like that.

“Well.. one day maybe. But with our work, I don’t see it happening. For now, we just enjoy each other’s company.”

“So you won’t leave to start a family elsewhere, will you?”, my words sounded selfish, like a spoiled kid trying to blackmail its parents. But it’s not like it was intentional. Seeing Erwin leave our cause to have children felt incredibly more selfish on his part than my desire for it not to happen.

“No.. what’s wrong?”, before he delved into deeper waters and reminded me of more unpleasant things, my hand dismissed the issue.

“Nothing, I’m just being a spoiled brat. What would we do without our brave commander?”, a light smile, the widest I could muster at the time, thinking about Erwin as a proud father. “Besides, aren’t you a bit too old to get married? Look at this saggy neck!”, pinching the underside of his jaw playfully, a soft chuckle escaped my lips. It wasn’t saggy at all, but teasing him was fun.

“Please, I’m in my prime, (Y/n).”, his expression turned solemn, pretending to be a statue. “Can’t you tell?”

“Oh, quite indeed, sir. You look stunning. If you’re hair was longer, I’d mistake you for the walking bust of Wall Rose.”, we both laughed at the terrible joke.

“Come here.”, he pulled me into a soft hug. “Only you to cheer me up, (Y/n). Thank you for bringing dinner. But you’re still on horse duty.”

“Ah, damn! And I thought all my sucking up had worked...”, was my toothy smiled reply. The door crept open and a raven haired man entered.

“Erwin.”

“Oh, Levi.”, the commander and I were too close. Instinctively, I backed up a bit, picking up the dinner tray and circling around them to leave.

“Glad I could be of help, sir.”, I added before disappearing in the dark corridor.

  


~

Heading back towards my own office, which still needed to be cleaned, shadows in the courtyard caught my attention. Through a window, in the edge of the lit area bellow, figures seemed to be speaking. It was curious, because at that time, no one should be wandering about outside.

Rushing out, heavy steps brought me around the corner and then silently, my head peering around it, eyes adjusting poorly to the darkness. It seemed like a cadet was talking to someone but that someone was hidden amongst the trees. Walking slowly, I reached him and planted a heavy palm on his shoulder, startling him.

“So, Reiner! What exactly are you doing around here at this hour?”

“I was just taking a walk, mam.”, he answered, face cold like stone.

“Just a walk? You know you can’t be here. I suggest you tell me the real reason you came here.”, reluctantly, he pulled out a metal case and handed it over to me. Opening it revealed a few cigarettes and a metal lighter.

“I know it’s not allowed for us cadets but I really needed a smoke.”

“Indeed it’s not. I’ll let you off with a warning. And I’ll keep these. Here, have the lighter.”, he tucked it into his pants. “Now scram. Don’t let me catch you out here again, understood?”

“Yes mam.”

“Good, now leave.”, as he walked back, I had a weird feeling like something had slipped past me. But I was tired so, maybe it was all my impression.

Reaching my office, a match was struck and lit the cigarette pressed between my lips. The burning and the coughing came after; I hadn’t smoked in ages. Drawing in a deep breath, my hands picked up a letter from my desk. That’s new... it came from Katherine and Elizabeth.. Those precious little angels, Mat’s sisters... I missed him a lot and the girls did so as well, but now, living with Mrs Lavender, they were better than if I’d taken them.

The Corps’ rules didn’t allow kids to live there, not that they were little kids anymore, Elizabeth, the older one had even enrolled in the Trainee Corps, wanting to be like her ‘big sister’. Lately, there hadn’t been any chance to go visit them so we exchanged letters to keep in touch. The girls were to sweet and had been so strong, after Mat.. disappeared during the fall of Maria.

After an hour or so, the office was looking more presentable and didn’t have as many scrap paper as it used to. My father’s letters laid on the desk as I was unable to decide whether or not to throw them out. Not; was always my decision.

My own stench caught up to me and the smoke smell made me wince. I needed a shower, fast. In my room, a match easily lit up the water heater and I began undressing slowly, inspecting my naked body in the mirror. Purple and yellow splotches marked where recent injuries were still healing and the bruising on my ribs was extensive. The cut in my hand had healed a lot in the last few days and the one on my jaw had healed completely thanks to Hange’s weird creams.

Entering the tub, I doused myself with a jar, wetting the cigarette smelling skin before lathering up some soap and beginning to wash my body.

“You and Erwin seem close.”, a cool voice broke my low humming. Turning pale, my eyes darted to the raven haired man in the bathroom’s entrance.

“Levi, what the fuck?!!”, a scream came from my lungs, as I hurried to cover myself with myself and sat on the tub, hugging my knees. “What the fuck are you doing here?! Can’t you KNOCK?”

“The door was open. And I had shit to tell you. You didn’t seem so uncomfortable yesterday with that woman on your lap...”, oh, so he did notice it. My cheeks burned from embarrassment. “Maybe you prefer messing around with women..?”

“Fuck sake, captain!! I’m not into women or Erwin, what does that even matter?! I’m not used to be seen naked, you of all people! Get out now!”, why must he prolong my suffering?

“Fine, I’ll leave you to your shit. Go to my office when you’re done. That red suits you.”, he added before leaving. For fuck sake, did he have to comment on my embarrassed face?! God, idiot captain Levi...

~

Finally, after showering and dressing myself, I followed his request to meet at his office.


	19. 19

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes, close the door. Sit.”, he sounded dry, staring behind his desk, hands laced together, in front of his pursed lips.

“Is something wrong?”, he looked more stern than usual, but maybe the fact that he’d caught me in the shower made me hyper aware of his eyes raking over my body.

“Erwin talked to me about the Corps’ money problem. He asked me to find a quick solution, until he could talk to them again.”

“And...?”

“I heard you have friends in the Military Police.”

“I do, sir. But what about it--?”

“We are going to Underground. Write them and make up whatever you want, as long as it gets us inside.”

“Hm... okay, understood. Who else knows?”

“You, Erwin and I. Tomorrow I’ll pick a cadet to help out. Don’t mention this to anyone, got it?”

“Yes, sir. I’ll send the letter first thing in the morning; the post has probably closed by now. Is that all you had to tell me, sir?”, he paused for a second, eying me up slowly.

“Bring tea to my room.”, ugh. Still under the punishment from that day, when would it end...?

“Sure... sir.”, heavy sigh escaped my lips as I got up, walking towards the door.

“How are your ribs?”, the question stopped me from turning the knob all the way.

“My ribs, sir? They’re... better, I guess.. Why do you ask?”, the sudden realization that he’d seen the purple and yellow bruises just a few minutes before, drew blood up to my face. Was he asking because of that?!...

“Get a move on, lieutenant.”, he answered, cutting off the conversation short. That was weird... that captain asking about her? Well, it was a nice change from his usually blunt and uninterested self. I certainly wasn’t complaining. Brewing the tea took an unexpectedly long time, so my mind was already prepared to receive his scolding.

  


~

“Sir...?”, I asked, knocking on the wooden door. No answer came from the inside. He said to go to his room, right? Well... there’d be no problem if I’d just left the tray on his desk and went back to my quarters... “Coming in, sir.”, my decided voice announced as the knob turned in sync with my hand.

Despite all those years and the night peeking I’d done whenever his light was on late at night, it was only the second time I’d actually been inside his room. In almost all aspects it wasn’t any different from mine. It had a bed, a chair, and not much more but the floor was spent far beyond any other I’d seen in the building – probably from all his night cleaning habit.

The smell of pine came from a small bottle and a deep inhale of it made my spine perk up with a shiver. The door leading to the bathroom was closed and only then did I realize that maybe the captain was taking a shower. If it had been someone else surprising me in my own bathtub, this would be the perfect time for revenge but, who knows what sort of wicked punishment he’d come up with if I were to take a peek at him bathing...

Setting the tray on the small table beside his bed, I turned to the bookshelf that had little to no books whatsoever, reading through the titles. Nothing really stood out, some were about gear and terrain features but, on the far end of the shelf was a small thin book. Taking it into my hands carefully, the title wrote ‘Icarus’ in worn out ink.

From the pictures and lack of much text, it was clear that it was meant for kids but why would the captain have something like that? A boy with raven hair was on the front page, soaring with wings through clouds. The binding was a disgrace, half undone, and the pages were yellow and half torn. Such a shame to see a book in a condition like that but new books or people who knew how to repair them were hard to find and we didn’t have money to waste on things like that.

Besides, what use would a children’s book be of to the Corps?

“Who gave you permission to touch that?”, a cold, harsh voice made me jump, almost letting the book fall to the floor.

“Um.. I.. Sorry, sir... I-I~”

“Give me that.”, he extended his hand towards me, waiting for it. Small water droplets still clung to his skin, and without noticing, my eyes had been raking over his semi naked body. The only thing covering him up was a towel, tied around his waist. Muscles perfectly defined from years of training, damp hair softened back as he himself kept staring at the title cover of the book. Once I noticed how my sight had betrayed me, heat rushed up to my cheeks and, with a nod, I excused myself.

“Your tea is on the tray, sir. If you don’t need me anymore, I’ll be going now. Good night.”, my back was already turned, as I paced towards the door.

“Didn’t take you for the ‘shy kind’, lieutenant.”, he noted, the clattering sound indicating he’d picked up the teacup. “This looks better than those mugs, at least. You can go.”

Closing the door behind me and knowing there was a physical barrier between me and him brought an instant relief to the heart thumping in my chest. There I was, sitting in the hallway, against the cold stone, trying to stop whatever was going on inside me that had triggered such a reaction. Not like I’d never seen him shirtless but... that scent and the water and just... who even cares, right? He’s a superior officer, a captain and that meant basically ‘off limits’. But he did have a good body...

It was sort of weird... that he had that book.. did he bring it from the Underground? Maybe Erwin would know... Why did I even want to know that? Focus, he’s just another man with a nice scent

That night, my dreams were filled with memories of Nathan and I, before the attack.

  


~

“What? You taught the captain how to read? No way, Erwin, you’re kidding...”, first thing in the morning, I’d gone and see Erwin, not only because of the whole secret mission issue but on a personal note about that ‘Icarus’ book.

“I’m telling you, (Y/n). His reading skills weren’t all that unusual, he’d been in there his whole life, no one would expect him to even know how to read. He could do so with simple words, I just helped him get better at it.”

“Hm.. I see. And what about that kids’ book? Was it his?”

“No, I had it here. He picked it up randomly and asked me if he could keep it. I didn’t see a reason not to give it to him. Why?”

“Nothing... just wondering what the captain was doing with a children’s book... I don’t even know what it’s about.”

“Neither do I, to be honest. Anyway, you’re not here to only discuss books, I assume.”

“Indeed, I’m not. The letter to my friends. Here it is.”, a carefully sealed envelope was set on the commander’s desk.

“Thank you. It’s a great advantage to have friends in the police. Keep them.”

“I will. They were my best friends, after all.”

“Weren’t they at the trial?”

“Yeah, they looked mortified... I imagine I looked like complete shit as well.”

“At least you were alive.”, he smiled.

“That’s true. Oh, I almost forgot, do you have any maps of the Underground district? I know Levi knows the place, but I’d be more comfortable if I also knew the bare minimum about it.”

“Sure. Let me look for it.”, while he rummaged through the map filled bookcases, my mind wandered about how Levi’s life must’ve been back there.

Did he live with parents? Had any siblings?... Ray never talked much about her life back there, so it must’ve been pretty bad although, she did talk about Feng and it was evident at the time that she loved him like a father. Well, he certainly acted more like a father than mine--

“Here you go.”, Erwin’s voice interrupted my train of thought. “Why the serious face?”

“Nothing, just thinking about my family.”

“You miss them?”

“Sometimes... We weren’t that ‘happy’ of a family... but I guess it wasn’t half bad.”

“Well, speaking of family, this letter came for you, it’s from Marla Sanchez’s parents.”, my heart skipped a beat hearing her name and when my hands reached out to grab the letter, they were visibly shaking.

“I’ll go, now. I have to supervise this morning’s training session.”, he knew I was probably lying but let it slip. Whatever insults Marla’s family had to hurl at me in that letter didn’t matter – it wouldn't bring her back. But still, the sharp sting in my chest when I thought about her hadn’t gone away and probably wouldn’t for a long time to come.

Turns out, it really was my turn to check on the kids and oversee the morning exercises, as Zackarias came to my office just as I was about to open the letter and probably wallow in misery for the following hour. I was glad to set the unopened envelope aside and go to the courtyard, where the cadets were already waiting for orders. Strangely, while scouting the rows of cadets, Jaeger was nowhere to be seen.

“Does anyone know where Eren is?”

“Major Hange said he wasn’t going to train with us today, mam.”, Armin answered.

“Hm, very well then, let’s begin.”

  


~

Finally, my shift was over. Closing the door of the office behind me, I was alone, looking at the letter I’d completely forgotten about. The envelope wasn’t new and the wax used to seal it was merely dripped on it, without the usual pattern most nobles imprinted on it. With a deep breath, I read the first line, already waiting to be further insulted.

After the incident with Kayla’s father, that had left me with a cut on my jawline, I still wanted to go and personally tell the others’ parents what had happened. They deserved to know and, even thought Erwin advised me to take another official when traveling to their houses, I declined – it wasn’t a matter of pride that kept me from asking another person to come with me... it was more.. I don’t know, I wanted it to be personal. Me, as a person and dear friend of those kids, not only their superior.

_We are sorry about what we did to you._

This was the first sentence in the letter. And then, I knew that they weren’t going to insult me anymore, they weren’t going to blame me for their daughter’s death. Seeing so much kindness coming from people who lost their oldest daughter, their apologies written in poor paper and blurred ink, from where tears must’ve fallen had me unable to progress more than a couple of paragraphs at a time.

Anguish clawed up my throat, reading about how much she talked about the team at home, how she considered us her second family, and how happy she was that she’d get to do what she did. And tears started streaming, unable to be contained any further. I, hearing their insults with a calm and composed face, knowing that they were just grieving and needed someone to blame, to actually have these people tell me they were sure I’d never done anything other than try to protect Marla... it was simply too much.

After reading the two fully written pages, I covered my head with my hands and cried, face resting on the desk of the office, hoping that the pain stabbing my chest stopped and I could breathe again, that I could for once stop thinking about them and that they could just rest in peace.

A knock on the door made me realize how inappropriate of a state I was in. “(Y/n)?”, the person called.

“Just a minute!”, hurrying to dry the tears and to cool the red and puffy face, I slowly walked towards the door, opening it and turning my back to the person outside. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, the captain was requesting our presence in the dungeon but he didn’t say what for.”, it was Petra. Her calm voice made me even more anxious – I didn’t want her to see me like this.

“I see... I’ll be there in a moment. Go on ahead without me.”, I answered, trying to keep a level-toned voice.

“(Y/n), are you okay...? You seem anxious...”, she said, her footsteps drawing near.

“I’m fine... just.. leave, Petra, okay? Please.”, the tears pushed forward again and just... why couldn’t she just leave already?!

“Hey, what’s wrong?... What’s--”, she paused when she saw my red face, wet trails from where the drops had passed previously. Nostrils flared, teeth clamped up against each other, trying to keep that distressed sobbing sound in. “Why are you crying, what happened?”

And then I couldn’t hold back any longer. My arms found her neck, and my face buried itself in her shoulder, shaking with each whimper.

“I miss them so much, Petra... I-I can’t take this.. Why did they have to die?!”, and other incoherences were babbled by my trembling lips, mixed with sobs and pained groans. She didn’t ask what had happened or try to say anything. Instead, she hugged me tightly, hands gently petting my back and hair, letting her calm breath and heart beat ease my own and slowly sooth me, until I was too spent to cry anymore.

Placing a soft kiss on my head, she let me calm down completely before releasing me from the hug. “You don’t need to carry on so much guilt, (Y/n)... I know I was pretty harsh in the past but... this will pass and you won’t feel like this forever.”

“But I miss them so much...”

“I know... but it’s our job and... nevermind. Let’s meet the captain – he’s waiting for us.”

  


~

“What’s the matter, sir?”, I asked, as we got down the stairs.

“That brat has been trying to chew himself.”, he answered.

“What...?”, Petra inquired further.

“Take a look for yourselves.”, the captain pointed at Eren’s shackled arms, full of bite marks. He was sound asleep, probably due to Hange’s sleeping medicine. It was weird, although... usually, his titan powers would heal him up pretty fast but, that must’ve meant that they couldn’t be activated whenever he was hurt... Interesting, I wonder what Hange thought about it...

“This is horrible... What’s gotten into him?”, Petra had always cared for Eren, despite everything he did and so she acted a bit like his mother at times.

“I don’t know. Shitty Glasses seems to be MIA at the moment, so we’ll have to wait until she gets here to know.”


	20. 20

“What do you mean, Hange?”, I had to double check to see if I’d heard correctly.

“You heard Shitty Glasses, the shitty brat got his human brain and titan brain mixed up. Useless piece of shit...”, the captain mumbled from across the room.

“Is there anything we can do to help Eren?”, Petra asked, sitting next to the sleeping boy.

“Well, not that I know of, but there are most definitely things we could try!”, Hange laughed in a sinister way, holding up an already loaded syringe which I promptly took from her hand.

“Sorry but, until we know more about his current condition, no experiments.”

“Boring woman...”; she sighed. “Well, as much as I’d love to watch Eren’s abilities and study him some more, pressing matters await me. See you guys later.”, the major excused herself, climbing up the stairs.

“So... what are we going to do, then?”, Petra’s concerned expression betrayed how much she actually cared for the boy and probably his future, considering that, if he wasn’t able to control himself, he’d be turned over to the police and killed. The hope for humanity lied in that kid’s basement and also in himself and yet, there we all were, unable to help him.

“I guess... we’ll just have to wait.”, I answered her as I sat outside the boy’s cell. Hange left her almost all of her weird concoctions, in case I decided to experiment, I assumed. Still, the only thing of use in there right now would be the sedative, in case Jaeger woke up.

  


~

After about half an hour, the captain dismissed Petra, ordering her to lead training with the rest of the team. I was ordered to stay, since he didn’t know how to work with Zoe’s flasks. Grumbling came from the bed and the body under the sheets became increasingly restless.

“He’s probably waking up, sir. We should give him something to sleep.”

“Useless kid, a fucking burden most of the time.”, he cursed under his breath. I prepared the syringe and waited until the captain was next to the bed. Eren hadn’t woken up yet, but it didn’t seem like it’d take much longer. Unknowingly, the back of my mind held on to the slim hope that he’d wake up his normal self again but, when he opened his bloodshot eyes and gnawed at the ceiling, thrashing and struggling against the restraints.

“Please hold him still, sir. If he moves while I’m giving him the injection, the needle might break inside him and we won’t get it out. Besides, he’s not regenerating.”

“How about you quit you yapping and give the brat the shot already?”, he interrupted, leaning over to keep the boy’s chest glued to the bed. Seeing the kid’s gaping mouth directed at Levi’s neck made my body react on it’s own, my left hand extended and pushed the raven haired man away, just enough so that the teeth carved themselves on my flesh and not the captain’s. I screamed at the top of my lungs with that pain, feeling the skin tearing under Jaeger’s blunt teeth and warm blood almost gushing out from the area around his mouth.

My gut began to boil with rage. How could this kid, who’d come screaming that he’d kill all the titans not even be able to have control over his own body to not attack a superior. The needle had fallen out of my right hand and onto something because it’d made no sound, not that that would matter over Eren’s grunts. My hand pulled back on its own and swung with all it had.

“Fucking runt! Get a hold of yourself!”, I lashed out at the boy, slapping him across the face hard enough to leave a raised red imprint of my fingers. And he seemed to snap out of it for a couple of seconds. He stopped jerk his head and, his eyes were back to the usually placid stare he’d show us whenever surrounded by his fellow cadets. It slowly morphed into terror, upon tasting blood and his gaze darted back and forth between me and the captain before his eyes rolled back and he passed out.

Blood kept coming out from the wound, draining me at a fast pace. A hand pulled me, already lightheaded and burning liquid was poured over the exposed flesh.

“Why’d you do that for? Trying to lose an arm?”, the captain scoffed coldly.

“No offense, _sir_ , but Jaeger’s mouth was about to bite your-- OW! How about you be more careful!”

“How about you shut up and stop breaking my concentration. I assume you don’t want to die from blood loss.”, he scolded as he tied a piece of his shirt tightly to stop the bleeding. Falling back and sitting with a loud thump on the ground, I barely held up my head, processing what’d just happened. Eren had nearly tore my triceps muscle and it was bleeding profusely. The white cloth the captain gave me was quickly getting soaked in blood and my eyelids felt heavy.

I’m going to bleed out... I need something to stop this..., as my drowsy eyes searched the room, the torches that lit up the area gave me an idea.  There had to be something made of metal nearby... the captain’s 3-d gear was unbuckled by the stairs, half hidden.  Maybe that would work.

“Captain, give me your swords from the gear and that torch please. We need to cauterize the wound, now.”

“I’ll go get Shitty Glasses to sew you back up.”

“I’m gonna fucking die, Levi! Now!”, the energy needed to shout drained me further and the room started spinning.

  


~

S eeing her like this made the man rush to get what she asked. He’d never done anything like that but he knew enough to  let his blade get red hot before pressing it against her now exposed skin.  Biting on her own shirt, she let out a grunting scream, clamping her jaw and screwing her eyes shut when the metal made contact and a small cloud of smoke rose, reeking of burnt flesh.  The gushing blood stopped and she half collapsed forward, him catching her against his chest.

S he drew quick breaths, her pounding heart echoing loud enough for him to almost hear it and for a few seconds, (Y/n) let herself ease up to the captain’s warm torso.

“You’re good, now.”, he said, reluctant in encasing her with an arm, even though it seemed like she might fall at any moment. When he’d seen her shout at that brat... it’d been long since she’d shown that much intensity in her eyes. Levi wouldn’t consciously admit it but he felt something shift inside of him when he saw her enraged, eyes blazing, chest heaving and the look of sheer... fire? when she told him to hurry.. Was it wrong that it pulled her further into the new light in which he saw her, as of late? She was never one to speak much to him, before all _that_ happened that is.

How was she before the grief had weighted on her shoulders? Before the burden many of the team leaders in the Corps carried struck her as well? Not how she was near the officials and others... no. Levi wanted to know how she was  _alone._ When only her friends could see her. Did she chirp in a happy voice or was she calm and composed at all times? The flushed face of embarrassment he’d given her the previous night made his lips want to curl ever so slightly into a grin but he contained himself.

That could never happen. She was his subordinate and they were in the Survey Corps. Even if Erwin allowed it – which he probably wouldn’t – it was bound to end in disgrace.  _It?_ What  _it?_ Those pestering ridiculous thoughts... Levi, humanity’s strongest thinking about a lieutenant? How pathetic. He really was getting old and even worse, letting his age get the best of him.

“Thanks cap.”, she suddenly whispered. “I guess you ended up saving me, again.”, the last sentence was said with a slight chuckle, as much as her weak body could muster one.

“I’d have no neck, if it weren’t for you. So thank you, (Y/n).”, being so honest.. was it because of her drowsy state? She probably wouldn’t remember it later, just like when she stopped him from killing a man whore and prevented him from getting into serious trouble.

“ _Fuck you Levi! Who the hell do you think you are?!”_

The only time she called him by his name was in situations like this and hearing that sound coming from her immediately got his senses in high alert. It stung, because there was no hesitation, no after thought about if she’d used his military rank, she didn’t even seem to care that he might decide to punish her for yelling, which he’d already done. The name spilled from her lips carelessly and that stirred him up for some reason.

It’d been a couple of seconds since her breath had stabilized and Levi decided to end the physical contact between them. “Can you stand up on your own?”, he asked, but there was no reply. Looking closely at her, he noticed she’d fallen asleep. With a sigh, he picked her up, closing Jaeger’s cell behind him and walking up the stairs, carrying the unconscious woman.

  


He brought her to Hange’s office, where all the medical stuff was located. The brunette looked alarmed to see (Y/n) in her state, with lips almost purple and very pale.

“What happened?”, Moblit asked the captain, handing gauze to the major.

“Shitty brat bit her. Nearly chomped my neck off.”, although Levi kept his distance from the bed at the corner of the office, he looked attentively to what was being done to the lieutenant, his eyes following the steady motions of her semi exposed chest.

“Interesting... anything else?”, Hange grinned slightly, thinking about all the experiments she could do to Eren, now that he had the titan mind controlling his body. Seeing her maniac expression, Levi recoiled in this chair, scoffing.

“You’re fucking sick, Shitty Glasses. The brat is a nuisance, I’ll inform Erwin of what happened. I bet he’ll reconsider having him here.”

“Oh? Is Mr. Levi getting scared of a little boy? Because he almost bit your neck off? I’m disappointed...”, she joked. “Thought you said you could handle Eren.”

Evading the hand that darted to catch her collar, the woman opened the door, smiling back at the captain.

“I’ll be down there. Experimenting. She’ll wake up in no time, don’t worry too much. Come on, Moblit.”

“Y-yes, squad leader.”, he rushed, closing the door behind himself and leaving Levi alone with (Y/n).

“Wasn’t worried about myself.”, the captain spat in a low voice, pulling the chair closer to the bed and looking at the relaxed face of (Y/n). She appeared more lively than before, with the flush of her cheeks having partially returned. Well, there wasn’t any doubt that she was willing to die for him, not that he’d ever doubted that. Her loyalty to the Corps was commendable and Erwin was probably the first to praise her on it.

She was half naked, with just the white cloth covering her chest and the bandage wrapped tightly around the left arm, purple and yellowish bruises still scattered across the ribcage. Yet another injury had been added to the already extensive list she’d already endured.

“Hum... captain?”, a soft voice interrupted his thoughts. “You’re staring.”, realizing this, Levi was quick to adopt his blank expression, deviating his gaze to her face.

“Bullshit, I was thinking.”

“About? Where are we?”, she mumbled, wincing after she’d tried to move her arm. “Is this.. Hange’s office?”

“Yeah, it is. Shitty Glasses is downstairs doing weird shit to that brat.”

“Really..? She--”, I began to say but was interrupted by a flash of light when trying to sit up.

“Oy, what the fuck are you doing? You lost a lot of blood, stop moving.”

“I have to tell her something.”

“It can wait.”

“She should know that Eren reacts to pain, sir. Remember when I hit him?”

“Yeah, so?”

“He seemed to regain conscience for a few seconds. She should know that.”

“She probably knows by now. She might be Shitty Glasses but she isn’t dumb.”

“I guess you’re right sir...”, slowly, I managed to get up, sitting against the pillow. “Thank you for bringing me here.”, a light smile formed on my lips.

“Yeah, don’t mention it.”, he brushed it off quickly. “I’m going to speak to Erwin about this situation, I’ll see you later.”

“Understood. Bye, sir.”, with that, he left. Only after did I realize he’d seen me half naked and a light blush rushed to my cheeks. Not that it mattered anymore, at least I wasn’t naked like the last time.

  


~

A few minutes later, I felt well enough to get on my feet. Walking towards my room, wrapped in the ripped shirt I was previously wearing, the walk was slow so that no more flashes made me lose my balance. Passing by the commander’s office, I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation inside.

“I’m telling you, that brat is dangerous, Erwin.”, the captain’s voice had a tinge of irritation to it.

“He’s all we have Levi. We can’t just simply dispose of him like that. He carries the hopes of all of Humanity.”

“Not if he can’t control himself and it’s pretty clear the brat has his off days pretty frequently.”

“You said you could handle him. Are you backing down, Levi?”

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Erwin. You know how I feel about pointless death.”

“Yes, but the incident with Petra was a one time occurrence.”

“Just today, the brat almost killed me and (Y/n).”

“How did that happen?”-- staggering against the door, my knee accidentally struck it loud enough to seem like a knock. Erwin’s voice on the inside commanded me to enter and I did so mechanically.

“Hello, sir.”, I said, trying to stay in saluting position but Hange must’ve given me something that made my arm partially numb.

“I thought I told you not to move. Insolent brat.”, Levi spat, turning his back to me to address Erwin again. “As you can see, the Shitty Jaeger nearly bit her arm off.”

“How are you feeling, lieutenant?”, the blond man asked me.

“A bit tired, but much better.”

“I’m pleased to her it. Captain Levi, I understand your concern for the soldiers’ well being but we all signed up our lives here for the sake of Humanity and will achieve victory by any means necessary.”

“I see. Understood.”, he replied, ending the conversation. “For fuck sake, lieutenant put a shirt on.”, he muttered when he passed by me.

  


~

“So that’s what happened....”, Erwin mumbled, staring at the void. He’ asked me to explain exactly what had happened with Jaeger and so I did. “On you professional opinion as second titan researcher of the Survey Corps, lieutenant, do you think Eren Jaeger has what it takes to learn how to control himself and his powers?”

“That’s a very direct question, sir...”, it was understandable for me to be apprehensive. I’d been bitten a couple of hours ago and Levi had almost been killed but... Jaeger did seem to have the will power to dominate the titan mind at times.

“I expect a direct answer.”

“I can’t say for sure, but I firmly believe that with work, Jaeger can master his powers to some degree so that he no longer poses a threat to us.”

“That’s good enough.”, he sighed deeply, hands burrowing in gold locks, elbows supporting his tired frame on the desk. “I’m glad you’re okay. You always get yourself in these things (Y/n), it’s like you attract danger...”, he noted,

“You’re telling me... I must’ve stepped on some mirrors and didn’t notice. I probably won’t be able to go to the Underground mission after all, I apologize for this mess, Erwin.”.

“Nonsense, I highly doubt we’ll get an answer before tomorrow night. The messaging system between walls has been having issues with thieves lately, or so I’m told. Besides, your friends only know you.”

“You’re right... I doubt they’d let anyone else in if I didn’t show up. It will be nice to see the again, after to long.”

“Ever since you join us?”

“The Corps doesn’t properly allow ‘vacation’ days, does it now, mr. Commander Erwin?”

“We need all the people we can get. Now, you should go rest for the rest of the day, just check the reports the cadets made first.”

“Fucking hate reports....”, I mumbled, grinding my teeth.

“What was that?”, Erwin asked, not bothering to look up. “You want to go clean stables with that arm?”

“No, sir.”

“Then mind your tongue in this office.”

“You don’t ever punish the captain for swearing or complaining.”

“Just do as I say and go, (Y/n), before I change my mind.”

“Fine, fine, going...”, closing the door behind me, I went to my office, switching to a clean extra shirt I had there.


	21. 21

Night came by and all the reports had been reread and corrected by my already tired and slightly irritated gaze. Neither Hange nor Moblit had left the basement during the whole afternoon. Petra stopped by to warn me about skipping squad’s training but, seeing my injured arm, she realized the reason for my absence and left me to mind the reports again.

Once more, my father’s letters had resurface amongst the pile of papers that clogged up the desk. Pausing from time to time, I skimmed through them yet again, so as to cleanse my sight from jumbled up phrases and poorly written words of cadets who barely knew how to spell words like ‘geological’ or ‘formation’. It really brought me back to when father taught me how to read and write. I called him ‘dad’ back then, before he was so obsessed with the church that he started neglecting his own family. It hadn’t always been like that, despite what I liked to make myself and others believe – that father was a tyrannical figure that constantly threw wrenches into his daughter’s plans and tried to mold his kids to his ideal of morals.

But... even knowing both sides of him, the old calm man who sat his daughter on his lap and taught her how to read books about the Grand Architect and the Walls and how important it was to know how to do those things like read and write. Back then, it was fun; we spent time together without all of the pressure that in later years he used to put on the family.

And knowing of the careless man who left his wife to care for the children while he went on some spiritual quest to ‘purify infidels’... the latter still weighed more on my mind for the most part. Those letters that I couldn’t seem to throw away however.. It was like knowing a different person. He wrote to his grandmother about how he helped people with his mentor – an older priest. And how they were really making a difference.

But losing myself mind wandering about the past was a hobby I’d been indulging far too much lately and so, the letters were put down on the desk and the work at hand resumed. The numbness in the arm had passed and now it lightly throbbed whenever it was forced past a certain point. Going to the Underground... with the captain and a cadet. I needed to study the map Erwin gave me, since depending solely on Levi would be foolish in case there was a need to split up.

Thinking about it... how had his life been there? Did he have family? Could I even ask him that? It was probably a bad idea either way and getting on his bad side before an important mission was unadvised.

 

~

Leaving the office to hand back the reports to the cadets, I was met with the captain’s figure entering his room in a bloody shirt. Spattered blood painted his face as he disappeared from my sight. What happened?

“Captain?”, a quick knock on the door before I opened the door and peeked inside. No one to be seen in the main room. Splashing sounds came from the bathroom and, curious and slightly worried, my feet moved on their own, guiding me to where he was, washing his face and torso with water from a bucket. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“Who let you in?”, he commented nonchalantly, looking in the mirror and scrubbing with vigor until the red spots vanished.

“Hum... I let myself in. You looked like something had happened, sir.”

“Shitty Glasses’ shitty experiments happened. Fucking crazy bitch.”, he swore.

“But are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

“’m fine. That shitty brat spewed blood all over me.”

“What? Eren? What happened?”

“Go take a look. Help me here, will ‘ya?”, he pointed at the clean shirt neatly folded on a chair. Helping him dress was hardly a task for a lieutenant but, since technically I was still being punished, it was best not to voice any complaints. Accidentally, my hands brushed his arms as he was putting on the sleeves and the softness of his skin baffled me.

Firm and thoroughly shaped muscles snaked beneath smooth skin and it’d been far too long since I’d been so close to another person like this ever since Nate so it was unavoidable that for a split second my mind wandered into one of those dark void-like places where one keeps locked up the inner most cravings of the body. But as soon as I caught myself there, wondering about Levi, the man, and not thinking about him as my captain and superior officer, I put a brake on the thought and erased it from existence.

“Button this down for me.”, he ordered, standing with the shirt open in front of me.

“Why... sir?”, was he being serious?

“Do as you’re told, Krieger.”, he insisted. Oh, so he was serious... what the fuck..? so now I had to dress him? For fuck sake..

“Right away sir...”, I mumbled, half annoyed at his ludicrous command. And... the improper thoughts were back. Great. Standing at arms length from the captain’s exposed torso was a dangerous situation. My hands moved increasingly slower, at times fumbling with the buttons when a whiff of soap came flying from him and danced its way to my nostrils. There was too much silence.

Only the sounds coming from outside filled the room and the ominous and heavy quiet felt like it was going to crush me with its monstrous grip. I hoped to whatever deity I could that the sound of my heart pounding wasn’t audible to the captain as it was thumping in my ears and threatening to spill through my mouth. He must’ve been enjoying my suffering thoroughly, not even bothering to complain that I was taking too long.

I wish I’d lifted up my gaze to see his face but the flush on my cheeks from the heat that filled my body made it impossible to do so without giving myself away. The way his breathing was audible at the distance we were, the light touches my fingers stole from his chest from time to time, it all sent my senses into overdrive. Maybe it had been a bad idea to reject almost all contact of this nature for the past five years...

My throat desperately wanted to push out words, to speak, to create any deflection from my awkward stance as the only thing running through my mind was exploring the highs and lows of those winding chest muscles. Fuck, quick, say something.. this is bad..

“So, that soap... It smells nice, sir. Did you get it somewhere special?”, yeah, good one. Always with the fucking soap, aren’t you?

But he didn’t answer and that was my queue to shut up and finish the fucking buttoning.

“All done. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be leaving, sir. I’ll be assisting Hange’s experiments so... yeah, you know where to find me if you need me.”, words poured like rain in a thunderstorm, fast and all garbled up in a weird speech dialect that I could only hope had made any sense to the captain.

[](http://leobits.deviantart.com/#)Closing the door behind cause the breath that I’d been holding to be released and I was out of that stressful situation.

(Y/n) left the room, rushing to break all contact with the captain. Closing the door behind her, the muffled sound of her footsteps became thinner and thinner until it disappeared completely, drowned by other noises. Levi stood by the door frame of the bathroom, and all he could hear was the thumping sound of his own heartbeat, ringing in his ears. Unsteady breaths were drawn and, noticing this, fingers ran through his hair, mouth releasing a deep sigh when the memories came flashing before the captain’s eyes.

It’d been almost a miracle that she hadn’t looked up to see him while she buttoned down his shirt. Had she done that, then it would be clear to her his true intentions when ordering her to do so. A cold sweat ran down his spine, looking at (Y/n)’s flushed face as she fumbled clumsily with the buttons, she who was ordinarely so secure and confident when doing whatever needed to be done.

But to see her in such a distraught state, he couldn’t help but to want her all for his own. To be the only person to see and to make her like that. She who earlier didn’t seem to care that he’d seen her half naked when cauterizing her wound and had turned bright red when being up close to his figure.

Her slightly parted lips and feather-like touches when fingers missed the button and slipped inside his shirt.. he wanted them. There was no denying it anymore, the throbbing bulge in his white uniform refused to disappear as long as she kept on his mind. No, maybe it wasn’t that, it’d been a long time since he’d been with a woman and things were getting out of control.

Well, he wouldn’t object to breaking his fast with her, if she wanted to of course. But Erwin would probably oppose it since it was an implicit rule that relationships in the Corps were forbidden.

What was Levi thinking? Rolling around with a team member and a subordinate? How he’d hit an all time low. It wasn’t like him, having this insatiable hunger just because he saw a usually composed woman with a blush. Sure, she had a well toned body and was actually amongst the top tier members in the Corps, although no one had actually told her about it but still… he had to stop thinking about her or things could end up turning sour.

Just earlier she’d risked her life for him without a second thought. What would’ve happened if he were to be in any sort of relationship with her and she died? Death was a regular in the Corps and there wasn’t any way around it. He’d just have to force her out of his head.

 

~

“Hange?”, I asked, reaching the bottom step of the dungeon staircase.

“Oh, (Y/n). You’re finally up.”, she answered, scribbling on a notebook.

“I just saw the captain covered in blood… What happened?”, turning the corner, the scene before me was grotesque. Eren was chained to the wall, half naked, with several metal rods piercing his body. “What.. the fuck…. Hange?!”

Unable to stop myself, I rushed to get a closer look to the innanimate boy that hung by his arms.

“We were able to get some pretty interesting info.”, she answered.

“Eren?”, gently grabbing his chin, I made him raise his head. His eyes were closed but somehow, hearing my voice made him begin to move.The mark my hand had left on his cheek had disappeared.

“Ngh….”, he mumbled, before opening his lids and blinking lazily at me. “Hi, mam.”

“Are you alright?”, I asked, slightly worried. Sure he was there to help us with research but he was a kid. Damn, Petra’s protectiveness had rubbed off on me…

“I guess… Major Hange said I bit you. Sorry..”, he had trouble keeping his eyes open.

“I gave him a new medicine I’m working on and one of the side effects is extreme drousyness.”, the woman interrupted.

“You were supposed to be studying titan related things, Zoe, not drugs for humans. Eren isn’t some random guinea pig you can use for whatever you want. If he dies, we’re fucked.”, I scolded.

“Don’t worry… I’d already tested it on rats and other things to make sure it wouldn’t kill him. And as I said, we did find some out some interesting stuff while you were sleeping.”

“What are the pipes for? Jaeger are you in pain?”, he nodded negatively. “What? So you’re testing a pain suppressor?”

“Precisely. In extreme cases, it could be administered outside the Walls. It only works for a few minutes and extended use could lead to severe injuries but still, pretty sweet, right?”

“I’m happy to be of use, mam.”, Eren gasped, wincing. Clearly, the effect had passed and now the pain had returned.

“How did you get him to return to his normal human state?”, when I’d passed out, he had only been conscious for a moment before blacking out so there hadn’t been a real chance to check if he had actually gone back to having a human mind.

“He was already fine when I got here. Sadly, though… But I’m sure there will be other times for me to study that phenomenon.”

“Yeah sure, but let’s take these off. That’s enough of testing for today.”, pulling out the pipes, the wounds slowly started healing up and rather fast I must say, since before anyone noticed, the holes had been sealed like nothing had ever happened.

“Amazing…”, muttered Hange in awe. Indeed, it was impressive. If only we could find out the secret for that level of regeneration, life would be so much easier.

“Let’s get you to the bed, Eren. How are you feeling?”

“A bit sore, honestly... “, he answered, leaning on me as I undid the shackles. Looking at my bandaged arm, he seemed distressed for a moment. “I am so sorry, mam. Please, I’ll learn to control myself so that I’m not a danger to anyone, I--”

“Relax, Jaeger. I know. No harm done.”, although it was bad to lie like that, the last thing we needed was a distressed titan shifter. Who knew what kind of weird shit could happen if he felt like we were going to dispose of him for being dangerous? “Now, get some sleep.”

“Eh? But I still had more experiments to do!”, Hange complained, almost pouting.

“It’s night, Zoe. Let the kid rest. Tomorrow you can fuck him up some more, then.”, I whispered her the last part. Eren needed to get a proper good night's sleep.

“Yeah, you’re right. See ya later, Eren!”, she waved and, picking up her things, she left. Rushed steps trampling down the stairs like a stampede and I must confess, I was not expecting Mikasa to show up half breathless at the bottom of the steps.

“Eren!”, she gasped, looking at the already asleep figure on the bed.

“Shh! He’s resting. You’re not supposed to be here Ackerman.”, my tone was stern but it didn’t intimidate her.

“I had to come see him, lieutenant. Eren is the only family I have left.”, she answered, saluting me.

“It’s not just that, is it?”, cold voice turn into a sly one as my eyes caught hold of a slight tint to her cheeks when I asked that. “Look here, Mikasa. Until I’m sure he can be safely released without hurting himself or others, he has to stay here. Do you understand?”

“Yes, mam.”

“Good. Since I am feeling particularly generous today, I’m going to let you stay here with me keeping an eye on him. But you are not to get near his cell nor do anything that could wake him up. Are we clear?”

“Yes, mam. Thank you.”, sitting on the floor, against the wall closest to the boy’s cell, she eyed his bed like a guard dog, looking out for his master.

 

~

“Mikasa, go get Petra or one of the other officials, I need to step out for a moment.”

“Right away.”, she nodded, albeit reluctant in leaving Eren alone with me.

“Relax, I’ll make sure the others allow you to stay by his side, as long as you do not interfere.”, she seemed a bit more at ease and left.

A few moments later, Eld and Petra arrived. After a brief explanation of what’d happened, they kept on watching Jaeger with Mikasa there and I left, wanting to change the bandage of my arm. The pain was getting more severe as the hours went by and the once white cloth was now dirtied with not only Jaeger’s blood but mine as well. I passed through Hange’s room and after changing it, she gave me some mild painkillers and sent me off.

A knock on the door of my room caught my attention.

“(Y/n)?”

“Commander? Did something happen?”, I asked, quickly rising to my feet in case it was an emergency.

“No, no. I came here on a personal note. How are you?”

“I’m okay. Thanks for asking. You shouldn’t be wasting time with me. I’m sure there are more pressing matters at the time being.”

“You look pale, have you been sleeping?”, he ignored me, walking up to me and pulling down my lower eyelids to check on their color.

“Yes, I have. Now please stop this. You're not my dad.”, although I appreciated his concern, this time it was misplaced.

“I’m just worried. A lot of things have been happening lately and as a commander, I--”

“Of course now, the Commander is checking to see that his soldiers are all still within expiration date..”

“What is that supposed to mean? (Y/n), I, Erwin, your friend, came to check up on you to make sure you’re not just barely keeping it together.”

“Well, getting back in the swing of things is hard when shit keeps happening to fuck me up.”, I gave up, complaining. Each time I thought the streak of bad shit had reached its end, the universe proved me wrong yet again.

“Come here. Sounds like you need some cuddles.”, he smiled fondly. Although it was rare for him to indulge me in such a thing and even more rare that I wanted it, sometimes, he’d scratch my head softly until I was relaxed enough to sleep. Laying down on his lap, he gently began patting my hair and massaging the scalp with the pads of his fingers, sending a shiver down my spine. Immediately, I began to feel drowsy. Damn, he was good at that..

“So… how are things with Evelyn?”, I managed to half whisper.

“Good.”

“When are you going to see her again?”

“Maybe next week… of this one, if things workout alright.”, I wasn’t looking, but I knew he must’ve been smiling when he said it. There was no way he wouldn’t.

“That’s so sweet… I’m glad you’re happy, Erwin.”, closing my eyes, I let myself melt into his calm movements, focusing only on the dancing pads on my scalp. “It would be nice to meet her one day.”

“Maybe… who knows… I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with anyone ever since you join…”, he wondered.

“Yeah… I’m not really the relationship type.”

“Nathaniel… was it? His name?”, my eyes darted open. How did he..? Oh, right… that thing with Eld..

“I never said we dated.”

“Come on, it was pretty obvious.”, getting up, I turned to face him, but avoided his gaze.

“Well, as you know it ended pretty bad so… I was cured from ‘love’, I guess.”

“It’s not a bad thing, (Y/n).”

“Yeah, you say that but if Evelyn died in your arms I highly doubt you’d keep that opinion.”, my words came out harsh. I instantly felt back for speaking to him like that but refused to back down. Love and relationships were a nuisance in our line of work.

“I don’t have to remind you of who you’re speaking to but I do get where you’re coming from. I’m sorry Nathaniel died but to cast out all other future relationships sounds a bit harsh, don’t you think?”

“Look Erwin… I.. it’s my decision. I’m glad you and Evelyn are fine even if it’s not something ‘forever’, but I just… I don’t think I can and I don’t want to risk it.”

“Very well.. Jeez, you look even more tired now than you did when I got here. I’m sorry, (Y/n).”

“Eh, don’t sweat it.”

“I’ll let you rest. Have a goodnight.”, before I could move, he leaned in and hugged me, softly, like he was afraid of breaking me. Erwin really did feel like a caring older brother at times and I was glad to have someone like him that I could count on for things like this.

“Yeah, you too. Don’t come here waste time, the Corps needs its commander.”

“I know, I know. I’ll see you tomorrow, dear.”

With this, he left. I was tired, all that talk about relationships and love and what not had drained me completely. Suddenly, the memory of a shirtless Levi assaulted my tired mind and a wave of heat shot up my spine.

How I wanted to have touched that skin with my bare hands, feel the carved muscles dance underneath the skin… His elegant walk, like a cat, striding slyly and eying up his prey.. No, no, no! Stop thinking about him! Banging my head against the pillow, I muffled a gasp with it. I wanted to touch him, to selfishly satisfy my need for human contact and he just so happened to be the victim.

Of course, silly me… why would I think that that would ever be possible? For all I knew, he just saw me as fellow soldier, who happened to have a despicable temper at times and had a knack for getting injured. Slowly I drifted into the dream realm and all was dark.

 

~

My eyes flicked open suddenly, as if something had startled me. Despite this, the room around me was dark and silent, still shadows being cast on the floor by the pale moonlight. Hours had past since I’d gone to sleep and sitting up, I rummaged for something to light the candle on my bedside with.

Picking up the candle, I covered my shoulders with a small blanket, the nights being increasingly colder as Winter grew nearer. Now would be a good time to check on Eren, to make sure he'd fully recovered. Fucking kid made us all age 10 years at a time with his control issues.

Going down the steps that led to the basement, everything was silent and the air felt still, ominous even. The torches lit the room and Jaeger was sleeping peacefully. Well... That's a relief.. But who's watching him..? Looking to the side, a curled up Mikasa is soundly asleep as well, side rising slowly with each inhale.

"Didn't want to leave Eren alone tonight... I didn't have the heart to tell her to leave.", Petra's voice broke the calm emptiness in the air, calling my attention to her. She was sitting on one of the only chairs, eyes looking weary and tired, probably from an already long shift.

"Want me to take over? You look pretty spent.", I offered, but she immediately refused, reminding me that, were anything to happen, my injury could re-open and I might not get as lucky as before. Agreeing, there was little more to be done there. Out of what Petra would describe as 'motherly instinct', I ended up covering Mikasa with the blanket so that the cold humidity from the dungeon wouldn't take so much of a toll on her the next morning.

Heading back to my quarters in hopes of getting some more sleep, my eyes were caught by the lights coming from the captain's room. Although usually I'd be knocking on his door to offer tea if it had been a rough night, this time, the incident with the shirt earlier had left me wondering if visiting the corporal at night was a good idea or not.

Nonetheless, noticing the half open door, curiosity overcame all other feelings and I peered into the room. No one was there. Not even in the bathroom. Two candles were lit and stood on the small table besides the captain's bed. It didn't really cross my mind at the time that he might catch me in there because, seeing those burning candles so near the cloth covering the bed had me rushing to put them out. A fire in the main building was the last thing the Corps needed. Breathing a sigh of relief, I turned around to leave, not wanting to trespass anymore but, much to my surprise, who was there, immediately in front of me like a wraith from hell? Yes, the one and only captain Levi.

The jump scare made my heart freeze for a second, chest heaving to calm the frenetic pulse that had unknowingly started to race.

"Oh hi, captain...."

"What are you doing here, (Y\n)...?", he didn't seem very angry so that was a huge relief. The flickering light of the candle he was holding however was too dim to reveal much of his expressions.

"I just... Saw the door open and the candles.. And um... Unattended candles cause fires, sir. So I came in and blew them out. I was just om my way back to my room."

"Why are you up? Something happen?" the question took me off guard. Usually he didn't ask about things like this so for a couple of seconds there was only awkward silence, while I tried to recollect my thoughts. "What? You doing weird shit you can't tell me about?"

"No, no.. I just woke up for no reason and decided to check up on Eren. I'm pleased to say he looks back in his regular shape."

"Ugh, shitty brat. How's the arm?", well he was indeed chatty this night...

"It's.. It's fine. I mean, it still hurts but, it will heal."

"Good. Now--"

"Where did you go, sir?", I interrupted him, unable to hold back my curiosity any longer.

"None of your goddamn business. Now get out, I'm shit tired.", aaand rude Levi is here again...

"Didn't mean to be insolent, sir. I was just curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat.", wow, yeah I got the message the first time, no need to be like that...

"I'll go, sir. No need to be like that.", jeez, just asked a question... Passing by him, a rush of air stirred and a warm breath tickled my ear.

"Next time I catch in my room unauthorized, there will be consequences.", he whispered. A slight gasp escaped my lips and I dashed as fast as I could out of there, else things could degenerate from there. So going to this room was strictly forbidden... Good to now, I guess.

~

Catching (Y\n) there, alone, lit up only by pale moonlight and his candle, her panting from when Levi scared her... It was too much. It was too dangerous for her to be in that position, looking so vulnerable. Levi felt like he could attack her like a wild animal, unable to control his instincts. When did he succumb to physical cravings? He wasn't sure whether the spark had always been there, even if he wasn't aware or if it had been from the moment when he saw (Y\n) holding on to her comrades that he'd gained a subconscious interest in her.

Either way, he needed those urges, those desires to rip the clothes off her body and taste every inch of it gone and keeping her as far as possible was the only way. Still, the mission to the Underground district ought to be soon and they’d have to go together... Levi knew he had to maintain the upper hand on his impulses at all times, specially there where... he was closer to his ‘old self’.

As he sat on the bed, he realized that thoughts about this problem had worked up his brain far too much for it to rest and doze off into quiet sleep so instead, he headed toward his office, wanting to sort out paperwork.

~

Closing the door of the room behind me, I leaned against it, heart still mildly racing from the captain’s threat. The way he’d said it had just been so.... UGH, okay, enough with thinking about that! Sleep, (Y/n), that’s what you have to do now. But as much and I tried to psych myself up that rest was needed, he wasn’t leaving my mind. Just there, his scent, his toned body, the flicker of his eyes when something angered him or surprised him, the raking they did over me and how exposed that made me feel.

Fuck. I knew it was a bad idea to join the squad. Damn you, Erwin.

Laying in bed, the number of possibilities to quickly overcome that which was clearly an infatuation with the captain traveled across my mind but none seemed fast enough. Specially since the Underground mission would be soon. Turning over, my arm moved too harshly and the stitches pulled a bit, sending a jolt of pain up the shoulder that made my breath hitch and eyes screw shut, having to slowly ease up to the seated position so that I could take a few of Hange’s pills.

After that, the pain subsided considerably and the side effects where fairly heavy, given that despite only having passed a few minutes, my lids felt increasingly heavier until I passed out. Thus, another dreamless night went by.


	22. 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for this terrible delay. I haven't been feeling very well so writing feels like a chore and I can't do anything so thanks anyways for reading and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Feel free to point out any mistakes, since proof reading isnt really one of my strenghts

Fuck, fuck, fuck! Just how long had I been asleep for?! The sun was already high in it’s path, so probably noon was near by.

Rushing to get dressed had my pulling at the stitches again and eventually, I was forced to slow down the pace at which things were done. Looking out the window, Petra and the captain had the cadets running laps around the building.

It was odd, though… usually someone would’ve come to the room and scold me until I was out of bed. Hm… it was probably Erwin’s doing.

 

~

“I thought you could use some rest this morning.”, he answered, confirming my suspicions.

“You didn’t have to. I’m much better now. Any news from Sina?”

“Actually yes. The letter arrived just this morning.”

“So…?”

“You leave tomorrow. Honestly, it is truly convenient that your friends are so high up the hierarchy.”

“Well..--”, I couldn’t help but to feel a bit smug, although I quickly dispelled that tone else Erwin could become irritated with the attitude. “They’ve always been intelligent, you know. Top scores. I’m not surprised at all.”

“Either way, here’s a copy of the letter. It had some personal matters related to you that they also discussed.”

“And you read that as well?”, I questioned, unconsciously raising an eyebrow. “Just give it to me. So that means Levi has to pick a cadet to join us today, have you mentioned this to him already?”

“Yes, as soon this arrived.”, he passed me the folded piece of paper between two fingers.

“Wait… did you copy this by hand? You didn’t need to.”

“Don’t think too much about it. Now, since you are up and ready to work, why not take the kids for a ride out? They need to get a better feel for the horses.”

“Very well. Thanks Erwin. You always watch out for me.”, a small smile formed on my lips as I exited his office.

He didn’t answer but in reality, he didn’t need to. There wasn’t anything really to say. Reading the scribbled letter Amy and Shei had sent, I head to my office, where it would be safely locked inside a drawer.

Where anyone know of our mission, the intruders would soon catch up to it and things could go south fairly quick from there. As I locked the door behind me, the captain was passing by.

“Good morning, sir.”

“Hardly morning anymore, lieutenant.”, oh.. that’s right. Erwin gave him my hours so figures he’d be pretty pissed about it.

“Thank you for covering for me this morning. It won’t happen again.”, while I was waiting some salted response or brute comment, he simply hummed in agreement, changing the subject quickly.

“Erwin talked to you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Tonight after dinner, my office, I’ll brief you on the details.”

“Understood. Have you picked the cadet that’s coming as well?”

“Not yet. Either, quit lounging around, the brats are waiting.”

“Uh.. o-okay.”, the harsh tone of that final comment while it didn’t catch me by surprise still sounded a bit forced, compared to the overall mood of the chat.

“Your arm looks better--”, he noted, as he was walking passed me. His voice trailed off before I could hear anything and, not wanting to keep the kids waiting, I rushed outside. The arm was indeed better; movements were much more fluid and I didn’t wince constantly from it.

 

~

Dinner time came around quickly and after taking a seat in an empty table, I heard someone call out to me.

“Lieutenant?”, the male voice came from behind. Jaeger, Mikasa and Armin had trays of food and looked expectantly at me.

“Yeah?”, somewhere around the afternoon, I had to take another of those pills and the drousyness affected the speed of my movements. Chewing slowly on a piece of bread, my almost glassy eyes looked up to the three kids.

“Um.. I-I’m sorry for what happened.”, he finally spat out. Poor kid, he was probably afraid of receiving another of Levi’s beatings. Not that he’d been threatened since he got to the Corps but it wasn’t something one could easily forget.

“Yes, I know. I’m fine, kid. Don’t beat yourself up too much.”, I dismissed the issue, hoping that they’d leave me at peace. A better idea would’ve been to just go ahead and sleep, skipping dinner altogether but since Levi wanted to have that meeting… best to not take any chances on missing it. “What? You want something?”, the words blurted out before I knew I’d said them.

“Well… --”, Armin’s voice was shaking. I must’ve seemed irritated with their present. Not that that was completely false… “Today mam.. you did some really cool things with your horse… um...”

“We wanted to ask you who taught you that. Can you teach us??”, Eren finally finished Arlert’s sentence for him. A deep sight formed in the back of my throat but my hand gestured them to sit down.

“Very well… I’ll tell you. I have a friend who..”, the story went on, and eventually, there wasn’t any more theoretical knowledge to share about horses. I’d been the first time someone had asked me to teach them horse riding skills but I guess it’s part of a senior officer.

Pff, senior officer. The thought made me laugh. 5 years and already amongst the veterans… well, fuck, now it made me sad. No use in getting worked up about stuff like that was there?

 

“I’m here sir.”, opening the door to the captain’s office, I entered, closing it behind me. A large map was unravelled over his desk and, leaning in closer it wrote ‘Underground District’.

“As you know,”, the raven haired man began “I lived there for quite some time. That’s the map of the place, you ought to study it.”

“Already have, sir. Better be safe than sorry, right?”, please, as if I’d let important things such as this pile up.

“Good.”, he answered dryly.

“Have you picked the cadet that’s going to join us, sir?”

“Not yet, I’ll decide tonight. Tomorrow we go with regular clothes and get Shitty Glasses to give something like a first aid pouch. Erwin insisted that this is our top priority, since the Corps cannot operate with the money we have now. Don’t overdo it, if your arm rips open there, it will probably get infected quickly.”, he told me, head pointing at my left arm.

“Understood. I’ll strive to not be a nuisance, sir.”, an uncomfortable silence lingered in the air for a couple of seconds before my voice interrupted it. “Well, if we’re done here, I’ll go sleep. I mean, I’ll talk to Hange first.”

“Go then. See you tomorrow. First light, by the stables. Do not be late.”

“Of course. Good night, sir.”

Afterwards, I met with Hange in her own office, where she was busy torturing poor Moblit with some other story, seems like the guy couldn’t take a break even at night… Kindly enough, she gave me a few herbs and other weird concoctions to treat any wound that could arise while we were down there.

And then, sleep came and another night went by.

 

~

At first light, I calmly headed towards the stables, not seeing anyone there yet. Taking out the horse I’d be doing the trip on and saddling it, attaching all the provisions needed to ensure a safe journey. It neighed softly as my hand rested over its neck, petting it slightly.

According to their letter, we’d most likely be leaving the horses with the girls until we finished the job and, although it left me a bit uneasy to leave our means of transportation and possibly escape with other people, I knew I could trust them.

Footsteps started getting louder around the corner of the stables, revealing a casually dressed Levi and a very drowsy looking Reiner.

“Good morning, sir. Hello Braun.”, my soft voice barely disturbed the morning atmosphere of peace.

“Mornin’...”, the blonde answered, yawning and stumbling to enter the stables.

“Hello, (Y/n).”, the captain replied, following in Reiner’s steps.

~

 

When all was ready, we began our journey, the boy riding behind us, barely keeping awake.

“Say captain...”

“Huh?”, he grunted in response to me, not taking his eyes off the road.

“Did you drag Reiner out of his bed and on to the mission without explanation?”

“Yes. Didn’t want the little shit to blabber to any other brats.”

“That was rather evil, sir...”, I couldn’t contain the slight grin and chuckle that rumbled in the back of my throat, thinking about Levi kicking an unsuspecting Reiner out of his bed to go on a secret mission.

“Something I said funny, lieutenant?”, the use of the formal title served as a warning sign that he was probably in a bad mood and it would be best not to push his patience.

“Not at all, sir. I’ll go check up on him.”, lowering the pace of the horse, it continued the way lined with Braun’s.

 

“So, kid, how are you holding up?”

“I’m… fine...”, he yawned, rubbing one of his eyes. “Where are we even going?”

“The Underground district.”

“What, why?”, his tone was surprised but also had something else I couldn’t understand what was.

“Secret mission.”

“What…? That’s too much for my head… Fuck, I’m so tired.”

“Language, boy.”

“Ya know mam…. Something that would really wake me up would be a smoke right about now… You didn’t happen to bring the ones you took from me did you?”

“I will remind you that we are working and cadets are not allowed to smoke.”

“Oh come on… And here I thought you were one of the ‘cool’ officials… Guess you’re just like the others...”

“Reiner Braun, are you trying to get on my bad side? Stop with that sass and know your place. Are we clear?”

“Yes… mam...”, ugh, brats like that really got on my nerves…

 

~

“Say, lieutenant… You look pretty nice in that get up...”, Reiner looked at me out the corner of his eye, smiling slightly. Really hugs your… figure.”, hearing such a comment, brought a mix of slight embarrassment and anger. Pulling my hand back, I smacked his horse in the rear as hard as I could, causing it to start running out of control.

“That’ll teach you, blabber mouth.”, catching up to Levi, he sighed.

“What was that?”

“Cadet Braun, being punished.”

“We can’t afford attracting unwanted attentions, Krieger. What an idiotic thing to do.”, he scoffed.

“He was acting cheeky with me, sir. I apologise, I may have overreacted, I’ll go get him back.”, noticing a slight glint in his eye, his expression still remained unchanged.

“Leave him. He has to know how to solve shit alone.”

“Very well...”

Up ahead, he was waiting for us by the edge of the dirt road, chest heaving and cheeks flushed.

“Hey, why’d you do that for?!”, he complained.

“Is there any problem, brat?”, Levi asked him, stopping his horse in front of the other.

“N-no, sir...”, he answered, clearly intimidated.

“Good, now let’s continue the ride. Silently.”

 

A couple of hours had passed, the only sound heard around us being the hooves thumping on the dirt as we rode calmly. At first, I didn’t understand why we weren’t hurrying and galloping towards Sina however, after a group of hunters passed by us and didn’t even seem to notice who we were, I realised that maybe the captain was trying to avoid causing a commotion in nearby villages.

If three riders rushed around the secondary roads, risking injuring distracted hunters or any other person lingering around, rumours would spread and the people who’d been sabotaging us for the last weeks wouldn’t take long to spring into action again. Despite never having been to the Underground District, I knew for a fact that it was an almost savage place. From what Ray had told me back in my Garrison days, she wouldn’t have survived if it wasn’t for Feng taking her in and caring for her. Well, it had to be done either way – the Corps needed the money and we would get it, by whatever means necessary.

“Levi?”, my voice broke the calm lulling of hooves and called for the captain’s attention.

“What?”

“How are we going to get the money? I mean… I know Erwin said to basically do whatever we needed to but… I just..--”

“What? You scared of something? We’re not going to be stealing from old ladies so ease up. Some shitbag owes me money from back in the day. That’s it. And it’s captain to you.”

“Sorry sir, I just figured that if we’re undercover, treating each other by military ranks kind of defeats the purpose...”

“Eh, I guess you’re right. You hear that, brat?”, he raised his voice so that Reiner, riding behind could hear as well.

“Yes, sir! I mean, yes Levi.”, he answered and the captain’s eyebrow twitched ever so slightly as he heard his own name.

“Are you still mad at the kid?”, a tinge of amusement lingered in my words but a glance from him quickly terminated the joke and silence ruled again.

Riding without talking was rather boring so, letting the captain pass me, my horse levelled with Reiner’s again and I began explaining the basics of the mission. Might as well do it when there wasn’t any danger of us being heard and there’d still be a few hours to reach the destination.

 

~

“So you and Berthold are pretty close, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess so. We did grew up in the same village.”

“Oh, really? It must be nice to have a friend who’ve known for so long..”, honestly… who am I to be here talking all nostalgic about friendship with a 15 year old. The things one does while grieving, I’ll tell you.. it’s not pretty to watch. And then, the dreaded question I’d been setting up myself for when stating that..

“Do you have anyone like that, (Y/n)?”

“Well...”, rummaging through my memories, at first nothing came up. No one was left. My best friends from the Garrison were all dead and so was the Gamma Squad.

“You did say we were gonna meet up with your friends.”, he noted. That’s right. We were. My best friends from the Trainee’s Squad. I’d momentarily forgotten about them, even though we exchanged letters frequently and they knew what had happened to the kids and Nathan, Ray and Mathias. I wasn’t as alone as I thought but there’s only so much letters can do to cheer you up and keep you company.

“Yes, that’s true. Sheila and Amy are good friends of mine. I’m glad I’ll get to see them again soon.”

“Enough with the chit chat you two.”, Levi scolded, without looking back. “Look ahead, we’ve got company.”

A wagon stretched across the road and a couple of men looked like they were guarding it, two of them on the ground in front of it. We approached slowly, not changing the pace the horses steadily kept, until the men were within earshot. As much as we’d like to keep things civil, Levi thought it would be best if we dismounted in case there was a need to fight.

“Let us pass.”, Levi told one of them.

“You gotta pay the fee, mister.”

“There is no tax on this road. Now let us pass.”, this could turn out violent so, before the captain decided to lash out at the annoyance, I intervened.

“Who’s in charge here?”, I asked the same man.

“Me, missy.”, a tall, tanned man with a slashed eyebrow answered. He was perched up on the wagon’s rim, head resting on his palm.

“Well, sir, we don’t want any trouble so, please just let us pass and we’ll keep off your business.”, a faint smile flourished my lips, in an attempt to soften up the situation.

“I’m sorry, but that won’t do. If you don’t want to pay, you’ll have to suffer the consequences.”

“We don’t have time to deal with lowlifes like you. Now move that shit at once.”, Levi replied to the man, who got visibly aggravated with the insult.

“Teach them a lesson boys.”, without me noticing, they’d encircled the us and one of them spooked Reiner’s horse, who got on its hind legs and pulled the kid in the process.

“Watch out!”, I yelled, pulling him from underneath it, before the hooves could crush his body. It was obvious that these bandits wouldn’t let us go through without a fight. 

 

~

Before we knew it, they’d overpowered and caught us, more than half of the men holding captain Levi in place. I didn’t understand why the captain was holding back so much. What could possibly be gained by us wasting more time there?!

“You sure put up quite a fight, mister...”, the leader mocked. “For a man so small, that is..”, he chuckled. Jumping down on the ground, he walked over to where I was being held, stopping right in front of me. “And you, missy. You don’t look like much of a fighter but you can pack a punch, can’tcha?”, his thumb and forefinger grabbed my chin, trying to make me look into his eyes but I refused, thrashing until he was forced to grip my jaw to stop me. “A bit _too_ wild for my liking but.. I’ll teach you how to be a proper wife.”

“Pff, as if I want anything to do with a piece of shit like you...”

“Oh, I’m going to enjoy fucking you to submission...”, he looked straight into my eyes and, being held firmly by two men, I was unable to resist when he turned my face to the side and dragged him foul smelling tongue across my cheek, leaving a wet trail that made my insides churn. “Tasty...”, he added, and trying to release myself from the men, my eyes screwed shut, jaw cinching tighter with the struggle.

My ribs were burning with pain from the previous fight and tears kept pushing to roll down but I refused to cry. No way in fucking hell, I’d let any of those people watch me pathetically cry, no matter how hopeless I felt.

“What? Don’t fancy me touching your lady, huuh?”, the man turned to to face Levi, who kept his composed expression. He didn’t answer, looking at him with his blank face, until the leader tired of it. “Suit yourself. Search their belongings.”

They rummaged through our stuff and found the few coins Erwin had given us for the extra expenses of the trip and gave it to the leader, who counted them and laughed to himself, tying it to his belt, where a set of keys was also dangling.

“Tie those two up and take all the horses. This lovely lady, comes with me...”, he grinned, signalling his lackeys to move. Was this it? Going on a mission and getting caught by bandits? Fucking outlaws? Risking our lives against the titans for this? These shitbags?

“You’re disgusting...”, I growled quietly.

“What did you say?”, he asked, walking closer.

“I said: You’re disgusting! And I spit on the ground you walk in!”, the other men stood still, watching what his master would do as I spat on his shoes. From the corner of my eye, I saw them anxiously waiting for my punishment. The burning in my ribs ceased for the slip second the man’s hand connected with my face. Fingers laced in my hair, pulling it tightly so that I’d stare at him. But there was no anger in his expression, only amusement.

“Deary… It’s over. You’re mine now. Give up.”, letting go, my head fell, cheek pulsating from the punch. I tasted blood but luckily, no teeth had fallen out. “Packed their things in with the safe.”

Something clicked and the once silent and calm captain was now a wild animal, thrashing about meticulously, the outlaws dropping like stones on the dirt road. I took the opportunity to free myself, as the men were distracted with Levi and Reiner. The startled men were easily subdued.

The only person left by now was the leader, who was preparing to make a run for it with a black metal box. My legs were moving on their own galloping after the tanned man, and throwing him onto the ground.

His punch still lingered in my jaw but what burned the most was the now dry patch of saliva he’d left. I’d never been so disgusted with myself than at that moment and all I could think of was him dragging his rough tongue on my face. He deserved to die slowly, that wretched being who thought about making me his slave, and I’d enjoy seeing him contorting in agony, whilst whimpering for forgiveness.

I only noticed his lifeless body beneath my foot after a few seconds. The sole of my boot was marked purple on his skin and his glassy eyes begged for mercy which I refused to show, absorbed in my hatred.

“I-I...I...” the words wouldn’t come out. A lump formed in the back of my throat and my eyes swelled up with tears. I didn’t mean to kill him, I killed titans, not people!

“(Y/n), are you oka--”, Reiner rushed to me, but upon seeing the figure laying on the floor, he backed up a bit, waiting for my reply. “Is he… dead?”

We stood there in silence for a few moments. I wanted to answer him but that would confirm the event and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to have killed someone. It was the second time I had taken a life from someone and this time I hadn’t even been aware of it. A nod was sufficient for Reiner to understand what had happened and he left to help Levi while I was still incapable of moving.

“Quit slouching and give me a hand, (Y/n)!”, the captain’s voice interrupted my thoughts and pulled me back into reality. Drying tears with my sleeve, I turned to face him and saw him clutching his hand.

“What happened, s-Levi?”

“What happened to you, is the fucker dead?”, my stomach turned, hearing those words. The captains didn’t disguise his hatred for the man.

“I’m alright. Yes… he is. Not, let me see your hand, please.”, it was starting to swell up, and the wrist had popped of its place. He stood still, close to me, and the small heat that passed on from his hands to mine soothed me for some reason. “Are you ready? I need to pop this back in place.”, when our eyes met, it felt like we were too close and a warm shiver ran down my spine, forcing my gaze onto the hand again to avoid it.

“Sure, go ahead.”

 

~

After the ordeal, the hand was enveloped in bandages with one of Hange’s ointments, and the safe the leader was trying to escape with was opened and all the money was emptied out into our saddlebags. It wasn’t much but it was something.

“Are you okay?...”, Reiner’s voice was unusually soft. “You seemed pretty disturbed back there, with the guy, ya know?”

“Thank you for asking kid.”, I smiled, lying. “I’m good.”, cutting the conversation short, I sped up, pairing with the captain, wanting a quiet ride after all that.

“Here, wipe your face with it.”, his hand offered me a handkerchief, which I gladly accepted, even though my cheek was already dry. No matter how much I tried, his lifeless body wouldn’t leave my thoughts.

“Thanks, Levi… Um… why did it took you so long to act?”, despite all, there was a tinge of resentment in me. My squad leader almost let me become a slave for no apparent reason and, although I was sure he’d have a very good one, there was still that little nugget, that torn that pricked me when I thought about it.

“Uh? It didn’t. I wanted to see where he kept the money.”

“Oh.”, not a satisfying enough answer but fuck it.

“You don’t have to feel bad for his death.”

“I don’t.”, such a pitiful lie. Why did I even bother…

“You’ll see that a lot in the Underground. Down there it’s eat or be eaten. There’s no room for compassion. If you’re in a situation like that, do not hesitate.”

“I won’t...”, had Levi killed many people when he lived there? Didn’t it affect him anymore? He mourned his comrades silently but murdered without compassion…? I needed rest, something to clear my head.

“I’m sorry I didn’t act sooner. Wasn’t expecting that fucker to…--”, he must’ve noticed he was talking out loud, given that his lips stopped moving and remained sealed even after questioning.

Up ahead, the road became broader as it joined the main one, revealing the enormous gate of Wall Sina.

“We’re here.”, I muttered, dreading the thought of leaving the sunlight for an unknown amount of time.


	23. 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it isssss. SOrry I take so long to update but life is fucked, 'ya know? jk jk, but seriously, all feedback good and bad is appreciated. thanks for reading bye~~

“(Y/n)!”, Sheila’s voice was a comforting sound after what had happened earlier. Amy and her were waiting for us by the gate, and quickly took us to a house so that we could rest for a bit and talk privately.

 

~

“I see the trip had its ups and downs…”, Amy noted, pointing at my swelling cheek.

“Nothing special.”, the captain cut off the conversation bluntly. “We should get going.”

“We should rest for now, sir.”, Reiner said, “Look at your hand, it looks broken.”

“Shut up, shitty brat. Don’t speak out of term.”

“I don’t mean to sound disrespectful Mr. Ackerman, but you do look exhausted.”, Sheila interrupted.

“Shei’s right, Levi. Let’s stay here until nightfall, we haven’t even eaten anything proper since we left the castle.”, he glanced at me and after a second sighed.

“Very well. We can stay.”, much to my and Reiner’s liking, we had a couple of hours to burn.

“There’s food in the kitchen, hot water in the tub and a bed if you want to take a nap before leaving.”, Amy smiled, walking towards me. “(Y/n), we’ve missed you so much, why didn’t you come visit us before?”

“Yeah, why?”, Sheila whined, pulling me into a hug alongside Amy.

“Well, you guys didn’t come see me either, did you?”, I feigned a hurt expression but a smile soon replaced it. Even though my face was still tender and a bit swollen, seeing them made me happy beyond words.

“Okay, fair enough. Let’s get that face treated.”, Amy, pulled me into the bathroom. “You too, Mr. Ackerman, come here.”

“Uhm, the captain doesn’t really like being touched…”, I tried to warn, but to no avail. Moments later, us four were crammed inside the small bathroom, with the girls tending to our wounds. Reiner leaned against the door frame with a slight grin, seeing Levi’s covert uncomfortable expression.

“What happened to you? You’re not the type to let yourself get hit, (Y/n)…”, Shei mumbled, checking for lost teeth.

“Wahll, ah dhidn’t—Shhei, lhet gho—“, I pulled her hand away from my jaw. “Ouch, that fucking hurts. I’m not missing any teeth. We ran into some outlaws on the road.”

“Oh… I see. And what happened to you, Mr. Ackerman? This hand is pretty smushed.”, Amy, asked, kneeling by the captain, massaging an ointment with a minty smell into his bruised skin.

“A horse. Got it stuck in the reins. Popped out of place.”

“Well, all patched up.”, she smiled, after wrapping it up with a clean bandage.

“Thanks guys, you’re the best. How did you get this house? It looks pretty nice.”

“Well, Sheila here has some... connections.”, Amy teased, shit-eating grin plastered over her face.

“AMY! You b--”, she halted, suddenly aware of the captain eying them both. “That’s private business. Not of anyone's concern.”

“Shei has new guy! He’s a total womanizer, though.”, the other girl blurted and, seeing her face redden up, I couldn’t stifle a hearty laugh. Levi remained expressionless as ever, observing the scene in silence. It was weird, having him next to them, who’d been part of my childhood.

“I swear to the King, Amy, I’m going to murder you...”, Sheila muttered in a controlled low growl.

“Good for you, Sheila. I’ll look forward to hear more of this in the future.”, I smiled softly. It was heartwarming that they were starting to settle down and finding people they loved to spend their life together. It also stung to feel like that had once been taken away from me but for a moment, I allowed myself to feel happy for my friends and not sorry for myself. She seemed surprised at my words, stopping her nagging at Amy.

“Thanks, (Y/n). He’s really sweet, don’t listen to what this whore says. Anyway, you guys probably want to rest alone and discuss whatever plans you have for hereafter, we should leave you to it.”

“Oh, I completely forgot but, the gear you’ll be needing is still in the main building, since we didn’t know how many of you would be coming exactly. You can come with us and get it, if you want.”, Amy offered.

“Depends on what the captain wants to do.”, a nod of approval came from him after.

“You brats go. Take Braun with you as well.”, and so, we were off.

  


~~~ at the outlaw blockade~~~

It wasn’t long before she caught up to where the party of three had previously been. The men seemed pretty shaken up for their size, with some having severe injuries or still being unconscious.

“I can’t say I’m surprised... But I severely dislike wasting my money..”, she scoffed nonchalantly, walking amongst them, searching for the leader. “Where’s that useless motherfucker? I paid for them to be caught, yet I come here to find this!”, she half-yelled, looking around at the men.

“And who the fuck are ‘ya?”, one of them spat. “Lookin’ for trouble, missy?”

“Oh please. Spare me.”, she rolled her eyes, continuing the walk until she saw the sprawled man. “There you are, you fucking cunt...”, she mumbled, only to see his bloodshot eyes and bruised neck. Pushing his side with a boot, a smile spread wide across scarred lips. “Well, what a lovely site...”

As she crouched down to examine the dark purple wound, she noticed something like an imprint on the skin. Hm... boot, most likely. Who’d killed him? Levi, humanity’s strongest? The blonde kid? Or (Y/n)? while she pondered on the possibilities, something in her peripheral vision distracted her.

“You there.”, she stared right at a thin boy, no more than 14, cowering behind one of the wheels of the wagon. “Did you see what happened?”

At first, he said nothing, trembling and whimpering like a scared dog, holding his knees. A stain in his old trousers gave away the fact that he’d pissed himself like a slimy brat. Walking up to him, the woman kneeled in front of the wheel, extending a hand with a faint smile.

“Come on, no need to be afraid. Those guys are long gone. You’re safe.”, she kept repeating, goading him out of his hiding place.

“T-t-they killed him...”, he mumbled, slowly leaving the safe spot under the wagon and crawling like a newborn deer before lowering his head to throw up whatever he had in his stomach. The woman patiently waited for him to gain some composure before asking again.

“Who did it?”

“Uhm... it was a.. a woman..”, he finally said.

“Really...?”, she had to stop herself from grinning at that piece of wonderful information. “Does it make you angry?”

“What...?”, he whimpered, looking at her now standing up figure.

“That woman, killing your father in such a gruesome way. Doesn’t it anger you?”

“I-I don’t know...”, he cried again, lips pursing to hold back sobs.

“Don’t you want to know who she is? Do the same to her? Avenge your father?”

“N-no..”, the slight glint in her eye vanished as her grin turned into a scoff.

“Worthless brat...”, she spat. “I thought at least one of you idiots might be useful but I guess I was mistaken. Keep on being a coward and you’ll die a shameful death just like your daddy...”, she mocked, turning to leave.

“My dad... wasn’t a coward!”, the kid yelled, lashing out and throwing a punch at her, which she easily dodged, pulling his arm and lifting his stomach so that he’d fall on his back.

“Pff... too easy, kid. Come at me when you have a couple more years of training on your back and then I’ll manage to have some fun.”, he flinched when she lifted her foot over his head, threatening to smash his face with it. “Nah, I’m just joking. You know, I may seem like I enjoy killing but it’s not like that. Consider this a life lesson.”, and, leaving the boy shaking on the floor, she began to walk down the road. “Oh, and another thing. Just in case you wanted to know, the bitch’s name is (Y/n).”

She didn’t need to ask where they were going. Not that the kid would’ve known anyway, for that matter. But, considering the road choice and the attire that had on when they’d left, it was safe to assume that they had some sort of business in Wall Sina or any town near the outskirts. _She_ would want to know this, specially if that meant they had a chance of grabbing both Levi and (Y/n). The Corps would be severely wounded if those two disappeared.

“Pitty they didn’t have a horse back there...”, she sighed, rubbing the nape of her neck tiredly. Her 3-d gear was practically out of gas and the only means of getting there was on foot. She’d have to arrange something in the next village, or risk losing track of the party, even more when they had almost half a day of advance.

 

~~~Wall Sina~~~

 

“Hey, (Y/n), you sure you can carry that?”, Sheila asked me, reaching to take one of the boxes from my hands.

“I’m perfectly fine. You know, I do much heavier work at the Corps, right?”

“Yeah, your point being...?”, Amy raised an eyebrow.

“Totes, Ames. It’s not like you’re hurt or anything, (Y/n). Yeah, don’t give me that look, I saw you wince when I ‘accidentally’ pushed on your side.”

“Whatever..”, I rolled my eyes, our return journey to the house starting slowly. A couple of hours had passed and nightfall drew near, so we had to hurry back to meet the captain. “Hey, has anyone seen Reiner?”

“The kid? No, I thought he was out here waiting...”, Sheila answered.

“I thought I saw him inside, carrying some boxes...”, Amy discorded.

“We have to find him. He can’t be wandering around on his own.”, if the captain knew I’d let him loose, he’d murder me, for sure.

“You guy go then, I can take the gear to the house.”, Shei offered.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I can borrow Paulo’s cart. Don’t worry, just go find the kid. I’m sure your commander will get pretty ticked off if you get back without him.”

“Ticked off is an understatement, he’d most likely want my head on a stick.”, taking up her offer, me and Amy went around searching for Reiner.

 

~

Passing through winding streets, looking in alleyways, asking people, the lot; no one seemed to have seen a tall boy with blonde hair and a strong build.

“It’s like he turned invisible or something...”, Amy noted, when we met up again in front of the military police’s main building.

“Well... let’s take a look back inside then... What harm can it do, right?”

“Yeah...”, as we entered and swept through floors, I heard a familiar whisper. Just around a corner, the shadow eerily similar to... “Reiner!”, I called, seeing the figure yelp from the scare.

“(Y/n)! Hi!”, he tried to cover up his weird expression.

“Yeah right? Fancy meeting you here! Who are you talking to?”, before the other person could escape, I walked up closer and turned the corner, seeing a small blonde girl with blue eyes. “Oh hi there.”

“Hello.”

“So... Reiner, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”, the whole situation felt far too awkward and strange for my liking. Clearly, we had interrupted something.

“..Oh, of course! (Y/n), this is my childhood friend Annie Leonhardt. Annie this is lieutenant (Y/n) Krieger.”

“Pleasure to meet an old friend of Reiner’s.”, I nodded.

“Likewise.”

“Anyways, I’m sorry to interrupt, but Reiner here has some business to attend. Let’s go.”, I waited for him to turn around and start walking, letting us three pass the hallway and leave the main building before saying anything. “What the hell were you thinking, Braun?!”, just the thought of him having the audacity to leave like that without warning anyone was enough to make my blood boil.

“I can explain...”, he tried to appease me but there was no excuse.

“We are on a mission, not on a fucking field trip, do you understand?!”

“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to trail off like that. But it’d been so long since I last saw Annie that I couldn’t help my--”

“Oh, shut up. The well being of the Corps is above all else. What if you got captured by enemies? It’s high time you start acting more like an adult, Reiner Braun. This is your one and only warning. Just try and pull off another stunt like that.”, inhaling deeply to calm my thumping heart, I looked at Amy who’d been silent the whole time, listening. Did she think I was being to severe with him? Or too soft? Instead, she simply nodded in a comforting way, showing that she agreed. Lately, it’d become hard to know whether I was reacting too strongly to certain situations... I’d have to try and slowly regain my balance somehow.

 

~

Reaching the house, Levi and Sheila were inspecting the gear and I sent Reiner to get us something to eat. Sitting down on the bed, my lids felt heavy but I didn’t know if there was enough time for a quick nap. A loud crash came from the kitchen and instinctively I jumped off the bed and ran to see what had happened.

Reiner had merely slipped in a fallen fork and let the bowl containing the bread and fruit shatter onto the floor. Levi came in slowly as well, ordering the boy to clean up the mess and requesting my presence in the living room.

“Your friends gave us enough gas to last us for about three days--”

“Sorry it’s not more but even we have supply limits when is comes to things like this.”, Amy apologized.

“Don’t worry, you helped us more than enough already.”, I smiled.

“Proceeding, there is a house in there that we can use, it’s probably half falling apart but it will do.”

“How did you guys get us a house in there as well?”, what kind of connections did they even have down there?...

“It wasn’t us.”, Sheila noted.

“The house is mine. It’s the old house I lived in. I still have the key. It’s going to be a quick operation in and out. No more than two days and a half.”, the captain continued.

“What about the horses? Can they stay up here?”, I asked the girls.

“Of course. We’ll get them to the military stables. They’ll be safe.”

“Thank you. Seriously, you have no idea how much you’re helping.”, it was so kind hearted of them. I suppose that’s what friends are for but still, they had really outdone my expectations.

“Don’t mention it, (Y/n).”

“I owe you guys, big time.”

“You sure do, girl.”, Amy chuckled. “Well, it’s been fun but we should get going back to our stations. Here’s the note you need to show the guards at the Underground’s entrance in order to get in and out.”, she left a small letter sealed with lacquer and, with a tight hug they both left the house.

“Your friends sure are something else, (Y/n).”, Reiner noted.

“When in private, you’ll be addressing me as ‘mam’ or ‘lieutenant’, Braun.”, I spat, the accident of early still fresh in my memory.

“I’m sorry, mam...”, he mumbled, slumping down on the floor and checking his 3-d gear. Out of the corner of my eye, Levi nodded, as if telling me to meet him in the bedroom.

~

“What’s the matter, sir?”

“What was that back there? Didn’t take you for the power hungry type.”, maybe I’d been a bit too harsh to Reiner...

“I’m sorry, sir... It’s just that Reiner wandered off alone without telling me and--”

“He wandered off... Braun!”, the man yelled. The boy was then punished with the task of cleaning the whole house and future task of cleaning the Underground house. Plus one hundred laps when we got back.

 

~

Sitting on the edge of the bed, my eyes closed on their own, forehead leaning into my palm. No matter how much I tried to stop myself from thinking, the sight of the outlaw leader on the ground, mouth gaping in terror and glazed eyes... it made my insides turn. I mean... it should've made me feel like that but... back then I’d enjoyed doing that to him, despite having multiple opportunities to stop and spare him but I just wanted him to die and couldn’t stop myself. What made my insides churn was the fact that I’d want to do that to a person, another human like me. Killing titans was one thing but... killing humans.. it was barbaric.

“Oy, what’s the matter with you?”, Levi asked, sitting on a chair on the corner of the room.

“Nothing, sir... I’m just a bit tired...”

“I need you at one hundred percent down there.” _I need you._ Those words hit me at the pit of my stomach, before the rest of the sentence soothed that initial shock wave. Of course he needed me to be focused but it’s not like he needed _me._ “There’s still sometime left, you should use it to restore your energy. Take the bed and rest up. I’ll wake you before we leave.”

“Thank you, sir.”, he left me alone in the room and I laid over the covers, drifting into a calm sleep in a matter of seconds.


	24. 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE TARDINESS. i have no excuse, pliz accept this chapter as a humble offering. ps, hope u enjoy

The sound of the door opening woke me up. Reiner entered with a cup of hot tea, walking towards me.

“Mam.. I apologize for earlier.”, he said, handing over the steaming mug. A sigh escaped my lips as the warm bitter liquid made contact with them. Braun seemed sincere in his words, standing almost in attention, as if waiting for dismissal.

“Let’s not make a habit of it. Go help the captain.”, I brushed off the incident, signaling him to leave.

“No hard feelings then...?”, his eyebrows raised slightly and a faint smile pulled up the corners of his mouth.

“Don’t push it. Off you go, now.” from the sun’s position outside a few hours had passed. We should be leaving within the hour.

Outside, Levi looked at the district map, eyes fixed on a particular spot. A small furrow was barely noticeable between his thin eyebrows, an expression he hardly ever showed. Not that the captain ever expressed much emotion on a daily basis but he looked worried about something.

“Levi, something bothering you?”, my voice seemed to surprise him. “Is the map incorrect or what?”

“Nothing, (Y/n).”, he relaxed, tearing his gaze away from the paper and turning his head to me. “We’ll be leaving soon, start readying things.”

“Right away, sir.”

 

~

After a few minor preparations, we left the house the girls had fixed for us and headed towards the district gate. Night had just settled in, with people still treading about on the streets but already lessening in numbers.

“I’ll speak.”, Levi told us.

“Understood.”

 

~

“Woah there, fellah.”, the guard called when the captain tried to pass through. He kept his head low, avoiding eye contact with the other. Could it be that they still remembered Levi? “I can’t let you guys in, sorry.”

“Show them the letter.”, Levi ordered in a low tone, not looking back at me.

“Certainly sir.”, pulling out the envelope, I handed it to the guard. He opened the lacquer and read through the scribbled letter, nodding.

“Oh... I see. Very well, then. Don’t know who’d want to get into a shit hole like that anyways so... Whatever.”

~

 

Easy enough to get in, but the real work would start from there on. Levi lead us quickly through the slums and into a back alley, climbing some stairs and pulling out a black metal key. The door opened with a creak and we got inside, closing it behind us. The place was a mess. Dusty, the little furniture that was left scattered over the floor and let’s not talk about the amount of roaches that almost made the floor disappear. Signaling over to Reiner, the captain nodded at him.

“You know what to do.”, the boy grumbled slightly but complied.

Levi and I pitched in with the cleaning as well, finishing it after almost an hour. Afterwards, we sat around the table, looking at the map.

“So, what now, sir?”, I questioned. Not even I knew exactly what we’d be doing here.

“We wait.”

“What do you mean, we wait?”, Reiner asked. “What are we doing here then?”

“We came here to get money for the Corps.”, I answered him. There wasn’t any point in keeping him in the dark anymore.

“Exactly.”, the captain added. “(Y/n), stay here with the brat and keep an eye out. I need to go somewhere.”, he left the main room and entered a side one, where one of the beds was. I followed him, confused as to what was his plan.

“Sir, what exactly is the plan here?”

“I need to go see if they’re here already.”

“’They’? Who are ‘they’?”, he passed through me, not bothering to look.

“We don’t have time for this. I’ll be back soon.”

 

~

Several hours had passed. As the captain ordered, Reiner and I kept watch by the window, trying to not draw attention to ourselves. Nothing much happened on the streets in front of Levi’s old house, and people mostly kept to themselves, heads down and walking fast.

Something felt wrong about that, but I wasn’t really used to that atmosphere that lingered in the Underground, the damp air clinging to the skin and leaving a disgusting sensation in its place. Finally, the familiar raven haired man appeared around the corner, looking to either side, as if making sure he wasn’t being followed.

 

“So, did you--”, Reiner tried to speak from the window but I quickly pulled him inside by his sweater.

“Silence! We don’t want the whole town knowing what we’re doing here, you moron!”, Levi’s footsteps entering the house mixed in with my scolding words. “Any luck, sir?”

“We’re good, they’re not here yet.”

“Who’s ‘they’?”, Braun asked, sitting down on the ground, munching on some bread. Before the captain could speak, I closed the window and drew the curtains. The last thing we wanted was to make our presence known in there.

“Some shitbags who owe me money.”

“So, you said they weren’t here ‘yet’. When are they coming then?”, I asked. Our time down there wasn’t very long and we desperately needed that money.

“In two days.”

So, two days to set up a fail proof plan to get what we went there for. That also meant that we’d mostly be idle, waiting for those guys to show up.

“Go make us dinner, brat.”, Levi ordered, leaning over the table and examining the map.

“So, what are those people like? What should we expect?”

“Nothing special.”, he muttered absentmindedly. “We might need to cut off some heads.”

“What...?”

“Did you think we’d come here prancing, take some money and leave like nothing happened?”, he raised his gaze at me, sighing when he saw my startled expression.”Lieutenant, are you sure you’re in the right profession?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You seem to be under the false assumption that life is ‘fair’.”, what the hell does he mean by that? When did I say that life was fair?! When was life fucking fair to me?!

“I never said that, sir. I just... don’t see killing people as a light matter. In no way I think that life is fair or that things will always do according to plan. You’ve mistaken my words.”

“Is that so...?”

“I don’t think it’s right to go around murdering people but I’ll do what it takes to keep the Corps on its feet.”. Silence fell between us, the air too thick for any sort of conversation to arise. He looked aggravated by something which I didn’t gather enough courage to ask about, as he seemed to unleash his frustrations on Reiner, who cleaned relentlessly the apartment.

Levi marked the house we needed to cover for the transaction, it being vaguely secluded from the rest. The following day, I wanted to search the other houses beside the marked one, to set up advantage points and escape routes we could take if we got overrun by the others.

Tired by all the cleaning and orders coming from the captain, Braun collapsed on the floor, half hugging the mop and, feeling sorry for the poor kid, I carried him to one of the rooms, allowing him to sleep the full night.

 

~

“I don’t know what kind of things your parents taught you, Krieger but life isn’t all fairy tales.” Levi casually commented, sitting by the map, scribbling on some blank paper. Holy hell, that man was starting to get on my nerves. What did he know about my family?

“What would you even know about my family?! Or families for that matter?!”, fuck, I’m yelling at him... This is bad, I need to stop but I.. I can’t.. “My family taught me life isn’t happy and hard work doesn’t fucking pay off! I’m so sorry if I don’t take killing people as lightly as you! I’m not a murderer, Levi, I think it’s wrong and disgusting and I don’t understand why you keep poking around and taking jabs at my family life when you know I have no fucking family left! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Haven’t I proven enough that I’m loyal to the Corps and will do whatever it takes to see that we succeed?! You think I can just stand around and treat people like titans?! Because I fucking can’t and I hate that. I hate feeling like this. I-I.. “ I wanted to yell that I enjoyed killing that man, that I felt satisfied when I saw his face shrivel with pain and despair but I couldn’t. My voice died in my throat and, before I could receive the punishment I’d certainly get from the captain, I left the room and climbed up to the roof. Yes, it was childish. Looking back now, it was like a tantrum kids throw when they’re tired and I was tired. Levi didn’t come after me and didn’t call me to come down. And so, I stayed there for a couple of hours, cigarette between fingers and face swelled up from crying.

 

~

Levi hadn’t intended for that to happen. Sure, he wanted the lieutenant to understand that the possible sacrifice of human lives could mean the continuation of the Corps but he didn’t mean for it to go this far. She was now on the roof, probably crying because of him. He knew her family had died in Wall Maria five years prior, he knew she’d given everything for the Corps, having also saved him from Jaeger. The more time he spent with her, the closer they became and that was something that couldn’t happen.

Not to him, not in that team. She hadn’t grieved those kids properly yet and was still unstable emotionally wise and he couldn’t afford to start developing whatever kinds of feelings he was having for her. So this was the easiest way out. Being rough with her, poking where he knew would hurt the most. She’d eventually get over it, maybe resent him a bit for saying what he’d said but would still fight for them and keep on her research. But she’d stop blushing whenever he looked at her with something more behind his gaze and wouldn’t make him worry that he’d suddenly lose the ability to restrain himself.

He’d never have to worry about that again. That is, if he could successfully push her far away enough that she’d never try to get near. And if he could stop himself from seeking her as well.

 

~

Eventually, I’d calmed down enough to leave the roof. I still wasn’t ready to meet the captain’s cold gaze inside so I stayed out, on the balcony, drawing short breaths on a new cigarette. I shouldn’t smoke but I needed to relax and clear my head. Think objectively about the issue. It was more than obvious that I’d overreacted to Levi’s words and a wave of shame made me wince at the thought of it. I must’ve sounded so much like a spoiled brat. ‘Oh, I’m so unappreciated...’.. I could only hope that the punishment wouldn’t be too severe. I checked the bandage in my arm and it was a bit damp for whatever reason, I’d have to change it soon or it could get infected.

Rustling came from inside the house but, knowing it was probably the captain, I didn’t bother to turn and look at him. His steps were silent, reaching the ledge of the balcony and looking at the empty street. I should apologize for yelling but it was late and honestly, I was still feeling as if I’d start another rant if I spoke, so my lips remained sealed. If the captain wanted to talk, he could do so alone.

It took me all this time to realize he was shirtless, semi damp skin glistening under the lampost light coming from the other side of the street. It was nothing special; just skin. Well, that was what I tried to convince myself with but the truth was that, although I was still very much irritated, the heat that radiated from his exposed skin was reaching my arm and that made me very aware of the whole situation.

Yes, I know. Ridiculous, right? I kept telling myself that, focusing on the few people walking the street bellow and, as I became sleepier, my worries were soothed by a half numbness in my whole body. Levi hadn’t said a word or made a sound since he’d got there. He didn’t even make a snarly comment about the stench coming from the cigarette but, glancing covertly to get a full picture of his exposed torso, his eyes were lost in the permanent Underground night, half lidded, thinking of unknown things and his hand curled back slightly, when he spoke.

“Give it here.” at first, I didn’t realize what he was talking about but when I took the cigarette to my lips, I felt his calloused hands pressing against my lips and removing it, smoke dragging through the air until it reached his own. He drew a short breath, flicking the ash onto the ground bellow. “Listen... What I said..”

“I got the message, sir. You don’t need to say anything.”, neither of us was looking at each other. My eyes were fixed in the buildings where people entered and left, their expressions changing, the sounds coming from their talks. Levi didn’t talk loudly, just loud enough that it left me anticipating each word, engulfing all sound that existed around us.

“It was excessive. I apologize.”, he exhaled a cloud of smoke slowly and fell silent again for a moment.

“I thought you hated this smell.”, I noted, turning my face just so I could see his expression.

“And I do. It’s shit.”, he passed it to me. “Reminds me of home.”

“My parents didn’t smoke...”, in fact, if mother knew I’d ever smoked, she would’ve left me starving until I quit... Sometimes I missed her a lot. “About you not knowing about families... I didn’t mean it. I was angry, I’m sorry.”

“You’re not wrong. I didn’t have much of a family. My mother was never around much, I didn’t know my father and my uncle... he wasn’t a very kind man.”

“Must’ve been hard being a kid here...”, I wasn’t talking to him, more like a loud thought but it seemed to amuse him since he exhaled sharply, almost like a chuckle. “What did your mother do?”

“She was a whore. The few memories I have from her are filled with strange men but honestly, I don’t resent her for what she did. I had a house and food; I was better off than most kids here are these days. Don’t apologize for asking, you didn’t know.”

“Hm...”, I didn’t know what to say, actually. In a way I felt like the captain must’ve considered me someone he could trust, to tell me about his family, or just maybe he was sharing it just for the sake of it. Either way, I stood there and kept looking at him, starting to enjoy that brief moment. “My mother was... kind. She worked all day so my brother could go to school... I admired her a lot.”

“Your father didn’t work?”, his voice had a hint of surprise.

“That’s... complicated... He was a priest. Always on and on about the Great Architect... He nearly damned me to Hell when he found out I was in the Garrison.”

“Wall Maria, huh... You were stationed in Shiganshina. Must’ve been chaotic when shit hit the fan.”

“It was... Everything happened so fast, people were screaming, they started pouring in... I-I..”, his hand on my shoulder grounded me for a few seconds. My pulse had unknowingly started to race and, a dragged in another gulp of smoky air, relaxing again. “It was a horror show. I can’t even imagine what it was like for those kids, to have seen those things eating people at such a young age... You had any siblings, Levi?”

“Not that I know of... But then again, I don’t know if my mother had any other kids or not. She just disappeared one day, probably died in some shit hole.”

“I used to hate my father... He was a stern man... He kicked me out of the house for joining the ‘wall defiling’ Garrison. In the end... he didn’t even let me help him...”, there was no point in talking more but I was so far down the rabbit hole that I might as well continue. “I left my post to get him and mom and he refused to leave. ‘I will atone for your sins’, he said.”

“But you got your mother out.”

“She died.”, my eyes began swelling up as I remembered the scene. Mother, thin in my arms, still in horror about what was happening. I didn’t want to talk about it... no, it was a lie. I wanted to talk, I needed to tell someone, I felt so guilty, so disgusted with myself for what had happened.

“You don’t need to tell me anymore, (Y/n).”, the captain seemed to notice my nearly shaking state.

“I killed her, Levi. I loved her so much and I killed her.”, and there was silence. The street continued its nocturnal sounds but between the corporal and I, there was nothing. The cigarette burned too fast and reached my fingertips, drawing a yelp from my lips and forcing me to clench the swollen digits.

He was just standing there, silent. He looked at me but I couldn’t make out his expression from behind thick tears. I’d never told anyone that. I’d kept that secret with me for five whole years and intended on carrying it with me to the grave but... in that moment, I felt like it was too heavy to bear, too much to not tell it to anyone. Might as well tell it to the person I’d said I’d die for, right? He was just there, convenient, an ear to listen. Wasn’t he?

I’d said too much. It wasn’t his place to serve as a therapist to issues I’d obviously still needed do deal with on my own. Lowering my head, my heels turned to face the house; the bandage had to be replaced.

“It’s not your fault, (Y/n).”, I heard him say. “Whatever happened, I doubt it was your fault.”, without uttering another word, I entered the house, and closed the bathroom door behind me, unable to shake dark thoughts off my mind.

“You weren’t there, Levi…”, was what I kept thinking over and over.

 

After replacing the damp cloth with a fresh one, I composed my swollen face in the mirror. We were on mission, there wasn’t any time to waste feeling sorry for myself. Outside, Levi still hung out on the balcony, having raised his voice just enough so that I could hear him order me to sleep the rest of the night.

 

~

I must admit; despite the old smelling bed and sheets, I slept well enough that when I woke up I’d nearly forgotten where we were. Levi greeted me as I left the room and advised to scout a bit of information, careful to not draw attention to myself.

“Very well sir. And.. about last night~”

“Some other time, lieutenant. Just go.”, he cut the conversation short. Well, at least he didn’t sound angry about the ordeal so that was a plus.

The heavy air felt less damp in the morning and almost left a rather smell lingering as one inhaled. It was as if a weight had partially been lifted off my shoulders after finally opening up to someone about what had happened but enough of that, I had to focus on the task at hand.

A quick walk to where the captain had mark the house, and I was done with searching and mentally planning escape routes within the hour. It was still fairly early and, while I was there, maybe it was a good idea to scout the area around, for research of course. There was a small running river a few minutes’ distance of the house, and above a stretch of it there was a large hole that let in sunlight. I was marveled to see such a wonderful sight in a horrid place like the Underground.

Instantly, the thought of if the captain knew about that sight came to mind and I wondered whether he’d like to see it or not. He’d most likely be angry that I’d wasted time in such trivialities rather than work… and to be fair, it felt rather childish of me to be even considering that, due to the circumstances.

Then a familiar tuned came to ear. A light feathery voice sang happily in the vicinity, a tune which I hadn’t heard since I’d left Shiganshina. Maybe a survivor from there…? But oddly enough the voice sounded like that of a child... who’d leave a child unattended in the middle of the street? Cocking my head to hear better, I caught a glimpse of curly brown locks around the corner of the street and, unable to contain my own curiosity, I followed whoever it was.

It was a little girl, holding a small stuffed rabbit, humming as she made her way to wherever she was going.

“Hey there, little miss. Where did you learn that tune?”, I asked, surprised that such a young child was alone and singing something from before she was born.

“I don’t talk to strangers.”, she answered firmly.

“I understand… but you just had such a lovely voice that I couldn’t help but wonder.”, she was adorable, hardly up to my waist, with olive skin and pale brown eyes, holding the stuffed rabbit under her arm and a coin purse on the other hand.

“Well… If you must know, lady it was my sister who taught me. She sings it to me every night.”

“How lovely, your sister must love you very much. What does she look like?”, keeping a slow pace, we walked together.

“She doesn’t want me to talk about her to strangers...”

“Oh, of course, I understand. Mind if I join you? It seems were going the same way.”, of course the path to Levi’s house wasn’t exactly in that direction but I felt very uneasy, leaving a such a small girl go around town alone.

“I guess not.”, she was getting chattier as the conversation went on “I’m going to the market to get carrots for the soup. See? I even brought Nini with me.”, she chirped, showing me the stuffed rabbit. “Nini loves to go on walks but I only get to leave the house when big sister lets me...”

“I’m sure she’s just concerned about you... What’s your name? I’m (Y/n).”, I said, with a smile.

“I’m Marina. Where are you going?”

“Meeting some friends.”, well, it wasn’t a lie and I couldn’t tell a little girl about a secret mission to steal money now, could I?

“Oh... but if you’re with me, won’t your friends miss you?”, she asked in a concerned tone. Every moment spent with this girl melted my heart, it was nearly unbearable how adorable she was.

“No dear, they can wait a bit for me. Besides, I can’t leave you and Nini all by yourselves, I’ll help you bring the carrots home.”

“You’re really nice, miss (Y/n). You’re just like big sis.”, she noted. We approached the marked and soon enough the groceries were on their way home. I walked Marina home, with the paper bag on my hands and waited as she unlocked the door with her tiny hands. “Big sis said she had to leave for a bit but she’ll be home in no time. She made cookies, you want one?”

“Well, don’t mind if I do.”, the house was modest, with little to no furniture but I wasn’t really surprised by it since the Underground was the place of very poor people, and even Levi’s house was lacking severely in the furniture department. Marina handed me a large biscuit and bit down on the one she was holding, smiling as she tasted it.

The doorknob turned and the metal hinges screeched as someone entered the house. Looking up I recognized immediately her face, the waitress from the bar a couple of nights prior, Rebecca. Marina rushed to hug her, extending her small arms, waiting to be picked up.

“Hello there, sweety how was your trip? Did you get all I asked?”, she smiled at the little girl, seemingly unaware of my presence.

“Yeah!! It was so much fun! And Elli, I made a new friend!”, Marina chirped “It’s that lady, (Y/n)!”, she joyfully pointed at me. Elli...? Weird... Rebecca had a wide smile on her face as she turned to to see where her sister was pointing but when she saw me that same smile immediately faded into a closed off expression, her stance changing into defense.

“How did you find me?”, her voice was low and controlled.

“Elli... what’s going on...?”, Marina whined, obviously scared. The woman let her onto the ground slowly, never peeling her eyes off me for a second. “I’m scared.... What’s happening..”

“Marina I want you to go to aunt’s house and lock the doors, okay? Can you do that?”, she barely whispered. I had no idea what was going on but the whole situation was severely suspicious. Why was Marina calling her ‘Elli’? Why was she instantly on alert mode as soon as she saw me?

“Yeah... I guess so... Can I go get Nini?”

“No, don’t get near this woman, she’d dangerous.”, Rebecca nearly growled at the little girl, causing her to whimper and leave the house immediately.

“Dangerous? What’s going on here...?”

“I’ll ask again. How did you find me? Was it her?”, she asked again, more insistently.

“’Her’? Who’s ‘her’? What the hell are you talking about? Listen I don’t know who you think I am but I’ll be going now...”, as I tried to leave, she reached for her purse, pulling out two small knives and swinging them my way. Although surprised, I was able to dodge them and reached the kitchen counter, pulling open a drawer and grabbing whatever I could to defend myself.

I barely turned on time to block another attack with the forks I’d just picked up. Rebecca was surprisingly strong for someone so thin and, after I repelled the knives, I managed to kick her lower abdomen, causing her to fall. Jumping onto her, I took the daggers away and pinned her for a few seconds.

“Who the hell are you?”, I panted, arms tensed to prevent her from moving.

“Like I’d tell you!”, without being able to counter, she kicked me off and fled through the front door. I had to understand what was going on so, picking up the daggers to serve as weapons, I ran after her.


	25. 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long. Sorry if its not at the same level of the previous ones but I really wanted to get it out because I feel bad for taking so long (vicious cicle) . either way, i hope you enjoy and thanks for reading. feedback is appreciated as usual

She turned the corner on the far end of the street and I nearly galloped after her, afraid of losing her and risking not finding her again. Loud complaints barely touched my ears, coming from people she ran into and knocked over.

For once, I was very glad I’d looked so attentively at the plan of the city, having a vague idea of what was around me even though we were moving so fast. Rebecca, Elli, whatever was still keeping a hard to follow pace, almost as if she trained frequently. No way someone who exercised casually could keep up this high speed for such a long time.

But it couldn’t last much longer. She was slowing down gradually as we turned corners and was almost within my grasp. Several times I thought about throwing one of the knives at her but with so many people out and about on the street, hurting someone wasn’t really a chance I wanted to take unless it was absolutely necessary.

As the houses became more and more irregularly placed, I realized that I hadn’t seen that part of the city in the blueprints. Things could get dicey from there on as the amount of dead ends and corners to hide in and escape was increasing. But I couldn’t let her escape, why did she even begin running in the first place? My cracked ribs were starting to act up and making it impossible to breathe. This needed to end. She turned yet another corner and I followed only to find an empty street.

Rushing to the end of street, I looked at the possible routes she might have taken but all were empty, the long braids were nowhere to be found. Inhaling deeply hurt at this pointing, having to lean forward and support my weight with hands on knees, trying to level out my pulse.

“Fuck... Levi’s gonna kill me when I tell him...” I mumbled, slowly straightening myself and turning to try and find the way back to his house. Before I could even make a full turn, someone jumped at me, and we both fell onto the ground, the person straddling my chest.

“What the fuck do you want from me?”, Rebecca was nearly strangling me at this point, and her weight on my chest was sure to brake what was left of my ribs. “I can’t fucking believe she’d betray me like this. Now fucking speak! How.did.you.find.me.” she spat, face nearing mine. I was running out of air, my vision was already starting to blur and my pulse rung in my ears as a warning sign. Reaching slowly for one of the knives, I used up what force I could and jammed it in her thigh. She fell of me screaming, only seeming to get angrier but I’d distracted her enough to get an advantage and managed to catch her in an arm lock, slowly choking her.

“Don’t worry. This isn’t going to kill you. Stop fighting, it will only drag this out more.”, I tried to calm her. After all, all I wanted was answers but I obviously wouldn’t get them with her trying to constantly murder me and asking me questions about things I had no idea of. She still wasn’t giving up, contorting but my grip on her was nearly perfect. Years of training weren’t useless after all, in light of my past failures.

Although the wounded muscle in my arm was screaming in pain was the bite slowly ripped open with all the force I had to use to keep Rebecca in place. After a few more seconds, she gave out. Passed out but still alive, I had sometime to take her to the captain’s house. She woke up during the way back but was so disoriented it was easy to knock her out again.

 

~

Reiner was the first to see me carrying a woman on my arms, and rushed to know what was happening.

“I’ll explain everything inside, now, take her. My arm needs medical attention. Also mind her leg, we’ll need to bind it.”, as we entered, Levi lifted up his gaze to the scene unfolding before him.

“Lieutenant what is the meaning of this? We don’t have time to go around saving everyone you find on the street.”, he commented at first but then, seeing blood soaking through the bandage on my arm, he figured it was something serious.

At first, I couldn’t talk anymore, the energy pumping through my veins decreasing and the pain coming from the broken ribs becoming excruciating. I couldn’t breathe, my chest refused to expand and I was starting to feel trapped, looking up to the captain in distress.

“What?”, he inquired, “Speak up, I can’t understand you.”, I could only gesture at myself, pointing at my ribs and throat. Fucking hell, how can he not understand what I’m asking?! There was a pencil on the table, where the map to the Underground lay flat. I lunged toward it, still too afraid of taking a deep breath, pain shooting up my back with each step, and wrote ‘brown pack in the big bed room’.

The captain hurried to get it and, opening it, I took a glass vial and a syringe and injected myself with it, quickly feeling the calming effect on the pain. Finally I was able to breathe.

“I... apologize sir.. I seem to have broken my ribs...”, my voice dragged a bit, probably the dosage of the painkiller had been a bit too much for me but no harm done. I think, at least.

“Explain what happened, (Y/n). What is this woman doing here?”, he nearly demanded to know. His voice had a tone of urgency which contrasted with his usual expressionless face but I paid no attention to it, already a bit buzzed from the injection.

“Well...” , I turned to face the woman now laying on the table, peacefully knocked out, chest rising in steady breaths. “She tried to kill me and kept screaming about how had I found her. Plus, she’s the woman from the bar we scouted a couple of nights ago. She told me her name was Rebecca but her little sister called her Elli. I thought I should bring her here for questioning...”

“Hm, there isn’t much to follow based solely on the info you have, lieutenant.”, Levi started pacing around the room as Reiner and I waited for orders. “Now that I look at her closely, it is the same woman but what the brat called her could be a nickname... Either way, you, shitty brat”, he pointed at Reiner “go to the storage room and remove everything there. Just leave a chair. And make sure to check if the windows are closed. We don’t want anyone hearing our talks.”

“Certainly, sir.”, he rushed to follow the man’s orders, disappearing inside said room.

“You, (Y/n), can you move?”

“I can now, Levi. I stabbed her leg, we need to disinfect it and bind it. I can do that.”, during the process of injecting myself with whatever weird concoction Hange had provided, I’d sat on the floor, and, while getting up, I realized the dosage of the liquid had been a bit _too_ excessive, since I felt lightheaded immediately and had to sit back down. “Um... I guess I injected a bit too much, sir... I’ll be fine in a couple of minutes but I.. can’t get up right now.”

“I thought you and Shitty Glasses were our doctors, lieutenant. This is rather disappointing, I must say.”

“I might be a researcher sir, but I don’t have her experience with medication on humans, besides, this was a new drug she came up with... I don’t even know what side effects there are. I--”

“That is beyond the point, lieutenant. Stop chattering and pass me the disinfectant. I’ll do it.”, without further discussion, I handed him the large brown glass bottle and let myself sink further into the floor, slowly dozing off.

 

~

 

After what seemed like half an hour, Reiner emerged from the room, beads of sweat collecting around his temples. The effect of the medicine was starting to wear off but, luckily for me, the blinding pain didn’t return. Just a milder version of it, which was much more easy to endure. The captain remained near Rebecca, a slight dent between his eyebrows hinting at his thoughts on the situation.

“Is the room cleared?”, he asked.

“Yes, sir. All except a chair.. ~Oh and the window is closed as well.”, the blond responded.

“Very well. You-”, he nudged my shoulder gently with his knee “-can you get up?”

“I don’t know... Let’s see..”, slowly, I hoisted myself, pressing the palms of my hands on to the table, and eventually managed to stay upright. “I’m good now, sir.”

“Good. Reiner, you take this woman to the room and tie her up using the spare ropes I brought in my bag. Come with me, lieutenant.”

“What for, sir? I said I was okay already, we should be present for when she wakes up.”

“Do as I say, (Y/n).”, he cut the conversation clean. “Call if she wakes up, brat. Understood?”

“Yessir...”, Braun answered, picking up Rebecca and carrying her to the room. I, in turn, followed captain Levi into one of the other rooms, oblivious to what his intentions were. He didn’t look aggravated, although I should get a lecture for going out on a limb and getting battered up like that without his knowledge, specially during a mission with so little resources.

 

~

“Strip.”, he ordered, putting down the medical bag Hange had prepared for us.

“Excuse me..?”

“Take off your shirt, (Y/n), I need to check the extent of your injuries.”, all of a sudden, I felt a rush of heat flowing to my face, thinking about being half naked in the captain’s presence. What even is wrong with me... This ridiculous ‘crush’ needs to end. He is my team leader and captain, Humanity’s Strongest and just that. This is probably just admiration and attachment because of him rescuing us that day outside the walls. Slowly, I started unbuttoning the stained shirt, trying not to feel his eyes on me, like hot irons burning the newly exposed flesh.

Despite my out of control hormonal thoughts, he seemed completely calm, as would be expected. Those weird thoughts were all in my head, not reality and I’d do well to not forget that. Taking off the shirt completely, I placed it on the bed and stood there, waiting as the captain circled me, examining my torso.

For a while, there was silence. One of those too still, awkward like silences in which it seems like neither person knows what to say to break it. He was inspecting my back, I could hear him breathe behind me and shift his weight from side to side, floorboards creaking in protest. Ghost fingers seemed to dance over my skin, causing random goosebumps, something which the captain inquired about.

“You cold, or something?”, he asked, his voice sounding rather deep in my right ear, causing an involuntary jolt.

“No, I’m fine sir..”

“This is starting to bruise...”, he mumbled to himself. “Does it hurt here?”, he asked, resting a palm on curve on my waist and pressing his thumb into a spot near my spine. The startle of his touch nearly made me jump, but also, the gash of pain that shot up from that point made me let out a yelp, hand reaching back instinctively to pull his away.

“Y-yes sir. It does.. a lot.”

“Hm... we’ll need to bind this so it stays together.”

“Ok, sir... I’m okay now, you don’t need to worry anymore. I can do that myself.”, took me a while to realize I was still clutching his hand tightly and let go with an embarrassed apology. “Is there anything else? I don’t remember injuring myself anymore than that.”

“This healed up nicely...”, he muttered, ghosting a finger over my upper back. A shiver ran down my spine, and for a split second I pictured what it would be like to feel his hands... nevermind. Those thoughts were quickly suppressed as they were nothing more than wishful, inappropriate thinking. “You did quite a number on yourself that day.”, he didn’t need to specify. I knew exactly what day he was referring to.

“Yeah... I guess that’s the extent of Hange’s medical expertise. She knows a lot about those things.”

“Shitty Glasses... well, if she was useless, Erwin wouldn’t give her the importance he does. Pass me the bandage, will you?”

“Sir, I can do it myself, you don’t need to--”

“Shut up and obey my orders. For once.”, he added the last part, muttering incomprehensible words. I passed it to him, discussing the issue no further. Man, the captain sure was pushy today... He wrapped up my back and chest area, slowly and in silence.

He also examined the opened wound in my arm, dressing it quickly and avoiding eye contact, which only made me even more aware of his touch on the tender skin, each digit that accidentally grazed the purple hued area around the wound created a knot in the pit of my stomach and had me trying to take my arm away, in order to stop those inappropriate thoughts. Luckily for me, Reiner called short after and after putting on the shirt, I asked Levi to not go in there right away.

 

~

 

“So..”, I began, looking at the sitting woman in front of me. Braun was leaning against the wall, near the window, listening carefully. The captain was probably keeping a close ear on the conversation as well, despite being outside. “What is you real name?”

“I won’t tell you!”, she struggled against the rope but is was futile; she wasn’t going anywhere.

“Listen, whoever you are, just answer these questions and we’ll let you go.”

“She betrayed me, didn’t she? That slut.... that whore... I knew deep down she couldn’t be trusted...”, the woman mumbled.

“Who is ‘she’? Who the fuck are you talking about?”

“I won’t say anything!”, she yelled again.

“Listen, Rebecca, or what’s your name, I don’t really care, why did you run? We’re not after you or your sister.”

“Liar... I know she told you where to find me!”

“Let’s start again. What is your name?”, with the way things were going, it would probably be necessary to rough her up a bit but, honestly I’d much rather it be me doing it than Levi. He had self control but everyone gets angry some times... I wasn’t really sure why I felt that but, I could always call him in, if needed, so I paid no mind to it. “Why did Marina call you ‘Ellie’? Who are you? Who are you talking about?”

“You can’t make me say it. I know she’s doing this on purpose. That fucking bitch always thought I’d back stab her...”

“Hm... Reiner, this isn’t working. Please leave and go get the captain. He might be a bit more persuasive than me.”

“Understood, mam.”, he obliged, leaving us alone. Kneeling down, I looked up at Rebecca with a calm expression.

“Look here. We dressed your wounds and you haven’t been hurt yet. I’m sure this is all a big misunderstanding, miss. If you could just answer my questions, you’d be off in no time... Trust me, you won’t like what’s going to come through that door.”

“I’d rather eat shit.”, she grunted.

“Ugh, how rude of you. He’ll be here any moment now. You still have a few moments left...”, suddenly the door creaked open and the two men entered.

Out of all the years I’d seen Levi enter a room, no one and literally no one had ever turned pale so fast as when Rebecca saw him. The captain seemed to pick up immediately on this fact, cocking his head up slightly and grunting in an inquiring tone. We stood there in silence for a minute before he walked closer to her, sighing.

“Spit it. Who are you?”, as he neared her, she seemed to press harder against the back of the chair, visibly trying to stay calm. Rebecca just stared back, her expression slowly calming down and a light smile started tugging the corners of her mouth. “Not gonna talk?”, the captain asked again, maintaining the neutral tone to his voice.

Reiner and I were merely spectators of this scene. As each minute went on by, Rebecca seemed to feel increasingly at ease, the pink returning to her cheeks. What had changed? For about half an hour, Levi waited patiently, pacing around the woman’s chair eyes fixing hers in absolute silence, the stone cold expression refusing to soften.

From time to time, that icy stare would rest on me, a chill causing my back to straighten up instantly and a knot tied and untied itself in the pit of my stomach. Seeing him so intensely focused had my palms begin to feel sweaty, which would cool, making the fingers feel stiff and the muscles anticipate something unknown. Or maybe it was the fact that this wasn’t going anywhere and Rebecca at this point seemed to be mocking us.

“I’ll ask this once again. Who are you? What is your name?”, he inquired once again. This time, the answer he got was a mere scoffing laugh. “Something I said was funny?”

“Nothing, nothing... I didn’t expect this from.. Humanity’s Strongest..”, she taunted. Heat began rising through my body, seeing that woman openly mocking the captain. It was his decision that she wasn’t yet beaten to a pulp. She should be grateful.

At the time, he was doing his round, walking slowly behind her, until she swung her head back, with a nonchalant smile. He merely stopped and grabbed her head, pushing her forward until the whole chair fell and she hit the ground shoulder first. The movement was so quick the loud crashing sound startled me.

She grunted for a while, trying to worm herself but eventually giving up. Levi didn’t attempt to move her back upright. Reiner intervened and pulled her back, placing the chair in the exact same place. For the first time in a while, I walked closer to her leaned in to talk.

“So now, what is your name?”

“As if this was anything... I’ve seen children interrogating people better than this.”, she scoffed again. Man, this bitch was starting to aggravate me. Sighing deeply, I leaning in closer, staring into her disdainful eyes. “You see... the captain here you seemed to fear so much is, out of kindness, holding back a bit on the whole beating part. We expect you cooperate.. Just to make things easier but.. If you really prefer going through that whole process... Your choice. We just want to ask you a few questions.”, she seemed to ponder on her options but quickly changed her mind when Levi grabbed onto her hurt shoulder, fingers digging into the fabric and most likely bruised flesh, making the woman wince.

“Fine, fine!”, she finally spoke. “You just want to know my name, right?”

“Yes.”

“It’s Elaine.”

“Very well.. Elaine. Why did you attack me at your house?”, I asked, backing up against the door and leaning back, looking up, listening to her talk.

“That was.... because I mistook you for someone else.”, my eyes darted down, at her. Who did she think she was trying to fool...? Seriously?

“Oh Elaine... no, no, no... You were doing so well... Why lie now? Scared of the captain? He won’t hurt you if you cooperate.”, her face started getting red and her eyes slowly began watering.

“It’s just... that...”, she went silent for a bit. Her starting to compulsively cry was something I wasn’t expecting at all.

“What?”, Levi asked, seemingly impatient.

“I just moved here... and found Marina wandering the streets all alone... I though you were...”, between sobs it was very hard to distinguish the words but a few came through less babbled.

“What? You thought I was what?”

“An officer coming to take her away....”, she finished the sentence, head falling to a side, face contorted and red with tears. “I just... I didn’t mean to.. But Marina.. her real mother treated her like trash... I just wanted to help her...”

“Marina’s mother...?”, I started thinking about the poor little girl all alone in a house with a mother who hated her and mistreated her and felt my heart tightening. Still... there was something not adding up in this whole story. “Why did you change your name then?”

“I wanted a fresh start here... People back at the Inn... there were some troubles.. You know those drunks...”. A reasonable explanation. A very plausible one for that matter. It wasn’t uncommon from people to change names if they had some major falling out and wanted to start fresh in a new city.

“Interesting... If Marina only got to your house a few days ago... Then why does she talk about you like she’s known you for weeks, months even?”

And then I noticed something very familiar. I hadn’t realized I was even looking for it but all of a sudden it was simply there. While she still sobbed a bit from time to time, she was quiet for a moment, head hanging low. But it was her right foot that caught my attention. A set of quiet taps with the front toes that came through as the wrinkling of the boot. It was so peculiar, I’d never seen anyone else besides another person do it, not that way, an actual pattern.

“Y-you how kids are... they don’t really have a sense of time...”, she ended up saying.

“Really? Well Elaine, thank you. I’ll have to discuss something with the captain outside but feel free to chat with Reiner, if you want. We’ll be right back.”, I smiled kindly. The lying bitch....

“But you said you’d free me!”, she contested, showing her puffed face, bloodshot eyes and wet trails down the cheeks.

“And we will. Don’t worry. Captain, please follow me.”

 

~

“What?”, he asked, sitting on one of the chairs around the table. “Sounds actually legit. Although the whole brat shit...--”

“She’s lying. I’m sure.”, his eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“How? Since when are you an experience interrogator, for that matter?”, he commented, leaning back on the chair.

“I’m not, I know. But she’s doing something with her foot that an old friend of mine die when she was lying.”

“Are you serious...?”, he sighed. “(Y/n), we can’t be wasting time on guesses. This is revealing itself pointless.”

“Sir, I am more than sure that she’s lying.”

“Well, how convenient that you’d seen that before, isn’t it...?”

“You don’t seriously think her story is true, right? I mean... sir, do you even remember seeing her in that bar before the night we went there?”, he was silent for a moment, probably recollecting all the times he’d gone and witnessed all the debauchery went on inside those walls.

“It does sound somewhat... all too convenient. Fine. Let’s keep her for a bit longer. But we don’t have anymore time to waste on this.”

“I understand.”

“Whatever happens in there, remember that I’m your captain and you answer to me. Got it?”

“Uhm... got it, sir.”, things would possibly take a turn to the worse but in the end, the Corps was above everything else.


	26. 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for late updates. Im trying to be more regular but... procrastination happens

“Cut the shit.”, Levi told Elaine as soon as we entered again.

“We know you’re lying.”, I added.

“I’m not lying! It’s the truth!”, she nearly screeched. “You said you’d let me leave!”

“Reiner, please wait outside.”, I gently asked, signaling him to move quickly and shut the door. Things could only go downhill from there and there was no need for him to witness the brutality Levi could eventually subject the woman to. The captain would be leading the interrogation from that point on so I positioned myself against the door, fixating Elaine’s expressions as the captain spoke.

“Enough of this shit. Tell us what you know.”, he said with a cold stare.

“I don’t know anything. I’ve told you already.”

“What was the name of the brat? Lieutenant?”, he looked at me out the corner of his eye.

“Marina, sir.”, my throat tightened slightly and a knot formed in the pit of my stomach. This couldn’t be good, he wasn’t seriously thinking of hunting down the girl, was he?

“Exactly. Listen, we can do this the good way or the bad. My patience for your lies is running a little thin, Elaine.”

“I don’t know anything else. I swear.”, the more intensely he questioned her, the more obvious the pattern created on her foot was. He’d soon run out of patience completely if this continued. Precisely after she said this, he grabbed a handful of her hair, pulling it up and closer to his face. Elaine was now face to face with the captain, eyes locked in on each other and that initial ghostly pale face she had when he had entered the room for the first time returned slowly, as the color drained from her face.

“Speak, whore.”

“My, my... is this what you people do now-a-days? Capture innocents off the street and interrogate them just like that? Listen, I’ve told you what you wanted, now let me go!”, she demanded, but Levi was having none of it. A quick jab to her stomach and all the air held in her lungs was expelled, leaving her gasping for a few seconds.

“Elaine, it will be easier if you just stop lying.”, I said, sighing.

“I’m not.. fucking... lying!”

“What do you do down here, in the Underground?”, she’d have to make some mistake and reveal anything, I knew I wasn’t wrong, I couldn’t be wrong.

“Don’t you know? He knows.”, she signaled Levi with a head nod.

“So... you’re a... whore? Very well then... Why are you so afraid of captain Levi?”

“How are you not afraid? He’s a murderer.”

“Wha--”

“That’s enough of talking about useless shit.”, he interrupted. “We know you know something so spit it out.”

“I don’t have anything to say.”, she answered. The captain responded my kicking her chair so she’d fall backwards, hitting the floor with a loud thump. After, he picked her up by the hair again, pulling until she was upright. The captain spoke in a low tone, calm and controlled and described in detail what he planned on doing with Marina if Elaine didn’t tell us what she knew. I could barely believe that this situation was happening. Levi threatening a child. And it seemed neither could Elaine, tears beginning to flow from her eyes just as insults rolled of her lips.

“What a despicable man... Is this what the Corps does? The grand Survey Corps, saviors of us all? Putting murderers in charge?”, she then looked at me with a horrified look, stuttering with each word she said “How can you a-agree with this... this monster?! I just... please don’t hurt her!”

It was painful seeing a woman in so much suffering, just the thought of loosing the girl was enough to make her crumble into a blabbering mess.

“I’ll tell you whatever you want... Just don’t hurt her... Please..”, she cried with a desperate tone. Her boot stopped moving and she sighed deeply. “Promise you won’t search for Marina.”

“You have our word as the Survey Corps that we will not look for her.”, I swore. She was telling the truth now, there was no need for us to pursue anyone other than the culprits.

“I work as a whore for the wealthy and recently I.. I was hired to... go spy on some people who go to that tavern... The whole thing was a fiasco and I left and came here. Marina is a girl I rescued from a whoring house about a year or so ago, she has no one else... Please don’t harm her. I swear I’m telling the truth. I thought you were sent by one of the people who hired me and I panicked... I don’t know anything else...!”, she sobbed, turning limp after a few seconds.

“Elaine....?”, I lunged to her, checking for a pulse and it was there. She’d pass out from the stress, most likely. “She’s alive but unconscious. What do you think, sir?”

“She isn’t telling us the whole truth... We’re being too soft.”

“Too soft?! Hardly sir, I--”, just a few moments before he gave graphic details of all the horrid things he’d do to Marina and he thought that was ‘soft’?! The nerve, how could Erwin allow this?!

“Please refrain from getting emotional, lieutenant. Let’s talk outside. She won’t go anywhere.”, I accompanied him out of the room, closing the door behind me.

 

 

~~ Inside the interrogation room ~~

 

Hearing the door close, Elaine raised her head, eyes fixed on the metal knob, just in case they decided to check in on her anytime soon. Clearly they’d never interrogated anyone before, else they’d have searched her for concealed weapons.

It was her lucky day, for that matter, the small knife she kept up her sleeve was swiftly cutting through the ropes that held her hands in place. Just a few more knicks and she’d be free. Once the thick rope fell on the floor, she released her ankles and stood up, stretching her figure. How many hours had passed?

Didn’t really matter at this point, they could return at any moment so she needed to bolt, and fast. Opening the window, Elaine peered out, gaging how high up the windowsill was, hearing noise above her. She was barely in time to back away before a couple of feet entered the room.

“Hello there, Elaine.”, Roach grinned slightly.

“What are you doing here? We need to leave, they might come back at any moment!”, she tried to get passed the other woman but was stopped by an arm blocking her path.

“Not so fast, dear...”, with a swift movement, Roach had Elaine in a rear neck choke, pulling her closer, her small knife falling to the far end of the room.

“Wha-- arhg-- sto--”, Elaine couldn’t say anything, the pressure on her throat choking her quickly.

“You’ve been a very naughty girl...”, Roach whispered against the other’s hair, pressing a light kiss on one of her temples.

“I didn’t tell them anything, I swear!”

“Oh, I know... I know, love. But you would’ve told them anything... I mean... they did threaten poor Marina, didn’t they?”, Elaine’s darted to the side, trying to catch a glimpse of Roach.

“You... were listening...?”, Roach nodded slowly, raising her eyebrows.

“Of course... How could I miss this opportunity?”

“Why... didn’t you help...? Just let--”

“You go? I’m afraid I can’t. Such a pity, though... You turned soft, Elaine. You were never strong... Not as much as me.”

“I swear... I’ll scream. R--”

“Shhhh, don’t go saying my name near _her..._ It would spoil the surprise, wouldn’t it? I mean, she probably thinks I’m dead!”

“I’ll scream. I swear I will... and they’ll come in here and kill you...”, Elaine growled.

“Will you? I doubt that, dear... See... I can’t let you spoil this for me. I’ll get my revenge, no matter what. If you’d just kept quiet, you didn’t have to die.”

“And you don’t need to kill me...!”, bitter tears began rolling down Elaine’s cheeks, staining Roach’s long sleeved shirt. “After all I’ve done for you?! How can you do this to me?!”, Roach merely sighed pulling a knife up to Elaine’s neck. “I love you!”

“Who could love this face?”, Roach chuckled softly. “I’m not one of your charity cases, you don’t need to lie to me. Now, stop spouting nonsense and just relax.”

“Feng wouldn’t want this! You can stop now! I forgive you...”, a wave of anger assaulted the disfigured woman, forcing her teeth to clench and she held Elaine a little bit tighter, before inhaling deeply and calming herself.

“Close your eyes love. I’ll make it quick.”, the woman began struggling against the grasp of the other, desperately trying to cry out but she was too weak to resist and her mouth was being covered by Roach’s hand. Without a sound, the knife dragged across soft skin and a spurt of blood stained the wall.

Turning the limp head to face her, Roach looked fondly at Elaine, pressing a soft kiss to her still warm lips. What needed to be done needed to be done, simple laws of nature. Getting up, Roach left the lifeless body sprawled on the floor, sitting on the windowsill for a few moments, looking at her own hands painted red.

The lock on the door clinked and the wood creaked, and it was Roach’s queue to leave.

“Wha-- Hey you! Come back!”, she heard the familiar voice of (Y/n) scream at her, before she dropped down the second story and began running.

 

~

S eeing the intruder escaping through the window, my legs reacted before I could think properly  and I lunged towards the open exit, ready to jump onto the street in pursuit.  My body however, had very different plans and immediately a sharp gash of pain darted up my back and I was unable to move.

“Stay here with Braun and clean this shit up. I’ll follow them.”, Levi ordered before going after the person.

“Mam, is everything okay in there?”, Reiner asked from another room. Should I let him see this...? Well... It wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before...

“No,...--”, I was now holding myself up against the windowsill, trying to catch my breath after the sudden pain. “Elaine was murdered. The captain went after the intruder.”

“Are you okay? Did they attack you?!”, he seemed concerned, looking at my furrowed brow and posture.

“No, no, I’m fine. I was just reminded of my condition in a not so pleasant way. Anyways, let’s clean this up.”, he nodded, heading out to find cleaning supplies. During these few moments, I tried to avoid looking at the limp body beside me, eyes wide open and already glassy but it was just there, impossible to not notice. What would happen to Marina? She wasn’t my kid, and I didn’t even know where she was but I couldn’t shake the worried feeling off my head.

I’d be lying if I said the way she died hadn’t at all reminded me of Kayla’s suicide  because the gash across the otherwise pale neck instantly brought me back to the cave for a few seconds.  The key was trying not to think too much about it, it would be bad if the nightmares returned specially during the mission.  But it was nearly impossible to not start thinking and reliving the situation again; even now, picking her up, she was still disgustingly warm for a lifeless corpse and the blood already staining the floor and my hands wasn’t cold as well. The mere though of having to witness something like that again made me gag.  Nonetheless, Levi had ordered us to clean and clean we would.

 

~

About an hour passed before he returned, Reiner still wasn’t done scrubbing the floor and I was doing the same with our shirts on a washing board.  He seemed mildly annoyed, in his own uninterested way that is, he’d never show too much emotion in front of us.

“Fucker got away...”, he sighed, pacing around before sitting at the table, looking at the plans he’d made. “Where’s the body?”

“We already disposed of it. Carefully wrapped and bagged, thrown on someone’s dump.”, I answered. Honestly, this was one of those sentences I’d never think I’d say in my life.

“Shit brains... you should’ve dismembered it. Did anyone see you?”, … dismembered? What even... did he do that when he.. never mind, best not think about his past.

“No, sir. We were very careful.”, Braun answered from inside the blood stained room.

“We’ll see soon enough. We need to keep surveillance tight until we leave, from now on. Whoever killed that woman might return. Make sure to lock the fucking windows this time, you shitty brat.”

“But I locked them, sir...”

“We didn’t really search Elaine for weapons sir, I only realized this when I saw a small knife on the ground. She could’ve easily have it concealed and cut the ropes with it, opening the window herself.”

“Doesn’t matter. There is no room for mistakes from now on. Double check everything.”

“Understood.”, Reiner and I answered, not turning to look at the captain.

 

~

“Lieutenant, are you done with the washing?”, Levi asked after a while, focused on his notes.

“Yes, sir. Do you need anything?”, I retorted, wringing out the excess water from the now yellowish white shirts.

“Yes, you did some extra scouting today, right?”, he looked up, fixating my eyes.

“Right. Before I found Marina. I checked the house you ordered and a few others around it.” I stood there for a few seconds, waiting for some sort of command, before he looked up again, pulling his hair back and leaning back a bit, his back cracking audibly.

“Good. Sit here and mark up locations of interest.”, he said finally, pulling a chair near him so that it stood closer to the large map. After I sad down, he continued scribbling notes, while looking at different areas in the map, which I had no idea what they were but I was mostly focused on marking everything he’d asked. Although I was trying my best to not think about unnecessary things, my mind wandered and the only image in my head was Elaine’s lifeless body sprawled on the floor. The memory of picking it up because I didn’t want Reiner to feel her turning cold, even if he had already been in that same situation. It was something he had to get used to, despite being so young. I’d become much softer in the way of seeing things over the years. Petra and her motherly affection towards the kids had played a huge part in that. Still, the image of Elaine morphed into Kayla and I swear that for a split second I still felt the warm blood gushing through my fingers, even if I pressed as hard as I could. I only realized I’d spaced out when the captain’s voice brought me back to reality, calling.

“Lieutenant? Hoy, (Y/n), are you deaf or something?”, he asked.

“Uhm... no sir. Sorry, I was thinking about something.”, he merely shook his head slightly.

“Doesn’t matter. You done with that?”

“Well, yes. I do have some more not I’d like to add but I can write them separately if you need that part of the map.”

“Please, do. There’s some more paper in my bag, inside that room there.”, I merely nodded and got up, walking towards said room when a hand held my arm in place.

“This is filthy. You should change it right away.”, Levi noted, fixating the browning bandage that covered Jaeger’s bite, visible since I had only a short sleeved shirt on.

“Oh course. Right away, sir.”, I nodded again, thinking he’d let go then but he didn’t. Instead, he tugged a little more and waited until I turned my eyes to look at him.

“Don’t think about it.” he said in a calm, paused tone before letting me go and returning to his work. I realized then I’d been holding my breathe. Exhaling deeply, I went to get more paper for the notes and tried to calm my speeding heart as well. It took me a while to change the dirtied bandage but after it was done, I returned to the table, starting to jot down possible strategies and peculiarities of the buildings around out target.

~

 

T he afternoon went by swiftly,  the captain and I working and at times exchanging opinions on possible strategies while Reiner took care of checking the conditions of the equipment and also sought a moment to take a breather from the stressful events of earlier.  It was peaceful, just returning to the old days of plans and maps for a few hours. Of course, the situation was entirely different but I knew this; the maps, the escape routes, all that. And I was good at it. I thought. After the last fuck up, it looked slightly daunting to do it alone but the captain more often than not requested my opinion on the matter, rather than order me to come up with a plan of my own.

I  wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t trust my decisions that much after what had happened or he somehow sensed that I still wasn’t very comfortable returning to the full swing of things but nonetheless, he did ask and that was allowing me to gradually lose that fear.

Before anyone noticed, it was night. Or whatever ‘night’ meant in the Underground. Although I’d been mostly well throughout the day, inhaling deeply was still a bit painful so, after carefully dosing the liquid painkiller, I gave myself another injection to help.  Reiner was ordered to prepare dinner for the three but honestly, he spent the whole afternoon cleaning and slaving for the captain and I so I felt a bit guilty for sitting back while he peeled potatoes with a tired expression.

“Give it here, Reiner.”, my voice must’ve startled him, since he jumped, looking back, confused.

“But I can do it, mam. Captain’s orders.”, he replied.

“I know, but let me help you. Feels weird to be so idle.”, he just shrugged, mumbling a ‘whatever you say, mam’ or something and we continued working on the preparation.

 

~

“So... Reiner.. about Elaine... How are you feeling about this?”

“Well mam... to be honest, blood doesn’t really bother me, you know? Back there in the Trainee Corps the commanders were quick to get us used to it. I just wished we could've nailed the guy who killed her.”

“Yeah.. me too.”, so he wasn’t bothered? How things back at the trainees had changed. Either way, it was good that I wouldn't have to worry about him in that aspect.

“She was quite a piece though... lovely face, nice b--”

“Reiner! Come on!”, I scolded, for a minute trying to hold back a light smile. Teenagers... not even death can dull the hormones. “But I guess she was...”

“Ya know... you’re being much nicer now than before, mam. Is it cuz of Elaine?”

“Nicer? I don’t think so.. You worked a lot today and so I thought you could use the extra hand.”, the smile I’d been holding back flourished slowly, as I threw another potato into the pot. Thinking about what he’d said... Those last couple of days had been hard to deal with but eventually one needs to start moving forward, right? Now, being down there with Reiner and the captain had turned out into a near cathartic experience. It was a good distraction.. sort of.

 

~

When all was finished, the stew was put on the fire to boil and afterwards each poured their own bowls. Levi sat eating quietly, slight dent between his eyebrows and in the meanwhile, Reiner and I were chatting about his village and how he ended up joining the Corps.

“You seriously just joined for Jaeger....? Well I commend you for your loyalty, not everyone would stick together like that.”, the Eren kid and his titan speech could even motivate brainless rocks, apparently...

“Well, ‘ya know... seeing all that energy really gets the blood pumping! There wouldn’t be excitement like this anywhere else.”

“I suppose that’s true...”, I sighed. Perhaps it was a bit too much excitement but, being honest, I hadn’t always felt this way about it job. The Corps became my life and home and the possibilities of new discoveries every time we went outside always gave me a rush of adrenaline that was hard to not enjoy. And... maybe Zoe’s obsession over titans was starting to rub off on me... just a little, not that I’d ever let her know that.

“And you, sir, how did you end up joining the Corps?”, Reiner asked the captain, wolfing down the second bowl of stew he’d poured himself.

“Nothing worth talking about. Now, if you’re idle, take care of the dishes.”, my eyes darted to Braun, whose smile faded rather quickly. So... no personal questions allowed... noted. My bowl was also finished by now, so I helped the kid with the task of washing and drying everything and, after, I sent him off to sleep, receiving a relieved ‘thanks mam’ in return.

 

~

 

“Who told you he could go sleep?”, Levi’s voice broke the silence in the living room.

“He looked miserable, sir. Besides, we don’t need three people standing watch at the same time.”, sitting down on the couch, I picked up a series of scribbled notes about the target house, revising them quietly. “You know, sir, I’m actually surprised at how resilient cadet Braun is. A lot of people wouldn’t get over that scene earlier so easily...”, I noted absentmindedly.

“You doing self assessment now, lieutenant?”, he commented in a low voice, partially muffled by a mug on his lips.

“Wasn’t my intention but now that you mention it... You’d think I’d toughen up after five years, right?”, he didn’t answer and he didn’t need to really. It was true that I’d never been much the resilient, keep-the-chin-up type of person, little things got me down easily but I’was still alive and kicking so I couldn’t be doing _everything_ wrong.

“That scene with the woman...--”

“Elaine, yes. What about it?”

“You have any ideas on who offed her?”, the conversation was very ‘in the air’ so to speak. None of us was facing each other and replies sometimes took a few minutes, leaving it almost like an exchange of loud thoughts rather than a chat between two people.

“Hm... I don’t know but... if I had to take a guess then... why not the person she was so afraid of? I mean, could be...”

“Eh, maybe. Now she’s dead. We have other things to focus on.”, I’d forgotten during the afternoon but was remembering something that bothered me severely during the interrogation.

“Hum... sir. About the interrogation...”

“Hm?”

“You weren’t serious when you mentioned Marina, were you?”, for the first time during the entire duration of our talk, I sat upright and turned back to look at him, sitting calmly on a chair, sipping some hot beverage, tea most likely. His eyes met mine and startled me for a second, it was as if I was leering at him and was mildly intimidated when I was caught. But he remained silent, his stare answering instead. “You were actually willing to hunt down a small child...?”

“...”

“Have you no regard for human life? Is that it?”, I didn’t know what had come over me but I was getting increasingly angrier at his lack of humanity. How could Humanity’s Strongest behave like such a... monster? Without noticing, I’d gotten up and shortened the distance between us until I was across from him, leaning over the table. “A little girl... What were planning to do? Torture her? Kill her?!”, should I stop before I regret this? Fuck no! That monster... How could Erwin keep such a man by his side... “Is that what they taught you here?!”, this last question sounded almost like a screech, strangled voice with disbelief. But something muffled the ending and in an instant, Levi was holding his hand up, covering my mouth, the tips of his fingers digging into the jaw bones and cheeks with almost painful force.

“ (Y/n), enough of this bitching and crying. I don’t have the patience to tolerate these tantrums anymore. Understand this: the Corps is our priority. The girl doesn’t matter, why do you even care for her? You saw her once and you’re this worked up, you must have your have filled to the brim with shit.  This is not the place to be playing house in. Get your shit together before I have to knock some sense into you by force.”,  he spoke calmly, not raising his voice, like everything he’d said was just matter of fact.  And as much as I wanted to let out my anger on him (Why was I so angry? I knew things like this could happen...),  maybe it was for the best to just breath in and bite my tongue for the moment being.

“I’ll go cool down outside, sir.”, I managed to say whilst grinding my teeth, as I sat outside, breathing the night air.

S omething was wrong with me. How did I go from usually calm and moderately cheerful to permanently on edge and near the brink of pure fury each time something slightly bad happened?  I needed to get a grip, to receive a firm scolding, a punch or two maybe... anything that could put me back to normal; I hated how things were going lately.  Marina wasn’t even a special kid. She was just that... a kid. Was it wrong for me to want to protect her? No, I guess... just inappropriate for the situation in question, w h ere gathering possible in fo that could save lives was at stake.  But just... thinking about her so defenseless and alone, now that Elaine was dead really tugged at my heartstrings.

By now, I was starting to have a pretty good idea of who was behind that night on the encampment and who was Elaine’s mystery contractor.  That familiar gesture... could it be? Hm... I was so certain she’d died back then in Shiganshina, I’d completely erased any memories from her and the others – Nate however came back sometimes, despite my best efforts.  But if she was the culprit for this... why? What would she gain from doing these things...? I needed to learn more about what happened to her back then if I wanted to know about her now.

 

~

S ome time had passed, the people walking in the streets now reduced to just a handful, rushing through alleyways with their heads lowered.  I was calm now and thought it was time to go apologize for my behavior to the captain. He and the others hadn’t been anything but tolerant of me during those weeks after what happened with the Gamma Squad  and, thinking about it now make me realize just how ungrateful for that support I’d been.

“Sir...?”, called, peeking inside the house, searching for him. Levi was now seated on the sofa, reading through the plans.

“What is it? Done with your temper tantrum?”, he asked.

“Hum... yeah. About that sir, I’m really sorry.”, I walked inside and sat on the far end of the couch, facing him. “I know I’ve been a pain these days, I really appreciate the patience you’re sparing me. So thank you, sir, for that. It’s very kind.”, there was silence for a few seconds and then he took his eyes off the paper and turned them to me.

“Yeah, sure. Just get back to normal, (Y/n), no one likes seeing you like this, it’s a nuisance.”, his eyes scoured over me, making me feel a little exposed but he didn’t seem to be doing it with ulterior motives. “How are the ribs?”

“Better, I guess... I can’t really feel anything right now, Hange’s medicine is actually good for a change.”

“Eh, Shitty Glasses had to do something right for Erwin to keep her.”, the captain noted, raising his eyebrows slightly. “I wasn’t going to hurt the kid.”, he added after a few seconds, focusing on the plans again.

“What...? You... weren’t? But you--”, I trailed off. It was all bluff? It certainly worked but.. fuck it, I felt a weight lifting off my shoulders and a small sigh of relief escaped my lips. “I’m glad, sir. You’ve been reading through the plans? What should we do tomorrow?”

“I’ll have to think of it. Expect us to do more recon.”

“Understood. Oh and another thing sir, what should we expect from the people we’re getting the money from? How are we even going to get money?”

“Lowly thieves and scum. They owe me a favor.”

“And they’re just going to give us money like that? I mean... if they’re thieves, sir...”

“You forget I have a reputation here, (Y/n). People like that wouldn’t dare cross me.”, after this, I sighed, rubbing my tired eyes.

“I hope you’re right sir. If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to wake up Reiner, I’m really tired.”, he didn’t answer and I took it as a ‘go ahead’. After getting the blond out of bed, I finally slid under the old sheets, falling asleep almost instantly.


	27. 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait. I hope it's not too poorly written...

 

The following passed without incidents, Levi, Reiner and I scouting different areas separately so as to not draw attention to ourselves and before any of us noticed, it was the day of the criminals’ arrival.

 

“Reiner, you better not get too involved, your safety isn’t guaranteed. Stay in the vicinity if any of them decides to try anything, you can step in.”, I warned. The main plan was that Levi would go alone and the kid and I were backup in case anyone else showed up.

“You brats ready?”, the captain asked and with an affirmative nod from us, we all left to our designated spots. Of course, we had our gear just in case; the thugs wouldn’t be expecting us so it wouldn’t be needed but as a safety net it was perfectly suitable.

 

While Reiner was stationed further from the main building, to cut off any possible ambushes or reinforcements, I was much closer, in the house right in front of where the scene would take place, looking out through the window while standing in the dark of the abandoned apartment. Levi didn’t even bother entering through the front door, using the gear to reach the second story right from the get go.

Of course the exchange of words was completely inaudible from that far away but the thin man sitting behind a desk only seemed intimidated for a minute, all the while Levi stood in front of him with a couple of small knives. We’d decided that taking the long titan killing swords would draw too much attention so each of us was armed with small daggers instead. I was so focused in the room on the other side of the street that I barely heard the rustling coming from behind me before a couple of arms grabbed me, trying to strangle me.

“Who the fu--”, I was startled and felt my throat being compressed, quickly trying to release myself from the large man’s grip.

“So you’re the scum’s pet?”, the man commented, before I managed to kick him with my heel and swing one of my knives at him. From the other side, Levi’s voice echoed for me to get out of there but it was nothing more than a whisper.

While I did manage to get free from the man’s grasp, he also caught my hand and stole one of my knives in the process, stabbing the back of my 3d gear, rendering it practically useless. Of course, I only discovered this after jumping out of the window, having one of the cables launch at a nearly wall and the other remain inside the holster.

“Motherfucker---”, I braced for impact and released the only cable attached, falling to the ground below and rolling for a few meters to reduce the impact. Good thing I shot myself up with Hange’s weird medicine prior to all this, else I would’ve probably died in that room. Gunshots came from where Levi was and before I started running to where Reiner was stationed, I looked up and saw the captain’s slim silhouette gliding out of the window with astonishing ease, like a bird.

My temporary trance was broken by the howls of goons who trampled each other running down the stairs, hoping to catch me and so, I began running, trying to confuse the men who chased us. A couple of them were after Levi, with 3d gear on as well, but it was fairly obvious that at least one of them wasn’t very experienced in using it, having trouble keeping up with the captain.

In the meanwhile, Reiner wasn’t in his station when I got there and, still being chased after so many blocks was tiring me out, the tangling and twining of the streets increasingly confusing after each turn. If this kept on, I’d get lost and captured for sure. How did they even know I was there?! I thought those were supposed to be lowly thieves! Above me, the captain’s gear seemed to be losing gas and fast, he could barely keep proper thrust to propel himself forward. Turning a corner, I thought I’d lost the men enough to catch a breath but immediately I saw Levi colliding with one of the air-borne goons and falling heavily onto the ground.

“Captain!”, the scream was involuntary and I ran to the location, were the man was already up and brandishing a knife. “Sir? Are you okay?”, he was still on the floor, not moving. Had he hit his head? I couldn’t check, the man was a direct threat, he needed to be dealt with first. Fuck, why this now?...

“I’m not gonna hurt him, the boss just wants a little chat...”, the large framed man grinned, pacing slowly, looking for an opening. If he called for help, it would be the end... I had to be quick. He lunged toward me and there wasn’t much time to think about a course of action so... I ran at him as well, hoping that all my training with titans would be enough to take this giant down.

But he wasn’t as skilled as he appeared to be; he was slow and sloppy, used to take on people who didn’t know the first thing about proper fighting and so after a few exchanges of blows, I got the upper hand and without a second thought, my blade severed the ligaments necessary for standing upright (Hange’s obsession with titan anatomy translated into intense study of human anatomy as well so she nearly had me memorizing things like this). Should I kill him? Was the first thought after I saw him sprawled on the floor, so that he couldn’t tell anyone were we’d gone. Before I even noticed, my knife had severed the link between his spine and the rest of the body.

“Captain?”, I ran toward him, turning him slightly to see what had happened. He was alive and still breathing. All the adrenaline was making me shake, unable to keep him still while I tried waking him up. “Levi? Come on, I don’t know how much longer the medicine will last and I can’t find Reiner. Please just wake up.”, it’s not as if I was worried he would never wake up, I didn’t even think about that, I just worried that I, in my state, with broken ribs and with the drug’s effect wearing off, wouldn’t be able to carry the captain to safety. But he started shuffling a bit and opened his eyes, frowning visibly, unlike his usual detached way.

“Shit....”, he held on to his head for a moment, but we had to get going, so I urged him.

“I know, sir, but they’ll catch up with us soon enough, is your gear working?”, fuck.. with the fall, the metal had crunched up and the pump burst, making it impossible to use. Why the fucking fuck is everything going wrong?! This was supposed to be kind of easy money! “Here, grab on to me, can you even walk?”, I helped him get up and held his arm over my shoulders.

“Yeah, I’m fine, shut up.”, he darted, grunting, probably with the pain. He was certainly more hurt than he lead on but I didn’t have anything to help with; our only hope was to either get to the house, or find Reiner. We managed to drag ourselves to a dark road, between two high buildings and then the effect of the drug passed completely. Every single injury up until then was starting to sting and fuck me if it wasn’t making it hard to breathe.

“How are you... sir?”, I managed to ask somehow. The captain was sitting up against the wall, head hanging low, in silence.

“-SS fine. Mm okay..”, he mumbled. Was he sleepy? Now wasn’t really the time to be falling asleep and, gathering up strength that still clung to my body, I got up and got him up as well. Hysterical screams came from around the corner and I prayed that the men weren’t in the vicinities. I took off my gear and the captain’s since they would give us away and psyched myself up to walk through the street.

“(Y/n).... (Y/n)!”, Levi called out, loud enough that I’d wake up from my sleepwalking and stop. “I’m fine, let me go.”

“Sorry, sir...”, we walked slowly, against the wall, until the turning point. The ending of the street was a red light district. One of the many that lurked in the Underground and the whores and men who were busy in their lustful frenzy didn’t seem to notice us. But in the far end, I saw and recognized one of the men that was chasing after me, even with my eyesight starting to blur. It wasn’t very hard to notice him and the others, they looked like walking porcelain cabinets, large frame almost darkening the entire narrow street. Snapping my head to the other side, another one of them was coming. We were trapped.

“What?”, Levi asked. “You know them?”, I could only nod yes, feeling dread fill my thoughts and my pulse racing even more.

“What are we gonna do?”, we were still walking amongst couples of half naked men and women but I wasn’t even noticing the dirt beneath their fingernails or how poorly the women’s makeup was done or even the whole animalistic feeling of the whole thing, only that we were going to get captured.

The captain’s grip on my wrist tightened and he pulled me until I was against the cold wall. My eyes could only look between the men scouring the street coming closer and closer; they’d find us. My heart was thumping out of its chest and my shallow breath only sped it up even more, I felt like I was about to collapse. A hand grabbed my chin in place and heard Levi ordering something.

“Look at me, lieutenant.”, I obeyed. He was fixed on me, way too close, I could feel his heavy breathing on my face, and, although my face was burning up and my muscles were tingling, aching to flee but unable to do so, I was certain that I looked livid with fear. “Make it convincing.”

 

I didn’t understand what he meant at first. Make what convincing? It wasn’t until I felt him pull my chin to his face that I even realize what was happening. When our lips met, there was only shock; my eyes were open and the captain was just there and I felt the bruised half bleeding mouth against my own. Then it hit me.. Levi was kissing me. The hand that held my face in place slid quickly behind my head, pulling me further into the kiss. He backed up slightly only to do it again, this time more forcefully, pressing us tighter together.

This felt vaguely familiar; not the kiss, something else, the churn inside my stomach, the sweltering heat that rushed up to my cheeks, just how aware of his touch my whole body was, lighting up at the slightest contact. At this point, it’s nothing but a vague memory of sensations. I closed my eyes, heart still pounding, only half aware that there were men looking for us and completely in tune with Levi’s motions. His hair was now all tangled between my fingers, my neck had warm bite marks which I didn’t really knew how had gotten there. All I cared for during those few seconds was the delightful low grunting roaring in the back of the captain’s throat.

We broke off the kiss, avoiding eye contact. I felt like my heart would jump out of my mouth after all that touching. The men had long passed by, leaving us unharmed. Now we had to get home safely and the captain didn’t look so good.

“Sir...? I-I think we’re clear now.”, even my voice was shaking with excitement and nervousness. And fear of course, but things were getting blurrier with time and I was starting to mix up all these feelings. Levi staggered and fell off balance but I managed to pull him up so he wouldn’t fall completely. “Sir? Levi...?”, he was kneeling on the ground silently, so I squatted down in front of him, trying to urge him to move. I reached out to lift his head and felt a blush rise to my cheeks, seeing the captain’s half dazed face, tinted with a slight redness as well.

“M’ fine.”, he mumbled, frowning, getting up without help but letting me support his arm around my shoulders. “L’sen... we can’t go to th.. ‘ouse. They’ll be th-- ere.”

He seemed to be struggling to even talk, the pain he was in was probably overwhelming yet he still insisted he was fine.

“Then where should we go?”

“I know someone.”, he lead the way, nodding his head when I was supposed to turn corners until we entered a short alley and I knocked on the door he pointed to.

 

At first, it was silent on the other side but eventually a rustling came from behind the door and a nasal voice yelled out:

“I don’t want no word of the Saviour here, you rats! Piss off!”

“We’re not preachers!”, I pleaded, still hoisting up the captain. He was now appearing to be at his limit, he needed treatment as soon as possible. The door opened and an older looking woman peered down at us, her inquisitive expression turning into concern as she saw Levi.

“Oh my! Mister Ackerman, what happened to you?”, she asked, inviting us in and helping me with the man.

“Don’t ask.”, he replied and after that I was sure he’d passed out.

“You are?”, she turned to me, carrying Levi to a bed and laying him down.

“I’m a member of the captain’s team.”, my leg gave out and I fell off balance, hitting the floor in a not so glamorous fall. “Ugh...”, I grunted, sitting on the wooden floor and trying to regain focus.

“You guys seem pretty beaten up. Mind telling me what happened?”, she asked, offering a hand to help me get up, which I gladly accepted.

“Well, it’s confidential but we ended up being hunted by some men and now we’re here...”, she nodded, fixing her eyes on my still arm, in which the bandage had already been half torn and was probably oozing some nasty fluid.

“That looks nasty, you should clean it up, girl.”

“Oh, yeah... I--”

“I’ll help you. You seem pretty battered yourself.”, she got up and left the room. Levi was unconscious and I had little to no idea of the extension of his injuries but, in my current state, I’d need help to even check on him so I could only wait for the woman to return.

 

“Here, all done.”, she announced after wrapping up my arm again. “Now, about these bruises on your neck... I have an oint--”

“Bruises? What bruises?”, I didn’t remember being hit in that area. Seeing my confusion, she pointed at a door just outside our room; the bathroom. Looking at the darkening purple marks around my neck, an uncontrollable blush rose to my cheeks. They were bite marks... from.. the captain. Immediately, I was reminded of the kiss or _kisses_ in the alleyway and quickly washed my face with cold water to try and take the red off my face.

“So, you want ointment for that?”, she asked again.

“I’d appreciate that a lot Mrs....?”

“Montagne. And you are?”

“(Y/n) Krieger.”

“I’m sorry we have to meet in these circumstances, (Y/n). Levi here, what happened?”, she measured his fever but surely he didn’t have any.

“He fell while using 3-d gear.”

“Oh. We need to see if he’s bleeding inside. Did he cough up blood?”

“I don’t think so.”, this woman seemed to be familiarized with gear-type injuries. Rather an unusual skill to know in the Underground... How did Levi even know her? I was dying to ask but sharp pain in my rib area prevented me from speaking. “Hmpf...!”, I whimpered, trying to hold out a cry, when I inhaled and another gash came through.

“What’s the matter? Are you in pain?”, I could only nod. “Well, I don’t have a lot of things for that but I’ll go check, you sit tight.”, as if I was able to move.... She came back with a weird mix of powders and ointments, it all seemed a bit sketchy but Levi trusted her enough to go there so it would have to be enough for me. “Take off your shirt, does it hurt here?”, she grazed a finger on the tender skin in my back and I nodded violently so she’d stop doing it. The pain was getting to the point of making me nauseous. “You’re going to feel cold and a slight sting, don’t worry.”, and then she applied a freezing paste on the area and after a few minutes it was numb.

 

“Wow, what is that?”, it wasn’t exactly painkillers, not on Hange’s level but it was still pretty damn good.

“Just a home remedy my mom used to make for when we had deep injuries. I can give you some for when you leave. The effect isn’t very lasting, although. I guess you can’t have it all.”

“Yeah.. We have to check the captain for injuries, he seemed to hit his head pretty hard when he fell.”, Montagne walked to the bed and unbuttoned Levi’s shirt, searching his torso and back for any signs of internal bleeding. This woman looked like the local physician, although still working with rudimentary things, it had been such a strike of luck that the captain knew her... I could hardly believe it.

T hen I remembered that someone was missing. Reiner.

“I have to go.”, I announced, getting up.

“You can’t leave. You’re injured.”, unlike the other times she spoke to me, her tone was firm.

“I have to find a kid that was with us, we got separated.”

“Didn’t you say there were men searching for you? I understand you want to get the kid but you can’t do anything dead.”

“I have to go now, I need to find him before they do. Please, if the captain wakes up, tell him I went searching for Reiner. If I don’t come back, I’m probably as good as dead. Thank you so much for taking care of us.”

“I owned Mr. Ackerman a favor; I’m just repaying.”, oh, so she owed him one.. well, that’s settled. But the captain was the least of my priorities at that time; I had to hurry and find Reiner before the medicine’s effect wore off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLYYY THE KIIISSS, lol omg, i had this planeed for like a century and writing it was a bitch but im not too displeased with how it turned out. THanks for reading, you guys are the bomb. ^-^


	28. 28

My bloodied shirt was replaced with a clean one so as to not draw suspicion to myself when I went out.

 

I t wasn’t that much of a long walk from Montagne’s house to Levi’s, which on one hand was good since I didn’t have to strain myself too much to go search for the kid but bad on the other hand because then, if anyone tried to find us, they might even stumble across the house  we were in  by accident.

Reiner wasn’t on site as I slowly walked towards our house, careful to not cross eyes with any of the strange men who now paced around inside it. Through the windows, they were visible, walking back and forth, seemingly bored out of their minds. Where the fuck was that idiot kid?!

“Psst! Pssssst!”, a sharp hiss came from a nearby alley but I didn’t immediately turn to enter it; it could be a trap. “(Y/n), it’s me! Reiner!”, another hissed whisper came from the same place.

“Reiner?..”, carefully, I walked into the alley, looking around to find the source of the voice. “Where are you? I can’t see you.”

“Up here, mam.”, he answered. He’d climbed a small indent in the wall and was now sitting on a veranda. “I had to hide here, some weirdos kicked in our front door.”, he noted, as if it was something unexpected.

“Come down here now! We have work to do.”, I could feel anger well up in me but a level head was the only thing between freedom and imprisonment or worse.

“What? You’re not seriously suggesting we go face to face with them...!”, he jumped onto the ground with a loud thud. “Where’s the captain, anyways?”

“Safe, I’ll explain later. We have to focus. I’m far too injured to go inside the house but you should be able to get in and out without too much fuss.”

“What? Are you insane?! Have you seen the size of those freaks?! All I have is this tiny knife, how am I supposed to defend myself?”

“Oy...!”, what an insolent kid. I could barely contain a growl when I said this but, when our eyes crossed and, seeing his mildly fearful expression, my posture softened a bit. “Listen Reiner, I’ll create a distraction outside. I’ve been counting them as they pass near the windows and there’s only two of them, you should be fine if you’re silent in there.”

“What’s so important that we have to go in there now? Can’t it wait until they leave?”

“No, it can’t. Because they won’t leave so soon and we need things from the house. I know it’s dangerous but you’re really the only able person at the moment. I’m only here because of some weird drugs I was given. We don’t have time for this. Let’s go now.”

“If I die...--”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re a strong man, I’ll be waiting just around that curb. When you get what I asked, meet me there. Now, for the things you need to get: the medicine bag Hange gave us, the money stashed under the ashes of the fireplace and the envelope that my friends handed to us, the one that says we’re allowed to leave this place. Got it?”

“Yeah.”

“Say it back to me.”

“Money, envelope and medicine. Got it, (Y/n).”

“Good, now wait for my signal before you try to get in.”

“Okay, mam.”, we walked towards opposite sides of the building, Reiner standing near the back, that had a series of rooftops that lead to a window in a back room and I, standing a few meters from the stairway that lead to the front door. How should I lure them out....? The men seemed bored out of their minds so it shouldn’t take much for them to abandon duty.

Around me, there weren’t many people and certainly not anyone I could ask for help  in this situation. But, there were a few kids playing around with slingshots... Maybe if I staged something with that...  I worked in picking up tiny stones so I could used them as bait for the men.

 

“Hey, little guy wanna trade that slingshot?”, I asked, kneeling next to one of the kids playing.

“I dunno... Whatchu wanna trade for?”, he awkwardly asked back, eyed the floor.

“Hm...”, what did I even have on me worthy of trade? These kids would be demanding so it couldn’t be some random stone from the ground. I ran my hands over all pockets existing in my pants and felt nothing. “Well guys.. I don’t think I have anything to trade for right now... Maybe some other time..”, the children carried on playing like nothing had happened, but I couldn’t just give up like that, I had to do something, Reiner was waiting with eyes fixed on me and the effect of the medicine Montagne had given me was wearing off. I had to improvise my own slingshot.

T earing off a section of the new shirt, I folded it and placed one of the pebbles inside.  After spinning it a good amount, I let go, seeing the projectile flying and miss the door by a large amount.  However, it had worked and, after a few more tries, I successfully landed about five shots, enough so that  one of the men came outside to see what was happening.

U nable to locate what had caused the knocks on the door, the man  yelled something inside and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and sitting down on the top steps.  One man down, one man to go. I fired a couple more pebbles, being careful to not reveal my position and, when the  man outside stood up, looking around, I managed to hit his head with one,  quickly hiding after.

I t made me feel terrible, seeing him run down the stairs, screaming at the kids, who had done nothing wrong, thinking they were the ones who’d hit him multiple times in the head.  All the screaming alerted the other man inside the house and  he also walked out of the house, screaming at the other to get back in.

It was at this point, that I signaled Reiner to enter.  Now, I could only wait, as the pain in my back and chest and everywhere else was returning in waves, making my limbs pulsate occasionally with lashings of pain.  As accorded, I stood near the curb that lead to Montagne’s house,  waiting for the kid.

 

~

A bout five minutes or less later, the two men were returning, one of them visibly beaten up for whatever reason. Why wasn’t Reiner out yet? Did something happen?  I could barely formulate these thoughts before I saw his strong figure jump out of the back window, land on one of the roofs and sliding onto the ground, running full speed towards where I was.

A  third man came running from inside the house, yelling at the other two and pointing at Reiner. There was no time, we had to bolt asap.  I didn’t wait for him to reach me completely before I started running,  since I knew that in my current state I was only slowing down.

“(Y/n)...!”, Reiner panted behind me. “You said there were only two! I almost got stabbed to death!”, we kept running until we reached a set of small winding corridors, one of then ultimately leading to Montagne’s house. I wasn’t entirely sure anymore but took a guess and we picked one. I was never so grateful in my life for a lucky guess.

I  recognized the single door and knocked quickly, my whole body shaking from the adrenaline.  MY vision was tunneling, which I knew wasn’t a very good sign and the panting made the pain much more excruciating than before .  Even Reiner seemed to notice my frail state, offering a shoulder for me to lean on.  We were taken in and as I passed the front door, everything went pitch black.

 

 

I woke up several hours later, as Montagne told me she was glad that we’d managed to get back there safely. As she brought some water and bread, I asked her if she could answer a few questions, to which she agreed.

“I know that you owed the captain but... I mean, you’re risking your life for us here. And you don’t even know Reiner and I, why are you doing this?”, it just seemed a bit too good to be true.

“So no one can do anything out of the kindness in their heart?”, she asked back and, seeing my silence ‘oh..’, she let out a chuckle. “Nah, I’m not that kind. You see, it’s not really a secret, not to me at least, but despite Levi having sort of a bad reputation down here, he had and, from what I’ve heard about his life outside, still has his heart in the right place.”, she paused for a moment. Heart in the right place?... Yeah.. sometimes, tops. “When I was younger, I was sold to a money lender by my step father and Levi helped me escape that old man. The life I have now, I owe to him.”

“Oh... I see.. He can be a pain sometimes but... I guess I like him, he’s saved me in the past as well...”, while I was feeling better than before, a drowsy feeling kept my body heavy and stopped me from even sitting upright; it was probably some of Hange’s medicine.

“You seem very fond of Levi...” she noted with a smile, before smirking and letting out a small chuckle. “Is it mutual?”

“Huuh? What...? What is mutual...?”

“Your feelings.”

“What? What feelings? No one has feelings...”, what was the woman going on about? Feelings? For the captain? No such thing existed...

“Relax, it was just a question. You don’t need to answer it if you don’t want to. But... if that red face is anything to go by...”, she got up and started to leave.

“Red face...? My face isn’t red...”, and, if it wasn’t at that moment, it quickly became crimson, when I felt gooey ointment on my neck and shoulders and remembered what had happened in that alley.

 

About an hour of rolling around in bed, too tired to get up but too awake to sleep later, I got up and put on fresh clothes Montagne had set out for me to wear (I’d have to repay her in full for all this generosity later) e sought Reiner, to continue our chat of earlier.

“(Y/n)! You’re up! I’m so glad you’re okay, you were hurt pretty bad. Mrs Montagne and I were just making dinner for all but you don’t need to do anything, I’ll work instead.”, Reiner chirped in his already manly voice, happily peeling off some vegetables.

“Braun...”, I couldn’t lose control, after all, I was a guest in a stranger’s house. However, this happy facade really got on my nerves, for some reason. “Don’t think being all smiley will soften me down. Not this time.”

“Mam... I--”

“Save it. If we weren’t here, you’d be getting serious punishment. I’m only holding back out of respect for our hostess.”

“And I appreciate it greatly, (Y/n). Violence has no place inside this house.”, the woman added, picking up the pot full of cut vegetables and filling it with water. “But, if you need a bit more privacy, I have a back room I don’t really use. I’ll handle myself here alone, don’t mind it.”

“Are you certain?”, I asked. As much as I needed to speak to the kid, leaving all the work to Montagne seemed a bit too much. But, as she nodded again and insisted we go, I let Reiner walk in front of me and enter the room first.

Closing the door behind me, I could feel some anger bubble up but it was manageable. He’d be properly punished when we got back home by Erwin himself, I presumed, so there shouldn’t be any problems.

“Do you have any idea of what you did?”, I asked coldly.

“I wasn’t at my designated location..”, he answered faintly.

“Do you understand the consequences of your actions?”

“I--”

“Did you even care to consider that by leaving that place before we instructed to do so could've cost us gravely?”

“I--”

“Just spit it out, Braun!”, I let out a small impatient yelp but immediately regained my composure.

“I’m sorry, mam... It won’t happen again..”

“Damn fucking right it won’t happen _ever_ again, Braun.  This is the second time you’ve run off without permission.”, yelling wouldn’t solve anything but I couldn’t help but massage my temples with a hand, trying to think of what to do with such a kid. “Reiner, this is the last time I’ll say this but, pull of once more stunt like this... And I’ll have to deal with you severely. Enough is enough. The captain and I almost died; this isn’t training anymore, you can’t do whatever you want. The people out there aren’t mindless titans; they’re breathing humans like us, who can easily catch us in our states. You’re not to leave this house until you’re instructed to do so, understood?”

“Yes, mam.”

“Good. Now get out of here before I lose my temper.”, he quickly left the room, to help the woman, I assumed. The only thing I had to do now was check on the captain. I hadn’t even seen him since I’d dropped him off there and left to find the kid.

L eaving the back room, I walked toward’s Levi’s room, where the door was closed. He hadn’t woken up yet, Montagne told me when I asked about it. Why wasn’t he waking up? Were his injuries that serious...?  After knocking  twice on the door, I decided to enter regardless.  He was laying in bed  peacefully sleeping, chest rising and falling in a slow fluid movement.  The red spots on his neck had faded to a light purple in some areas.  A hot shiver ran down my spine, remembering the captain’s avid hands running through my body, before I shut down that same thought, focusing on him.  I sat on the side of the bed, looking at his calm expression.

W hy wasn’t he waking up?  So many hours had passed since he’d gotten help but not once had he opened his eyes yet. Could he have a fever? Maybe the fall had injured him and given him something of the sort so, extending my hand, I placed one of my palms on his forehead and the other on mine. Weird... he seems normal...

B efore I could take my hand away, my wrist was grabbed and pulled roughly, causing me to lose balance and fall on the man laying down.  Levi sat up and kept me firmly in place, looking into my eyes but with a dangerous expression in them.

“Who are you? Where the shit am I?”, he asked forcefully, his face close enough to mine that I heard his startled breath and its warmth touched my own skin.

“S-sir...?”, had he lost his memory? “It’s me, (Y/n)...”, after a second of us in that position, his expression softened a bit and he sighed.

“It’s you.”, he lingered still for a moment, his eyes scouring mine and dipping down my face onto my lips for a brief moment, which made the already tight knot in my stomach tighten a bit more, and then he released me. “How long have I been here?”, he turned away, combing through his hair with slim fingers.

“A few hours... How are you feeling? You were hurt pretty badly...”, the fast beating of my heart still wasn’t slowing down but I did my best to keep a cool tone; it would be beyond embarrassing if the captain even mentioned anything about what had happened between us.

“I feel fine...”, he answered, looking back at me out the corner of his eye. “Wait...”, he looked back at me, zeroing in on my neck and frowning to an extent that was barely noticeable. “What’s this?”, he asked, finger poking the tender flesh and making the skin burn underneath his touch.

“Excuse me...”, I shifted, removing his hand, it was making it hard for me to even think of what to say. “What are you referring to?

“This. These... bite marks...”, he leaned in closer to take a better look but he was now so close I could smell the still faint scent of pine he used as cologne. He didn’t... remember?.. A part of me was more than relieved that I’d never have to think about that scene again but another... was disappointed.

“Oh... It was--”, quick, think of a good lie “When we were fighting, some guy tried to subdue me like this but I managed to break free--”, and a series of other lies, just to not have to tell him, he’d done them to me to save our asses.

“I see...”, he answered, thinking. “We have to hurry and get back on our feet, lingering in one spot makes us sitting ducks and we’re not properly rich to afford body guards.”

“I understand but you had a pretty big fall, you should rest a couple more hours.”

“I don’t have time for that, we need to-- ugh”, he quickly exhaled when he tried to get up, only to be caught by me and put back in bed again. “Very well, I’ll stay here but ask Montagne for maps of the city.”

“I will sir. Anything else?”, I was already preparing to leave when he looked at me very seriously.

“What were you doing with your hands before I grabbed you...?”

“I was checking your temperature, sir.”

“So, how is it?”

“Normal... I guess...”, what’s his point? “I thought you might have a fever.”

“Do I?”

“No... I just said you didn’t. But if you want... I can check again...”

“Forget it. Any news from the brat?”

“I went to get him earlier, sir. He’s helping Montagne with dinner.”

“Call him in when you leave.”

“Sure. You should rest for now, captain. I’ll leave you alone.”, I left without saying anything else and when I saw Reiner I relayed what Levi had said.


	29. 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY for the lack of updates but tests, doctors and university got in the way. anddd im not rly inspired but lets ignore that. Thanks for taking the time to read

After a calm dinner, Montagne excused herself and went to her quarters, telling us that should we need anything, we could simply wake her up. Reiner left just a few minutes later, the captain allowing him to go since he was in charge of all the chores in the house the next day. Only Levi and I were left, sitting at the dinner table, him sipping on some black tea and I fidgeting with a piece of bread, wanting to break the thick silence in the room.

“You’re not going to eat the bread?”, he asked between sips. “You’re ruining it like that. Don’t spoil food, (Y/n).”

“Oh, right. I am going to eat it, sir..”, his voice startled me and I ended up putting the whole piece inside my mouth, having nearly choked on it. He eyed me up but said nothing, lowering his sight again and onto the white and blue porcelain cup.

“Are you feeling well, sir? Maybe you should go rest as well... I’ll finish up here on my own.”

“I’m fine.”, he answered, not moving and placing the teacup down on the place gently. “What? Is it the first time you see me in gauze wrappings?”, he questioned.

“No... I mean, I don’t know sir but that’s not it... It’s just, it was a pretty strong hit and you hit your head pretty hard. I just find it strange that you’re fine already.”, my answer came distractedly as I piled the plates onto my good arm and placed them gently on the sink, preparing to do the dishes.

“You shouldn’t worry about that shit.”, he replied from the table. “Worry about how we’re going to leave this place.”

“Yeah... about that, sir... The letter Amy gave us... Reiner couldn’t find back at the house. I don’t know how we’ll get past the guards... We don’t even have enough money for a decent bribe...”

“I have that letter in my room here.”

“What?!”, I was very surprised, hearing this and stopped scrubbing a plate to look at him. He had his usual posture: feet on the now empty table, leaning back against the chair. The only difference was his head, now half wrapped with bandages, as well as his upper body up to his neck. He straightened himself up, looking at me with his neutral face as if I was surprised for nothing.

“I’ve been carrying it in my boot ever since we got in. I couldn’t risk something like this happening and we getting stranded in this shit hole.”

“Sir, I’m so relieved to hear that...”

“You could’ve thought about it as well, (Y/n). I expected you’d do something similar.”

“Well, I thought it would be safer in the house, sir. That way, if anything happened to either of us, the others could still leave as they pleased.”

“Eh... doesn’t matter now.”, he concluded, “Should’ve have that shitty brat doing the dishes instead....”, he mumbled.

“I can do them too, sir. He’ll have plenty of work tomorrow. About today... who were those people?”

“My uncle and his scum. I wasn’t expecting him to take such small prey under his shitty wing...”

“Who? The man we were supposed to get the money from?”, at this point, the captain got up and gently placed the cup and plate near the sink, sitting back on his chair and pulling his fringe back with a subtle sigh.

“Yes. We won’t be able to get it from him now.”

“Yeah.... I’d figured as much, sir. So... what now? We go back home empty handed?”, after all this trouble, to return with even less money than we’d arrived with... Erwin would definitely be disappointed.

“No way we’re leaving and letting that shit-eating old man laughing.”, the captain spat. “I know where his main shop is now. We can jump them there and take whatever we can.”

“Hm...”, I nodded, getting started on the last piece of porcelain left in the sink.

“What? You’d rather go back?”

“Hm.. no, sir, I mean.. It’s not my decision, it’s yours but I think going back now would be bad. It’s just that... look at us, Reiner is the only non injured person. What if it’s heavily guarded or something? I’m concerned about our safety, that’s all.”

“I understand. But I also know him and his ego is bigger than that military police fucker, Dok. He won’t be expecting us to make a move on his turf so soon. He probably thinks we’re curled up somewhere, pissing and shitting ourselves, just asking to be found.”, he spoke so harshly of this man... maybe he was mistreated as a child? I knew his mother was a prostitute but I knew little else about his childhood.

“Hm... well.. If that’s your decision, sir. I’ll follow through. When will we make our move?”

“I’ll have to check something tomorrow first. Maybe tomorrow night.”

“So soon? We aren’t even close to top shape, we’ll get overpowered easily if they expect us.”

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow. If you want, you’re free to stay here and not go.”

“No, I didn’t say that, sir. I’ll go wherever you go, that’s not up for discussion.”

“I really don’t need a babysitter, (Y/n).”, he sounded annoyed so I fell silent for a moment, not knowing what to say. “After so long in the Corps, I’d think you’d be used to these situations by now...”, he commented, still reclined in the chair.

“After all that happened... I don’t know, sir. Sometimes I think I am but you scared me quite a bit, I wasn’t even sure I could carry you if you had remained unconscious.”

“Good thing I did wake up then.”, he replied, getting up and standing by the door. “I’m going to bed, you’re staying here?”, I was still thinking about holding his limp form in my arms, I didn’t even think about it at the time but I was so worried that he’d die as well. His voice snapped me out of my trance.

“I don’t know. Isn’t it better for someone to keep watch for the night?”

“It’s safe here. You should rest and take care of your wounds. Come to me if you need any help.”

“Right. Thank you, sir. Have a good night.”

Afterwards, he left me alone in the kitchen, closing the door to his room behind him with a soft sound. I sat at the table, thinking about our next course of action. Maybe it was best to do as he said but I really couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching our every move. The last thing I wanted to happen was to wake up to a bunch of strange men in the house, capturing us or worse. However, even after sleeping so much during the afternoon, I was too tired to even keep my head up so I decided to take the captain’s advice and go to bed.

As I left the kitchen, a soft voice called me in from one of the rooms. Opening the door slightly, I peered in.

“Sir? What’s the matter?”, he was shirtless, sitting on the edge of the bed, torso and forehead still wrapped in bandages.

“Come here, I need help with this shit.”, he answered, looking at the door.

“With what?”, I asked, as I entered the room and approached him.

“I can’t take this off on my own and I need to change them.”, he replied, signaling at the torso bandages.

“Oh... shouldn’t I get Montagne then? She’s the one who knows about this stuff the most, from what I’ve seen.”, to be honest, I just felt a bit uneasy, being alone with the captain in such revealing clothes, after what had happened... Even if he didn’t remember, I did. The drag of his teeth across sweaty skin... ok, ok enough with these thoughts.

“Let her rest. She’s already done enough.”, he said. Well, I guess I had no choice then.

“Okay. Scoot over please, sir. Turn this way.”, he moved a bit so I could sit on the bed beside him, and as our eyes accidentally met, I felt my pulse racing so immediately I lowered my gaze and focused on undoing the bandages and distracting myself. “Am I hurting you?”

“No, it’s fine.”, he answered, but I could see the slim dip between his eyebrows furrow just a bit whenever he had to move so the bandage could unravel. More than once, my face was dangerously close to his shoulders and neck, and it was goddamn near impossible not to feel the skin heat up, looking at the pinkish kiss marks he still had. Wait... had he seen them already? Maybe not... how was I going to explain that to him if he asked...? Oh, this is bad.

“There, all done. I’ll be going now, sir, if you don’t mind.”, I was halfway up when he grabbed my wrist and stopped me. I thought I my heart was going to crawl its way up my throat and run for the hills, my ears were ringing. I could only imagine the massive blush on my face as I looked at him and he placed a small pot of ointment in my open hand.

“You’re not done. Put this wherever you see black or purple.”, he said, his expression never changing.

“Okay...”, I moved behind him so I was facing his back and the skin was starting to become a collection of yellowish and blackish tints everywhere. “So... everywhere, basically.”

“Pretty much...”, he replied. Extending a hand back, he requested I give him some of the ointment so he could do the front himself. Thank the Walls for that. Feeling his twisting back muscles, every time he moved even slightly was already torture enough. I hadn’t felt like this in a long time, my mouth almost watering at the sight and touch of it. He had a couple of tiny half moons in his neck and only after a moment, I realized it might’ve been me, from earlier. He must’ve sensed the hesitation in my movements. “Yes, even those nail marks.”

Oh, so he knew. I could die of embarrassment right about now, just remembering what had happened. I got over with it as fast as I could and, after wrapping him up again, I got up, leaning strongly on the side of the bed. Unfortunately, the smooth covers made me slip and I ended up on the floor, falling on the arm with Jaeger’s bite.

“Ah, motherfucker....”, I cursed the goddamn bed for sabotaging my escape like that, clinging to the sore arm.

“Just how did you manage to do that...”, Levi asked from where he was. “You okay?”

“I don’t know. I’m fine... It’s just my arm, it’s hurting a bit.”

“Let me take a look.”, he extended a hand to touch me but I involuntarily recoiled.

“No need, sir. I’m fine.”

“Stop being annoying and let me see your fucking arm. That’s an order.”, I had no option but to obey. He pulled up my sleeve, revealing the bandage, and unraveled it. “As I thought. This shit opened a bit again. I’ll go get something for it. Stay here.”, he left the room after. The bite was mostly closed by now, only open in a small place, but it wasn’t bleeding very much. I laid back on the bed, my head finding the soft pillow and upon inhaling deeply, the scent of the captain surrounded me in a pleasant cloud. Levi would soon return so I let my eyes close and rested for a bit.

 

Slowly, my conscience returned and a warm hand was pressed against my forehead.

“Sir...?”, I asked, opening my heavy lids. He ws sitting beside me on the bed. His bed... His... bed..?! I fell asleep on his bed. Oh dear lord, this is too innappropriate....

“Are you awake?”, he aske, speaking in a quiet voice.

“Yeah... Sorry I fell asleep here... I know you hate things like this. I’ll change the bedding at once.”, trying to get up revealed itself a difficult task, since the moment I sat upright, the room began to spin.

“(Y/n), you have a fever. Lie down.”, he said. How long had I been sleeping for? Outside, there was no moon to tell from, making everything more confusing.

“I’ll go to my room, don’t worry. Oh... my arm is still bleeding...”, as I noticed this, my eyes traced all the way back to the bed, where there was a small blood stain where I’d been resting. “I’ll clean that up tomorrow sir... I just need to... sleep for a moment.”, my body felt sluggish, probably from the fever, but I managed to get up and reach the door frame, holding onto it and trying to walk out. The last thing the captain needed was another problem to deal with, I just needed to sleep it out.

“Lay down here, don’t make such a fuss over it.”, he ordered and, despite how bad I felt to be intruding, my body gladly flopped onto the bed.

“I’m sorry for being such a nuisance.”, I sighed, voice muffled my the smooth bedding.

“Doesn’t matter, really. Give me your arm so I can patch it up.”, he did so silently, just the stillness of the room ringing in our ears. After he finished, I rolled over, stomach up and covered my face with a hand, avoiding the lamp light that appeared near blinding for my tired eyes.

“Thank you, sir.”, I muttered, turning slightly to him, who was sitting near my head.

“Let me check up on these bruises..” he answered, leaning a bit over me and I suddenly felt his gentle touch on my exposed neck. He began inspecting each purple mark carefully. With each passing moment, I became more aware of his almost caressing manner and it woke me up like a shot of lighting up my spine. I sat upright crawling back until my back hit the headboard, feeling my pulse racing and my breathing harsh and difficult. He seemed startled, just frozen there, with his hand still a bit extended but recoiled it almost immediately after.

“I-I’m fine, sir. I can do that by myself..”, I managed to blurt out. I felt ridiculous, running away from his concerned touch like it burned. Before I could say anything else, he handed me a glass of water that had appeared on his bedside table.

“It’s for the fever. Drink it and go to sleep.”, his tone was firm, he even sounded a bit cold.

“And you?--”

“I’ll sleep on the couch. Just drink it and sleep.”, he insisted. After thanking him and drinking the liquid, I waited for him to leave the room and undressed, sliding under the covers and inhaling the scent of the captain. Sweet, soothing pine, it made me blush at first, but it wasn’t long before I was fast asleep again.

 

 

I woke up with loud voices on the street, the usual noisy bustle of the Underground never failed to snatch me off sleep’s warm embrace. The captain wasn’t on the couch when I passed by the living room and a soft conversation and the rustling of plates came from the kitchen.

“So, how do you feel,(Y/n)?”, Montagne asked, sipping some tea.

“I’m better, thank you.”, a slight smile flourished on my lips before turning to the corporal. “Sir, I’ll go change the sheets right away. Montagne, I accidentally stained the bed with some blood from an open wound last night, do you have any others I can switch these with? I’ll wash them nonetheless.”, I stood near the door for a moment, expecting instructions as to where the clean sheets were, but the woman kicked one of the chairs away from the table.

“After breakfast. Sit down.”, she said, downing a piece of buttered bread.

“But I--”

“Obey our hostess, lieutenant.”, Levi intervened, eyeing me sideways with a cool expression. Without any chance of protest, I sat down and began eating some toasted bread with cold tea.

“Thank you, Montagne.”, just thanking wasn’t even enough, it felt like it would never be enough to repay her kindness. “You’ve been the best hostess anyone could hope for.”

“You flatter me. I’m glad I could be of use to Levi’s friends.”, she smiled back. After all was finished and eaten, she showed me where the clean sheets were kept and where the washing board was. I changed Levi’s bedding, apologizing once again for having soiled it, which he dismissed nearly immediately every time. The blood stain wasn’t too hard to remove and it was only a couple of hours later that we gathered on the living room, waiting for Levi to brief us in our next task.

“Our target is this place here”, he pointed at a small house marked on the map.

“How do you know?”, I asked him, only to be shut up by a glance.

“The day I went scouting, I passed by this old shop. It used to be a tea house but now it was closed. Apparently the owner died.”

“What was his name?”, Reiner asked.

“That’s not important... Feng.. something, I don’t give a shit about it.”-- Feng? The Feng? What in the world... I held on to that thought for the rest of the conversation. Levi knew Ray’s guardian?...

 

 

 

\---Meanwhile on the other side of the Underground District-----

 

Marina stood still, hiding inside a large iron chest half filled with old fabric scraps. Auntie had returned the night before, slamming the door with such fury, the little girl could swear it didn’t close properly anymore.

At first, she just sat on the only couch inside the house, staring at nothing but then, taken by some violent thought, she’d get up and look for something to smash or kick or punch. It didn’t even cross Marina’s mind to leave the chest, fearing auntie would be angry at her for sneaking inside her house.

It was so strange seeing her like that. Big sister was never angry... well, the only times the girl had seen Elaine angry were when she rescued her from that filthy old man and when she saw (Y/n) inside their house. Was she okay...? She said she’d be just behind her and meet up as soon as possible...

Marina watched closely as auntie paced around the house, spewing an incredible amount of profanity with such vigor that her face never got paler than bright red and veins could be seen sometimes, if the light hit the skin at the right angle. It was like this for one or two hours, the girl wasn’t really sure, but after that, auntie started crying, sitting down on the windowsill, with a cigarette hanging loosely from in between her fingers, her face always half covered by the hood she rarely ever took off.

Soon after, auntie took out a bottle of some strong smelling liquid and began downing it like cleansing water, without even flinching. As she grew slower from the drink, she started to get angry again, this time screaming at the walls.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?! Huh?! Take away my father and now her?!”, was one of the things she kept repeating.

It wasn’t very long before she was out cold, still holding on to the nearly empty bottle. Marina felt bad, seeing her like that. She’d never seen auntie so angry before and so, after she was sure the woman was asleep, she crept out of the chest, covered auntie with a blanket and brought her a glass of water and some leftover bread, after taking off the moldy bits of it. She also took the time to eat whatever she could find, it’d been a while since she’d eaten anything.

After that, she crawled back into the iron chest and closed the lid, making sure to leave room for air to enter. Hugging her legs, she curled up into a tiny ball, wishing her bunny was there to protect her and trying to fall asleep.

 

The following morning, the girl woke up to the sound of auntie gagging out of the window and cursing her wretched drinking habit. She seemed to be talking to someone but no one ever answered and Marina was too scared to even open the lid to see what was happening.

“Come out of there.”, auntie ordered after a while. Marina nearly jumped, her tiny heart pounding out of her chest and her breath becoming quick. “I know you’re in the fucking chest, kid.”

She had no choice but to leave her hiding place and stood in silence for a moment, waiting to be punished for sneaking in.

“What are you doing here?”, she asked.

“Ellie... said I should hide here.... she stood back to fight some people she said were mean...”

“Since when have you been here?”

“I’m not sure... maybe... yesterday?”

“Hm... come here, Marina.”, auntie extended her arm to pick up the kid, placing her on her lap. “I want you to forget that you saw me angry... Some bad people did bad things to me and I was upset.”

“It was scary....”, the girl sniffled.

“There, there, dear...”, she comforted the girl with a blanket expression. Ugh, what nuisance, to now have a small child to take care of. She should just kick her out of the house at once. “I have a favor to ask you.”

“What is it...?”

“You need to take care of the house while I’m gone.”, she could just abandon the kid there and never return. She didn’t even care for the place either way. “Do you think you can do that?”

“Yeah! I think so! I’m sure I’ll be really good.”, the little girl smiled.

“Ah, that’s my girl.”, the other contorted what was left of her lips into a crooked smile. “Now run along, I’ll be working today and I can’t be disturbed. Go upstairs and don’t come down until I say so, got it?”

“Okay! Auntie, you’re the best, you’re not scary at all!”, the little girl giggled, hugging the woman’s neck tightly, before running up the stairs.

“Ugh, finally I’m alone again. What a stupid child, she’ll get herself killed, being so gullible in people...”, the woman scoffed, lighting up another cigarette and covering her eyes with her arm to try and reduce the headache she felt.

After an hour, she received a visit from someone, a younger looking woman, very pale, blond hair and a soft voice, but they had a heated argument, that escalated in a frightening way for the eavesdropping little girl. She’d sat on the top floor and was looking through a whole in the wood at the scene bellow.

“What do you mean you lost them?”, the younger woman questioned.

“Exactly that. I can’t find them anywhere. But they can’t have gone far, they’re nearly dead after the fights.”

“Which ones?”

“(Y/n) and Levi. The other kid was nowhere to be found either.”

“I see. Well, why didn’t you follow them?”

“As if I’d do that!”, auntie scoffed, starting to get annoyed.

“I’m fucking paying you to!”

“I can’t follow anyone if I’m dead, idiot bitch!”

“What did you just call me? You f--”, this nearly turned physical, if auntie hadn’t restrained the blond girl, face down on the floor.

“I wouldn't advise that, Boss. You know I’m stronger than you. I could even kill you if I felt like it...”

“What the fuck’s gotten into you today?! Just try and touch me anymore and I’ll crush you.”, she got free and got up, straightening her clothes and composing her updo. “I came here because I thought it was urgent but if it’s just to deal with pent up frustration, I’ll be leaving now.”

“Ugh, shut up kid, you’re not that important, I’m nearly twice your age. I called you because, the people following them are also looking for me, they want me dead. So I can’t do my job properly. Just thought I’d give you a heads up on the lack of information until they make a move.”

“Get me something. Their time here is almost running out. It will be much harder to deal with them on the Outside.”, she left without further chat, auntie punching the door behind her.

“You idiot! Taking out anger on her?! It’s like you do want to die... useless scum... maybe he was right about me all along...”

 

 

\-----Montagne’s place --------

 

“Sir, are we doing this tonight or not?”, I asked, redoing his back bandage again.

“Doing what?”, he seemed a bit space out.

“The heist, robbery, whatever you want to call it. Are we doing it tonight or not.”

“You think you can handle yourself?”, he turned and before I could move, he had taken hold of my chin with two fingers and made me move so he’d get a better view of my neck. “I could’ve swore I didn’t bite you with such force....”, he muttered.

Hearing this, blood rushed up to my cheeks but I felt like I could die of embarrassment. He... REMEMBERED. Oh dear, why cruel world, did you have to let Levi regain _that_ memory.

“Are you feeling well, (Y/n), you look a little red...?”, he commented, letting me lean away from our close stance.

“Fine, sir. I just... think it’s reaaally stuffy inside the room, mind if I open the window a bit...?”, fuck fuck fuck fuck, I swear, he can hear my pounding heart, this is not happening. Why am I even freaking out, it was just an act... or was it? He seemed to into it... it’s fucking hard to tell if he actually liked it or not...!!! urrrgh, hormones calm the fuck down... I should’ve taken up the guy once in the bar for stuff like this... then I wouldn’t be fantasying about the captain....

“Well, we’re done here. You can leave. And, to answer your question, I’ve decided that we need another day to fully map out our plan and rest a bit more. You still look a bit feverish, ask Montagne for something to take care of that.”

“Certainly, sir..”, as soon as I closed the door behind me, I felt a deep sigh coming from my gut. A quiet chuckle came from the living room couch, where our hostess was sitting.

“Well, if the look on your face is anything to go by...”

“Please, it’s nothing like that. Levi is my captain and just that.”

“If you say so... But you do look a bit feverish, let me take your temperature...”, after comparing our foreheads, she concluded that I was indeed a bit too hot and helped me settle in with a cold wet towel to lower the fever.

 

The next day was the day; we’d attack the shop and steal from the vaults. And then, off to the Outside.


	30. 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. I have been busy with college and all that but really there is no excuse. Thank you for reading!

Much to our surprise, the place we were meant to rob that day was all but closed. Apparently, it’d been turned into a bathhouse. We didn’t get too close at first, thinking about how to adapt the plan to the current circumstances. It actually made things so much easier. They weren’t checking anyone that entered and there were so many people that no one would notice us, if we didn’t call for attention.

As arranged, we went in at separate times, the captain and I eying Reiner from across the mixed bath so that he’d put the plan in motion. Levi had already scouted the place quietly inside, finding the room that likely had the vault in it.

“Hey! What the fuck!”, Reiner yelled, bumping into a random man getting out of the water. “Watch where the hell you’re going, old man!”

“Who do you think you are?! I’ll teach you brat to not disrespect your seniors!”, the man yelled, pulling his fist back to throw a punch at the kid.

“I’d like to see you try, old rag!”, the blond laughed, easily dodging. It wasn’t too long before several guards came to separate them and, with Reiner purposefully resisting, more came to help throw him out.

That was when the real work began. Sneaking past the unguarded door, Levi and I entered the chief’s main office. The second it took to open the door and get inside, my heart was pounding immensely, fearing an ambush inside. Luckily, no one was there.

“Is this it?”, I asked, looking around and failing to see anything of interest.

“Yes, I’m sure. Look there.”, he pointed at a large box that seemed like a clothes or archive desk at first but, upon looking closely, revealed itself to be a safe box, closed by a lock.

“It’s locked... Shit. Where would he keep the key?”

“On himself. He’d never leave it anywhere someone could steal it.”, the captain answered, searching the desk for something while I examined the lock.

“Then how are we going to do this? We’ve come all this way...”, I was feeling disheartened. We couldn’t carry the safe outside without being seen and we didn’t have a key. The captain walked over and kneeled beside me.

“Go check if someone comes. I’ll pick the lock.”

“You know how to?”

“I’ve lived in the Underground for over ten years. If I didn’t, I’d been dead a long time ago.”, he answered, falling quiet and focusing on picking the large lock with a few pieces of metal. Meanwhile, I kept a close eye on the outside, to check if any guards came to check on the office. Being found there with our hands on the safe would be the end for both of us, specially in our state. I heard footsteps just outside, but through the key hole, there was no one walking near. The stillness in the air suffocated me, anticipating any movement coming from the knob but none came and eventually the man walking through the hallway completed his round and left.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I looked quickly at Levi, asking how much longer would it be, since we were definitely running out of time before the guards returned from chasing Reiner. He was instructed to do everything in his power – without getting himself killed or maimed – to disturb and draw the guards out of their stations. Soon he’d run out of ideas and they would most likely stop going after him and head back.

Footsteps echoed again in the hallway and this time, the man was coming forward, towards the door, already stretching out his hand for the knob. There wasn’t enough time to tell the captain what was happening, my mouth was completely mute and I dragged him brutally out of where he was and under the desk with me, covering both our mouths with sweaty palms. Not a moment later, the door swung open and the footsteps entered the room, circling it, probably looking around.

For a second, I panicked, thinking Levi had left the lock picks inside the lock and felt my heart beat even faster and louder, so much so, that I could swear it almost echoed inside the room. This was, however just my imagination of course and it slowed a bit, when the captain, probably feeling my pulse pressed against his lips, lifted up the utensils so that I could rest easy.

The footsteps started closing in and the man stood just one step away from where we were hiding, under the desk, cramped up between the wooden panels and the small chair. If he decided to sit down, he’d find us and it would be over, unless we subdued him fast enough. He mumbled some things I couldn’t understand, such was the state of my pulse deafening me with loud thumps.

He decided that it was time to leave since all was in order and closed the door behind him, leaving us free to breathe, which I noticed I hadn’t been doing for a while now. Letting go of the captain’s face, my hand was now covered in warm spit and he scoffed, annoyed at me.

“You could’ve warned me instead of doing that.”, he spat as he cleaned his mouth with a sleeve and got back to work.

“I’m sorry, sir. There wasn’t enough time.”, to which he simply hmmed back, completely focused again. It wasn’t long before he’d managed to pick the lock and, despite there not being an immense amount of money, it was a fairly good amount. Certainly not as much as we needed but... not a bad start. Now, there was only the problem with the guard immediately on the other side of the door. The room only had that one entrance, with no windows or anything, being only illuminated by a large oil lamp diffuser on the ceiling. Although Levi refused to admit it, I was more than certain that he was still pretty beaten up so he couldn’t fight the huge guard outside. Our only option would be to knock him out quickly inside the room and then escape with money stuffed down our clothes.

The captain closed everything back up after taking the money and I prepared to take down the beast. We knocked over a large paperweight, so that the man would hear something inside the room and get in. He did so and, as he entered, the captain closed the door behind him and, as he turned to see the other man, I caught hold of his neck with my leg and arm by jumping and crawling up his back and, twisting tightly, he collapsed on the floor, completely out.

“I’d never seen that used outside the Underground District, where’d you learn it?”, Levi asked, helping me drag the body out of sight.

“Sir, I’d love to answer but right now I just reeeeally want to get out...”, was my answer and, before you know it, we’d gotten out. It’d been a success.

Outside, Reiner was instructed to wait at Montagne’s house for us, so that we could leave immediately after the heist. As planned – for once – he was there, already completely packed and ready.

“How’d it go?”, he asked.

“According to plan.”, I replied, relieved that he hadn’t sustained any serious injuries. “Did they beat you up?”

“Huh... A bit.”, he laughed, “But I’m tough, I can take it.”

“Great. Let’s leave then.”, I urged everyone. Thanking Montagne and apologizing profusely for the inconvenience, we left her place and rushed toward the entrance to the surface.

 

 

“I can’t believe we’re finally out.”, Reiner sighed, smiling. “How I’ve missed the sunlight.”

“You can say that again...”, I sighed as well, relieved that it was over. The mission had been a success in spite of everything that had happened.

“We still have to get back to the Corps’ Headquarters. Don’t be too happy just yet.”, Levi remembered, turning our smiles into serious frowns way too quickly.

“We’re a day early, I believe... I should contact Amy and Sheila to get our things back.”, I thought out loud, thinking about what would be our moves from there on.

“The captain should rest for a bit; he still looks pretty injured.”, Reiner noted, and my eyes turned to see Levi’s figure and were startled by how white he appeared.

“Sir, are you okay? You seem sick.”

“I’m fine. Stop--”, he had stop and lean against the wall, clenching his stomach, before throwing up what we had eaten for breakfast and lunch so far. Seeing that, made my own guts churn but he seemed to be suffering a bit.

“Sir?”, Reiner asked, dropping his things and aiding the captain back on his feet. “You must’ve caught something while you were weak from the injuries...”. The captain... sick? Oh no... No way. “Mam, you should help the captain, I can carry the bags.”, the blond offered but I simply couldn’t. Touching Levi while he was sick... I knew it was bad and despicable of me most likely but I just couldn’t, every fiber of my being urged me to not even get close to him. For now, the man was silent, almost dozing off walking slowly as we made out way to the safe house.

Even with my own injuries, I insisted on carrying the bags myself, so that I was excused from helping Levi, however much of a bad person that made me. We stopped for half an hour and while Levi and Reiner rested sitting on a few steps near the Military Police’s headquarters, I went inside to search for Amy and Sheila, so that they could open the house for us again.

 

We got there about fifteen minutes later, the girls excusing themselves for a while to get us some food and clean medical supplies, seeing the miserable state we were in. Levi threw up again and was put in bed rest with a glass of sugary water by his bedside, so that his upset stomach would calm a bit. He also had a low fever, something that was fairly common paired with that sort of thing and so, gathering all my strength, I went there to pressed cold water towels to his forehead. He was sleeping peacefully at the time and, even though it was bad that he was sick, I couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved that he was forced to rest for a while, not having a chance to avoid it.

Then, I remembered. My hand on his mouth, completely covered in spit and instantly, I had to run to the bathroom and scrub the skin so hard that it was pulsating in protest. I didn’t care if it even drew blood, for all it mattered it was the left one. However much I scraped it with soap, it was still there, still felt like it was contaminated and it was impossible to remove. I prayed I wouldn’t get sick as well.

 

“So... how long are you going to wash your hands for...?”, a voice came from inside Levi’s room.

“What...? Oh, sorry sir. Did I bother you?”

“I didn’t know you had a phobia of sick people...”, he commented.

“Well... I-- Yeah...”, I sighed, feeling ashamed of myself. It was such an awful weakness of mine, to be so crippled by those intrusive thoughts, I swore I’d try to control them before but it was nearly impossible to get a hold of once they started pouring in.

“I’m not judging you, don’t give me that sad dog look, it doesn’t suit you. I’m not exactly an example my self.”, he scoffed at himself. “A neat freak...”

“You must be feeling pretty gross yourself, sir. I could call Reiner to help you, if you can’t take a bath--”

“Don’t. Just don’t talk about it.”, clearly he was uncomfortable himself with his own uncleanness so it would be best to not mention it. I thought about something to change the subject and sat on a chair, on the far end of the room.

“You wanted to know where I learned that move, right?”

“Yes, that’s right. I’ve never seen it done outside the Underground except by people who came from down there. You said you’d never been down there before; were you lying?”

“No, but the person who taught me came from there. She was Feng’s daughter, the previous owner of that place that we robbed.”

“Feng had a daughter...? I think I remember her vaguely.... But wait, is this the--”

“I firmly believe it’s her that’s been sabotaging us these past weeks. Ray’s her name.”

“Ray... I knew her. Back when she was a small brat.”, he replied, seemingly remembering something.

“Really?”

“She was this quiet kid, very shy and afraid of everything.”

“No way, sir. The Ray I knew wasn’t at all like that.”, thinking back at my memories of her, the good ones was nostalgic. I couldn’t believe she was alive...

“Well, she used to be, at least. Feng was an old merchant I had very few exchanges with but, whenever I went there, she was always hiding behind him. Never once talked to me.”

“You have to admit, sir. You’re pretty scary sometimes. Specially if we’re talking about a small child here.”

“I was never good with children, they’re too troublesome...” he trailed off.

“So, how are you feeling now? A bit better?”

“I suppose. It was nothing, really.”

“You should rest some more, I’ll let you sleep and if you need anything, all you have to do is call out and either Reiner or myself will come to help you. Just focus on getting better, please.”

“This is all unnecessary bull shit, (Y/n), I’m getting out.”, he tried to get up but I gently pushed his shoulder down again.

“You need rest. Your lack of rest was what put you in this bed in the first place, sir. Now, with all due respect, lay down and stay there until you stop spilling your guts out and don’t have a fever anymore.”, while it was said in a calm voice, I felt a little angered and it came out between gritted teeth. How could he be so careless with himself, he’d only be a nuisance later on if he didn’t heal properly. Needless to say that, after he laid back down again, I had to go wash my hands once more, already feeling the sting of the soap touching the irritated skin. He was asleep by the time I left the bathroom.

 

There were still a few hours of daylight left and I didn’t want to be idle at home so, requesting that Reiner tended to the captain while I was out, I headed to the bookshop that’s caught my eye when we first arrived.

Saying it was modest was an understatement, it was nearly falling apart, with nearly no shelves remaining completely horizontal and a few books were already being chewed by mice. The owner was an elderly woman, very nice and kind that seemed overwhelmed with the amount of work she had. Adding to the usual weathering of age, she also had bony arms and fingers and with every step it seemed like she’d fall apart from shaking so much.

“I don’t get a lot of visitors anymore, dear. You’re a sight for sore eyes.”, she smiled showing a couple of teeth. “Looking for something special?”

“I was wondering... Do you have a book by the title ‘Icarus’?”

“I’ll check...”, she ran through the shelves and found it, handing it to me. The book was in perfect condition, completely new. It was nothing compared to the old one in the captain’s office, it had a hard spine engraved in silver letters, the leather was so smooth there was no way I could describe it.

“Wow... it’s beautiful... I’m betting it’s worth a fortune...”

“Not that much. I’ll make a special price for you.”, the lady offered but, even after the ‘special price’, it was still way too expensive for me to afford. So, I proposed working to help her with the shop in exchange for the book.

 

After returning to the house, I checked the captain’s room, to see if he was resting and was glad that he looked soundly asleep.

“How is he, Reiner?”, I asked, entering the kitchen, where the boy was munching on some bread.

“Tried to get up at least twice, had to help him back onto the bed. Never seen someone who hated resting as much as the cap.”

“Well, he’s asleep now, thanks for taking care of him.”, there was a moment of silence between us before the blond spoke again.

“Your friends were here earlier, mam. They wanted to know how the mission went but I didn’t know what I could tell them.”, as he talked, I thought about starting to make dinner, since there wasn’t anything else to do.

“You didn’t tell them anything right? You did well.”

“Hum.. you want help mam? I--”

“Don’t worry. You should rest as well. I can make dinner for us on my own, Reiner.”, I turned a bit toward him and was glad to see him with his usual confident demeanor. He didn’t seem at all phased by the last couple of days. “I’m serious, take the time to nap for a while, if you feel like it. We’re safe here.”, he nodded, saying he understood, but that he would rather do something instead of sleeping the whole afternoon. That said, he offered to chop some potatoes, while I seasoned some meat the girls had brought earlier and together we spent a quiet few hours, just chatting about casual topics.

 

“You understand you cannot mention what happened to any of the other cadets, right?”

“Yes, I thought as much.”

“You all seem very close, it’s great that you can trust each other so much. Keeps you alive longer, you know?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that... but I guess we are a tight bunch. Some of them are still a bit shaken up, knowing that Eren is a titan and all.”

“That must’ve been quite a shock for you. Given his hate toward all titans...”

“Yeah, it was, but, it’s still Eren. Some people never doubted him, though.”

“You mean cadet Ackerman? Those two are nearly inseparable.”

“You can say that again.”, he chuckled, cracking his back and letting out a pleased groan. “How are you, mam?”

“What do you mean? I’m well, of course.”

“You were hurt pretty badly down there too. Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“I’m much better, Reiner, don’t worry about me. Now, if you could take this to the captain, I’d appreciate it.”, the conversation was interrupted, as I passed a tray with some water from the stew and small pieces of meat in it, so that the captain would eat something.


	31. 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry * infinity
> 
> here i am, with another chapter, after a century of not updating.

It didn’t take long for Reiner to drift off while I did the dishes.

“Hey kid!”, my call remained unanswered and eventually, I walked over to check on him. “Reiner, hey, wake up.”

He shifted to the other side with a grunt at first but after gently shaking him, he rolled over, rubbing his eyes.

“Hm? What’s the matter, mam?”

“Nothing. You’ll hurt your back if you sleep here. Go to bed, I’ll finish up.”

“Really? Thanks...”, he mumbled, getting up very slowly and stumbling toward one of the bedrooms.

 

The task he left unfinished was that of checking his 3-D gear and thoroughly cleaning it, which I finished rather quickly, leaning back against the couch and closing my eyes. A headache was creeping its way into existence so my fingers lightly pressed my temples and moved in slow circles. The captain hadn’t eaten much at dinner but so far he hadn’t felt sick so maybe he was getting better. The thought of seeing him hunched over near the wall... it gave me shivers and I sat up straight thinking about what else could be done before I went to bed as well.

Could I even go to bed? Was it safe? With Reiner feeling so tired and Levi sick, could I afford to relax as well? A small creak startled me at this point, and every muscle in my body froze, trying to hear what it was.

No further sound came and a deep breath of relief left my chest. After this, I checked every window and door, to make sure everything was locked down tightly. I was feeling on edge, afraid that at any given moment, a threat too great for me to repel would appear out of nowhere and I’d be unable to do anything to stop it. How I wanted to go for a walk outside, just disappear for a moment in the darkness that filled the streets at this hour, but leaving Reiner and Levi unattended was impossible. Maybe a smoke would help relieve the stress so I searched for the pack but couldn’t find it anywhere.

Defeated, I slumped down on the couch again before deciding to check on the captain since I hadn’t been in his room much ever since the afternoon.

 

He was sleeping soundly, something very rare for anyone to see, as it was rumored that Levi hardly ever slept. His face had a stiff expression to it, a dip between the brows hardening his features. The closer I got to his bed, the faster I could feel my heart thumping its way out of my chest, every fiber of my being wanting to move back but there wasn’t really a choice this time. With a hand, I took my temperature and with the other his and was glad to feel that his fever had gone down.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping, lieutenant?...”, a low and raspy voice questioned, startling me.

“Sir? Levi? I’m just checking to see if your fever has gone down.”, despite him not complaining about it, my hand darted off him immediately.

“You shouldn’t stand so close... this could be contagious.”

“It’s not.”, I managed to answer, feeling my hand burning and struggling to suppress the urge to wash it while he was talking. “If it was, Reiner and I would have symptoms by now.”

“Hm.. fine.”, his eyes turned to me, blinking tiredly. The bandages that wrapped around his forehead were beginning to turn dark, from the sweat of the fever mixed with the cold water from the towels used to lower the captain’s fever. Seeing him like this, I couldn’t help but want to keep an eye on him, no matter if I had to sit on the farthest corner of the room. But he’d probably order me to leave anyway. I returned from my thoughts to find the captain’s eyes closed again and his chest rising and falling calmly.

“Goodnight, Levi.”, I whispered before leaving the door half open, in case he needed to call out for us during the night. I washed my hands in the kitchen, unable to shake the feeling of a disease film over them.

No matter how much I tried to persuade my mind to rest easy, there was this nagging feeling, a thorn pricking the back of my neck that made it impossible to even try and go sleep. At least not that night yet. Therefore, the only reasonable solution was to keep guard while both of them slept.

I sat near the only entrance to the house with the lights off and holding the largest knife the kitchen had. If anyone tried to take us by surprise, they’d have to go through me first.

 

 

“Mam?... Mam...”, a male voice grew increasingly louder as my senses came back to me. Reiner was pressing my shoulder lightly, trying to wake me up.

“Yes, Reiner... What?”, I asked, rubbing my eyes and realizing I was still sitting on the chair of the previous night, minus the knife and for some reason my neck hurt horribly.

“Did you sleep here? Oh, by the way, I made breakfast for us already, it’s on the table.”

“Thank you, Braun. Yes, I slept here. Did you check on the captain this morning?”

“Yes, he insisted on taking a bath. He should be done with the food I brought him by now.”

“Good, it’s great that he’s feeling better. You can rest for a while now, Sheila and Amy will probably come see us today again. I’m going to check how the captain is now.”, he nodded and as I stood up and passed through the table, the knife from the night before was placed there, near a plate with some bread. I entered the captain’s room while eating the small piece of loaf.

Levi had clean bandages on and was finishing some fruit when he turned his gaze to me. He looked so much better already than the previous day, but still had his complexion a bit too pale and the dark circles under his eyes were much more noticeable than usual.

“Braun told me you slept in front of the door. That true?”, he asked, turning to the plate again.

“Yes, sir. I... couldn’t rest, thinking someone could come in while we slept.”

“I see... Next time have the kid do rounds with you, if you’re that worried. You fell asleep anyway didn’t you?”, he had a point...

“I understand. How are you feeling today?”

“I’m good. We should leave soon.”

“We can’t. Not until you’re well.”

“I said I’m fine, lieutenant. I’m thinking about leaving tomorrow. Think your friends can help us out with our things?”

“Sir, we won’t leave until I’m sure that you’re well enough to travel. It would be reckless to go out on a two day ride with someone half sick.”

“Do I need to remind you of who’s in charge here?”, he sighed. But he wasn’t right. He said he was fine that time before and he wasn’t, what if we encountered some thugs again? What would we do, with an under performing Levi?

“Sir, I don’t mean to question the chain of command. All I want is to make sure we return safely. Just two or three more days is enough.”

“Two. No more. Here, I’m done.”, he passed the plate and I took it to take it to the kitchen.

“How is your temperature?”

“It’s fine. Now leave me alone.”, his voice had a slight tone that was unusual in the captain. Maybe he wasn’t as well as he wanted us to believe.

“Very well. If you need something, just call out for Reiner. I’ll be stepping out to run some errands.”, he didn’t answer and so, I closed the door behind me. After doing the dishes and helping prepare lunch, I left for the Military Police’s main building to find Sheila and Amy.

 

“(Y/n)!!”, Sheila yelled in the middle of the courtyard, nearly running for a hug. “We went there yesterday but Reiner told us you were out.”

“Yeah, I had some things to take care of.”

“Like what?”, Amy raised an eyebrow. “It’s not like you know a ton of people here...”

“I’m helping a lady with her bookshop, ok?”, the response was a long ‘ohhh’ from both of them.

“You always had a soft spot for books.”, Sheila nodded. “And how is Mr. Ackerman?”

“So, Reiner told you about him?”

“Not much, he said he was sick. What happened?”, Amy questioned. “Do you want to sit down? We can chat in a more private place.”

“No need for that, I can’t take too long here. Basically, the captain is sick with a fever and some stomach problems but he’s doing fine. In fact, it’s because of that that I’m here. He wants to leave in two days.”

“Already?”, Shei was surprised. “How can he be fully recovered in such a short amount of time?”

“Captain Levi is a strong man. But yes, I also think it’s rather suspicious that he’s doing so well so quickly. Anyway, I came to ask if you girls can get us set for leaving in that short amount of time.”

“Of course, don’t worry about anything, dear.”, Amy smiled. “I’m sorry to see you go so soon, you really should come visit us more often.”

“I know, I know... I’m sorry. Things are just complicated out there. But I’m glad to see you doing so well here. Nearly top tier officials!”, I chuckled, remembering Sheila announcing this exact fact a few years back.

“It wasn’t even that hard, to be completely honest.”, Shei stated. “You could still switch to the Police, if the outdoors life becomes too much for you, you know?”

“And request another branch change? No thanks. Besides, your commander Dok hates my guts. He keeps insulting me whenever I attend meetings with the commanders. I mean, it’s been five years, can’t he give it a rest already...?”

“Yeah, Nile’s pretty much a bully around here. Rumor has it that him and your commander Erwin competed years for the same girl and Erwin ended up getting her.”, Sheila whispered with a slight smile.

“That’s a petty reason to hate a whole branch, Shei...”

“Hey, I’m just telling you what I heard...”

“Well, the old lady is probably waiting for me at the shop so, better not leave her hanging. Thank you so much for all your help girls.” I pulled them in for a tight hug.

“You’re welcome, (Y/n). But hey, don’t just come here when you need something. Next time, let’s catch up for real, okay?”, Amy requested as the hug faded.

“I promise I’ll come here when I have some time off.”, as I was leaving, Sheila nearly yelled.

“So, we’ll see you in five years again, right?”

“As if!”, I yelled back, smiling. These girls never failed to cheer me up.

 

As expected, the old lady was waiting for me to continue the task of helping her rebuild the shop. The work went smoothly and after a couple of hours, it looked completely different.

“Thank you so much, deary.”, she smiled.

“Oh, it wasn’t a big deal...”, it really wasn’t, there wasn’t anything too difficult to do in there, aside from setting up the shelves again.

“Well, I’ll honor my end of the agreement then...”, she walked slowly toward one of the shelves and pulled out a book. “This is the one you wanted, right?” It was a copy of the book the captain had in his room, ‘Icarus’.

“Yes, it was. Thank you so much.”

“Thank you. The shop was a mess before you came in and now look at it. It’s dazzling.”

“I’m glad I could help. If there is anything else I could help you with...-”

“Oh, no. You already did enough.”

“Then, I’ll be going. It was a pleasure to meet you.”

“You too, have a lovely evening.”

 

Entering the house, I stored the book inside one of the bags so that neither the captain nor Reiner asked questions about it.

“(Y/n), you’re finally back. Where have you been?”, a calm voice inquired from behind me.

“Oh, sir, you’re up!”, his voice nearly made me jump, and I turned to face him. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine. Where were you?”, he isn’t going to let this slide, is he...

“I went to meet Sheila and Amy to discuss our departure, sir.”

“Sure took you a long time to discuss that.”

“I apologize, captain. I lost track of time while talking to them.”

“Eh, whatever. Go help Braun cook dinner.”

“Certainly.”, well, at least, I got off lightly.

 

The evening went quietly, and the hour grew late. Reiner was released from kitchen duty and I cleared the table and did the dishes, while the captain brewed some tea for himself.

“You should go rest, sir. It’s getting late.”

“I’ve rested enough.”, the tone suggested that he really wasn’t in the mood for nagging. I waited a while before speaking again.

“I apologize... I didn’t mean to try and order you, sir. I’m just finishing up here. If you need anything, I’ll be in my room, if you’ll excuse me.”, the captain didn’t reply, instead just taking another sip of tea as I left.

 

It was time to change the old bandages and use some of the ointment there was left to treat the still mildly purple bruises that covered my body. While I was still sore and moving hurt a bit, I’d almost perfected the quantity of Hange’s medicine needed to make the pain manageable for most of the day, so I wasn’t bound to the bed, writhing with it.

Eren’s bite was healing nicely, considering the circumstances, along with the other accumulated injuries from the last month. Upon closer inspection, even the slight indentations of the captain’s teeth in my neck and shoulders were already fading out, which was a relief. I certainly didn’t want to have to explain that to the commander.

It wasn’t exactly early at this point, but I also wasn’t feeling tired enough to try to sleep so, sitting on the bed, I started flipping the pages of ‘Icarus’. The story was clearly for children, with colorful illustrations on every page as the heroes of the story Icarus and Daedalus tried to work their way to freedom. Maybe he used to read the story as a kid... or maybe someone read it to him... The captain didn’t really seem like the type to have emotional attachments to things but maybe this was the exception?

 

After another hour of rereading the book and staring at the ceiling, I realized I hadn’t checked to see if everything was properly sealed, so I sprung up and left the room.

“What are you still doing up?”, the captain’s dragged voice came from the sofa.

“I was going to make sure everything was locked down properly. I didn’t mean to bother you.”, he was laying down, feet up on the armrest, while his eyes were closed. The windows in the kitchen were all closed and firmly locked. The captain remained silent while I paced around back and forth, checking even the ones in his room and Reiner’s. After all was done, I sat at the table, picking up a small piece of bread and began eating it slowly.

“You want something?”, the captain asked.

“No, sir.”

“Then go sleep. It’s late and you’ve been out all day.”

“I’m not tired, sir. I think I’ll stay here a bit longer, if you don’t mind me.”, he groaned, not moving and for a while there was only silence in the room.

 

“When did your fear of sickness start?”, he suddenly asked.

“Sir?”, not only did the captain’s voice startled me at first, but the question itself was rather... personal.

“Does Erwin know?”

“Hum.... I don’t think so... but it’s really nothing serious, sir. It doesn’t stop me from performing my duties properly.”

“So, if one of ours started coughing up blood during a mission, you’d help?”, those words created a knot in my throat. Of course, I would want to help... but, I’m certain I wouldn’t be able to.

“As much as possible.”

“What a load of shit. You couldn’t even be in the same room as me and all I had was food poisoning.”

“Why are you asking this now, captain? It was the first time something like this happened to me, it won’t happen again.”

“I’m trying to decide whether or not you’re a nuisance in my team or not.”, fuck, that stung. After these past couple of weeks, where I had done nothing _other_ than help the captain and put my life on the line for him... he was considering me a nuisance for this?!

“Hm... I see.”, it was hard trying to contain the bubbling anger that welled up in me as soon as he said that. “I’m going outside for a bit, it’s rather stuffy in here.”

“Where are you going to?”

“Just the outside of the house, sir. No need to worry.”, before he could say anything else, I’d already stormed off but not before picking the last cigarette there was inside my bag and a match without him noticing. Hell, let him notice it, maybe then he can decide how much of a nuisance I am.

 

Sitting on the step just outside the door, I struck the match and was mesmerized for a second by the swaying fire. The first puff of smoke brought a sense of relief, maybe I wasn’t over this habit as I thought I was, and my head fell to my hand, resting over the knees. Would I ever be able to overcome that extreme repulsion...? In five years, there was never a situation where I had to be confronted with it but feeling it again now... It was just... maybe Hange had something for it. Should I even ask her about it? The captain’s words were still there and if he thought I wasn’t suited for his team for it... what would Erwin say?

Leaning back against the door, my eyes closed and the muted conversations of people on the street were the only sounds I could hear.

 

 

Reiner’s POV

 

After the lieutenant came to my room to check the windows, I heard a quiet thudding against the glass.

“Reiner...”, someone called from the outside. From the voice I knew who it was. Getting up slowly to not make any sound, I walked toward the pane.

“Annie? What are you doing here?”, she looked breathless.

“The plan--”, she panted, “it’s a no go. The other one isn’t ready. How bad are they?”

“Levi is pretty beaten up but getting better. (Y/n) acts like she’s fine but I think I could take her on if needed.”

“Ah shit, that’s not good enough. We don’t have the upper hand here. Plus, her friends know me and know that I know you so... Too risky.”

“If that man hadn’t showed up down there...--”

“Yeah, I know. But he did and now we’re here. Did you see her?”

“The woman? Yeah. She did quite a number on a prisoner we caught. They know who she is already.”

“So soon? I thought I told her to be careful...”, Annie’s jaw locked and she looked around, alert. “Either way, when are you going back?”

“I heard talk about it. I think it’s in a couple of days. What then?”

“We’ll have to wait. Until Ray gets out of the Underground, our hands are tied.”

“Understood. Good to see you finally decided to meet me. Do you know how many hours of punishment I’m going to be subjected to when I get back?”

“Don’t complain, I can’t just leave my post whenever I want. The people there are already suspicious of each other as is.”

“Still, you owe me. Big time. I can’t believe that Ray lady missed such an opportunity like this. Wasn’t she supposed to be one of the best assassins down there?”

“Allegedly.”, Annie stated. “I’ll tell you more about this when you get back to the Corps’ headquarters. I have to leave now.”

“Fine. I’ll see you there.”

 

 

Reader – POV –

 

How long had I been outside? The moon had shifted position, and the cigarette had gone out a while ago. No doubt my thoughts were less agitated, and the tiredness of the day was starting to settle in. Entering the house, the sofa was empty. The captain had probably gone to bed already and had left me to myself outside.

I locked the door behind me and sat on the sofa, the scent of Levi still present. I wanted to say it didn’t make any difference, that I didn’t care much for it. But I couldn’t, it smelled good and my mind wandered for a moment before I stopped it. Knowing the captain wasn’t as defenseless as yesterday was such a relief.

Now, if anyone tried to enter the house, it wouldn’t just be me to try and fend them off. I just wanted to go back to HQ and forget about this trip. Erwin was probably wondering where we were by now, since we were behind schedule by a day or two. Eventually, I fell asleep.

 

The following day had no events of significant importance and so, after Sheila and Amy payed us a visit to talk about the day of our departure, we arranged our things neatly on the main room where the sofa was and went to sleep early. The captain and I barely spoke after what he said about the team so after dinner, I merely asked if he needed help with anything and excused myself, leaving for my bedroom.

Did he really want to quick me out for that? When had it started…? He asked me that the day before, but I couldn’t really remember when... it felt like it was always there. Would he report it to Erwin? Should I report it when we return? I could imagine what Levi would say in his crude handwriting ‘Unable to care for ill superior; left said superior alone with a cadet, etc etc’. I did leave him with Reiner... How come the captain didn’t mention that fact? It could’ve been dangerous... Ugh, I’m so done when we get back, but I can’t stand another day in this place.

 

I spent a blank night and finally it was morning and time to go back. Amy and Sheila came to see us off, the captain thanking them for the help, but they shrugged it off, joking that I owed them instead. After a tight hug, we parted ways and our trio was on the move through the main road and back to headquarters.


End file.
